If you want to inflict change in a realtionship you have to first look at yourself and see what is that you can change or accept about yourself. Woman have the tendency to want to "fix" others and that is our nature. We ourselves may be the one that needs fixing. I may sound cynical, however, we as individuals have to be happy with ourselves and when we are not that is very hard to admit and it is easier to blame others...
If you want to inflict change in a realtionship you have to first look at yourself and see what is that you can change or accept about yourself. Woman have the tendency to want to "fix" others and that is our nature. We ourselves may be the one that needs fixing. I may sound cynical, however, we as individuals have to be happy with ourselves and when we are not that is very hard to admit and it is easier to blame others...
I have what may be a stupid question. What if what you really want to fix is yourself? It's actually a lot harder to blame myself for everything that happens and I'm not sure that is too healthy either....
I have what may be a stupid question. What if what you really want to fix is yourself? It's actually a lot harder to blame myself for everything that happens and I'm not sure that is too healthy either....
I think that is what she was saying. Instead of blaming everything on other people you need to fix your problems first before you should try to fix others.
Just how I read it. If I read it right I think it is good advice all the way around.
I think that is what she was saying. Instead of blaming everything on other people you need to fix your problems first before you should try to fix others.
Just how I read it. If I read it right I think it is good advice all the way around.
draconis
Whoops. I type stupid when tired.
I meant it's harder for me to blame others, and easier for me to blame myself for everything. I can't tell if something is genuinely my fault or not anymore.
It creates a weird sort of situation where I'd like to be almost anyone else other than myself.
I have what may be a stupid question. What if what you really want to fix is yourself? It's actually a lot harder to blame myself for everything that happens and I'm not sure that is too healthy either....
Quote:
Originally Posted by evenow
Whoops. I type stupid when tired.
I meant it's harder for me to blame others, and easier for me to blame myself for everything. I can't tell if something is genuinely my fault or not anymore.
It creates a weird sort of situation where I'd like to be almost anyone else other than myself.
My bad for reading it wrong.
There is never a need to shoulder all blame. Taking what is yours is normally more then one can handle and one person alone doesn't make a good relationship for long.
To me the biggest problem in my relationship is LACK OF ROMANCE (only after having kids so dont know if this is permanent or temp) and MIL, she simply pisses me off when it comes to my husband and kids...................she had never acknowledged me (or anyother DILs) as her family and most of the time i spend a few minutes with her i will end up hurt. This has caused numerous quarrels and problems between me and husband. I dont know if she needs fixing or I!!!!! But like its said in this thread, i'll try and fix myself instead of trying to fix her.
To me the biggest problem in my relationship is LACK OF ROMANCE (only after having kids so dont know if this is permanent or temp) and MIL, she simply pisses me off when it comes to my husband and kids...................she had never acknowledged me (or anyother DILs) as her family and most of the time i spend a few minutes with her i will end up hurt. This has caused numerous quarrels and problems between me and husband. I dont know if she needs fixing or I!!!!! But like its said in this thread, i'll try and fix myself instead of trying to fix her.
First give her 3-6 months. But shower her with love during that time. Romance is more then just sex. I am sure after a long day she'd want to put the kid(s) down and cuddle while watching a girly movie.
Side benifit to girly movies are they have all kinds of romance, love and passion in them, what a thing to share!
To me the biggest problem in my relationship is LACK OF ROMANCE (only after having kids so dont know if this is permanent or temp) and MIL, she simply pisses me off when it comes to my husband and kids...................she had never acknowledged me (or anyother DILs) as her family and most of the time i spend a few minutes with her i will end up hurt. This has caused numerous quarrels and problems between me and husband. I dont know if she needs fixing or I!!!!! But like its said in this thread, i'll try and fix myself instead of trying to fix her.
If there's a lack of romance between you and your husband, that's probably something you'll need to take seriously and work out with him. I don't think it's going to get better on it's own.
And a MIL problem is rarely a MIL problem. It's usually a husband problem in disguise.
Draconis,
U mean I shower MIL with love??? sorry i dont understand your reply that well, can u clarify Many thanks! If u want me to shower her with love, I think its pretty hard for me keke....
Evenow,
I totally agree with u, MIL problem is not really MIL problem its definitely to do with DH!
I m working on the romance part but so far it didnt get anywhere..........
draconis,
Thanks for the clarification, I guess i have too many things on my mind..........perhaps i should tackle one at a time For now i m just going to shut my ears to whatever MIL says and pretend to repect her..........thats all i can do for now.
Re: Questions on Relationships.
Many thanks! If u want me to shower her with love, I think its pretty hard for me keke....
