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The impossibility of this....

6K views 54 replies 25 participants last post by  Lostinthought61 
#1 ·
It's been a very long time since I posted. If you followed me at all, I was going through the worst time in my life, about 7 years of a troubled marriage, really abusive and neglectful behavior from my wife, and we were in marriage counseling without much progress.

So after all of that, and the MC saying I had tried so hard and made SO many changes to try and save the marriage, but still not seeing as much effort from wife, I came to the hard conclusion that my wife simply didnt love me anymore...not in the way that she used to or in the way that I need, anyways. Which is why I have pulling out my hair, wondering why no matter how hard I tried and everything I did, she simply wouldnt give anything back to me. No nurturing, care, affection, intimacy, love. Nothing.

After all that she brought up separation when I talked honestly in session about feeling neglected and unloved. Imagine my surprise, that after all her abuse and neglect, that SHE brought up separation. At first I said no its not an option I wont discuss it, but then I realized that I am doing what Ive always done with this relationship....chasing her. I decided to stop. And I told her and MC I'm done chasing someone who wants to flee...if thats what she wants, then so be it. I said if we separate its on my terms not hers...she wanted to continue to work on the marriage...I said no, if I'm gone then I'm done and moving on. We will coparent our girl. I can't be alone in an apartment, not seeing my girl as much, and waiting for wife to figure out her issues. I want and need love and affection and sex and wont wait.

A couple weeks later I was looking for apartments, a couple days away from signing the lease on one. It was the lowest point of my life. But I decided to try one more time to talk to her before I went through with it. We had the first open and honest discuss in maybe half a decade. She finally admitted to a lot of her abuse and hurt and neglect, and actually said sorry for things. She said that she wrongly assumed that if I asked for something or even had to discuss something difficult with her, like something she did that was hurtful or inconsiderate, etc, that she wrongly assumed it was an attack on her, that it meant I thought she was bad or inferior, etc. So I asked if she still wanted me to leave and she said she wanted to try. Wow, ok. I said lets exchange a very honest email, in writing, about our needs in this relationship so that there is no confusion. She agreed and we did.

So since then, I can see her trying to be kinder and affectionate in little bits. It's heartwarming to see anything at all. Its far from "perfect", but still, it's nice to see that she sort of cares. THIS BRINGS ME TO THE DILEMMA.

I dont want to look back if this doesnt work out, and live with regrets, knowing I could have done more to save this marriage. But this means giving myself COMPLETELY to this process, and her, and allowing myself to love her again, even "fall in love" again. What I mean is, that I cant bring myself to fight past the resentment, hurt, and pain, and do the type of things that make her love me, such as kissing her out of nowhere, being romantic, giving her compliments, without giving myself over to her and this process, if that makes sense.

HOWEVER, I cant bear to fall for her again and then be hurt again. I just cant. I have never felt lower in my life and had 7 rough years, and it took me the majority of this year to finally be able to protect myself a bit and step outside of my experience and put it all in perspective. If I "let her in" again, she could destroy me and I'm scared of that. So you see the catch 22? I could give my defenses up, protect myself, and not give her too much of me, but that may in turn result in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like, of course its going to end if I act closed off and dont give myself over to the process.

But I dont know....thoughts, I really need help on this....???
 
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#2 ·
Totally understandable. You don't trust her, don't trust the marriage. You also don't trust yourself.

I've been there. I went to marriage counseling without my ex because he said he didn't need counseling... Anyway, the counselor told me a few things that I really knew, but really needed to hear. She said, for me to trust myself. Make up my mind to accept this marriage how it is (was) or figure out my plan to leave. She suggested I give the marriage a mental time limit, not necessary to share that part with the ex, just a goal in my own mind. And to keep working on it, be committed to the success of the marriage.

What I heard, was work on it in spite of him, AND in spite of my fears/doubts/lack of trust....and KNOW that I would figure out a plan, and I would be alright either way. Ya know?

See..... you could set a time limit (mine was one year....we didn't make it six months and this was after 23 years) and do your best to meet her needs, while not giving up your own needs. TRY to make the marriage what you think it should be. Be your self.

Go into this with your eyes wide open. You KNOW it might not work out. It will still suck if it doesn't. It will still hurt. But it's doable. And it's a chance/risk you are voluntarily taking. Even if she is nice, and it is kind of working.... in six months you might just feel that this isn't really cutting it, just spinning wheels or worse. You CAN change your mind then. You can reassess and renegotiate in six months and see if you still want to stay committed.

Hope this makes sense....and hope it helps! Good luck!
 
#4 ·
Welcome back, Cinna.

Brother, that is never an easy decision.

She may do this long term. She may only do just enough to keep you from leaving. She may break your heart.

One thing I think you do need to clearly recognize is that when you finally put your foot down and said, "No more", she came around. She respects strength.

Do you have the ability to both let her in and be strong? It is not an easy balance, and it will require periods of selflessness in the face of potential resentment over her periodically neglecting you.

IMO, if you can't be both, you need to let her go.

If you can, you will likely be content, maybe even happy, but you will have to change to become that person.

Can you do so?
 
#5 ·
She "came around" when he reached out to her. She was not the one approaching him. If he had not said anything, they would probably be separated now. That was her plan, it seems. She was probably worn out, too.

She seems very sensitive, cinna. Or were you saying things to her that indeed seemed like personal attacks?
 
#7 ·
Hey cinna, the two of you went through mc and she never would try.

She wanted a separation so you could support her still but have you out of the way.

Now that you are moving on and she sees that it is happening she finally wants to work it out. This is only after you approach her about it. Time to move on. If she starts to pursue after the D then maybe, but I don't think she will.
 
#32 ·
Yeppir.

Cinnabomb and his FBFF went to the oval marriage race track. They were going to race their cars around and round. Who ever made the 50 lap-years first, would be the winner.

His FBFF had no gas in her race car. But she was willing to race. Cinnabomb hooked one end of the chain to her Heart and the other to his Resolve. He dragged her around and around. She followed dutifully, never putting on the brakes, never trying to pass him [she could not!]. She did not jump out of her car when he took the curves recklessly.

Looking in the mirror Cinna noticed that she was dozing off on occasion. She did not look left or right. She did not count the laps. She was along for the ride.

As long a Cinna dragged her she would follow. She did not want to be the one to cause the cars to crash or the race to stop.

She knows the spectators take this race seriously. If she was the one to crash the cars, if she was the one who had a tire blowout, she would be blamed by her family and friends in the stands.

She was willing to be dragged, to be taken for a ride, but she was not willing do drive, or to approach the curves without a guide.

A race driver can win a race if he carefully paces the car, avoids being too reckless. He must carefully manage his fuel consumption and not allow his placing/pacing with the leaders to be lost. He needs all the endurance he can muster.

Getting to the end and the winning flags, is having a plan.

If his plan is to drag another car with a dozing driver across the finish line, he will not endure.
 
#9 ·
So after seven years of treating you like crap, she has an 11th hour "come to jesus" moment and now that she finally is going to try.

She is playing you to get you to stay for her own selfish reasons. And will go right back to treating you like crap when you cave.

You finally found the courage to move out and move on, don't cave now.
 
#10 ·
Cinna... here's the thing. I'm going to guess that you hung around fighting for your marriage because part of you was afraid to take that big step out the door. I know I was. However, once you've stood at that precipice, you have a different outlook. Now, instead of being afraid you know that, if things don't work out in this reconciliation, you can take that step without fear.

Don't be afraid to take a chance at this reconciliation but there are two things to watch.

First, understand that you won't go from cautious to 100% in with one jump. Work on getting back to a place you can talk to her, allow her in and move at your own pace.

Second, right now is the only time you will have to discuss all issues. Whatever you've felt hurt the marriage/relationship should be discussed now. Spending habits, how she talks to you, lack of sex, her housekeeping habits, how she parks the car, etc.... Because down the road you don't want to hear "well, you never discussed that in the past" when it becomes an issue.

Also, be open to hearing issues she has with you. Don't be defensive. Listen with an open mind.
 
#13 ·
@Cinna you won't like my post but please respond to it so I know you've read it.

I did read your whole thread in the past. So I see the bigger picture. And I know very clearly what is going through your mind.

And I know SHE knows exactly how LITTLE to throw you in the way of scraps to keep you as her beta orbiter (I don't mean that to insult you - I believe that's what she actually wants to make her feel worthwhile).

I completely understand that you are torn.

In your situation - and yours alone since I've read your situation - I have very specific advice that you CAN succeed at.

First - I doubt you can be strong and lead and also open your heart at the same time. That's not you - you are a much gentler soul and would see the strength we speak of as negative and manipulative. But your W CLEARLY only responded to your certainty when you said "I'm done". So she needs this but you need her to accept and love you without having to be threatening all the time. I say threatening, because I believe that's how you would see what is needed.

Instead I see you being angry and resentful and passive aggressive if she snubs you - snubs you in an attempt to goad you into being tougher with her. So that's the bad dynamic I see being played out.

So..... here's what might work.

STAY where you are emotionally. Distant and strong. Those have to be your terms. Don't come toward her because she will back off and hurt you again.

Instead the rules HAVE to be this: SHE gives 100%. SHE comes forward with love and affection. SHE comes home and asks "how was your day?" And freaking listens to your answer. SHE nurtures YOU for the next 6 months.

If she can earn your trust, THEN you can give it to her.

Unfortunately, I don't think she can sustain this. If she can - BOOM you're there! Right? That's all you've wanted all along.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
#15 ·
So as the dominant in the relationship and as such, she gets to set all of the rules?

With what she's put your a$$ through, I think that I'd rather haul off and French kiss an Alaskan grizzly bear!
 
#14 ·
The one earning the trust is the dominant. It is the submissive who needs to feel safe. Think about that in terms of most female attraction . . .
 
#18 ·
@cinnabomb, just because she has had this sudden come to Jesus moment and says she wants to try, does not in any way mean that you HAVE TO. You have been through a lot of sh!t in the last few years because of her, and if you feel like you cannot do it any more, then you don't have to. I can guarantee you this... she is NOT going to change for longer than it takes for her to be convinced that you are back in and not going anywhere. She will be back to how she always has been (because that is who she IS) and you will have to start this whole process over again. My prediction is that this will occur in less than six months time.
 
#20 ·
@Cinna, just because she has had this sudden come to Jesus moment and says she wants to try, does not in any way mean that you HAVE TO. You have been through a lot of sh!t in the last few years because of her, and if you feel like you cannot do it any more, then you don't have to. I can guarantee you this... she is NOT going to change for longer than it takes for her to be convinced that you are back in and not going anywhere. She will be back to how she always has been (because that is who she IS) and you will have to start this whole process over again. My prediction is that this will occur in less than six months time.
I do not see any come to Jesus moment. He was the one who went to her, remember?

I do not see any great motivation on her part, nor any leadership. He is the one who is holding on.
 
#24 ·
I think this boils down to risk versus reward. Is the amount of risk you are willing to put up worth the reward you may receive in the end.

Let's say there is a 1 out of 5 chance that everything works out perfectly. Are you willing to have an 80% chance of your heart getting stomped on for a 20% chance at happiness? Also figure in the concept that there are plenty of other possibilities out there and maybe even a better one. Nobody knows the percentages better than you, and nobody can guess what the best possible outcome is better than you. So, sit down, analyze the possibilities.

For me, I was willing to give my marriage another try, but I was unwilling to deal with the possible roller coaster breakup. Since my faith in the marriage actually turning out positively was extremely low, I hit the road.
 
#26 ·
Jld, I have to say I'm with 3x on this. I think Cinna's wife, being the one to ask for another shot, needs to show she has skin in the game.

And Cinna, I think that what you need to do is pick a reasonable end-date. Say, no longer than 4-6 months from now, where if you aren't feeling this relationship is taking a positive turn in the way it should, you let her go and move on.

Having that end date and sticking to it means you will think twice bout getting too sucked in. Just because you're going to mindfully stay at 50K feet doesn't mean this can't succeed. It just means that you're going to treat yourself kinder this time around whilst trying.
 
#27 ·
Satay, if she had been the one who went to him to ask to work things out, I might agree. But she was not. He was the one who felt motivated to go to her and give this another shot, and she agreed.

Pretty passive on her part. And she seems to have been pretty passive since. I do not see things changing.

Folks, I am just trying to be realistic here. I do not think it is right to give him false hope. If this relationship has any hope of working, he is going to have to lead it.
 
#28 ·
I don't think there is much reason for her to stay in this relationship. I think she knows this on a visceral level, and that is why she is not motivated to do much to heal it.
 
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#29 ·
WHY should HE have to lead it?? HE isn't the one who ripped it apart in the first place! Please stop defending sh!tty women by insisting that its up to the MEN in the relationship to lead and fix it, when it was the WOMEN who destroyed it.
 
#31 ·
He does not have to do anything. He is free to divorce.

But if he wants to avoid that (and I think he does), the only way I see it happening is if he takes the leadership position.

It would be the same if the shoes were on different feet. She would need to do the same things I am telling him to do.

The person who cares more, and is capable of more, is going to end up the dominant in the relationship.
 
#34 · (Edited)
I felt I hadn't given you a fair and nonjudgemental assessment of your struggles so went back and read all threads you created in your time here.

Change is always perspective... those going through it, those impacted with those going through it, and those observing.

My observations from your writings are what they are... observations, but here they are.

When we give others too much power in our life to define our happiness, we give away the core. You have fought unsuccessfully to try to control those changes in a codependent way that has been detrimental to your own mental well-being, so much that you have given her the power to effect an ability to feel she can destroy you if you continue to be codependent.

If you allow this, you may be right... so the simple solution is to not allow it.

I probably triggered too much in my previous responses, I had a period in my life I too felt as you, with insecurities that filled the weak gaps I didn't have the right tools for, and like a smoker that quits and tells everyone else they need to stop doing those destructive things, it was unmindful and forceful... for that I apologize.

To steal a line from a puppet in a movie script... "Fear is the path to the dark side…fear leads to anger…anger leads to hate…hate leads to suffering".

This is so true... until you quell the fear you have in self, most everything else will tumble like another struck domino. However you can, you are going to have to remove this insecurity within you and the best way to do that is let go of the need to control your wife's behaviors.

She cannot destroy you without your permission...

A dilemma is a no-win scenario equally undesirable and there are wins in one of your choices, and a win in a choice makes it much easier... but it takes faith.

Faith in yourself, faith in your wife especially now that she is reaching out, faith in your daughter and the unconditional love she brings, and faith in the process, then let go.

Faith is hard, it's filled with blind trust... but you cannot go back so why not move forward, and forward looks like is entirely your call using each day as a new step, but please do it with respect, be careful how you define someone else's character any more than your own.

If you choose to read this, thank you.
 
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#36 ·
When I say, "earn her trust," I mean identify the ways she is insecure about you or the relationship, and prove to her she does not have to be.

For example, you said she felt attacked by you. Ask her to give examples. This will help you see how her mind works, and help you avoid doing those things in the future.

You still need to be honest with her. But you can learn to do it in a way that does not make her feel attacked, or otherwise threatened. You might try asking her what would be a "safe" way for you to do that.
 
#39 ·
If one is dealing with a somewhat reasonable person, this might work. If she is not, it won't. If she is someone who "feels attacked" and threatened at literally nothing, due to her own skewed perception and dysfunction, there is no way to work with her. I was in a relationship post-divorce with a man like this. I could breathe... and his feelings were hurt. Impossible to have a functional, healthy, respectful relationship with someone who is always crying/playing the wronged victim.
 
#37 ·
Taking a bullet for her means you are strong, not weak. Why ever would it make a man weak?

To me it is a sign of decency in a man.
 
#38 ·
cinna,
I understand your reluctance to putting in any more efforts into this relationship. I don't think anybody can tell you that you didn't try hard enough.

Why don't you switch gears and invest emotionally in your daughter. Put your efforts in the one place you know you will get rewarded for your efforts.

Also, I've found that being super dad is the ultimate chick-magnet. :grin2:
 
#40 ·
You're placing way to much of your happiness in this woman. She is NOT meeting your needs for intimacy. She "touches you a little" now. Are you getting passionate sex?
She made you some oatmeal for breakfast. Uh, that's nothing but the smallest effort possible to try to keep the status quo.

This woman makes loads of money and wants you for an emotional security blanket, nothing more. Like an old lady with a puppy.

What are you getting from this relationship? Write it down. I can write down what you are not getting.

Great sex
Affection in general
A wife who shows you without it being "work" that she loves you
A companion who looks forward to your arrival and can't wait to tell you about what's going on with their life.
A helpmate.

You have tried for years, even to the point of asking for outside help.

My advice: Stay around long enough to see how WILLINGLY she gives affection. If she LOOKS FORWARD TO SEEING YOU.
It's simple, if you can't honestly say that your wife looks forward to seeing you, talking to you, and WANTS to make love to you-------- Hit the road and find a person that does. Who'd be truly happy living with a person who doesn't have those qualities?
You CAN find a woman that wants you, wants to have sex with you, wants to make you happy. And even if that ends, too, wouldn't you want it again for a while at least? What you're getting now is not a wife, you're getting a person who is just trying for the sake of not losing you, not trying because they WANT to do these things that you desire/need. I'd consider letting her goand look for the person who WANTS to give you what you need/desire.

Lots of people say their wives or husbands cheated and turned into different people. They did. They stopped caring about their spouse, whereas before they led their entire life in a way that they showed they did care.
How is your wife? Is she showing you she cares about YOU, or is she showing you she cares about staying married?
 
#45 ·
You're placing way to much of your happiness in this woman. She is NOT meeting your needs for intimacy. She "touches you a little" now. Are you getting passionate sex?
She made you some oatmeal for breakfast. Uh, that's nothing but the smallest effort possible to try to keep the status quo.

This woman makes loads of money and wants you for an emotional security blanket, nothing more. Like an old lady with a puppy.
Molecules. He is satisfied with getting leftover molecules. Many people learn to deal with only getting leftover crumbs, but in this case it isn't even crumbs, it is only molecules.

I think for some reason, probably going back to Family Of Origin, cinnabomb doesn't know or believe what is normal and acceptable. These little molecules are enough to keep him hoping for more.

My advice is to approach this similarly to a reconciliation from infidelity which we see on this forum. The situation is pretty extreme, so I don't think it wise or healthy to give yourself 100% to your wife yet. Someone mentioned setting a secret deadline, and I agree. Maybe 6 months, maybe only 3 months. You need to see consistently better behavior from your wife for that time before you consider unguarding your heart. She will have little back slides here and there, but the overall trend needs to be clearly positive. You need to be able to have honest open communications with her during that time.

You aren't freezing her out during that time, you are consciously not falling for her again until she has proven she has made true lasting changes. Even if she does make the changes, things may be too far down the road to save the marriage.

I think you should seek some IC for yourself. You are accepting truly unacceptable behavior in the marriage. You are not getting your needs met in any way.

I recommend the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Glover and the book "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" by Smith.
 
#42 ·
Why can't you just move out, raise your daughter, and you and your wife continue therapy together. Each of you will learn to grow and fix yourself on your own, you'll both see you can survive on your own, which will allow you both to see that if you DO decide to get back together it will be because of desire, not need.

And I PROMISE YOU, if you cave and stay there, she will STOP WORKING ON ANYTHING. A month more, tops. She'll have won, you'll have proven your doormat status, and she will forget about you again.

You're making progress. Keep up that progress, in separate homes, so that she has a REASON to keep learning.

And in the meantime, read everything you can get your hands on about narcissism. I partnered with the spitting image of your wife and it is MADNESS. I finally had to quit because I was ending up crying and distraught nearly every single day. Logic simply doesn't work with them because they are ALL ABOUT their emotion of the day. This woman I partnered with would make the most ridiculous statements, all about how she wanted to FEEL about our work, nothing about how to make it happen. It got so bad that the people we were working with told me that if I left, they were leaving, too; they simply wouldn't work with the crazy. And they did.

Your wife is finally doing some real work. Don't stop that by caving now. You've come so far; tell her you're signing a six-month lease and the two of you can sit down at the end of the six months and see if things have improved enough for you and baby to move back home.
 
#43 ·
I think a lot of you are missing the point that he has very little leverage in this relationship.

She was ready to separate. He was the one who came to her basically asking to continue trying. If he had truly not wanted the relationship, he would not have come to her. He would have just moved on.

She accepted his efforts. But again, she was not the initiator.

That gal is going to be fine with him or without him. I think she is starting to get the self-confidence to realize that. Her willingness to separate, and her saying she may just not be "marriage material", seems to indicate that.

I think she is very generous to be making the efforts she is making. Probably trying for her daughter's sake.

She will get over the embarrassment of being divorced, if it comes to that.

I just see very few hurdles to her becoming comfortable with accepting the end of the relationship.
 
#44 · (Edited)
I feel as long as he has faith in himself and sets his boundaries clearly without waiver, a "Hail Mary" is an acceptable means to either place himself in a great position to be respected, or give the recognition that the game is over and nothing will change that while continuing the individual counseling to work on being as friendly as they can be for their daughter's sake.

Sometimes people are better friends apart than friends together... if they look to nothing else in this, they should see this in their daughter's eyes.
 
#48 ·
UPDATE - Being that its the holidays and we have family staying with us, its been pretty hectic, lot of distractions, etc. We havent been alone, just me and her, at all for a couple weeks, so it's hard to even get a sense of our dynamic. But I will say that I see her trying to do things differently, be more attentive, try to help out here and there. Still some frustrations of course, but some nice things as well that I dont want to take for granted. Whether they will be there after NY when everyone leaves, only time will tell.

Also, I have been trying to not suppress myself with sharing feelings, emotions, hurt, frustrations. I have brought up two things in the last 2 weeks that I felt hurt by. She still has an automatic trigger to defensiveness and its clear that she doesnt as easily try to understand a different perspective than her own, but both times she actually apologized for what she did/said without yelling or leaving, etc. Its progress. Shes trying.

The couple issues I wanted to ask you guys about are these:

1. If I dont bring up talking about us, about serious matters, she never will without MC. I am done with MC for now as I stated before, so it can be a little hard and frustrating to always have to be the "bad guy" bringing up things, such as "can we sit and talk a bit about this week, things that were good, bad, things we need to work on, etc?". It's not an easy conversation to have, even harder to bring up when you fear that she may be on edge, aggressive, defensive, whatever.

So far we only did it once but afterwards she said thanks for bringing it up because she knows its hard and its good that we talk more. I wish she would also make it a priority, not just watch tv every night as if everything is fine when it isnt. I hate always being the one who has to step up to the plate and lead us, and I get that as a man I need to lead often, but it would be nice to feel like she cares as much as I do and isnt just "going with the flow". Advice?

2. Sex. Still havent had it this year. In my written email to her I told her this is a big priority for me and that the lack of it makes me frustrated, resentful, unhappy. She said that until she feels "safe" etc she isnt comfortable with it. I put myself out there in a big way about a week ago and attempted to initiate once, first time in over 6 months, and she rejected me, but in fairness she was on her period and not feeling well (which I didnt know at the time). But she also didnt say anythign like "oh how about after my period" or "oh im sorry" or anything. It was sort of rejecting like always.

And after all the hurt it's really hard for me to even get to a point where I want to have sex with her. Really hard. It could be a month before I feel ready again. Deep down I believe that she will never be able to fulfill me sexually. She has never initiated in 10 years. She doesnt give oral. Even the sex itself isnt great. She wont take birth control so I have to use a condom. All things that make it less fulfilling for me. It sucks because I could potentially see other aspects of our marriage improving, but this one...I'm not sure, and it's a big one for me. I've been sexually frustrated for nearly a decade. It sucks to live like that. So the question is....can a marriage even work if the sex isnt there or isnt fulfilling, if other aspects are???
 
#49 ·
Sex. Still havent had it this year. In my written email to her I told her this is a big priority for me and that the lack of it makes me frustrated, resentful, unhappy. She said that until she feels "safe" etc she isnt comfortable with it. ... Deep down I believe that she will never be able to fulfill me sexually. She has never initiated in 10 years. She doesnt give oral. Even the sex itself isnt great. She wont take birth control so I have to use a condom. All things that make it less fulfilling for me. It sucks because I could potentially see other aspects of our marriage improving, but this one...I'm not sure, and it's a big one for me. I've been sexually frustrated for nearly a decade. It sucks to live like that. So the question is....can a marriage even work if the sex isnt there or isnt fulfilling, if other aspects are???
Sure, a marriage can be very fulfilling for a couple who have the same sex drive; namely, low or none. I actually know a couple like this. They've been married - and happily - for over 31 years. Neither of them were all that into sex when they dated, and it followed through to their marriage.

But you? Nope. You are selling yourself short, my friend. She won't initiate. Won't do oral. Sounds like obligatory vanilla sex to me. She doesn't initiate conversations about emotionally-laden issues either. Wow. Talk about detached. Your marriage reminds me of a guy dragging a dead whale across the beach.

I couldn't stay in a relationship like yours. Actually, I WAS in a marriage with similarities to yours. My husband NEVER brought up anything that bothered him. I got the silent treatment and that was it. There were some sexual issues, but for the most part he at least initiated and was a good sex partner.

However, SOMETHING is keeping you in this relationship. Frankly, I'm scratching my head over this one.
 
#52 ·
@Futs - Thanks! I certainly don't consider myself a writer of pithy sayings. But I think we can both agree that the OP'er is doing the dead-whale-drag when it comes to his marriage.
 
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