financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 85Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 12:31 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 229
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

This guy is a complete creep with potential for greater violence. Get away from him as soon as possible, following @EleGirl's advice. When you do get away, don't give him any indication of where you are or who you're living with. Turn off your GPS tracking the moment you leave. Write him a goodbye note saying whatever is necessary to placate him as best as possible. Tell him that he's correct that he cannot rely on you and wish him the best in his new "business".

Tatsuhiko is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 10:57 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 16
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

thanks for the support, guys.

It’s definitely a struggle. My apartment is not available until tomorrow….but at least it will be there when I get this courage to go…

This morning he was terribly angry with me again. He mentioned that he was trying to go back and get a loan that he already told me he was refused because he didn’t have a 5 year lease for an office.

All I said was….”i thought you had to have a 5 year lease for that?”

He snapped and said that it’s ridiculous that he even speaks to me.. that I question everything and put roadblocks up…. and that everything I do in my life….sets him back.

I said I simply asked a question! He said that my questions are extremely irritating and that this is just not a happy life…

I said how am I supposed to be happy when you are yelling at me? He said … you just are an unhappy person and this is a nightmare life that will never change….

I said what am I supposed to take away from that? He said .. “whatever you want…” I’m done with your questions and interrogations…

He quieted down and dropped me off at work and then texted that he loved me and that the reason he gets so upset is he really just wants to see me happy and make all my dreams come true…and now that he doesn’t have his salary/contract anymore …and he has to go into private practice…He can’t do that. And he feels like a piece of sh*t.

That LAST part …is the truth… I know that is the source of all of his frustration…and that’s what makes leaving him hard. I want to help him and be there for him….but the screaming and yelling at me.. Is extremely unsettling…and it’s ALL the time..
bbvanilla22 is offline  
post #63 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 11:03 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,082
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

He is not going to get better. You will be miserable until you leave.
uhtred is online now  
 
post #64 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 01:08 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 229
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by bbvanilla22 View Post
And he feels like a piece of sh*t.
That's because he is one. This is the one thing he's correct about. But it has little to do with his career/business failures. It's more about his sick, paranoid, controlling BPD personality.

Here's how this will play out. You'll move in to the apartment. He'll start looking for you. You'll miss him and start to feel sorry for him, so maybe you'll give away your location. He'll start love bombing you with a million texts and apologies and some in-person visits. He'll promise that he's changed and that he won't bother you about money or argue with you anymore--it was just a temporary crisis he was going through. He's different now. Then you'll move back in with him. And the whole thing starts all over again, rinse and repeat.

This guy needs YEARS of work before he'l ever make a decent partner for ANYONE.
Tatsuhiko is online now  
post #65 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 01:10 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,769
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tatsuhiko View Post
That's because he is one. This is the one thing he's correct about. But it has little to do with his career/business failures. It's more about his sick, paranoid, controlling BPD personality.

Here's how this will play out. You'll move in to the apartment. He'll start looking for you. You'll miss him and start to feel sorry for him, so maybe you'll give away your location. He'll start love bombing you with a million texts and apologies and some in-person visits. He'll promise that he's changed and that he won't bother you about money or argue with you anymore--it was just a temporary crisis he was going through. He's different now. Then you'll move back in with him. And the whole thing starts all over again, rinse and repeat.

This guy needs YEARS of work before he'l ever make a decent partner for ANYONE.
This is 100% spot on, read it like 30 times! The man is SICK and it will never ever get any better.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is offline  
post #66 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 02:06 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 398
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

This is what me and everybody else see.





I don't know what you're smoking to see him any other way. You're making it very hard for me to take you seriously. You don't need support. You just need shoes to walk out the door. If he follows you call the police and have him arrested.
KillerClown is offline  
post #67 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 02:24 PM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 31,520
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by KillerClown View Post
This is what me and everybody else see.





I don't know what you're smoking to see him any other way. You're making it very hard for me to take you seriously. You don't need support. You just need shoes to walk out the door. If he follows you call the police and have him arrested.
Love the image because it's correct. she's a smart woman who makes a lot of money. So he's pimping her out to bring in money. Just like a pimp, he's controlling her every move, her every breath.
EleGirl is online now  
post #68 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 02:40 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 16
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

He is controlling my every move...nearly....my every breath.

That's very accurate. He is angry if I am quiet....he's mad...if I ask questions...

He's upset when I seem fine...because then I must "not get it.."

My facial expressions...my decisions...they are all .. a problem for him.

Damn it...it's gonna hurt. But I just have to go... I can't continue like this because I am literally losing myself.

I am nervous that I will lose my job...I am a complete space cadet and I am not even close to the person they hired.

I look like hell... exhausted..can't sleep...worry all night. My poor son...he climbed in bed with me this morning and said "you are the best mom!" I said you think so? He said "you just need to stop getting yourself into bad situations..."

He's 10.

Again..we had to stay at a hotel last night. He was upset becasue he hates staying in hotels now with me...in his hometown.

My fiance heard this and said that he's sick of my son trying to manipulate and guilt us into getting a permanent place in his town. He said the kid just needs to get it through his head...YOU DON'T LIVE HERE!

Yes, he literally said that.
bbvanilla22 is offline  
post #69 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 02:46 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,769
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

I would suggest letting your employer know about your situation. They could be a strong ally for you, and you may end up missing some time, so would be good for them to be in the loop so you DONT lose your job.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is offline  
post #70 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 02:58 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 16
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

Both of my direct bosses are out of town today and tomorrow...which is good.

But, I let them know the LAST time when he was arrested...and they were extremely supporitive.

Unfortunatley, my fiance made himself seen at my recent work events...and they saw that he was back in my life.

Personally, I feel like an idiot...doing this again.

I need to find a pill full of courage....

bbvanilla22 is offline  
post #71 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-05-2016, 06:29 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,082
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

Do you have friends or family you can stay with?
uhtred is online now  
post #72 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-07-2016, 10:13 AM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 16
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

I really don't....my family is all out of town and my friends...I've pretty much said too much about all of my drama and then gone back before... so I already have a lot of skeptics... and rightly so.

I just got off a call with my manager who wants me to be in the office more (in my son's hometown) and my fiance heard that and blew up.. said my bosses should just F themselves.. that's not how my job began and that's not how I need it to be..

He said that he's sick of me trying to please them every step of the way.. and that's a problem.... for him.
bbvanilla22 is offline  
post #73 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-07-2016, 10:42 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 31,520
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

Right now your job is going to be the only support he has (that's if you stay). So he's clearly not thinking straight. But that is no surprise.
EleGirl is online now  
post #74 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-08-2016, 03:08 PM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 16
Re: financial abuse...how bad is this? Feels pretty horrible

So, I tried to leave yesterday. I was not successful. He blocked my way out the door...I kept pushing him to close the door of the closet so I could pack. He said that my pushing...and shoving him back --- as he forced the door open was worthy of domestic abuse and he would call the police on me. I ran to my phone to call 911 for an escort out and he grabbed my phone from me.

He then proceeded to tell me that he would leave the house and let me pack....but that he wanted to say goodbye. That he's out of a job...out of everything ad has no interest in living anymore. He started to cry and looked over at his new shirt in the closet and said that it was a "nice shirt...especially with black pants..." Suggested that for his funeral.

He said that there was no reason to live anymore.... and that he's better off dead and worth more dead.

He went on to tell me the reason he hasn't fully secured his lease for his new office (which should open NOV 1) is that he knows that he will kill himself by then...and that he hopes "i am happy...."

I went into bed.. pulled the covers over my head and told him to get the F out. He left for a few minutes then he came back. I had texted my lawyer friend and told him what was happening.... and asked what I should do .. he said that I should call 911 on him and get the heck out.

I didn't because I knew that he was manipulating me and that it would further ruin his career.

This morning he woke up and told me he was having a heart attack. I said then let's go to the hospital. He said no..it was proably just reflux but he hoped he would die.

He eventually calmed down and then told me that he doesn't want me to stay with him out of fear that he will kill himself. That if I want to leave ...I can leave...but he doesn't ever want to hear from me again.. And if I STAY -- he may still kill himself. He said that he won't do it in front of me.. not to worry. But, he would probably drive far away and kill himself.

I am in a numb state. I am pretending to be fine.. we are at a coffee shop working....and he's tellling me that I haven't "seen anything yet...." regarding how bad things are going to be and how horrible he will be with his anger and frustation...

WHY do I stay? WHY don't I run like my pants are on fire? I can't stomach the idea of him never speaking to me again..... and it hurts me terribly to think about such a sudden loss of him..

Sorry for ranting... thanks to elegirl for listening as well.
bbvanilla22 is offline  
post #75 of 76 (permalink) Old 10-08-2016, 06:50 PM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,769
You need to realize that he isn't a loss. He adds nothing good to your life. He isn't going to kill himself, he is manipulating you. He is a sick sick person. You need to get out before he hurts or kills you. You'll have to do it without him knowing.
3Xnocharm is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
In a Bad Relationship Cycle (Who's been there?) VCKid1982 Considering Divorce or Separation 8 02-20-2016 01:11 PM
My heart hurts so bad Redoak Coping with Infidelity 45 01-28-2016 11:35 AM
I feel abused, husband feels I was stealing. BeautyBeast Financial Problems in Marriage 27 01-18-2016 03:32 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome