kitty0819

Hello there-
I am 27, my husband and I are separated, but working on getting back together. It started when I noticed that a girl was getting too close to him and it made me uncomfortable, so I asked him to stop talking to her (but I did so in a yelling way, which I am regretful). He began texting her and gave her a ride home, lent her an expensive camera, and took her to the movies. I did yell at him at lot and accuse him of seeing her because he began staying out late and didn't make me believe any different with his actions- his behavior totally changed. I could not take anymore the day I found out he let her borrow my camera, so I smacked him. That day he told me to pack my stuff. So I went to my parents. This girl began copying some of my photography shots and even made a fake account to spy on my photos. When I said that she was copying me, she said I should kill myself. My husband is still friends with her and won't stop even after I asked him and believe it is our issue.
He says our issue is trust and that he should be able to be friends with anyone- my problem is just with this one. I can tell when other women like my husband and this one does. I have no problem with any of his other female friends.
I want to work this out, but I feel like it can't fully begin with her still in the picture. He says she is just a friend and has maintained that.
We both screwed up- I yelled and accused and he just kept on with her. But this is fixable. He says that he doesn't want me home until we work things out, but it's so hard when you've been together for 10 years. Thoughts?

charlene

You should have been quicker. Why is he the one who decides when you should come back. You should have been the one to tell him that: to pack his bags if he is not willing to work with YOU!
Yes you didn't handled the situation quite good, but of course you couldn't have. He refused to stop seeing her... I think you should be the one making the rules. Well you can also apologize for the slap to begin with. But then make should you start dealing with the trust issues in your marriage, when there's no one in the picture,who's causing them!
Good luck

kitty0819

Thanks Charlene- I did apologize for slapping him and I really regret it. I didn't think before I acted. He says that she has nothing to do with the situation, but clearly she does.

kitty0819

We were renting an apartment and I could not afford it on my own. I had just lost my job.

charlene

Ok i see things are not easy for you right now.... i meant you should have made it clear that if she's not out of the picture ,you'll leave....it shouldn't have come to this- he to tell you you should pack your bags. Aren't you hearing from him? Does he call?

kitty0819

We talk every day online and on the phone. I mean, I can see that he wants to be trusted, but if that is the case, he shouldn't have done all those things, you know?

kitty0819

The smack was in front of people, which makes matters worse. But I really did not mean to do that. I saw that she had taken a picture with it on facebook and I told him I was going to come to his workplace and get the camera...I went...he said he didn't have it. I said I know where it is...and that's when it happened. I just reached that point where I couldn't handle it. I apologized to him and to everyone there. I know it was a blow to his pride and I really regret it. That is the first time I have ever acted in that manner.

DeadlyNightshade

Maybe it is just me, but I think you have a reason to be upset with him. She told you to kill yourself, and still your husband stays in touch with her. He seems to just brush off you concerns.

I know I'll likely get critical replies to this, but I don't think friendships with the other gender are a good idea when married or in a serious relationship.

kitty0819

He says it is silly to ask him to stop being friends with someone. But like I said before, I have no problems with anyone else. He is a tattoo artist and tattoos ladies on sensitive areas every day and I have no problem with that either, it's his career.
The whole kill myself thing really bothered me. He said I started it by saying she copied me. I think regardless, he should have been like, "Wow, this girl is nutso. Later."

kitty0819

To add: while arguing over this, he stopped kissing me, hugging me, having sex with me. He said he wanted to be good friends before being that married couple again. I understand that it hurt him, but I am the type of person that needs affection.

charlene

No, i think you're right. Of course there are exceptions like freindly couples or old friends who are friends with your partner from the begining. But like that here , No Way! It would be a huge issue for me / andvfor myhusband if he was the OP/
This is may be the only think we agreed on -If your spouse feels uncomportable you beeing friends with someone, then the other person should go away.

accept

Like most people here you need real counselling. You wont have it easy getting him back, and it seems you need him more than he needs you. I am afraid you will have to give in all the way.

RClawson

Maybe your husband did not deserve to be slapped in public but he was out of order and is completely disrespecting you. If you ask your spouse to end a relationship with someone of the opposite sex then guess what? You do it. Personally I think you need to do the 180 and start making some demands. He is toying with you. When you apologized for slapping him you should have told him it was wrong to do it in front of other people.

TRy

He gave your camera to her without your permission. He did this even though he knew you wanted him to stop seeing her. She is an open enemy of you and the marriage yet he does not care about that. He stopped being intimate with you and had you leave the home until you agree to his relationship with her. He at every turn is picking her over you. He is at the very least having an emotional affair with her and may be having a physical one too.

Sorry, but your marriage may be over. You cannot save it until he picks you over her, which he clearly is not doing.

Patricia B. Pina

Hi, kitty0819
There is two problem with your relationship.
The first one is that there is that girl who is actively trying to ruin your relationship. You have noticed that and is trying to fix it. That is good.

But the second one, the most dangerous problem, you have failed to recognized. Your husband has lost all of his respect for you. He don't even listen to what you said.

Your relationship is dying from the inside and to some extend, from the outside.

If you want to save your marriage, you have to fix it from the inside out. You have to add back the attraction, you have to make him wants you like the first day you met.

If you can do that, no girl can even compare to you in his eyes.

So here is what to do now.
Realize that the problem is not the girl, but it is your relationship.

Stop getting jealous over that girl (nobody want and over protective wife and jealous wife).

Start dressing more provocative, make him remember why he choose you in the first place, and why he should dump the other girl.

If you follow my instruction, you will get him back in no time.
You should also read this article on how to save your marriage.
how to save my marriage

In addition, you should get the save my marriage today program by amy waterman.

My friend bought the product and it helped her save her marriage.
She love it so much that she wrote a review about it.
You can read her review here save my marriage today review