General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
The 180 from what I've read is a way of creating strength within yourself. Even if your H has not been unfaithful. If you are being treated badly soon the 180 will show your H that you will not accept this behaviour from him and are separating yourself from him. He will either see that he is wron and amend his ways or he will not. If he doesn't you are being strong and will be well on your way out of an abusive relationship.
If your H is physically abusive them I think you need professional advice on how to handle things Posted via Mobile Device
Kitty, l understand your plight. l must say the only mistake you made was slapping your husband in public. It hurt his ego. l dont blame you much cos he pushed you. But you did d right thing by appologizing. l am really happy for you for wanting to safe your marriage and l pray God who is the pillar of marriage should come to your rescue.
D problem is not the other girl, it is your HUSBAND. You might not like what l want to say. Your husband is is lying to you and discusses you with the other girl, if not why would the little girl tell you to kill yourself. He is not showing you any respect whatsover. Since you have moved out of your matrinonial home, get a job if possible and concentrate on your job and don't think of going into another relationship cos you are married. Show love to your husband, and take it that he is on vacation, and invariably when is satisfied with having his fling, he will come back to you, then you can give your condition to continue the marriage. It is only a foolish man that can give in to a strange woman for temporily pleasure that always ends in agony and regrets. For now, pamper yourself and take proper care of yourself. Be strong for yourself. You are just 27 not 37.
Kitty, l understand your plight. l must say the only mistake you made was slapping your husband in public. It hurt his ego. l dont blame you much cos he pushed you. But you did d right thing by appologizing. l am really happy for you for wanting to safe your marriage and l pray God who is the pillar of marriage should come to your rescue.
D problem is not the other girl, it is your HUSBAND. You might not like what l want to say. Your husband is is lying to you and discusses you with the other girl, if not why would the little girl tell you to kill yourself. He is not showing you any respect whatsover. Since you have moved out of your matrinonial home, get a job if possible and concentrate on your job and don't think of going into another relationship cos you are married. Show love to your husband, and take it that he is on vacation, and invariably when is satisfied with having his fling, he will come back to you, then you can give your condition to continue the marriage. It is only a foolish man that can give in to a strange woman for temporily pleasure that always ends in agony and regrets. For now, pamper yourself and take proper care of yourself. Be strong for yourself. You are just 27 not 37.
I think that's a horrible way to go through life. Kitty is a wonderful woman deserving of respect and commitment. Why would she continue to "wait" for her husband while he is unfaithful, unloving, and uncaring of her needs. All people deserve to be in a relationship where there is mutual respect and care for the other's needs.
I do not believe God would want her to continue to be in an unhealthy, toxic relationship. Would you want your son or daughter to stick it out in her situation? God loves her, he wants the best for her. She isn't running out on her husband, her husband ran out on her. If her husband is TRULY remorseful (which he is not right now at all), and SHE decides to take him back, it will be from a place of strength and not obligation. Nowhere in the Bible does it show that we should be doormats for our spouses.
Quite the contrary, the message is that we are children of the King, and should command the respect that that entails. No heir to a throne would accept this kind of treatment.
I am always optimistic about healing in marriage and reconciliation, but not the way you are suggesting. You're vision of their future marriage will never result in fulfillment or peace. "Waiting" for her husband as if he are on vacation? What happens if he never comes back from vacation? Her marriage was over when her husband cheated on her. Reconciliation is just that, reconciling a split in the marriage. She has no obligation to wait until her husband decides to stop acting like an idiot.
I think that's a horrible way to go through life. Kitty is a wonderful woman deserving of respect and commitment. Why would she continue to "wait" for her husband while he is unfaithful, unloving, and uncaring of her needs. All people deserve to be in a relationship where there is mutual respect and care for the other's needs.
I do not believe God would want her to continue to be in an unhealthy, toxic relationship. Would you want your son or daughter to stick it out in her situation? God loves her, he wants the best for her. She isn't running out on her husband, her husband ran out on her. If her husband is TRULY remorseful (which he is not right now at all), and SHE decides to take him back, it will be from a place of strength and not obligation. Nowhere in the Bible does it show that we should be doormats for our spouses.
Quite the contrary, the message is that we are children of the King, and should command the respect that that entails. No heir to a throne would accept this kind of treatment.
I am always optimistic about healing in marriage and reconciliation, but not the way you are suggesting. You're vision of their future marriage will never result in fulfillment or peace. "Waiting" for her husband as if he are on vacation? What happens if he never comes back from vacation? Her marriage was over when her husband cheated on her. Reconciliation is just that, reconciling a split in the marriage. She has no obligation to wait until her husband decides to stop acting like an idiot.
Coguy, you are free to express ur own opinion just as l am free to do so.
In case u have forgotton, she said, she wants to save her marriage. She is not interested in divorce or separation. It might be easy to for you while it is difficult for another.
From all indications, her husband might not be sleeping with this girl, it might be a harmless friendship, which the wife is very uncomfortable with - is natural cos it is possing a threat to their marriage, and you dont expect her to kill her husband because he has refused to stop the relation or pack out of her home on her own accord just because of some little girl. This is a mere suspision without proof. It might even be that the wife is going about it the wrong way. We all have to learn to live beyond our feelings sometime. Dont forget her husband is a tattoo artist. You dont the tone she has been using to tell him to stop seeing the other girl, dat cud warrant him telling her he has right to friendship with anyone.
The husband got a hot slap and felt humilated in public. she has said she was sorry but that does not change the fact that the wife showed a degree of disrepect to the husband outside home. Men are very much particular about respect in marriage. That is why the man has asked her to leave their home. She refuses to take charge before the issue got out of hand, and l am not blaming her cos we all make mistakes and take irrationally decision at some point. Now, the husband's strong hold is that he was slapped in public instead of the actual problem. In the actual sense wife was wronged and demeaned by husband n the girl but everyone is saying: oh you shouldn't have done this.
Divorce can only give her heartbreak and devastates the kids if they hv any.
Coguy since you are such a good Bible teacher, may l remind that the Bible says - A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands (Proverbs 14:1).
We are all free to say what we want, in the end the decision as to what she wants is solely hers.
Coguy, you are free to express ur own opinion just as l am free to do so.
I'm freely expressing my disagreement with what you wrote, nothing more.
There is nothing harmless about this man's "friendship". Even if everything they talk about is above board and totally professional, the fact is he chose the "friend" over his wife's feelings. That makes it harmful. Also, seeking fulfillment out of your marriage is cheating no matter how many clothes stay on in the process. That being said, you'd have to be extremely naive to not see the writing on the wall in this case.
The biggest problem I have with your post is that it contains an underlying theme of appeasement. That she somehow brought this on herself through her actions or tone. That's exactly the opposite message a betrayed spouse should be hearing. Kitty did not cause her husband to act inappropriately, no matter how incorrectly she dealt with it. At the end of the day, her husband chose another woman (friend or not) over his wife. There is no blame she should take in that.
Divorce is painful and hard, and I always hope that people choose to reconcile before that. But I would choose divorce for every betrayed partner in a heartbeat before I would choose accepting a false remorse or a lifetime of appeasement or subserviance.
You can love someone unconditionally and still be divorced. I know, because I made that decision for my wife before I knew the outcome of our marriage. I had the peace of God knowing that whatever my decision, I was making it with the right attitude. However, if my wife elected to continue to treat me disrespectfully, I would not have continued with reconciling my marriage. The Bible calls us to love others, it does not call us to be emotionally abused.
We could spout Bible verses back and forth all day. She's justified in wanting to leave if that's what she chooses. In her case, it would be foolish to attempt to reconcile while her husband is still IN the affair and showing no signs of remorse (not even false remorse). To tell her to wait it out while her husband is on marriage vacation is the ultimate insult to her self-respect IMO. If her husband shows true remorse at a later time, then she can think about reconciliation, if that is what she desires. In this case, her marriage is already over, a reconciliation would be the formation of a new marriage.
I'm freely expressing my disagreement with what you wrote, nothing more.
There is nothing harmless about this man's "friendship". Even if everything they talk about is above board and totally professional, the fact is he chose the "friend" over his wife's feelings. That makes it harmful. Also, seeking fulfillment out of your marriage is cheating no matter how many clothes stay on in the process. That being said, you'd have to be extremely naive to not see the writing on the wall in this case.
The biggest problem I have with your post is that it contains an underlying theme of appeasement. That she somehow brought this on herself through her actions or tone. That's exactly the opposite message a betrayed spouse should be hearing. Kitty did not cause her husband to act inappropriately, no matter how incorrectly she dealt with it. At the end of the day, her husband chose another woman (friend or not) over his wife. There is no blame she should take in that.
Divorce is painful and hard, and I always hope that people choose to reconcile before that. But I would choose divorce for every betrayed partner in a heartbeat before I would choose accepting a false remorse or a lifetime of appeasement or subserviance.
You can love someone unconditionally and still be divorced. I know, because I made that decision for my wife before I knew the outcome of our marriage. I had the peace of God knowing that whatever my decision, I was making it with the right attitude. However, if my wife elected to continue to treat me disrespectfully, I would not have continued with reconciling my marriage. The Bible calls us to love others, it does not call us to be emotionally abused.
We could spout Bible verses back and forth all day. She's justified in wanting to leave if that's what she chooses. In her case, it would be foolish to attempt to reconcile while her husband is still IN the affair and showing no signs of remorse (not even false remorse). To tell her to wait it out while her husband is on marriage vacation is the ultimate insult to her self-respect IMO. If her husband shows true remorse at a later time, then she can think about reconciliation, if that is what she desires. In this case, her marriage is already over, a reconciliation would be the formation of a new marriage.
Coguy, she wants to safe her marriage. She has not mentioned that she wants to leave her husband rather he asked her to leave because of the drama outside their home and she did not not mention she wants a divorce. We are make mistake at some point. She wants to safe her marriage.
My biggest issue with your post is that you are sounding very bitter and unforgiving. How would you feel when you wife give you a slap in public for whatever reason. A man is the head of the family and deserves some respect. That is why the husband sent her packing, she did not leave on her own. Like l said the issue is now appeasing him cos of the public assault.
Hi I posted this in the spring and I'm glad it came up again because I took the advice of a TRBE and have him cum close the the back of my mouth I taste very little. Tthe texture - I make him drink lots t of water till he blows up like a puffer fish. :} the taste and texture is better if he is not dehydrated and he has not had certain vegetables and meats. I put him on a cum purification and sweetening diet.
Actually, my H did not insist it is something I wanted to do. This may be TMI so don't read if you are easily offended ........ a pulsating one is difficult to let go of.
Some men make it a big deal and get frustrated and angry. This is my opinion - when I got married I was not a sex enthusiast. My husband if high drive and he thought me everything I know. His approach from the beginning was that we were a team in everything especially the bedroom. We had projects the bj project, orgasm for me project etc. always fun no pressure no anger. I don't know how he remained so patient because I think back and I want to slap myself.
My point is to make it light and fun and something you are both working on improving and keeping exciting. If my husband got angry because of my inhibitions, i dont know where we wolud be today
Thanks everyone for the encouragement and suggestions - you have made two people very happy. Posted via Mobile Device
Coguy, she wants to safe her marriage. She has not mentioned that she wants to leave her husband rather he asked her to leave because of the drama outside their home and she did not not mention she wants a divorce. We are make mistake at some point. She wants to safe her marriage.
My biggest issue with your post is that you are sounding very bitter and unforgiving. How would you feel when you wife give you a slap in public for whatever reason. A man is the head of the family and deserves some respect. That is why the husband sent her packing, she did not leave on her own. Like l said the issue is now appeasing him cos of the public assault.
Did you read her last few posts where she talks about moving on? Moving on because her husband is still telling her she's the one at fault?
I'm neither bitter nor unforgiving. My wife cheated on me and I forgave her and have a wonderful marriage now. I wish that for everyone. If you read my first post to her it was very encouraging to a reconciliation. However, her husband is not only uncaring and acting like a d-bag, he's still in the middle of his affair (or maybe was now that his girlfriend appears to be ending it). Her husband might have "sent her packing" because she was being unreasonable, but this is something she should have made him do when he started placing another woman in front of his wife.
If my wife slapped me in public, I'd be pissed. But if she told me to stop texting and going on dates with another girl, and I crapped on her feelings, then I would deserve it. You can see my first post where I mentioned I had a friend that I refused to stop communicating to when first married. To be honest, I needed to be slapped from my wife, I was being a jerk and deserved it. I wish my wife had the courage at that time to leave me so I would have realized how dumb I was being about it.
You can't reconcile with someone who still thinks they are in the right or in the fog of an affair. Her husband is both.
[QUOTE=COguy;513005]Did you read her last few posts where she talks about moving on? Moving on because her husband is still telling her she's the one at fault?
I'm neither bitter nor unforgiving. My wife cheated on me and I forgave her and have a wonderful marriage now. I wish that for everyone. If you read my first post to her it was very encouraging to a reconciliation. However, her husband is not only uncaring and acting like a d-bag, he's still in the middle of his affair (or maybe was now that his girlfriend appears to be ending it). Her husband might have "sent her packing" because she was being unreasonable, but this is something she should have made him do when he started placing another woman in front of his wife.
If my wife slapped me in public, I'd be pissed. But if she told me to stop texting and going on dates with another girl, and I crapped on her feelings, then I would deserve it. You can see my first post where I mentioned I had a friend that I refused to stop communicating to when first married. To be honest, I needed to be slapped from my wife, I was being a jerk and deserved it. I wish my wife had the courage at that time to leave me so I would have realized how dumb I was being about it.
You can't reconcile with someone who still thinks they are in the right or in the fog of an affair. Her husband is both.[/Q
The worst betrayers are the ones we truly love. May God give her wisdom to pull through.
Did you read her last few posts where she talks about moving on? Moving on because her husband is still telling her she's the one at fault?
I'm neither bitter nor unforgiving. My wife cheated on me and I forgave her and have a wonderful marriage now. I wish that for everyone. If you read my first post to her it was very encouraging to a reconciliation. However, her husband is not only uncaring and acting like a d-bag, he's still in the middle of his affair (or maybe was now that his girlfriend appears to be ending it). Her husband might have "sent her packing" because she was being unreasonable, but this is something she should have made him do when he started placing another woman in front of his wife.
If my wife slapped me in public, I'd be pissed. But if she told me to stop texting and going on dates with another girl, and I crapped on her feelings, then I would deserve it. You can see my first post where I mentioned I had a friend that I refused to stop communicating to when first married. To be honest, I needed to be slapped from my wife, I was being a jerk and deserved it. I wish my wife had the courage at that time to leave me so I would have realized how dumb I was being about it.
You can't reconcile with someone who still thinks they are in the right or in the fog of an affair. Her husband is both.[/Q
The worst betrayers are the ones we truly love. May God give her wisdom to pull through.
I agree. It also seems that right now her husband thinks he's the one calling the shots... kicking her out and telling her that she can only return if she does as he wants... let's the affair continue in the light of day.
The best thing she could do is to do the 180 for a betrayed spouse. It would limit the amount he can hurt her and it would let him know beyond a doubt that he is losing her if he does not end the affair.
Right now, by her talking/chatting with him daily he thinks he's in charge and she will have to do as he says if SHE wants to be married to him.
I think that's a horrible way to go through life. Kitty is a wonderful woman deserving of respect and commitment. Why would she continue to "wait" for her husband while he is unfaithful, unloving, and uncaring of her needs. All people deserve to be in a relationship where there is mutual respect and care for the other's needs.
I do not believe God would want her to continue to be in an unhealthy, toxic relationship. Would you want your son or daughter to stick it out in her situation? God loves her, he wants the best for her. She isn't running out on her husband, her husband ran out on her. If her husband is TRULY remorseful (which he is not right now at all), and SHE decides to take him back, it will be from a place of strength and not obligation. Nowhere in the Bible does it show that we should be doormats for our spouses.
Quite the contrary, the message is that we are children of the King, and should command the respect that that entails. No heir to a throne would accept this kind of treatment.
I am always optimistic about healing in marriage and reconciliation, but not the way you are suggesting. You're vision of their future marriage will never result in fulfillment or peace. "Waiting" for her husband as if he are on vacation? What happens if he never comes back from vacation? Her marriage was over when her husband cheated on her. Reconciliation is just that, reconciling a split in the marriage. She has no obligation to wait until her husband decides to stop acting like an idiot.
I agree with CoGUy. Your husband has cheated, disrespected you, and show you nothing but contempt while siding with the other woman, who has been verbally abusive to you.
The worst part of it all is that your lousy husband had you convinced for a while that you were to blame because you slapped him. Guess what - you took responsibility for your actions. He has not.
You are so young - only 27. You have a whole life ahead of you. You don't need to stay in a marriage with a chronic cheater who is too selfish and immature to admit his failings and take steps to get his act together. Trust me, you do NOT want to have kids with a guy like that.
You are starting to see the light! I would encourage you to get some counseling for yourself to boost your self esteem. You deserve SO MUCH MORE than what your husband has been giving you. And I would also do the following:
1) Tell your husband that you have thought about his actions, and that YOU have decided that you are no longer interested in the marriage.
2) Tell him you are filing for D.
3) Tell him he is now free to have whatever type of relationship he wants with the 18 year old b!tch.
4) Cut off contact with him completely.
I would see a lawyer if you have any assets in common or any financial issues you need to sort out in a divorce.
I can predict that if you do all of these things, your weasel of a husband will come crawling back to you. But I would not allow him back into your life unless he agrees to a year of therapy for himself, agrees to 100% transparency with email, cell phones, etc. and complete NO CONTACT with this coworker. I would also ask him to find another job. I doubt he will be willing to do these things, but a man who wants to save his marriage a fly right WOULD do all these things and more.
Congratulations on finding the strength and self confidence to realize you DO deserve more and that your HUSBAND is the problem.
Re: Please help...I want to save my marriage! 
