12-06-2011, 09:45 PM
Join Date: Jul 2008
| | Re: Personal growth
Originally Posted by RDJ
I truly believe that life reflects back to us what our internal identity is. If we are having problems with some area of life it is because we have fears and insecurities in that area of our own identity. If we have problems with sex it is because we have insecurities about sex. Life does not create obstacles for us. We create fears and insecurities for ourselves and then life reflects them to us through external events.
In a nutshell, this philosophy is why i stayed in my marriage. Even though I hated my H and blamed him for everything, deep down I knew there must be a lot wrong with me to create such an environment.
But there is a fine line when one considers how to manage the dysfunction, even if it really is just a reflection of our inner state of being. Walking away isnt always the answer, but sometimes it is, particularly in abusive situations. Even if one walks away there still has to be change and personal accountability for the dysfunction. If you leave it doesnt have to mean you think your spouse is the problem; but maybe you cannot handle the problem while your spouse is there. Then again, there are some problems that can only be solved in the context of a relationship and walking away masks the problem. It's really difficult to draw that line. It's really a question of if that change can happen while you are with the person or if that change has to happen on your own. That is such a difficult question to answer. I found that deciding how to fix the problem to be the most difficult problem to conquer.
"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie