Could you please check your threads and see if the posts that you say are missing are back?
The admins say that they fixed it. I'm not sure.
The thread is back!! Wow. It's actually interesting reading it back now. And sad.
I'm currently working on my exit plan. Things are taking a while, we have a complex scenario with the business and our properties and things. Plus it's busy season at work, it is tough to fill my position and train someone right now. It may be fall before things are completely hashed out and I can move.
At this point I have no idea where his head is at. I've struggled for so long with not being valued by him, I've nearly completely stopped communicating with him at all. Every single sentence and word I say is misconstrued and it's so exhausting having to re hash and defend my every word for hours after I say it. So I try to say nothing.
I have not told H I am leaving for sure. We had that discussion 6 months ago requiring IC and MC. Neither happened. I tried to work through MB with him. I did MB as well as I could alone. He said "if I have to read a bunch of psychology-babble to be with you, then too bad". I guess I'm just not worth it. So. It's June and I called my lawyer. He didn't do what I needed.
When originally trying MB in march I was asking him what he needs to be happy. He said "I just want to be loved and happy". "Right, but how can I make that happen on my end - what can I do?" "Just stop being so miserable". So I tried to explain I'm feeling negatively because of our relationships "status" and I need that to be addressed in order for my feelings to improve. He says "well I can't be responsible for your happiness". Ok. So I have to be responsible for BOTH of our happiness alone.
It's just constant talking in circles. Adamant refusal that any thing he has ever done has impacted how we got here. Plain ambivalence when asked to alter certain behaviours that hurt me. Consistent insistence that he's a fabulous husband and I should be happy for what I have.
the last few times we sat down to try MB work we discussed items at hand and things would come up that I had worked on in IC. If I even mentioned that "in therapy I learned (xyz) about myself" in relation to that thing, he'd lose it. He'd say "I'm so sick of hearing about your "therapy". It's an intentional jab to punish me for not going to IC". No. it was actually me trying to say "this is what I've learned about myself, and I'm giving that info to you too, as my spouse".
In IC I learned that I really desire to be in a relationship with a partner who needs and wants me. Not someone who just keeps me around for convenience. I desperately loved and needed him. He didn't feel the same way. It felt so unequal and took a toll on my self confidence - my own husband doesn't want or need me. When I say "what are your feelings of we separate?" He says "well our business is down the toilet. And I feel bad for the kids". And for me it's "my heart feels ripped to shreds because I so deeply and fully loved you. I don't know how to BE in the world without you. I don't know who I am without you." I discovered in IC that I loved and needed my husband and he could take or leave me. I Am a convenience for him, I am just there or not there. No feelings. No wanting. No powerful sadness that I'm gone.
Last night while I was racing around the house getting chores down after I got home from kids activities at 9:30 pm, he said "I'm going for a plate of wings". I said "ok have fun". He goes every week. I always say that. He said "ok well I guess not then". I was confused. "Why?" I said. "Well you're obviously mad about it". "Um, no, I don't care if you go or don't". "Well you're folding the laundry all fast like you're mad"......omg. I said "no. I'm folding the laundry all fast so I can get all my chores done before I get to finally collapse into bed. Has nothing to do with you". So he stormed out. Then, 45 mins later my daughter was out of bed saying she couldn't find her iPod earlier and could I do a find iPhone. So I pulled up my find my iPhone app, and his iTunes account was logged in - he had used my phone a few days earlier to locate his (as usual) lost phone. So when I opened the app it showed him at a house several blocks from ours. Not at his usual pub where he goes for wings. I immediately felt guilty I had unintentionally spied on him. But I couldn't shake feeling so awful. Where was he; what was he up to, etc. I couldn't sleep. He got home at 3 am and I didn't want to say anything and cause a fight. This morning I asked him where he went for wings. He said the pub. so I told him what happened and he flew off the handle that I don't trust him and he was at the pub all night, blah blah blah. I tried to say "if the roles were reversed you wouldn't feel even a twinge of what I'm feeling?" He says "no absolutely not. I'd never spy on you and I trust you." Since then, all day today he's treated me terribly. He called me out in front of a bunch of our staff and shot down a decision I had made last week. He made me look like an idiot. I pulled him aside and told him how he made me feel and he said I'm just fabricating these things to justify my bad behaviour. It's just so dysfunctional. I can't handle it any more.
I'm trapped in the house till fall for sure. It's torture. And I'm still so sad for my kids. I hope we can be the best possible for them. I doubt my h will be capable of this.