So, I tried to leave yesterday. I was not successful. He blocked my way out the door...I kept pushing him to close the door of the closet so I could pack. He said that my pushing...and shoving him back --- as he forced the door open was worthy of domestic abuse and he would call the police on me. I ran to my phone to call 911 for an escort out and he grabbed my phone from me.
He then proceeded to tell me that he would leave the house and let me pack....but that he wanted to say goodbye. That he's out of a job...out of everything ad has no interest in living anymore. He started to cry and looked over at his new shirt in the closet and said that it was a "nice shirt...especially with black pants..." Suggested that for his funeral.
He said that there was no reason to live anymore.... and that he's better off dead and worth more dead.
He went on to tell me the reason he hasn't fully secured his lease for his new office (which should open NOV 1) is that he knows that he will kill himself by then...and that he hopes "i am happy...."
I went into bed.. pulled the covers over my head and told him to get the F out. He left for a few minutes then he came back. I had texted my lawyer friend and told him what was happening.... and asked what I should do .. he said that I should call 911 on him and get the heck out.
I didn't because I knew that he was manipulating me and that it would further ruin his career.
This morning he woke up and told me he was having a heart attack. I said then let's go to the hospital. He said no..it was proably just reflux but he hoped he would die.
He eventually calmed down and then told me that he doesn't want me to stay with him out of fear that he will kill himself. That if I want to leave ...I can leave...but he doesn't ever want to hear from me again.. And if I STAY -- he may still kill himself. He said that he won't do it in front of me.. not to worry. But, he would probably drive far away and kill himself.
I am in a numb state. I am pretending to be fine.. we are at a coffee shop working....and he's tellling me that I haven't "seen anything yet...." regarding how bad things are going to be and how horrible he will be with his anger and frustation...
WHY do I stay? WHY don't I run like my pants are on fire? I can't stomach the idea of him never speaking to me again..... and it hurts me terribly to think about such a sudden loss of him..
Sorry for ranting... thanks to elegirl for listening as well.