I feel like appreciation is the key to a happy marriage. People are willing to go out of their way to do nice things For one another if they are appreciated. I would even go so far and say, people actually like to go out of their way to make their spouse happy IF it's appreciated. The problem is, expectation and lack of appreciation.
I think this is a common problem but here it goes... I don't FEEL appreciated by my husband for the work I do around the house, especially for him. We both work full time. (He works way more than me). I do all the cleaning, all the laundry, all the cooking. I appreciate him. I show him appreciation. He does not do the same to me.
Today's situation.... He was working in the morning. Our house is so gross and needed to be cleaned, deep cleaned. I was doing all the laundry, 5 loads of just clothes plus the sheets, pillow cases, bathmats, shower curtains. I cleaned the kitchen. And between folding laundry I was deep cleaning our neglected bathroom. I scrubbed the sh*t out of the bathtub twice, now it is sparkling clean and has never been so white. I was left a sweaty mess from the scrubbing (it's hard!) i texted my husband about what a productive morning I had and everything I did, and was doing, and my plans to try to deep clean, and de clutter the house this weekend. He didn't respond but came home shortly. So when u walk into the house there are a couple bags of garbage from all my cleaning, laundry folded in different piles according to what it is, and a pile of new clean clothes to fold. The washer and dryer are running Bc I'm obviously doing more laundry. I am wearing shorts and a t-shirt, I literally have sweat on my shirt from sweating from scrubbing the shower. There is no mistaking I have been working hard. Anyway, he walks in and doesn't say anything about the obvious scenery. I told him in a proud way look at how white that bathtub is. He goes in, says wow. Then comes back out and gets some food, sits on the couch and puts on the tv and watches soccer. I ask about him day blah blah. He shortly gets a call from the hospital and he needs to go back in. So he kisses me and leaves. I go on and continue cleaning the bathroom. When I come out, I realized he left his food/plate on the coffee table. And as he walked out, he didn't take out any of the garbage that is sitting there and obviously needs to be taken out. (I don't really care about the garbage, but it hurt my feelings that he left the food/plate out for me to obviously clean up)
For me, I don't mind doing all this stuff IF he shows me a little more appreciation and respect for it. But he doesn't. I've talk to him about this and he says... I'm sorry and I appreciate you. We have had this conversation a million times, and the difference between saying u appreciate someone when confronted vs showing someone you appreciate them continuously. Nothing changes. Part of me wants to make him do his own laundry, and give him a honey do list and make him do that stuff. But I am really trying to avoid treating him like a child, I feel we have a parent child relationship already. This lack of respect/appreciation is causing problems for me and making me unhappy and resentful. I know that he is not going to wake up one day and show me appreciation. My goal is that he realizes how important it is to feel appreciated and does it. What can I do to make him appreciate me?
I think this is a common problem but here it goes... I don't FEEL appreciated by my husband for the work I do around the house, especially for him. We both work full time. (He works way more than me). I do all the cleaning, all the laundry, all the cooking. I appreciate him. I show him appreciation. He does not do the same to me.
Today's situation.... He was working in the morning. Our house is so gross and needed to be cleaned, deep cleaned. I was doing all the laundry, 5 loads of just clothes plus the sheets, pillow cases, bathmats, shower curtains. I cleaned the kitchen. And between folding laundry I was deep cleaning our neglected bathroom. I scrubbed the sh*t out of the bathtub twice, now it is sparkling clean and has never been so white. I was left a sweaty mess from the scrubbing (it's hard!) i texted my husband about what a productive morning I had and everything I did, and was doing, and my plans to try to deep clean, and de clutter the house this weekend. He didn't respond but came home shortly. So when u walk into the house there are a couple bags of garbage from all my cleaning, laundry folded in different piles according to what it is, and a pile of new clean clothes to fold. The washer and dryer are running Bc I'm obviously doing more laundry. I am wearing shorts and a t-shirt, I literally have sweat on my shirt from sweating from scrubbing the shower. There is no mistaking I have been working hard. Anyway, he walks in and doesn't say anything about the obvious scenery. I told him in a proud way look at how white that bathtub is. He goes in, says wow. Then comes back out and gets some food, sits on the couch and puts on the tv and watches soccer. I ask about him day blah blah. He shortly gets a call from the hospital and he needs to go back in. So he kisses me and leaves. I go on and continue cleaning the bathroom. When I come out, I realized he left his food/plate on the coffee table. And as he walked out, he didn't take out any of the garbage that is sitting there and obviously needs to be taken out. (I don't really care about the garbage, but it hurt my feelings that he left the food/plate out for me to obviously clean up)
For me, I don't mind doing all this stuff IF he shows me a little more appreciation and respect for it. But he doesn't. I've talk to him about this and he says... I'm sorry and I appreciate you. We have had this conversation a million times, and the difference between saying u appreciate someone when confronted vs showing someone you appreciate them continuously. Nothing changes. Part of me wants to make him do his own laundry, and give him a honey do list and make him do that stuff. But I am really trying to avoid treating him like a child, I feel we have a parent child relationship already. This lack of respect/appreciation is causing problems for me and making me unhappy and resentful. I know that he is not going to wake up one day and show me appreciation. My goal is that he realizes how important it is to feel appreciated and does it. What can I do to make him appreciate me?