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Any books on how to get your wife to dress better and wear makeup?

31K views 253 replies 38 participants last post by  StikkyEbi 
#1 ·
I read His Needs Her Needs and I honestly felt like the book was written for ME. HAHA I will say the parts about how men are visual and why it's important for the woman to look nice for their husbands if it's important to their husband. That said, this has been a major issue within our relationship.

My wife used to dress up and wear makeup and always had her nails done before we were married and these were things that were SUPER important to me. Once we got married the nails came off and the makeup pretty much stopped along with her dressing sexy.

We've been married for 12 1/2 years now and it's just gotten worse. Whenever I bring it up she says that I'm trying to change her and this is who she is blah blah blah. I'm trying to get her to read His Needs Her Needs but she doesn't feel the need. I explained to her that it will open her eyes to see what's missing in our relationship. I presented it in a way that I was doing things that I thought were good for our relationship and because reading this book I now realize how they were making things worse.

Anyways, I'm curious if these is a book or even a great article that I can share with her that clearly explains why this is important to me and that I'm not trying to change her. Or, if I am trying to change her I'm trying to change her back to what she sold me before and when we got married.
 
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#2 ·
I don't know if there is an article like you are looking for. But, from what you say, it sounds like she would not read it anyway.

One of the major problems in your marriage seems to be that your wife does not take you seriously. I think that it would help you to emphasize to her that while she does not thing that there are any problems in the marriage, you do. And if they are not addressed, you are not sure this is a marriage you want to stay in.

What are the other problems you have with the marriage?
 
#3 ·
Find reruns or streaming versions of the TV show "What Not to Wear." If that doesn't inspire her, then you may be out of luck.

Or, if you dress and groom in a way she likes, start to dress and groom in a manner she really dislikes. When she complains (as she almost certainly will), ask her why it is important and why she is trying to change you for her pleasure, but she is unwilling to do the same when you ask? (Choose something you can stand to maintain for a long time, if necessary - this may take a while!)
 
#21 ·
Or, if you dress and groom in a way she likes, start to dress and groom in a manner she really dislikes.
This might make her laugh. It would make me laugh. :D

If she loves you, she loves *you,* OP. However you are dressed. :)
 
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#4 ·
She sounds like the girl-next-door type that I prefer.

In the 42 years since I went on my first date, I think I've been with a woman who wears makeup perhaps a dozen times. My W owns none and neither did my ex, nor either of the two LTRs in college.

And, since I have social anxiety, I did not pick these women - they approached me first, so it seems those who don't wear makeup selectively choose me!
 
#6 ·
Do you take her out to nice places that would inspire her to dress up?
Or is that not something she likes?
This is a hard situation I think because of course you love her the way she is but you enjoy it when she dresses up for you and looks beautiful.
Just don't ever compare her to anyone else. Or comment on how so-and-so always looks to nice and dresses up, etc.

Sorry I only have a 'what not to do' scenario. [emoji16]
 
#7 ·
What is your lifestyle like? It's hard to get all dressed up, make up, hair, nails if you stay home the majority of the time. Examine your expectation of how she dresses and is it realistic.
Yes wives need to look nice. Bu expecting her to have a face full of makeup everyday all day and wear sexy clothes everyday might be asking too much. Especially if she is a busy women/mother, it may not be her priority and I don't blame her. You can look nice without having a face full of makeup and tight sexy clothes on.
 
#8 ·
If she thinks you want her to read the book to prove you are right and she is wrong then it won't work.

Why not read it and use the info to make changes that will improve your marriage without referring to what your wife should do. Changing yourself first may make it easier to convince her to meet your needs on the make-up front.
 
#10 ·
One of your needs is "Attractiveness" - pretty common for men.. one of the emotional needs on Harley's list of 10..... some will try to tell you ..."You are shallow"...

Personally I don't think that is fair.. anymore than women caring about "Financial Stability" in a relationship.. in case she gets pregnant someday, and may be home with a child/ children, she has more of a need of this..

Then we come back to the Man is visual...looks can EXCITE him and draw him to his partner..

Has there been a disconnect in your wanting to be with her intimately over this ??.. if she feels that.. and cares about it.. this would be a good motivator..

Maybe she just doesn't care.. If so...why ?

 
#78 ·
SA, I am surprised but also saddened that it does not include "loyalty." I think that was the major reason that my first marriage collapsed. It seemed that my ex husband was too worried about other people's feelings.

I was lso fully expecting that I would work and contribute to the household, so a husband being a provider was less important.

Now that I am older and wiser and have decided that while women have changed and men have not, yes, a man needs to be a very good provider before I consider him.
 
#15 ·
Well, let's see what looks better, huh? Makeup or no makeup?

this looks like a DOLL.. is she real ?

this woman is naturally appealing - at least I think so.. my husband feels many women don't need make up.. but some do.. that's his take.

As a woman.. I generally feel we look better if we use SOME.. but too much looks bad.. everyone has their opinions.. but a good make over can do wonders ...







These women are real knock outs with some make up, fixing their hair.. maybe add some heels..

Even us women... we like it when our guys dress up , look & smell good.. not every day in the same dirty clothes...it ups the
in us...
 
#27 ·
The problem is all in how we are socialized. The more we are told the woman in makeup is the beautiful one, the more we internalize this. Both men AND women.

Then, people won't find a woman attractive for her natural skin or hair colour or facial shape. Women feel unattractive unless they spend ages putting on a fake appearance, and men overlook women who aren't putting on that fake appearance, or are disappointed by the woman when she doesn't.

Those three women aren't even posing attractively, or under the same lighting and photo angle like they are in the made-up photos. Those comparisons have gone out of their way to make the before and after as different as possible to help make their point.

People want to be loved for who they are day to day, rolling out of bed first thing in the morning, in the middle of an allergy attack, or just having been licked in the face by their dog. Not strictly for only who they are after an hour of professional attention for a photoshoot, and viewed with disappointment all the other times.

That said, I can't stand people who present themselves one way, and then change after marriage. It's like "I caught you! I don't have to work it anymore!" Just give me the honest 'you' during the courtship and let me see how marriage might truly be.

Give me a woman with the self-esteem to go barefaced, and we'll get along much better.
 
#28 ·
That said, I can't stand people who present themselves one way, and then change after marriage. It's like "I caught you! I don't have to work it anymore!" Just give me the honest 'you' during the courtship and let me see how marriage might truly be.
Unfortunately, it's human nature. Meaning, it's common on BOTH sides of the aisle. I had NO idea my H was a slob as well as a misgonynist (women do all the housework), because his mom was living with him when I met him and when I moved in, and once she moved out, the house fell apart because she was no longer there to take care of her baby.

It's also why my #1 advise is never to date a woman until you've been her friend first, to see who she REALLY is, as she's not trying to impress (aka lying) her date. Same goes for the opposite sex.
 
#35 ·
While makeup does arguably help in some cases, if there is a level of stark difference as with the examples of how your wife looks like before and after, how could you honestly be telling her you find her attractive without extreme makeup?

When you need five or six colors of foundation to create a master palette for contouring that's not makeup, you are trying to look like an entirely different person.
 
#39 ·
She doesn't walk 10 feet behind me. Not sure why you need to be a ****.

our marriage isn't all bad. Right now it is extra difficult because she has been sick. The reality of my wife is that she is a home-body. She likes to be around the house. She isn't big on going out and doing a lot. What more can I say?

As for the depression, I honestly don't even know if she is. She likes to relax and is not someone that wants to go out and experience a lot. She never really liked going on vacations. When I would bring it up she would tell me to go buy a new snowmobile or something. Because of this we started camping 7 years ago and that has been great. We camp seasonally so we get to spend a lot of family time together when we go.

People in here ask why I don't leave and honestly I do love my wife. I'm very attracted to her and we mostly have fun together. There are things I need to improve in the marriage in order to be fully happy. When I first came to this site my goal was to leave her. The more I think about leaving her the less it appeals to me. It's not because I fear I will be alone because I don't have a scarcity mentality I just truly do love her.

As for being criticized because I want my wife to occasionally wear makeup that's total B.S. I'm sorry if there are certain things that I like and if it offends other women oh well. Just as women don't want a guy that can't provide guys don't want a woman that doesn't try to impress their man any longer.

I'm not asking my wife to look like the girls in the example here. My wife is beautiful without makeup unlike those women. With makeup she is just an enhanced version of herself not someone else. There is a HUGE difference there. I don't want her plastered in makeup like those women just simple eye shadow and lipstick. She has flawless skin so she doesn't need foundation or contouring or any of that crap.
 
#45 ·
I don't know how you dress everyday but if you up your game, maybe she will follow? Get a new haircut, make sure your personal hygiene is good, dress better, update your wardrobe. Even if you're going to the hardware store or running errands, always try to look put together. She might decide that she doesn't want to be the dumpy wife next to her husband.
 
#52 ·
I read His Needs Her Needs and I honestly felt like the book was written for ME. HAHA I will say the parts about how men are visual and why it's important for the woman to look nice for their husbands if it's important to their husband. That said, this has been a major issue within our relationship.

My wife used to dress up and wear makeup and always had her nails done before we were married and these were things that were SUPER important to me. Once we got married the nails came off and the makeup pretty much stopped along with her dressing sexy.

We've been married for 12 1/2 years now and it's just gotten worse. Whenever I bring it up she says that I'm trying to change her and this is who she is blah blah blah.
Red flag. Do you generally come across as dismissive of her views?

I'm trying to get her to read His Needs Her Needs but she doesn't feel the need. I explained to her that it will open her eyes to see what's missing in our relationship.
What does SHE think is missing in your relationship? If she says nothing and is just coasting, I would recommend marriage counseling. If she won't go, YOU go. It sends a Crystal Clear message that YOU view there is something wrong.
 
#60 ·
Which is why I asked what happens if she says she just does not want to wear makeup, and won't. If she sees it as a waste of time and money and nothing he can present will change that opinion, then what? She can look beautiful without it. And even the comparisons that were posted earlier in this thread... I think the women without it looked better. The others looked fake.

And, yes, turnera, I do listen to what makes my husband happy. And if it does not cross MY values, I am fine with doing what makes him happy. If I don't see an expense as being worth the cost, I won't.

And I truly don't see how a woman wearing makeup can be a legitimate emotional need. Smh.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk
 
#62 ·
Your wife has flawless skin. Makeup will damage that beautiful skin over time! Yes, even simply eyeshadow. The skin around the eyes is thin and will wrinkle with the tugging, the harsh makeup, etc. Makeup can also irritate skin (especially around the eyes) and even a little bit can make eyelids feel tired.

Lipstick tastes gross, can be drying, and leaves stains on cups. I recommend chapstick with slight colour, such as Burts Bee's pomegranate oil. It will give her a bit of colour with the added benefit of protection and doesn't stain things much.
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