timefuse

My wife and I are seperated. She had drug problems in the past and after they became an issue n our marriage I seperated from her. during that time I saw AW. We tried to reconcile a 18 months ago. Now she tells me a month ago that she doesn't think it is working and is tired of trying. I spent a month feeling sorry for myself and arguing with her. Two weeks ago I realized that if i want to save my marriage I have to try a different approach. I have been very happy and suppotive of her and also have been spending time on bettering myself. We have gotten along better in the last two weeks than we have in a long time. We actually spent a few mights together just cuddling on the couch and enjoying being with each other. Do i need to just stay the course and see what happens. The problem is I just don't know if us getting along better is just because we are becoming better friends or if she does still love me, and just need to stay patient and give it time to grow. Divorce has not even come up in conversation. She has told me in the past two weeks that she is nervous because things are going so well and she is not ready to take another step toward being back together yet.

accept

You dont say how long you were together before you split up or if you have kids. I dont think you have an alternative. If your wife is not yet ready for you if you want her you will have to wait. But give her some time line and keep to it!

timefuse

We have been together for 8 years and have a 6 year old dughter. My friends mother, who is like a mother to my wife and I, Have been giving me advice and also talked to my wife. She told me she does not think it is over and I just need to be patient and continue with what I have been doing for the last two weeks. I trust her, but dealing with the thoughts of what could happen has been a overwhelming.

accept

Thanks. I agree it is far from over. Youre lucky youve got someone to speak to. You dont mention what 'could happen' which I take to mean divorce. But dont be patient for too long and ask for a time line and insist on getting it. That will spur her on. Everyone here seems to be on some sort of drug or anti depressants. If problems get solved quick enough they shouldnt be needed.

timefuse

I actually got myself put on an anti anxiety drug when the seperation first started. That first month it did not go well and I did nothing to try to work on any of the issues. I jused used the meds to get through the day. I realized after a very bad conversation with her that I needed to get off the meds and get to work. I flushed them down the toilet and have not taken one in two weeks.