General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Re: have you ever cheated on your husband or wife?
Male, 40 Married 3 years together for 12. I have never cheated on her physically with someone else, however, A couple of years ago I was talking with an old female friend on the net inappropriately and I considered it an affair of the heart. I feel I need to count that due to my faith and be accountable. There was trouble with communication in our marriage at the time and she was a friend from the past and we were both venting about problems in our relationships. HOWEVER there is never a reason to cheat in my opinion and that is why I feel I have to be accountable for this.
Re: have you ever cheated on your husband or wife?
Female, 39. Married 15 years, together 23. Never cheated or even considered it. As a side note he did last summer. The damage can never be completely undone. Reason...who knows probably midlife crisis. He changed for awhile, maybe stress, and definately lack of communication. Reconciling now.
Re: have you ever cheated on your husband or wife?
Female married 20+ years been together a long time...
He cheated 1 time that know about, still to this day I feel in my gut thier was more.
The one I know about was a killer, I found out from a Doctors visit while I was with our 3 child...I think you know where I'm going with this...
At the same time, someone from his work was calling me to let me know what a great guy I had...humm is that girl 2 or girl 1? I will never really know.
I found on the computer that he had joined a Adult Friend Finder and wasemailing a few ladys of the night about meeting early in the morning..(the same time he would go to the gym) I thought please...what women is going to get up at 4am, put on makeup and get ready for sex. Any way I left it go to see where it was going...I started to guess his passoword and I did...I found the emails that he wrote to them, the photos he posted, both with our bikes, dog, and house, oh yes even a picture of his man parts...and the membership to the adult pages...That was charged to the card..I confronted him on the issue at hand...I walked outside and said "I'm done" He was what? Whats wrong? I told him and all he could say is OMG I was just playing on the internet, I never ment anyone, I swear....I feel he didn't met anyone, because they didn't respond back. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm MUCH better looking then any of the women he was talking to...they where heaver and looked much older then me...
He said that it was just fun and it didn;t mean anything, and had no idea why I was so upset...after all he didn't met any of them.
I told him again I was done, and in my heart I was. I asked what would you have done if that was me? He said "it's ok as long as you don't met them" Go figuire that would be his answer.
5 week later I found another email...he was telling her how f-ing hot she was and if she wanted to met...again no responce that I know about.
At this point of my marriage, I decided he could do what ever he wants, I just don't care...Well as that went on, we got along just fine. Of course we would, I never said a word about anything, just lived in my own world with my kids...I did make one big change:
I started to work out, care more about myself and get stronger as a women.
He didn't know what to think...except that wow My wife is HOT... and as men started to really pay attention to me, he decided I was the love of his life...now if you ask him, he would say thats not true..You have always been the love of my life...
Well last fall I ws playing a chat game (Yoville) Loved that game...it was so fun just waisting my time away...till one night, he was watching TV, feet up and no idea I was even in the room...You know we was getting along so good.. I ran across a guy, who was just in the same place (a beach setting) he asked where I was from? I told him...no harm...He was far away from me...He asked me to come back to his place...lol even in the computer world...any way I said to him "not even in the Virtural World" He was married and I told him so was I... He asked me to be his friend and I said ok..New to the game I didn't realize that he could see when I was online by this, but any way..that was it...until later.
I kept seeing him...one day I said hey are you following me...he said yes...I just lol and went on my way...
Well we started talking on line and found out that we like the same music, tv, and general things in life. His wife had been alot like my husband and we connected on that level of damn what the f....
It didn't take long before our conversation became something I was looking forward to everynight. I found myself smiling when I was talking to him...and one night he confessed the same to me...and with that being said, I guess our friendship becdame more. I felt so bad that confessed to my husband, something that I would not do again....
He was very understanding and very hurt that I would do something like this...Did I mention that we only talked on the computer....I had told my friend that I was going to tell my husband and that I wouldn't be back on the game. His response was good..." I understand and I will try to be a better husband to my wife, I haven't been the best for her. But I wont say goodbye, take care" Of course my husband wouldn't let me back on the computer for a spell, and he was very hurt, as he should have been. It was so wrong of me to do that, part of me felt, well hell as long as I don't met him, then it's ok...famous words right and it opened his eyes to how I felt all those times.
I didn't talk to MR. F for 6 weeks, then one day I went to my old account and he had left a few msg...1 made me cry, so I email back and started a new account just for his msg. Well this started a whole other chapter...except this time it was much worse and harder to get thru.
I wasn't trying to have my cake and eat it too...I just wasn't happy and need the friend I had found in him. We decided that we both wanted to stay in our marriage and wanted to still talk to each other. I think we just found something to keep our minds off of any sadness we had.
We secretly talked for a few months, then my hubby started to think I was on the computer to much and well he found out about my account... He asked me if I was tlaking to someone..I said yes...he said it's not Mr. F again is it...and I said yes...wow was I in trouble, he had never hit me or called e filthy names before that night. I deserved it, but not really...he had done 100 times worse and I was to just get over it...
He gave me 3 days to make up my mind on what I wanted...3 days? I askd...He said we've been married a long time, it shouldn't take more then 3 days...
To tell you the truth, I felt so bad...I didn't want to hurt him or Mrs F I just liked talking to Mr.F He filled the void I had and Idid the same for him..I was lonely and wanted the attention he gave me, he wanted someone to listen to his problems and just be their when he had a bad day...
I often thought if I was that understanding with my husband, how much better would my relationship be? But really folks, it wsn't that we had a bad relationship, it was just he had hurt me to mny times and I was stone cold to the tought of it happening again...PERIOD!
He put spy ware on my computer and will probley get upset that I'm on here spilling the beans so to say, But this putting it on paper helps me to cope with what I did...
He tells me that what I did was worse then anything he ever did because mine was a affair....I really don't see it as that...but he does. And to his defense, Mr. F and I did cross the line of friendship, buy confiding in each other about our relationships...I did tell him I loved him, and he told me the same...he also told me that we would met someday...so I guess thats the part that hurt my husband the most. We never ment in person, just on line. We did talk one time on the phone 10 min at the most...and decided that was a bad idea...neither one of us was willing to leave our marriage....and we both knew that and agreed that we just like having each other to talk to... right or wrong....
So I guess what I'm saying is My husband called it a full affair, but I don't...
Can I save my marriage? I don't know...He has been wonderful to me and has been the husband that every women would like to have, but why did it take Mr. F to make him this way, and has their been to much between us to get over it... If he treated me that way 8 years ago, we would have been one hell of a married couple...
I never wanted to hurt my dear husband, I just...well I'm still not sure...I only know that it's not in me to hurt him or my family...
I told my mom and my sister about the whole thing ( I had to he was going to, in fact he already called my sister)...thinking they would be upset with me...well to my suprise, they weren't..they were exactly the oppisite...They both told me to do what makes me happy....Can you believe that? My hubby couldn't... and neither could I....
Well I haven't talked to Mr. F since and I have took up some other hobbies online...no chat rooms and no games....
So tell me is this what you would call a affair, I guess it depends on the person reading this...
Hubby if you see this...I never ment to hurt you...
Re: have you ever cheated on your husband or wife?
Just A Wife:
I am not here to be judgemental. Because every person on this board is looking for answers and support. What I am doing is trying to make you understand something. In doing so, I am using your own words.
"It didn't take long before our conversation became something I was looking forward to everynight. I found myself smiling when I was talking to him...and one night he confessed the same to me...and with that being said, I guess our friendship becdame more"
That was the beginning of YOUR emotional affair. If you "looked forward to" etc. This was the beginning.
"I didn't talk to MR. F for 6 weeks, then one day I went to my old account and he had left a few msg...1 made me cry, so I email back and started a new account just for his msg. Well this started a whole other chapter...except this time it was much worse and harder to get thru."
Obviously you "felt" for Mr. F. - continuation of Emotional Affair, herafter, "EA"
"...I just wasn't happy and need the friend I had found in him."
Again continuation of EA.
"I just liked talking to Mr.F He filled the void I had and Idid the same for him..I was lonely and wanted the attention he gave me, he wanted someone to listen to his problems and just be their when he had a bad day..."
Again continuation of EA!
"I often thought if I was that understanding with my husband, how much better would my relationship be? But really folks, it wsn't that we had a bad relationship, it was just he had hurt me to mny times and I was stone cold to the tought of it happening again...PERIOD!"
Still continuing with EA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I really don't see it as that...but he does. And to his defense, Mr. F and I did cross the line of friendship, buy confiding in each other about our relationships...I did tell him I loved him, and he told me the same...he also told me that we would met someday...so I guess thats the part that hurt my husband the most. We never ment in person, just on line. We did talk one time on the phone 10 min at the most...and decided that was a bad idea...neither one of us was willing to leave our marriage....and we both knew that and agreed that we just like having each other to talk to... right or wrong....
I'M SORRY TELLING SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOU LOVE THEM IS NOT AN AFFAIR. WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING BECAUSE I WANT SOME OF THAT. It isn't that good ol' Jamaican is it? Just kidding about that.
So I guess what I'm saying is My husband called it a full affair, but I don't...
YES IT WAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OWN UP TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So tell me is this what you would call a affair, I guess it depends on the person reading this...
SEE ABOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"He tells me that what I did was worse then anything he ever did because mine was a affair...."
NOW I COME TO THE NONJUDGEMENTAL PART JUSTAWIFE. I don't know which was worse by either of you. I don't think it really matters. Although you say it was a "good relationship" yada, yada, yada. It obviously hasn't been for either of you. If it were, neither of you would have been doing what you were. And I'm not saying either of you is at fault. It takes TWO to tango --- both play a part. There is something that you are missing from him and something he is missing from you. I don't believe he was having an affair, BUT NEVER WOULD I DO THAT TO MY WIFE.
Now I've never cheated in my life even with girlfriends. (Side note: only consider someone a gf if I was dating them exclusively and she knew that -------- not talking about totally single and hook ups).
But there are issues here. Can the marriage be saved? That is really up to YOU and HIM. My suggestion is for the both of you to seek counseling seperately and together (in my opinion with preferably the same counselor).
That is my 2 cents. Don't try to justify ---- it is what it is.
"
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Kindness, Caring, Love and Understanding for Me, for Her and my son. Well not so much for Her anymore.
Re: have you ever cheated on your husband or wife?
Sorry to Justawife or anyone else looking at this post. I didn't ctch a HUGE TYPO. THE SECTION BELOW NEEDS TO BE CHANGED BY THE DELETION OF THE WORD """""""""""NOT"""""""""""""""""""
THIS WAS AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR.
I'M SORRY TELLING SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR HUSBAND THAT YOU LOVE THEM IS AN AFFAIR. WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING BECAUSE I WANT SOME OF THAT. It isn't that good ol' Jamaican is it? Just kidding about that.
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Kindness, Caring, Love and Understanding for Me, for Her and my son. Well not so much for Her anymore.
have you ever cheated on your husband or wife?
Re: have you ever cheated on your husband or wife?
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