General Relationship DiscussionAlthough anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.
Neither my husband nor I nag at one another or at the children. I believe this is one of the very good reasons why we don't fight or argue, ever.
I grew up and all my mother did was nag. She nagged my dad, my brother and I constantly! Oh my, it was terrible. We cringe just by the sound of her voice. Posted via Mobile Device
Neither my husband nor I nag at one another or at the children. I believe this is one of the very good reasons why we don't fight or argue, ever.
I grew up and all my mother did was nag. She nagged my dad, my brother and I constantly! Oh my, it was terrible. We cringe just by the sound of her voice. Posted via Mobile Device
lol!!! So I will presume that they do what they are supposed to do so that you don't have to nag them to them!!!
So I guess you know my answer!!! Hell yes I nag!!!! If I EVER want to have anything done (that I don't want to end up doing for them) I have to CONSTANTLY remind them to do it!!!! I know it's annoying and performed a test to see what happens if I don't nag....wellllllll.... EVERYTHING remained in the middle of the floor, junk piled up on the tables, clothes all on the floor...FOR OVER A WEEEEEEK!!!! Needless to say a subsequently nagged with fury!!! My mantra is ya don't want to be nagged then do what needs to be done!!!!
So in short, I would LOVE not having to nag but I DOOOOO!!!
You have the wrong attitude, sorry. They think they have to do it for you. That causes resentment. Imagine if you werent there do you think nothing would get done. It has to be joint teamwork not by a slavedriver.
lol!!! So I will presume that they do what they are supposed to do so that you don't have to nag them to them!!!
So I guess you know my answer!!! Hell yes I nag!!!! If I EVER want to have anything done (that I don't want to end up doing for them) I have to CONSTANTLY remind them to do it!!!! I know it's annoying and performed a test to see what happens if I don't nag....wellllllll.... EVERYTHING remained in the middle of the floor, junk piled up on the tables, clothes all on the floor...FOR OVER A WEEEEEEK!!!! Needless to say a subsequently nagged with fury!!! My mantra is ya don't want to be nagged then do what needs to be done!!!!
So in short, I would LOVE not having to nag but I DOOOOO!!!
I would admonish you to think about the price you're paying to get things done by nagging. It's steeper than you think.
In my experience, people that complete tasks because of being nagged experience a large deterrent against both the task AND nagging experience. They not only develop negative feelings towards the task, they develop a general sense of anti-cooperation towards the nag. And in your case, I can totally believe that you nag in anticipation of the task not being done.... Humans are wired to resist being convinced to do something they don't want to do, and they will be even less likely to cooperate when nagged.
You have the wrong attitude, sorry. They think they have to do it for you. That causes resentment. Imagine if you werent there do you think nothing would get done. It has to be joint teamwork not by a slavedriver.
In short YUP!!!!! NOTHING WOULD GET DONE!!!! They DO have to do it...not for me...but to be freak'n clean!!!
Ok go away for a week see what happens. Have you told us the age of your kids. They see you nagging your husband, and thats the problem. If you wouldnt nag him you wouldnt have to nag them either.
I would admonish you to think about the price you're paying to get things done by nagging. It's steeper than you think.
In my experience, people that complete tasks because of being nagged experience a large deterrent against both the task AND nagging experience. They not only develop negative feelings towards the task, they develop a general sense of anti-cooperation towards the nag. And in your case, I can totally believe that you nag in anticipation of the task not being done.... Humans are wired to resist being convinced to do something they don't want to do, and they will be even less likely to cooperate when nagged.
Hmmm I guess I'm missing the point...NO nag =no clean...nag =clean soooo NAG wins out everytime!!! To be honest who really wants to clean and pick up after themselves...I hate it but guess what I do it...and unless I want bugs running around the kitchen and house or if I want to be running around the house picking up after them, they have to be told to pick up their crap!!! Hey, if you know a secret that I don't for having people clean up after themselves without being told to do so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE tell me....cause I would lOVE IT!!!!
Ok go away for a week see what happens. Have you told us the age of your kids. They see you nagging your husband, and thats the problem. If you wouldnt nag him you wouldnt have to nag them either.
I went away for a weekend...don't think I would survive a week...I enjoyed cleaning up, washing clothes and shopping for several days upon my return. They are 14 and 16!!!! I've told them if they want to be slobs when they move out goooo ahead but not in my house!!!! Nope I don't nag h around the kids.
Hmmm I guess I'm missing the point...NO nag =no clean...nag =clean soooo NAG wins out everytime!!! To be honest who really wants to clean and pick up after themselves...I hate it but guess what I do it...and unless I want bugs running around the kitchen and house or if I want to be running around the house picking up after them, they have to be told to pick up their crap!!! Hey, if you know a secret that I don't for having people clean up after themselves without being told to do so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE tell me....cause I would lOVE IT!!!!
My secret? I RESPECT MY WIFE MORE THE TASKS I THINK SHE MUST ACCOMPLISH!!!! She means more to me than cleaning the house, washing laundry, etc..
Nagging is miserable. It puts you in a bad mood, and it puts the target of the nagging in a bad mood. Anything accomplished is dwarfed by the resentment built, and it almost certainly lines you up for less cooperation in the future, i.e. MORE nagging.
Maybe but they know about it. I am sure your H mentions it. They are old enough thats true. But its very late to start now. Surely they enjoy shopping. Or dont you let them do that. How would I go about it. I would try to do it together with them at first in a quiet way. Hoping in time they would do it themselves. I also think its easier to start on your H. Does he want his kids growing up like that. You must discuss with him how to go about it.
My secret? I RESPECT MY WIFE MORE THE TASKS I THINK SHE MUST ACCOMPLISH!!!! She means more to me than cleaning the house, washing laundry, etc..
Nagging is miserable. It puts you in a bad mood, and it puts the target of the nagging in a bad mood. Anything accomplished is dwarfed by the resentment built, and it almost certainly lines you up for less cooperation in the future, i.e. MORE nagging.
Ok Sorry, don't mean to nag... but still confused? you're saying you respect her because she is doing everything or that you respect her so you do?
Neither my husband nor I nag at one another or at the children. I believe this is one of the very good reasons why we don't fight or argue, ever.
I grew up and all my mother did was nag. She nagged my dad, my brother and I constantly! Oh my, it was terrible. We cringe just by the sound of her voice.
I am not a nagger, BUT my husband always does what he is supposed to do, he is on top of things, no leaky roofs or pipes, or our car sitting up on blocks for days with him, he busts this butt. If not, I would be a bit**er, not much of a nagger, cause I get mad more than I whine like a little girl.
I can be demanding. But that is just me. He doesn't fault me for it, one of side benefits is ....I am demanding of myself also -so we both have our specific things we are responsible for, and we don't slack in getting them done. This makes for a smooth marriage.
Women who don't have a husband like this , it wouldn't be any walk in the park, I could seriously see Brawls over it. Same as a man who work full time-then come home to a SAHM who thinks nothing of cleaning the house, and having a meal prepared, I mean, the guy has reason to have this temperature rise.
Then some of us may just expect too much, want to be catered to like a Princess or think every little imperfection in the house needs attended too immediately...the "honey do list" is endless & just trying to impress the neighbors or something . Now that would be impossible to live with, I would call that "nagging".
We need to be thankful for what our spouses do, and be balanced in what we expect of them- what they are capable of doing -given the context of a day, and what we have done -to help them -that day as well.
I don't nag. My husband doesn't nag. However, a nag is only a nag when the person doesn't want to do it. So, we ask each other to do things and if we don't want to or can't, we simply say no. Not a big deal. We know what we need to do around the house...My husband looks for things to do to stay busy
I don't nag my child either. She knows what needs to be done. If she forgets (there's a list on her door of her chores), I take money from her allowance. No nagging.
I would admonish you to think about the price you're paying to get things done by nagging. It's steeper than you think.
In my experience, people that complete tasks because of being nagged experience a large deterrent against both the task AND nagging experience. They not only develop negative feelings towards the task, they develop a general sense of anti-cooperation towards the nag. And in your case, I can totally believe that you nag in anticipation of the task not being done.... Humans are wired to resist being convinced to do something they don't want to do, and they will be even less likely to cooperate when nagged.
Yea. If my husband nagged me...I'd simply stop doing things. I'm not a child. I know what I need to do.
Nagging 
My mantra is ya don't want to be nagged then do what needs to be done!!!!
They DO have to do it...not for me...but to be freak'n clean!!! 
Hey, if you know a secret that I don't for having people clean up after themselves without being told to do so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE tell me....cause I would lOVE IT!!!!
