Ok, so i've been married for 12'odd years with two beautiful children. Last year I met someone (single girl) through work who I started to get along with very very well and developed a ready strong friendship with her. She moved to another job since the start of the year, being a contractor, but still we have a strong friendship. We talk almost every day, text often, and I see her a few times a week - either for a coffee or hang at her place.
Still this is strictly a friendship only with single girl, but I feel we still have more in common than my wife and I do, which is concerning.
Even though i dont want anything to happen between me and single girl (well, i dont think i do), I still really really enjoy her company and feel real bad that if i had the choice, feel like i would want to spend more time with her.
I dont let my time away from home affect my wife and kids, i'm always there when i need to be there and want to be there, its just some free time i have, it would pop out and hang with her.
I've been trying to encourage single girl to see guys, so she can be happy with someone, which she is actively doing... but i'm starting to get a little (maybe more than a little) jealous. Not that she talking to other guys, but that shes spending less time with me.
This is extremely wrong, i know, I have a beautiful family at home. my wife knows i'm really good friends with single girl, shes even come over to our house for dinner, and at first my wife was uncomfortable that i have a friendship with another girl, but shes now ok with it... but probably wont be ok with it if she knew that i've been spending more time with her than ive been letting on.
Single girl and i have acknowledged that we're best friends, and there is an unspoken understanding between us that it will never go any further than that.
So, i know that me spending secret time with single girl is wrong. I know that its wrong of me to feel like i want to spend more time with single girl, over my own loving wife. and I know its also wrong of me to feel jealous of single girl talking to other guys at the expense of talking to me. Its all a big pile of wrongness... but I simply cannot help how i feel. and i know i should put a stop to it all, and go cold turkey or at least reduce the contact, but, well, to be honest, i dont want to.
I know people arent going to say that "its ok", or "you can make the situation work", because i know that not right... i cant have the best of both worlds.
thinking hypothetically, i know that even if for whatever "external to this situation" reason me and my wife separated, I know that single girl and i would never take things further. but why then do i wait for her to text, why do i want to call her or spend time with her.. why does it feel better than me and my wife? I know for a fact that when i first met my wife years and years ago, i felt the same way as i do now with single girl.
I've been mulling things over about all this for month and month and months... I know that to me, common interest is important, and also personal pride in appearance. I cant blame my wife for the latter, because i know, having two kids is bloody hard on the mind and body. but thinking about it, we've never really had the common interest part.. which makes this situation hard, because single girl and i have plenty of common interests... and she also very much takes pride in her appearance. these two things make me feel rotten knowing that they're the reason why i like spending more time with single girl than with my wife.
I really really want the mojo between wifey and i to come back, like the good old day, but i dont know how, even after reading lots about it.. is it an inner core issue?
anyway, ive been ranting about all this, but you have probably seen it all before. but either way, wouldnt mind getting some thoughts on the matter.
Still this is strictly a friendship only with single girl, but I feel we still have more in common than my wife and I do, which is concerning.
Even though i dont want anything to happen between me and single girl (well, i dont think i do), I still really really enjoy her company and feel real bad that if i had the choice, feel like i would want to spend more time with her.
I dont let my time away from home affect my wife and kids, i'm always there when i need to be there and want to be there, its just some free time i have, it would pop out and hang with her.
I've been trying to encourage single girl to see guys, so she can be happy with someone, which she is actively doing... but i'm starting to get a little (maybe more than a little) jealous. Not that she talking to other guys, but that shes spending less time with me.
This is extremely wrong, i know, I have a beautiful family at home. my wife knows i'm really good friends with single girl, shes even come over to our house for dinner, and at first my wife was uncomfortable that i have a friendship with another girl, but shes now ok with it... but probably wont be ok with it if she knew that i've been spending more time with her than ive been letting on.
Single girl and i have acknowledged that we're best friends, and there is an unspoken understanding between us that it will never go any further than that.
So, i know that me spending secret time with single girl is wrong. I know that its wrong of me to feel like i want to spend more time with single girl, over my own loving wife. and I know its also wrong of me to feel jealous of single girl talking to other guys at the expense of talking to me. Its all a big pile of wrongness... but I simply cannot help how i feel. and i know i should put a stop to it all, and go cold turkey or at least reduce the contact, but, well, to be honest, i dont want to.
I know people arent going to say that "its ok", or "you can make the situation work", because i know that not right... i cant have the best of both worlds.
thinking hypothetically, i know that even if for whatever "external to this situation" reason me and my wife separated, I know that single girl and i would never take things further. but why then do i wait for her to text, why do i want to call her or spend time with her.. why does it feel better than me and my wife? I know for a fact that when i first met my wife years and years ago, i felt the same way as i do now with single girl.
I've been mulling things over about all this for month and month and months... I know that to me, common interest is important, and also personal pride in appearance. I cant blame my wife for the latter, because i know, having two kids is bloody hard on the mind and body. but thinking about it, we've never really had the common interest part.. which makes this situation hard, because single girl and i have plenty of common interests... and she also very much takes pride in her appearance. these two things make me feel rotten knowing that they're the reason why i like spending more time with single girl than with my wife.
I really really want the mojo between wifey and i to come back, like the good old day, but i dont know how, even after reading lots about it.. is it an inner core issue?
anyway, ive been ranting about all this, but you have probably seen it all before. but either way, wouldnt mind getting some thoughts on the matter.