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Connecting Emotionally

7K views 116 replies 10 participants last post by  I'mtired 
#1 ·
Hi,
My husband is a very emotional guy. He and I don't connect on an emotional level. This is really killing the relationship. I really want to be there emotionally for him, but sometimes it's hard to talk to him. We have been married for 15yrs. I need help as to what would you do to emotionallly satisfy your husband. I am willing to change who and what i am to work this out.
 
#2 ·
Genreally if your husband IS an emotional guy, this flows more naturally - so I am at a loss here. I hear many more women saying thier men are COLD with little emotion, and they can not connect.

Talk to him, Get this book about the 5 Love Languages, take some tests together to learn how, what, each of you crave from the other -for starters .

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-languages-how-does-affect-your-marraige.html

.
 
#5 ·
I will, well tonight I want to try to talk to him again, but focus on his feelings and try to develop from there. Know it will be hard, because I know he not feeling me right now. Thanks for sharing with me, I will be praying for you and your wife.
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#8 ·
Well we were at church Sunday at a marriage conference. He heard something being said by one of the ministers, he shared with me that what was being said reflected on our marriage and it hurt him. I didn't respond to him in the fashion that he wanted me to. And instead of him telling me this on Sunday, it rolled over in to Monday night when I felt like something was wrong. He wants you to discern things when he does or you pushing away or don't care about his feelings, and that's not the case.
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#23 ·
I think I would put a call to him and ask if he's going to be late tonight. Tell him you want to share something with him that's very important. Or do something nice for him and have it waiting, tell him you have a surprise for when he gets home.

If he's a stubborn man, he'll keep this silent treatment up with you for a couple more days. If he's not, he'll be interested in what you have to say and come home on time.

My husband is stubborn, but he's very curious too. LOL
 
#25 ·
I would, yes. Then it's on him to pick the communication back up... he can't say you didn't reach out to him and try. If he insists with this row, you let him. Be kind to him anyways. At some point he will have to stop being immature and have a conversation with you about all of this. Right now his pride is keeping him from letting his guard down again with you.
 
#28 ·
I'mtired,

As a man, I have two sides. My manly side, and my emotional side.

As a man, I am conditioned not to express my emotional side. It makes me weak, needy, and makes me feel emasculated. And as you can see from this site, many women feel turned off by such weakness.

That being said, in my humble opinion, you want to connect with that side of your husband, do so with few words. If you talk to him too much about his feelings, you just may get him to avoid conversation and you too. Recognize his feelings when he expresses them, confirm that you understand them through your actions towards him. Sure, sex is a great way to pacify him. But just as important is respect, appriciation and admiration. When you openly give all of this to him, he will most likely give the same in return.

That make sense?
 
#34 ·
I think many men don't know where that line is. Just as many women don't know either, they just expect thier man to figure it out.

Without writing a book here. You know your husband and how he reacts to things. So you tell me what you think you should do?
 
#38 ·
I agree, as did abitmuch. I just wanted you to make that decision from your own heart, as when you do, you won't need to question it.

I believe one thing about appologies, "appologies without change don't mean squat" So if you are going to appologize, then you should also express where you were wrong and how you are going to try to recognize this in the future and attempt to change. If you can make this part of your way of operating, then later, there should not be a problem with asking the same from him. Its a baby step to creating change.

That make sense?
 
#36 · (Edited)
Silent treatments and avoidance on his part are ridiculous.

He needs to grow up..

However you expecting to connect emotionally is difficult.

Guys don't like to talk about emotions unless they understand their wife's NEED for that.

I learned that after the ILYNILWY night two years ago. She specifically mentioned an "emotional disconnect". So I learned about that inside and out.

I learned to expose myself emotionally some times to my wife and be more expressive about details and things that bother me or excite me. I understand that is a need of women. It DOES NOT come naturally for a man. It helps my wife build a new stronger emotional connection to me.

That was part of the problem two years ago... I wouldn't express myself to her. That is some of what caused her disconnect. Now she eats it up... I talk details and always give her my full undivided attention and look her straight in the eye. We are rebuilding that connection. She now talks with me much more and share a lot more of her life. Its fun.

I think your husband needs a reality check... his "emotional" behavior is out of balance. Don't let him get away with childish behavior make him reassess what you need out of the relationship.

Men need it spelled out... a serious reality check works. Tell him you are not happy and explain why. Tell him you are missing the emotional connect with him and that it's up to him to provide that to you. Let him figure out on his own what that means. Give him time to figure it out. Tell him silence is a huge turn off for you.

Just be sure to reward good new behaviors in him. He will eventually get it. Like I did.
 
#42 ·
Well guys, and A bit much, i spoke to him last night from my heart. He came home around 12:30 -1:00. I came as peacable as i could. he didn't really want to hear what i had to say, but at least he knows. I am gonna go through a change within myself to become more emotional like him. I really apologized to him with everything I had and he still said you're just talking words. It makes me feel bad , but had i been emotional towards him in the beginning, I probably wouldn't be in this dilema.
:confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused:
 
#43 ·
ok, look you did what you could- you apologised sincerely, now the ball is in his court. realistically one can't expect you to do more than that. repeatedly asking for forgiveness for something that was UNINTENTIONAL is silly.

I would suggest that you move forward with this- still keeping the communication lines open. be receptive to him when he decides to engage with you, but do not get totally hung up on his moods, his emotions etc- you also need to look after your needs.

I think that once everything clms down in a few days or so, then approach him & explain that you aren't extremely emotional & sometimes that may seem as if you are a bit unreceptive. promise to work on that- & find concrete ways of doing so- maybe somebody else has a recommendation. however, for his part your H needs to be able to better COMMUNICATE his feelings & needs toward you. if he can do this you will be able to better fulfill his needs. the silent treatment he gives is not helpful at all.
 
#44 ·
:lol: You said a mouthful there. It's a job being married to him, but we grew up together. lived down the street from each other. I love him and i know i can be a headache sometimes, but, jsut like he don't think he that bad where he can't talk to me, i don't think i'm that bad off where he can't talk to me. but I have to scarafice who i am for the sake of this marriage. we have a 17 yr old and a 12 yr old.
 
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