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is it cheating

2K views 23 replies 16 participants last post by  anonymity2929 
#1 ·
if a man promises to stop watching/looking at porn but continues to sneak and do it is it cheating


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#3 ·
Depends on the boundaries established in the relationship.

Is it Cheating-it comes down to what your partner thinks of porn.If your partner thinks it's a form of cheating, then yes, for them it is

Is it lying -most definitely
 
#7 ·
Lying, not cheating. BTW, did you badger or threaten him into agreeing not to watch porn? Or did you negotiate with him? If the former, you're at fault as much or more than him; in the latter case, he's at fault - but it's still just lying, not cheating.
 
#11 ·
She has much deeper relationship issues. Read some of her other posts" "A 40 year old woman and a 37 year old man. Sex 3 minutes every two weeks. Most nights I sleep in chair in kitchen. He says give him time. I say bullcrap. He's got to be getting it some where else. In 10 years from new love to roommates that don't get along. "

OP is more of the victim here, not a controlling wife.
 
#13 ·
Not cheating (I haven't looked at your past posts). But it is a symptom of a bigger problem. I agree with MattMatt that he needs to get to the root of why he chooses porn over sex. Until he is ready for dealing with that he will keep promising and hurting you. I've been there but things are good now, so I give you hope.
 
#18 ·
@mylife2469

I have been in your situation so my advice comes from what helped us.

When my H would promise not to do porn anymore - he very much meant it - and therefore wasn't technically lying at the time. The problem was not so much the porn but why he kept going back to it in favour of our marriage and sex with me, even though he knew it hurt me and I was very lonely.

His issues were with confidence, childhood trauma, and emerging ED which was much easier to deal with using porn than a human being. Your H's issues will no doubt be completely different.

Until he has gotten to the bottom of what is going on I suggest stop asking him to promise you anything (and stop accepting a promise if offered). I would also draw some boundaries with regard to sharing a bed (no sleeping in different rooms). I would also give him a time frame to get his act together and stick to it.

Remember porn is a red herring. Now me and my H have regular, good sex he has very little interest in porn, and tbh I wouldn't really care if he did as he is giving me enough attention for it not to be a threat. It is his neglect of you that is the big problem here, not so much the lying or masturbation. Try stay focused when you talk to him about this.
 
#19 ·
Personally I don't consider porn/masturbation to be cheating. With that said, if there's any interaction with a real person whatsoever online, like the anonymous video chatting/mutual masturbation then that's cheating. As long as there's no person on the other end participating with them then no. Keep in mind, that's only my opinion. If you think differently then that's your right.
 
#22 ·
I think that a promise not to use porn is an indication of serious pre-existing problems in a marriage. Those problems could be the fault of either both, or neither partner.

If porn was not interfering with a normal sex life, then it wasn't a problem to start with. If it was interfering, then it was a problem. If the couple didn't have a happy sex life, then that itself was a problem.
 
#24 ·
Unless you are ready to be available to have sex with him 100% of the time when he wants it, porn isn't cheating. If he is going to the porn instead of you when you are always available, I could see why that would upset you. Otherwise, he probably figures he's doing you a favor by taking care of it himself.
 
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