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Old 12-09-2011, 02:01 PM   #151 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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Then your golf clubs are not worth it my friend. Time to trade them in and go to your nearest golf shop and replace them.
I am setting a trap for them, first.
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Old 12-09-2011, 02:11 PM   #152 (permalink)
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Sigh ... more with "secrets." So scary and nefarious.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I'm pretty certain my failure to make my wife privy to the "secret" texts I exchange with my friend about a ball game we're watching from our respective homes leads me into temptation. Nor do I think my wife is apt to cheat on me because I don't avail myself to her inbox to find out about her "secret" discussions with her cousin about what Xmas gifts to buy her kids.
I'd certainly allow her to look if she asks, and I'd expect the same response from her. But it's not my "right" to know everything she says, writes or thinks.
If you feel your marriage needs protection from such "secrets," that's your right.
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That's a nice straw man you have there, Frank.

In the examples you cite, while your wife may not be interested in the text conversation you have with your friend during the game, would you be opposed to telling her about it if she asked? That's where the difference lies. Transparency does not mean that you MUST share every conversation with one another, but that you are willing to do so if your partner asks.
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Old 12-09-2011, 02:20 PM   #153 (permalink)
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yeah, when you innocently get on the computer to send an email, and he left his email open to his dating profile that talks about what he wants in a sexual encounter to some $lut, tell me its wrong! get real! Frankly I dont care what you think...... Ever heard of aids? Ive been through two loved ones dying from it!
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Old 12-10-2011, 10:31 AM   #154 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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Ever heard of aids? Ive been through two loved ones dying from it!
That's a sobering thought.

I hope it's been clear that the things I've said on this thread have only been to let people know what they're potentially getting into, since there is a boat-load of misinformation on this subject floating around on the internet.

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--But I do understand that sometimes a person "Has to do what they have to do" as the saying goes.
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Old 12-10-2011, 10:51 AM   #155 (permalink)
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Yes. Installing a key logger does violate laws. I completely understand why people would be pushed to spy on their spouses but it does not make it right.
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Old 12-10-2011, 11:05 AM   #156 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

glad you can live in a world of black and white

If I did I wouldn't have saved my marriage, so I will gladly step into the gray when it's warranted or provoked
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Old 12-10-2011, 11:44 AM   #157 (permalink)
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Almost,

Not sure why you insist on describing my thought process in a "black and white" manner. Life isn't black and white but from my experience most people do not appreciate being spyed on regardless of reason. It truly is a violation of trust and boundaries. And just to give you some background ived been cheated on and only found out after we broke up. I felt terrible and angry but honestly life is too short to police another persons genitals. We are all grown adults and I don't need to be your daddy.
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Old 12-10-2011, 04:03 PM   #158 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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Yes. Installing a key logger does violate laws. I completely understand why people would be pushed to spy on their spouses but it does not make it right.
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Exactly how do you expect a betrayed spouse can find out about suspected cheating? Unless one is really mentally ill, seldom does a person just start suspecting for n oreason
In fact, if anything, the vast majority of BSs seem to give way too much benefit of the doubt to cheaters, often accepting incredible lies before , finally, going the investigation route.
When i posted the facts of my XW's forays on a site, folks were , actuall, quite incredulous that i would have any doubt whatsoever. In fact, I was ridiculed for being so trusting.
had I not retained a PI, I would have never found the truth.
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Old 12-10-2011, 04:29 PM   #159 (permalink)
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Arnold,

How did the PI find out?
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Old 12-10-2011, 04:29 PM   #160 (permalink)
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What was the evidence?
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Old 12-11-2011, 09:57 AM   #161 (permalink)
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Fine, so forget about little technicality like snooping being illegal, it also makes you fat!

Snooping on people is making you fat - TODAY Health - TODAY.com
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Old 12-11-2011, 10:17 AM   #162 (permalink)
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Arnold,

How did the PI find out?
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Simply followed her on one of her alleged legitimate nights out. He did this a few times to make sure.
Then , he simply found the name of the house owner(her ex boyfriend from HS),
Here was how the coup de gras was delivered. She came in at 7 in the morning claiming to have been at her friend Jody's( a girlfriend), having fallen asleep on her couch while watching a movie. She could not locate her wallet and asked me "Arnold, have you seen my wallet"
I asked if she had been anywhere other than Jody's where she could have lost it. She was emphatic that she had not.
So , I inquired "How about 7039 3RD AVE SOUTH, in Richfiedl? Think it might be there?

Initially, she was a deer in the headlights. Then, she came to her senses and started to launch the anger/indignation over having been followed.
Within three months , she moved in with the guy and she was no longer my problem. Thye were at each others' throats within a year.
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Old 12-11-2011, 10:21 AM   #163 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

I should add that leading up to this, I had documented all types of nights out until the wee hours. I had found sexy lingerie in her backpack, inadvertently. I had received credit card charges from taverns no where near where she claimed to be on nights out. Her phone bill started going to over $250 a month(i paid for this) etc.
So, Sanity, it was not a case of my deciding out of the blue to look into my wife's activities. In fact, I held off way too long.
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Old 12-11-2011, 10:31 AM   #164 (permalink)
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That's a nice straw man you have there, Frank.

In the examples you cite, while your wife may not be interested in the text conversation you have with your friend during the game, would you be opposed to telling her about it if she asked? That's where the difference lies. Transparency does not mean that you MUST share every conversation with one another, but that you are willing to do so if your partner asks.
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Wow, speaking of straw men ... This thread isn't about transparency. It's about spying. Check out the thread title if you don't believe me.
You've changed the subject and then accuse me of a straw man?
Being against spying is not the same as being against transparency, try as you might to paint it that way.

To answer your question, sure I'd let my wife read my stupid texts if she wished. But she'd ask and I'd permit. That's NOT spying. Spying by its nature is something done without permission or authority. Contrary to some prevailing widsom in this thread, a wedding license does not grant the "right" to access another's private communications.
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Old 12-11-2011, 10:45 AM   #165 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

That is the way it is supposed to work. You ask your spouse to see their texts, email, Facebook, etc.

When they refuse, this is a red flag. This is when spying usually starts. For good reason.
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