in responding, probably some demographics would be useful as well.
For me, 50 something. American, woman, black.....
I realise now that when my parents were introducing me to people my age, they were really trying to choose my friends. When I think back on it, my parents never had anything positive to say about friends I made that they did not know first. I think my parents liked the idea that they could keep tabs on me when I spent more time around people that they knew.
The last time that this happened was in my '40s. I noticed that my mother would know with great accuracy the times I had contact and through what means (e-mail, voicemail, actual call) that I had with this woman whose mother was a friend of my mother.
That was the last time.
As for trying to choose a marriage partner for me. My parents had never actually chose someone for me. They were very vocal about the guys I did date, preferring one over the other; trying to create doubt when I dated and married white guys.
My father is dead these days and there is not a lot that I talk about with mother..
As my Dad has had too many wives during his 60+ years....i would say his picker is totally broken.
IME, parents-myself included- operate under the assumption that we know our children so very well that we can ensure there success and happiness if they would only listen to us. Problem is though, we don't. Posted via Mobile Device
IME, parents-myself included- operate under the assumption that we know our children so very well that we can ensure there success and happiness if they would only listen to us. Problem is though, we don't.
I would not allow my parents to choose a romantic, business, or any other sort of partner for me. Because of the above. I am 40 years old, and to this day, my mother thinks she knows me inside and out. Sadly, she's been wrong for as long as I can remember - at least back to childhood. She "knows" the me she thinks, wishes, hopes I am. The real me is someone different. Despite many, many, many conversations over the decades of my life, she still seems incapable of reconciling who she imagines me to be with who I actually am. Unable to even recognize that there might be a difference. And, to be honest, for the most part it doesn't really matter. But I certainly take advice on my personal life from her with a huge grain of salt.
As a theoretical question, would I allow parents to choose a partner? yes.
As a specific question related to me and my specific parents? No. They were unable to choose correctly for themselves, and my life objective, which they encouraged, was to exceed their level of success.
I wouldn't say no to a half hour discussion with my father about my relationship problems. Not saying I'd follow his advice. I often didn't. My Mother liked the one I married much more than the one before her.
I seem to be rather accomplished at picking out psychotics and rich-cheating skanks to be my brides, all on very own, thank you! Posted via Mobile Device
Depends upon the credentials of your parents and how you perceive them. If they have good judgement then no harm in seeking their input.
Personally, I don't see anything wrong with this tradition. It really works for some.
In my case, my mother liked a girl and took me on-board. I considered her judgement and spent 2 years evaluating this girl. Eventually, we engaged and are now happily married. So mine is part-arranged and part-love experience.
This is so funny. My mom wants to find a wife for me, since I've been single "long enough" for her taste. I played along with her for a little bit last week when she asked what I liked in a woman, then she proceeded to call me shallow. So the answer is nope, I don't think it would be a good idea. @manfromlamancha - #12 isn't controversial at all. I might have to add that to my list for the next time my mom pesters me.
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