im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 01:42 PM Thread Starter
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im 27- step moms behavior

Im 27 and my dads current wife has done some really messed up things to me and I just wanna know what yall think. So my dads ex wife was my step mom who raised me and he cheated on her with wife #3. she has always spoiled me but here and there would do things that were super rude.

I grew up as an only child and when my BM had to have emergency heart surgery she called my step mom and asked if her and my dad woould break the news to me cuz she knew I wouldn’t take it well, step mom said "she is a big girl she will be ok. My dad whole fam hates her and she has even told me "I have an awesome family I have no need or interest in being apart of his.

So 2 years ago I was struggling with addiction and my dad came and got me and wanted me to move to alabama and live with him so he could help/support me. As soon as we got there I walk in and say hey catina and she was clearly pissed and ignored me. well my dad noticed and followed her to their room to see wtf her issue was and she starts screaming and she knew i could hear everything and she says to dad I DONT WANT HER HERE AND DONT KNOW WHY U EVEN WENT AND GOT HER, U DONT HAVE NOTHIN TO DO W HER, THE ONLY TIME U CALL HER IS WHEN I TELL U TO!!! so i go outside crying dad comes to check on me and im begging him to not make me stay there w her. well she apoligized and felt so bad she actually called my mom and told her what she did and apoligized cuz she felt like if someone treated her son that way she would be pissed. so i forgave her.

couple months later i can tell she seems pissed, (she has a very close big family and theyd spend lots of time together but i was an only child, just me and mom so being apart of her family is something i dont even know how to do) well she finally went off on me saying i never wanted to do things w her family and if i didnt want to be apart of her fam i can just leave... all cuz i didnt wanna go to church on my one day off.

so they know ive struggled with depression and major anxiety the last few years and she is yelling and talking down to me worse than i have ever been talked to saying "YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE, UR NOT CAPABLE OF IT, IF U DO IT WILL ONLY BE FOR A SHORT WHILE (SHE RAISED HER sister who is a junkie and stole 50 grand from her, stole from everyone, caused alot of pain to her and she punishes me for what her sister did and i was completely sober, she just made her mind up i was up to something.

so i left and called my dad and said i dont want to be there with her, i cant believe she spoke to me like that but dad was like no come home and talk to her so i did. mind u i to this day have never raised my voice or talked back to her. so i walked in and she is just yelling and yelling and i said look, i am more than willing to hear u and understand why u feel the way u do but i expect the same of u and we can reach a happy medium, but im not hearing anything ur saying when ur yelling at me like that, so she looked at my dad and he says "well u are yelling" so she slammed her plate in the sink, dad picks up the plate and smashes it on the ground, peices fly everywhere and she freakin lost it.

so then she throws the michael kors bracelet i got her for mothers day at me and says, WELL IF UR NOT LEAVING I GUESS ME AND MY SON WILL JUST LEAVE, I WILL ALWAYS RESENT U FOR THIS... she means my dad takin my side.. well she was talking to my bm who has always struggled with depression and anxiety and my mom is trying to explain to her that she doesnt understand what its like to live with and my mom is over weight and she says to mom 'WELL WE WORK OUT FOR THAT IN MY FAMILY' intentionally being rude, she has also done shady things like me her and dad would be in a group text talking out the drama and she will go outside the chat and sent me rude messages so dad cant see.

she will says things to intentionally make me hurt or feel bad, bad intentions and extremely insecure. so she convinced my dad and mom i was doing drugs so they took me to a rehab and i passed a drug screen and they would not take me cuz i was sober well she didnt care she just wanted to believe i was so she could cut me out of her life right, but she called her junkie sister in front of my mom asking her where they should take me and asking her for advice about me... her sister is so sick in her addiction she has not seen her kids in yrs, was ass raped by some guy she was doin drugs with and had to have surgery, snuck out of rehab after the whole fam paid for it, stole so much from them all, and she has the nerve to talk to her all the time but hate me... i forgave her the first and second time she disrespected me like that but now im done, dad knows i will never even speak to her again.

i dont think she is a good person. but what really hurt me was that when i was struggling emotionally after getting sober she kicked me when i was down and made sure that i knew i would never amount to anything and couldnt do better. that is not how u help someone, i was working 60 hours a week and had turned my life around and she said all this cuz i would spend my free time alone in my room instead of hanging with them (being depressed and antisocial i guess). what do yall think about this...


Last edited by EleGirl; 10-11-2016 at 02:30 PM. Reason: added paragraphs
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 01:58 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

Paragraphs, please.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:02 PM
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Re: im 27- step moms behavior

Wow. I stopped reading halfway in because it is all one paragraph. Couldn't find anything related to marriage really. Clearly there is a lot going on here, but please don't ask me what!
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

before they got married she packed up every b day card ive ever given dad, all the lil things i made him in grade school and all the pics he had of me and gave them back to me. i put them back in dads room cuz i wanted him to keep them so she put them back in my room, i put back in dads room and she did it again!
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

grammar natzi. i aint typing all correct and stuff.... as long as u can read it im satisfied
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:12 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

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Originally Posted by audreyep89 View Post
grammar natzi. i aint typing all correct and stuff.... as long as u can read it im satisfied
<Shrug> There is an edit button. But whatever. Generally people who are looking for help make it easy on the people they are asking. I can't read it. So I will pass on helping. Cheers.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:15 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

Let me see if I can boil this down to the short version of the story.

You are 27. Two years ago you were addicted to some drug. You father moved you to Alabama to live with him and your step mother. He did this against the wishes of your step mother #2 (SM2), who is now married to and lives with.

So SM2 said that you are a big girl and should be able to take care of yourself. You say that she has said mean things to you sometimes. She’s also upset because when you are at home (in her house), you will not come out of your room to hang with your father and her. She wants you to do things with her and her family, and you refuse to.

What is the drug that you were addicted to?

If you are working 60 hours a week, why don't you have your own place? That's the solution to all of this.

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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:21 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

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Originally Posted by audreyep89 View Post
grammar natzi. i aint typing all correct and stuff.... as long as u can read it im satisfied
This is not a grammar Nazi issue. It’s almost impossible to read a wall of text. There is a reason for paragraphs… to give the human eye something to focus on.

I edited your post to add paragraphs. Sentences and some real punctuation would help a lot. Some people are not going to want to read your run on non-sentences. Some, like me, might suffer through it.

Here on TAM, angry attacks and name calling are not allowed. If you want to post here, you need to be polite to people.

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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:30 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
Let me see if I can boil this down to the short version of the story.

You are 27. Two years ago you were addicted to some drug. You father moved you to Alabama to live with him and your step mother. He did this against the wishes of your step mother #2 (SM2), who is now married to and lives with.

So SM2 said that you are a big girl and should be able to take care of yourself. You say that she has said mean things to you sometimes. She’s also upset because when you are at home (in her house), you will not come out of your room to hang with your father and her. She wants you to do things with her and her family, and you refuse to.
I think SM#1 (wife #2) said she was a big girl and SM#2 (wife #3 and current wife) is upset that she is there at all. It is unclear though.

Quote:
What is the drug that you were addicted to?

If you are working 60 hours a week, why don't you have your own place? That's the solution to all of this.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:33 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

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I think SM#1 (wife #2) said she was a big girl and SM#2 (wife #3 and current wife) is upset that she is there at all. It is unclear though.
At 25-27 she is a big girl. She can solve all of this by getting her own place.


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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:35 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

audreyep89,

I merged your two threads. Only one thread on a topic.

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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:37 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

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Originally Posted by audreyep89 View Post
before they got married she packed up every b day card ive ever given dad, all the lil things i made him in grade school and all the pics he had of me and gave them back to me. i put them back in dads room cuz i wanted him to keep them so she put them back in my room, i put back in dads room and she did it again!
What did your father say about her doing this?

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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:39 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

I got a bit of a headache trying to parse all this information.

From my understanding, your step mom has an issue with you being around and instead of resolving those conflicting wants, she directs her anger and resentment onto you. She also has transferred her anger and resentment that she had towards her drug addict sister towards you. She can be stable at times, but places herself in the superior position and the example would be how close her family is, what she does for people.

First of all, are you in therapy? Seek professional support first.

Second, is it possible for you to find a place of your own?

So what I can infer from your situation is that you are her emotional punching bag and she also probably feels like you are a disruption in her life. Some of what she experienced with her sister, she projects onto you. In her mind, you are a thief, you are still a junkie. Notice how she treats you, which I think she wants to enact onto her sister. There is probably more, such as your father wants to help and support you which she is adamantly against. If she is trying to remove objects that represents your relationship to your father, she wants him to keep you at a distance. Sounds controlling which I would bet she is. She also is emotionally abusive. Her throwing the bracelet is meant to hurt and punish you.

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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:41 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

Well it certainly sounds like a dramatic mess. I would not want to be part of it either. If you are clean, why, at your age, does anyone need to "take" you? I don't see where Ele sees you work 60 hours a week. But if that is the case, get your own place, as she advises. Then when the ... stuff hits the fan, you can just leave. If you don't have a job, that is step 1.

Good luck.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 10-11-2016, 02:44 PM
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Re: im 27 and step moms behavior is out of line

As EleGirl said, you need to get your own place. You're not a child anymore. You should be thankful that they gave you a place to live. While your stepmother may be projecting some of her anger that she has towards her sister onto you, you need to take control of this situation and move out. You & your stepmother are not buddies.
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