Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?
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Old 01-09-2009, 04:16 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

My wife goes through phases like this.

Basically, she can spend all night on facebook, and/or texting her friend on her mobile phone (like constantly).

As a fella, I dont understand it. I text my mates about once a week if that !!!! And I hate facebook!

It bugs me that I dont know what shes doing, and it annoys me I dont know who shes texting. Is that weird? It really stresses me out.

To be fair to her, shes normally got the laptop in the living room on the settee, so its not as if I dont see her or shes hiding away. And she does talke to me as well.

Also, if we go out, she does avoid texting, so its not like all the time only when we're hoping doing nothing.
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Old 01-09-2009, 04:27 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

I also wish id never come across the facebook site !! its very addictive!
I dont have a account now but i guess you hate it so much because it takes your wife away from you .
It is a girly thing to want to chat more to friends lol !! Does she know how much you dislike her using the site ?
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Old 01-09-2009, 04:47 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

Yeh. I suppose she does know I hate it, but thinks I'm being silly.

I suppose she has compromised and does sit near me when shes on it. She so used to me being a bit controlling so I try not to get too funny about it because at the end of the day, its up to her, isnt it?
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Old 01-09-2009, 05:01 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

Its not about being controlling , its about finding a way where you are both happy, Its a trust issue to , do you trust her ? has she given you any reason not to trust her?
And lets just suppose she does'nt know how much you hate it!! try telling her ..I never knew how much my husband hated it until he told me !
shes intitled to speak to her friends ( we all need some outlet) but your marriage is also important have facebook free nights turn the phones off, and talk and be together
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Old 01-09-2009, 08:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

I am on facebook as well, I ahve come across alot of old friends from elemantry school and High school, people I ahve not seen in 20 some odd years. So it is nice to catch up with and joke around.

Plus you can do all kinds of little things.

I would imagine it is Hard for anyone to "hook up" on there since when you post on someones wall Everyone of their friends can see what was posted, so all 100 of my firends see what Brandi has sent me....So it's usually goofy stuff, nothing like, "oh you are so hot!" unless it's to my wife on there. LOL

I would not be worried, she is connecting to old friends.
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Old 01-09-2009, 02:32 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

apparently I married the woman that is always on the PC as well....Funny how that all works out.
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Old 01-09-2009, 03:28 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

I just recently got on Facebook myself, and the most fascinating people are those from the ancient past. Curious what they are doing, where they are now. I guess that is a natural curiousity or why would people attend reunions? My husband is not on FB but I am. Course he annoys me with his constant checking of email and the internet on his iphone, I used to wonder who he was talking to (another issue as I have reason not to trust) but now he shows me, its just craigs list and ebay. The only time that annoys me is if I am talking to him or we go somewhere. I expect that he put the iphone away. If not I think its disrespectful so I don't do that to him with FB and your wife shouldn't either (though it sounds like from your post that is not the case). Hey you might create your own account, if you are one of her friends you can see her entire profile and her all and you will know exactly what is going on. Maybe take the unknown out and it won't bother you so much. Its not just a girlie thing, about 1/3 of my friends are guys. One of them just did a really cool thing, he edited a video with wedding photos and some live action to music and posted it. What a cool tribute to his wife. Anyway if it makes her happy then don't try to take it away but if it takes time away from the two of you then you need to have a discussion. Uninterrupted time together is the most important thing a couple can do.
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Old 01-09-2009, 03:58 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

OK... Intervention time!!!!


Psychocandy, this is at least the 3rd thread you started dealing with your wife doing something that is making you nervous, uneasy, jealous, or worried.

First it was going out with her girlfriends...

Then to the other couples house...

Now facebook and texting...


They are all the same answers. Unless there is a reason for you to not trust her, you shouldn't worry about it. My wife LIVES on facebook and myspace. I don't have an account, don't really care to. If I asked her, she would let me go through it, but I don't. My wife also likes to go out with her friends. I will get some of those "worried" moments when they are out, but it's really not a big deal, and I know that they really have no real basis, so you have to get over it.

SO! The question is, what has your wife done that you are getting so worried about her?????
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Old 01-09-2009, 05:05 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

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Originally Posted by GPR View Post
OK... Intervention time!!!!


Psychocandy, this is at least the 3rd thread you started dealing with your wife doing something that is making you nervous, uneasy, jealous, or worried.

First it was going out with her girlfriends...

Then to the other couples house...

Now facebook and texting...


They are all the same answers. Unless there is a reason for you to not trust her, you shouldn't worry about it. My wife LIVES on facebook and myspace. I don't have an account, don't really care to. If I asked her, she would let me go through it, but I don't. My wife also likes to go out with her friends. I will get some of those "worried" moments when they are out, but it's really not a big deal, and I know that they really have no real basis, so you have to get over it.

SO! The question is, what has your wife done that you are getting so worried about her?????
Maybe the better question is what has he done that is making him second guess his wife......guilt is a weird thing.

Not accusing you of anything but my husband was acting out because of his guilt of an affair so that is what I am comparing it to.
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Old 01-09-2009, 08:10 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

I am not sure I agree with the above posts.....My wife started pulling away and used My Space as a way to connect with other people since we weren't connecting (I was way too into work). These sites allow a fantasy aspect – no life getting in the way, a little anonymous through the internet, etc. This actually left the ground work for my wife to have an affair (we have recovered – moved on and are very happy).
I have learned to believe what I feel. I call it – I know what I know. This isn’t projecting guilt or anything else. If she is spending time on other things, acting in ways that are unusual for her, there is something amiss.
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Old 01-10-2009, 03:38 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

How about asking her to limit her talking on facebooks or texting on the phone to certain times and by that opening up times for you 2 to spend quality time together.

My hubby and I had the same problems, I was the one spending too much time on the computer not realizing how much it hurt him and made him think there was something more going on than there were...

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Old 01-10-2009, 08:55 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

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Originally Posted by TGolbus View Post
I am not sure I agree with the above posts.....My wife started pulling away and used My Space as a way to connect with other people since we weren't connecting (I was way too into work). These sites allow a fantasy aspect – no life getting in the way, a little anonymous through the internet, etc. This actually left the ground work for my wife to have an affair (we have recovered – moved on and are very happy).
I have learned to believe what I feel. I call it – I know what I know. This isn’t projecting guilt or anything else. If she is spending time on other things, acting in ways that are unusual for her, there is something amiss.
I agree that MySpace can be a venue for that kind of a thing.

But MySpace and hanging Friends alone do not make a cheater. That's why I'm asking what else is going on... I would be willing to bet that it wasn't just MySpace that you worried about, it was MySpace + ___________ + ___________ + __________ that started to get you worried. I'm asking what the other blanks are with her? Is she spending less time with you? Changes in her attitudes, Changes in the Intamacy? Etc. etc. etc.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's obvious he's worried, but I think there is more to it than just this.
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Old 01-10-2009, 11:16 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

GPR you are right on. As long as she is not just ignoring her husband and doing this instead of spending time with him there is more to this. A trust issue. A jealousy issue. Something. I wear myself out trying to keep up with my husband's Facebook, cell phone, e-mails. WHY? Because he has lied to me, betrayed me, hidden things from me and threatens to leave me. She is not hiding this from her husband so why does it bother him?
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Old 01-10-2009, 01:45 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

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RIght there with ya Psychocandy. I hate facebook too! But I guess if your wife's not doing anything wrong then pick your battles. I have friends who are on facebook half the night. Their husbands give up and go to bed. My question: "When do you have sex?" Their answer: "Rarely". Maybe we need a new spot for marriages on the rocks because of facebook!
So looks like I'm no the only one then !!! LOL
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Old 01-10-2009, 02:08 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Why does it bug me so much about wife on facebook/texting friends all the time?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GPR View Post
OK... Intervention time!!!!


Psychocandy, this is at least the 3rd thread you started dealing with your wife doing something that is making you nervous, uneasy, jealous, or worried.

First it was going out with her girlfriends...

Then to the other couples house...

Now facebook and texting...


They are all the same answers. Unless there is a reason for you to not trust her, you shouldn't worry about it. My wife LIVES on facebook and myspace. I don't have an account, don't really care to. If I asked her, she would let me go through it, but I don't. My wife also likes to go out with her friends. I will get some of those "worried" moments when they are out, but it's really not a big deal, and I know that they really have no real basis, so you have to get over it.

SO! The question is, what has your wife done that you are getting so worried about her?????
GPR,

To be honest, my wifes done nothing.

As you have worked out I do have issues though! To be honest, I do suffer from depression/anxiety and this also makes me mega paranoid/insecure. Not nice.

I know it sounds like I moan about everything but I just post things here to see what others think. I cant really trust myself sometimes to make an unbiased judgement.

I'm all too aware of that which is why I ask for advice rather than go off on one and say/do something stupid with my wife...
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