holmes

My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 4 years. I just want to know some tips on a happy marriage. We seem to argue constantly. We both have trust issues also. So I have just some generalized questions on how you handle things in your marriage if your marriage is good. How do you share household chores.... do you share them or does the wife do it all? How do you handle the money.... is it seperate or does one person handle the finances? Does someone have the final say on things in the relationship if you do not agree? These are only some of the issues we are having and I just wish we could get it all figured out so we can stop constantly arguing about everything. If you have questions, feel free to ask. Thanks

expatforlife

That is a lot of questions. A lot of them you can find individually using the search function.

The basic principle thought I can answer though. We compromise. Of course, we argue about things mostly stupid things though like which movie we want to go to. However, the large stuff... money and such, we only have the occasional hiccup.

You mention you both have trust issues and I have read your other post. Since my husband and I don't have any trust issues, I would think that you need to work on that. It to me is a cornerstone of any long term relationship. My suggestion is to seek out counseling, individual or together.

Trying2figureitout

You each have strengths so chores should go along those lines...

For instance I do all finance, outside yard work mostly, Clean bathrooms, my laundry, fold the socks for family (wife hates that), cook sometimes and am the man of the house. I take care of mornings with kids, take out trash, pick up before I leave, wash windows . Homework.

Wife... Cooks mostly, shops mostly, handles nights, decorates, plans social activities, buys kids clothes, does her and kids laundry, dusts, floors, some yard work, re-cleans if not up to her standard. Mkes herself beautiful and works her butt of at her job.

It's almost 50/50 with us naturally gravitating to what we feel we can contribute... the rest we assign our kids.

As for final say... it depends on what it is. I respect my wife and she respects me we don't argue about anything other than sex life. Which I think is now adjusted correctly after two years.

It's a partnership.

Other tips...

Don't be afraid to speak up and state your needs.
Understand what your spouse needs and do that consistently without regard for your own needs.

It's a journey... try to find the workable balance.

Look in the mirror and stop yelling at each other. Yelling never solves anything.
Never stop communicating and never coast!

There will be hills and valleys... be true to yourself with an eye for your partner. Do onto others what you'd like.

As for trust... that one you either do or don't. If you married the right person you trust them.
Don't be deceitful to your spouse.

SimplyAmorous

In my opinion, this fully depends on whether the wife works or not. IF the wife is working full time as the husband is, these chores likely need split, sit down and talk , hang the duties on the Fridge and commit to fullfilling them so less arguing about who needs to do what comes up

If a full time stay at home MOM.... (my situation) this is how it works, accually I have a couple on the side jobs but only a few hours a week so they do not count ... I do it ALL and feel very strongly that IS my place, I want to have EVERYTHING done so when my husband walks through that door every day -- he can relax, eat a decent meal and concetrate on those things I can not do (working on house repairs, car repairs, manly stuff), plus help the kids with homework, he is better at this than me, and have more time for ME (I have my selfish motives too!) .

I work at home while he is at work- plus I play on here so obviously I have alot of extra time to spare around my mundane chores. This is about Time management & Multi-tasking.

At one time we had 4 kids ages 6 & under , I used cloth dipaers, we didn't even own a dryer, and I hung them all on the line , and & still managed just fine. I have heard wives with only one child complain, sorry, I don't get it. I can not in a million years understand how that could be a problem unless she has a disability or is sick somehow.

My husband very much appreciates the work I do, I also try to mow our lawn (over 3 acres of grass) to save him the hassle but sometimes I break belts hitting rocks and tree stumps and create more work for him -so he tells me he would rather me wait !

Is one of you a Spender & One a saver with disagreements on purchases & amounts of spending? IN our house, we are both Savers, He makes every dime (except for the little cash I bring in for FUN) and I handle every dime of it.. I pay all the bills, I decide what CDs to put our $$ in, I research what we want to buy - read reviews and let him know what I feel is best, we talk about every big purchase before we buy it. Husband does not make alot of $$ for our family size so we MUST be frugal or it could get us into trouble. It is one thing we never had too much trouble doing, kinda a habit since we married.

Every marraige partner should be assertive about their needs & wants in a healthy manner....and in doing their part, listen very very carefully to your partner when he /she is expressing their feelings....

Good article here about using the "I" before the 'YOU" in expressing which --so it comes off as LESS of an attack, more about the person themselves than spewing BLAME and setting them on the defenseive. 'You' and 'I': The Art of Communication in Marital Life – II - Islamweb.net -English

Both need to hear each other out and feel fully heard. A little fighting / conflict is OK but it is never healthy to have one partner comepletely run over the other and shut thier needs out. Excellent article on communication here >>>>

Imagine Hope Counseling Group - Our Resources - PLANTING THE SEED OF INTERDEPENDENCE

__________________
"Love Good Blog"

ladybird

I wouldn't say that my marriage is great, but it is better then it has been in a long time.

I do all the house hold chores, H works and i am a stay at home mom. H does all the yard work. Once I start working again(soon hopefully) he is going to have to pitch in with the house hold chores if he wants a clean house.

I handle all the money. I pay all the bills and budget the rest for food, gas etc.

As far as the final say if we can't come to some type of agreement on something, then that is where compromising comes in, but it really depends on what it is about.

Instead of arguing all the time, stop nothing is solved by this.. Trust me i know what i am talking about. This was my house for the last 2 years.. Once i started listening and stopped yelling and screaming things changed. And he stopped yelling and screaming.