rhosmith77

Well I find myself coming here as i don't have any friends or family to turn to. I got married in Aug of this past year. I gained 2 step children as well. I love all of them with all my heart and can't see me wanting to be with anyone else.. so where is the issue?? Partly me, and partly the way we communicate. I am the type that will take the blame for everything. He is the type that will know that he has done wrong but will never say so directly. Even though I know this, I also get in the downward spiral that i can't do anything right. I have tried everything I know. I have asked him to try and he says he is but I just expect to much. He says he loves me and only wants me, and I have given him plenty of times to leave, and I have even left once cause I felt I couldn't measure up. He has a little bit of a temper and will lash out but is quickly over it, I am the type that will hold on to it and analyze it for weeks if not resolved and he is not big into talking it out. I am told that I am too sensitive and childish, I am at the point where I just don't know what to do.... I wonder now if we are better apart than together, although I know that if I do get divorced I will never re-marry. I just wonder if there are couples out there that have the same personilities conflicts and have figured out how to make it work? I feel like I am completely crazy, cause he can go around moments after a blow up like nothing is wrong and seemed confused when I am quite and upset.

Just really seeking advice either options of how to work it out or ways I can learn to deal with our idosynricies.

I hope that you don't mind me coming to you guys but I really don't have friends outside of work and my family dis-owned me when I got married

GPR

I have some of the same traits as him (other than the temper). I don't know if it's a guy thing our what, but at least I am able to at least outwardly put things behind me very fast. Now that's not really the case, but it's what it looks like. Basically, when he looks like he is over it, that IS him trying to get over it and move on. That's just how he's doing it. I do the same thing. I think if I act normal as I possibly can, that things will turn back to "normal" as quick as possible. This to him is easier than talking it out.

Now, I know this is a fault I have, because it results in things getting better temporarily, but not really solving the root of the problem.

I will say one thing though, if your husband is like me (which a lot of his traits sound a lot like me), it's not easy to change communication like that. I've been trying to do it for a while with my wife, and it's one of the main causes of a lot of the problems we have. He's probably been doing things that way for a while, and you can't just flip a switch in your head and start doing it different from now on.

Try to actually guide him, help him with talking it out. Even if it means doing a play by play or walking him through it calmly. Asking him a lot of questions, things like that. If he really is trying, he will welcome this with open arms (I know I would).

Not an expert, just thought that might help.