Hello ive been married for almost a year and ever since im not happy with our relationship.
im a very romantic affectionate guy, i like to say i love to my wife everyday and like to feel important but it seems im always last on her list.
it seems my wife is not interested or doesn't care about me, i went away on some business course abroad and i try to phone her everyday but when im talking to her its like shes always silent, i have to do all the talking, she sounds depressed and when she talks theres no energy or interest.
when im with her on some days i ask her lets go to some nice place we haven't seen before just the 2 of us, she says NO! unless other people go as a group then it will be fun, and shell go, but she doesnt like the idea of us as a couple thing its always someone has to be with us, i never get her alone.
when she talks to me its like you would talk to a friend type of thing, but when she speaks to other people mostly men its like shes flirting or the other guy is the husband and not me. she never jokes or talks with that much energy with me but only with other people.
when it comes to sex its like i have to beg her and i always have to make the move 1st, i have never had her start sex before and she shows very little interest in sex too, she doesnt want to try new things in sex it always has to be 1 position all the time.
its like she doesnt care about my feelings and she never goes out her way to impress me or make me feel special, nothing ever comes from her like lets go watch a movie, or lets have a romantic dinner in a restaurant.
its like she doesnt love me or care about me, i have addressed these issues to her and she said ive never heard so many complaints in my lifetime than i did since the marriage, she seems to think im picking on her rather than her not showing any effection etc.
today is my birthday and she forgot to say happy birthday to me, even though i reminded her a week ago, so forget birthday surprises or gifts. i feel im not important and theres no way to make her feel any different, her heart is so strong, she seems she cant bring her inner feelings out and show me, or she really doesnt love me? she shows no emotion ive never seen her sad/happpy with me she only shows emotion to her friends or other people but not me, why is she behaving different with me only?
please advice what to do cause im fed up, i dont want to break our marrage because i love her so much, but i wish she behaved how she does with other people i feel jealous of those people.
It appears she is not connected to you romantically? Maybe she has some doubts about the marriage and is disconnecting, as she doesn't want to be alone with you.
All you can do at this stage is sit down and try to talk to her properly - she might not want to say anything but she can give you the respect of listening. Ask her why she is so distant. What's going on in her mind. Don't accuse her of anything, just come from the viewpoint of how her behaviour is making you feel.
If she closes up and refuses to acknowlege or talk, counselling would be a good option.
If you just can't get through, you need to decide if this is how you want to live.
It's hard feeling lonely in a marriage. Some partners seem to check out mentally and emotionally without telling their other half. It's confusing. I hope you can find some solution - don't let it go on like this. Take some action so you at least know what you're faced with.
when she talks to me its like you would talk to a friend type of thing, but when she speaks to other people mostly men its like shes flirting or the other guy is the husband and not me. she never jokes or talks with that much energy with me but only with other people
she shows no emotion ive never seen her sad/happpy with me she only shows emotion to her friends or other people but not me, why is she behaving different with me only?
Besides the other posters questions - My question is -- Are you financially well off ?? It almost sounds like a woman who married NOT for love, but what else....money, security, pampering . But of coarse this is just a hunch. You did mention going on a Business Course abroad.
Her heart is elsewhere. And she is not depressed either, not with her perkiness & sudden energy with friends and flirtiness around other men.
Have you done anything to cause her resentment -to bring about this coldness & emotionless ness ?
thanks for the reply s yes financially im a bit down now and im looking to improve, the marriage was arranged because im from an asian background but i have sated her 2 months before the marriage just to make sure she is the right person and she seemed like that.
shes from a rich background she has plenty of money and her family, maybe she wanted me to be like her rich, but for me money is not important if you dont have love!!!
she apologized to me today saying shes sorry and please dont mind and forgive me etc, but i told her i forgive you but it still hurts and this is nothing new, im always last on your mind for any occasions and i dont know why, tell me why you traet me like this? she says she doesnt know because she feels she loves me but im taking this issue too seriously and i should let go?
shes only seems happy if i let it go and not bother her with all the do you love me questions, but its so hard to ignore this when all the signs i get from her is opposite of love.
No offense, but the whole "begging her for sex" and "do you love me questions" sound awfully beta, needy, and insecure. Sounds like a classic way to turn a woman off, and she likely won't know why herself.
Read up in the Men's Forum about manning up, and find Altholk's "Married Man's Sex Guide".
So you are in arranged marriage and did not have much courting time. I am sorry to say you are last in her mind because she doesn't love you. I am told that often in arranged marriages love is develop over time or the partners learn to live together without intimacy.
You must decide if you can just share a space with this women who may never love you.
How long has this been going on? Why haven't we addressed this as a society? Just how many wives fall out of love with their husbands after a few years of marriage? Is it something relatively new? Is there any way we address this and save the institution of marriage? Do any wives NOT fall out of love with their husbands? How is it that nobody warns us it is PROBABLY going to happen after a few years? It's an unspoken epidemic. How do we fix this?
Not all wives fall out of love with their husbands , I am in as much , if not more so love now in mid life than I was when we married. But we dated for 8 long years before we married. We KNEW each other inside & out & still craved each others time & affections.
This was an arranged marraige. Only 2 months of getting to know someone, oh my....this is near nothing... very very very very few people will even BE their REAL selves even 6 months into a relationship with ongoing contact, sometimes that even takes years! At just 2 months, you are only scratching a surface. People are still trying to look and act their best, all nervous, we want to impress. You just can't see for the long haul, no way. It would almost be the same as never meeting her.
Was there at least a Physical attraction there ..her towards you? At least some obvious signs that she was into you, found you handsome, attractive, she wanted you -before you married ?