TheCat

I need help but I don't really know how to ask or how to explain because I'm not good with words and well... not good at explaining things so I'll just describe what happens every week.

Monday-friday :
Wife comes to bed at 6-7am
I wake up at 7 to go to work, wife stays in bed.
I come home for lunch, wife still in bed and stays in bed, even if I tell her I'm home.
I come home from work and sometimes she's still in bed.
We have dinner together, watch some tv, play some computergames and I go to bed around midnight.
Saturday & sunday :
We sometimes have breakfast/lunch together because she always wakes up later than me, even if we go to bed together and sometimes it takes hours and hours for her to wake up.

Over the past few months I can sum up her work around the house really really short : bit of laundry, dishes once every week or less and only clean like mad when someone comes over but even that doesn't happen anymore when my parents visit.

We both agreed that she'ld be a housewife (she actually said it) and that she would stay at home, work and then when we have kids she'll spend most time taking care of them.

I tried talking to her about all this several times, she complains and changes to a more normal routine but only for a few days.
One of the things she once said is that she gets lonely in the afternoon if she gets up to have lunch with me yet she has no problem staying up for another 6-7 hours after I went to bed.

Her priorities are making me feel like I don't really matter, like I'm not important at all. When she goes to bed early (rarely happens, mainly when she's not feeling well) I join her yet she very rarely joins me.

My biggest problem is that I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to her. I love her so very much and I don't want to say the wrong things and end up hurting her, I really don't know anymore
We got married about two months ago and I should be happy right now but I really can't say that I am.

I hope someone has some advice for me because I can sure use it.

blissful

do you guys have kids?

YinPrincess

I was/am this way because I work graveyard shifts 3 days a week. If she's not working there is something else going on. Is she just naturally a night person?
Posted via Mobile Device

TheCat

@blissful :
We don't have kids yet and I'm not even considering it until she gets to a normal sleeping routine... and cleans the house at least once without people visiting.

@YinPrincess :
She hasn't worked for a couple years now, she's a bit of a night person but she didn't come to bed this late the first year we were living together.

YinPrincess

Did you live together before you married? (My husband and I did not, and for the longest time I felt anxious about having someone sleeping in my bed). Now I have a hard time sleeping without him).
Posted via Mobile Device

TheCat

Lived together for about two years before we got married, I have a really hard time sleeping without her

YinPrincess

How was she for the last two years?
Posted via Mobile Device

TheCat

The first year she moved here we did almost everything together, going to bed, breakfast sometimes, lunch all the time, dinner,... But her going to bed early was probably also linked to having heavy migraines at least once every week, she doesn't have them anymore and now just spends all night chatting...

chillymorn

hiow your sex life?

she has alot of time to kill what is she doing?

Hicks

Ack! If you are afraid of hurting her, you are just planning to swallow your own hurt... That is a recipe for misery.

What you have to say to her is "Wife, this is not a marriage. I want our relationship to be a marriage. Is that something you want?".

If she wants a marriage then you and her sit down and define what a marriage is that sets things up so BOTH of your needs are addressed. And if she then deviates from it, you can redirect her based on the mutual definition you two create. If she constantly deviates from it over a period of time, you tell her that she obviously does not want a marriage and she should move aside for someone who does.

TheCat

@chillymorn
sex life? in short, needs cpr
I'm not quite sure what does, all I could guess is browse around several websites, chat to friends from lord knows where they live and draw.

Lon

To whom is she chatting?

To me it sounds like she is avoidant of you, there is something negative in her life (perhaps some depression?) that she is associating with you or your presence. Maybe she needs something to do once in awhile so she can get excited about something other than staying awake all night.

CalifGuy

So let me get this straight...she doesn't work, you two have no kids, she doesn't contribute financially to the household, she does a half a$$ed job at keeping the house clean, she rarely has sex with you and she doesn't even bother getting out of bed when you come home for lunch?

You tolerate this because why???!!!

If I was married to a woman who did not work, was not yet raising our children, and was not contributing financially to the household, she had better keep our home looking like the frigging Taj Mahal, better not only be awake for when I came home for lunch but also have prepared lunch for me and be prepared to f*** me and s*** me during that lunch break, adjust her schedule to my own so I was not sleeping alone each night and better keep herself in shape and looking like a million dollars.

Most women/wives who work a full time job, and I am guessing helping to raise a family, do much much more than your freeloading, lazy, inconsiderate wife.

Again, you tolerate this because why???!!!

lola_b

My guess is that she's lonely all day and has found a friend online that she chats with. Maybe it's time she gets a job, even if it's part time...that way she has something to do, meets some new people, gets out of the house, etc.

michzz

What exactly is she doing all night long, to come to bed at dawn?

Does she have some kind of internet thing going on? Does she leave the house while you sleep?

Right now she is a leech, not a wife.

Depressed? Fix it.

Avoiding you because she doesn't want you anymore? She's free to find the door and go away.

Whatever it is, find out what is going on with her and deal with that.