There is risk taking and there is risk taking. Using savings to get a graduate degree and pay living expenses, finishing debt free, sounds like a "safe" risk, right? I'm sure it never crossed her mind that he could spend all of his savings to get a graduate degree only to make 1/4 of his previous salary.
Yes we read the same thing. I guess we just interpreted it differently! ;-)
You could be right! Unfortunately, until we hear his side, we'd have no idea. She is so resentful of him, disappointed. Maybe he did pull a bait and switch. Most of what I read from her is a lot of blameshifting... But that's just what I see I suppose.
Well, now I'm curious as to where you see blame shifting. :smile2:
The way I read it, they met and fell in love. They married. She agreed to temporarily support the household with the help of his savings and some budgeting until he got his graduate degree and then things would return to status quo only with her H enjoying his dream job.
The reality ended up being that he makes 1/4 what he did before, now has no savings, and his drop in professional and social standing has made her level of attraction to him plummet.
Additionally, she'd like to become a mother, but doesn't feel safe to do so. As she is now paying 90% of their living expenses, if something happened during the pregnancy and/or delivery that rendered her unable to work or unable to work as much, they'd be in financial trouble with a brand new baby and all the related child rearing expenses. So, there's some resentment there.
Of course, she is also struggling with what she feels vs what the PC police and the feminist movement think she should feel.
Thing is, I really get it. I'm 41 and live in the midwest. My friends, family, and neighbors are a mix of blue and white collar and aged anywhere from 20 to 55. I have heard of few men who make significantly less than their wives and, believe me, they get grief for it. No one is overtly mean, but there is a lot of snark thinly disguised as good natured ribbing.
"Hey, you wanna go to the game? Better ask your wife's permission before we leave since we all know who wears the pants!" *group laughter*
"Wow, I love the car! You must be a good b!tch if she bought you that!"
"We were thinking of starting up the grill and thought we should ask the man of the house if it's ok first, so where's your wife?"
Also, it damn near becomes open season on the woman. Men assume she needs a "real man" and pursue her as if she were single. The gossip and thinly disguised snark are bad for the female half, too. When a woman around here is primary breadwinner, a lot of people think there is something wrong with her because she "failed" to find a "proper" man. Those who aren't busy wondering what's wrong with her are busy pitying her because she's stuck with a dud and must be too kind and nurturing to kick him out and find a "better" man.
God forbid they have kids. Then you hear things like "Well, what'd you expect? Of course the kid is messed up. Look at his parents and how he was raised. Poor kid had no example of manhood to follow." or "That poor little girl. Imagine growing up with no real father figure."
It sucks and it's bullpucky, but it is.
To be entirely fair, I do know two groups of men that are able to make less than their wives or even stay home altogether and who get no grief for it. Men who served in the military and men who have been disabled are given a pass. Everybody else better have a thick skin and give zero fcuks.
What has her husband done wrong exactly except not live up to her changing standards?
But her standards didn't change. Again, when they met and married, he was a senior professional in a position of power who was financially sound. Since they married 5 years ago, he's thrown away his senior level position of power, drained his savings, spent 2 years in college getting a degree, and now makes 1/4 his original salary and only contributes 10% to their living expenses.
Seriously, if the genders were reversed, a lot of posters would be thinking bait and switch.