I envy that he's been in past relationships before....
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Old 12-01-2011, 03:16 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Unhappy I envy that he's been in past relationships before....

Sometimes, I find that I get jealous that my husband has been in past relationships before. Before I met him, I've never been in a relationship, never been on a date, and never even kissed anyone. He's been my first and only everything, and sometimes, it makes me a bit sad knowing that I'm his 4th or 5th love, or when I stumble across pictures of him and his ex kissing and that say "I love you". I know that some people will probably say I shouldn't worry since he married me, and that he could be keeping those pictures for sentimental value and all, but I still can't help feeling the way I do about it all. I really wish that I could have been his first and only, too, or maybe have at least dated other people in high school or something. Every time I think about things like that though, it just makes me feel worse and like I'm being unreasonable for thinking like that. What would be some good ways for me to relax and handle this?
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Old 12-01-2011, 03:27 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I envy that he's been in past relationships before....

First of all, why does he keep pics of him kissing his ex around that say ILY?

Everyone has a past. You may wish you were his one and only and first at everything but you knew when you married him that you were not and you married him anyway. Accept it and move on.

If it bothers you that much, talk to him about it.
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Old 12-01-2011, 03:39 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I envy that he's been in past relationships before....

If your feelings of jealousy are so strong, you are going to need therapy to get over them. This is very unhealthy and you will start to resent him. As the poster stated above, everyone has a past. What's in the past stays in the past.

My husband and I both have been married once before. I have a child from my previous marriage and he does not. I was a little jealous in the beginning due to how beautiful his ex wife was, but I was over it really fast. I'm not bad looking myself, but I'm not as physically attractive as his first wife. His first wife wad very mean hearted and was verbally abusive to my husband. I was in a similar situation.

My husband does not look at porn or other women(at least when we are together). We are very much in love with each other and very affocinate to one another. My husband tells me he loves me at least once a day, usually more. We have a very good marriage and the last 12 years have been wonderful.

Being so insure will hurt your relationship, you must find a way to get past those negative feelings.
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Old 12-01-2011, 03:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I envy that he's been in past relationships before....

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Originally Posted by Jellybeans View Post
First of all, why does he keep pics of him kissing his ex around that say ILY?

Everyone has a past. You may wish you were his one and only and first at everything but you knew when you married him that you were not and you married him anyway. Accept it and move on.

If it bothers you that much, talk to him about it.

I don't know why, exactly, but I think it's maybe because she's been one of his better relationships. I definitely don't like it though, but at the same time, I don't know if it's right to tell him he should throw them out or anything like that.

And you're right, everyone does, and I knew about it, and I usually don't even think about it unless something in conversation comes up about his exes and he starts talking about them.
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Old 12-01-2011, 03:53 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I envy that he's been in past relationships before....

I would also point out, that how you feel is NOT fixed. You control how you feel about things. We do not have to be slaves to feelings. As is commonly stated, "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" You know that your husband has a past. Everyone has a past. The fact that he has one shouldn't be an issue for you. However, I am not certain why he would be keeping pictures of him kissing an ex., at least where they would be viewable and cause you concerns. Seem a bit off to me...
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Old 12-01-2011, 04:07 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I envy that he's been in past relationships before....

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I would also point out, that how you feel is NOT fixed. You control how you feel about things. We do not have to be slaves to feelings. As is commonly stated, "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional" You know that your husband has a past. Everyone has a past. The fact that he has one shouldn't be an issue for you. However, I am not certain why he would be keeping pictures of him kissing an ex., at least where they would be viewable and cause you concerns. Seem a bit off to me...
Well, I don't really suffer over it, and it's not like insane jealousy, it's just kind of makes me a bit sad when things come up like that, and it usually lasts for a few moments or so and then passes. He's honestly a really good husband, and has changed a lot for me and stopped cheating on me, but seeing those pictures did make me feel a bit insecure and worried. It made me wonder if he still thinks about her a lot and stuff like that.
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Old 12-01-2011, 04:13 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I envy that he's been in past relationships before....

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He's honestly a really good husband, and has changed a lot for me and stopped cheating on me, but seeing those pictures did make me feel a bit insecure and worried. It made me wonder if he still thinks about her a lot and stuff like that.
Hold the phone. Didn't you also say he still talks about his exes with you?

Quote:
I usually don't even think about it unless something in conversation comes up about his exes and he starts talking about them.
Yup, you did say that.

I have one word for this stuff. INAPPROPRIATE. He's got this stuff lying around and with his track record, it's no wonder you're insecure and jealous. It's like he's throwing it in your face. It's cruel really. He knows you don't have relationship experience. I think he's playing you for a fool and you're supposed to take it.
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Old 12-01-2011, 04:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I envy that he's been in past relationships before....

When did the cheating happen? Was it with the picture girl! How many people did he cheat on u ith?
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Old 12-01-2011, 04:31 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I envy that he's been in past relationships before....

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When did the cheating happen? Was it with the picture girl! How many people did he cheat on u ith?
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It was back when we were still dating, and no, it wasn't with her, but a bunch of other random girls. It wasn't physical, but I and quite a few other people I told about the incident believed it to be cheating. I actually have a thread about it on here explaining everything. You can read it if you'd like.

Messaging possible "porn stars"?
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