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Old 12-07-2011, 09:23 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

Im fairly good at finding out if ive been cheated on but i WOULDNT go into someones personal computer or spend money on software.
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Old 12-07-2011, 09:30 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Im fairly good at finding out if ive been cheated on but i WOULDNT go into someones personal computer or spend money on software.

Just wondering how many relationships you were in prior to your marriage to determine you were good at finding out about cheating since you are 29 been with your husband for 11 yrs so at 18 yrs old how many other guys were you with?
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Old 12-07-2011, 09:35 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

Curious, why can't your H look at you computor (or can he), whats so private between a husband and wife? When two become one? No secrets? Let him look when ever he want ....should be no biggy.
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Old 12-07-2011, 09:40 PM   #34 (permalink)
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My husband would be so bored on my computer and phone. Just a bunch of women talking about recipes, work, kids and fart jokes.
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Old 12-07-2011, 10:16 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Just wondering how many relationships you were in prior to your marriage to determine you were good at finding out about cheating since you are 29 been with your husband for 11 yrs so at 18 yrs old how many other guys were you with?
actually I miscalculate its more like 9 eyears married he isnt my first husband. my FIRST husband would put the logger into my system simply because he wanted to control me any way he could and i married him when i was 18 it lasted like 2 years my secound marriage started age 20 and current. I know about my fair share of cheating but more about partners trying to keep tabs on their spouse ab abusive partners then anything!
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Old 12-07-2011, 10:38 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Having been on the receiving end of spying, I'll say that spying really doesn't make a difference in the mind of the person doing the spying. When they're doing that, they've already made up their mind, and it's only a matter of finding the evidence.

And there are only two possible outcomes in the mind of the spy - either, a) he/she was cheating or b) he/she hid the cheating too well.

I never cheated on her, though. But I never got an apology either.

But not only did she commit a felony, by reading my work emails, she put me in extremely difficult position. At least they never found out at work.

Now, from purely pragmatic point of view, do you think committing a felony is going to help or hurt you in case of a divorce?
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Old 12-07-2011, 11:02 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

Very Vaild Points Lossing. I'm sorry like me you have people spying on you. My ex would make the habbits of waiting till i get home from work and then he would blow up at me about how "who the hell was i talking to online, do i not love him anymore...that im so this and that." He would go as far as to at one point took my webcam and smashed it because i was webcaming (with clothes on) to a friend...he didnt "aprove of" he also threw my cell phone on a busy road because he thought i was talking to other men! I think spy wear software is about not having control of yourself and trying to have power over someone eles.
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Old 12-08-2011, 12:43 AM   #38 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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Can you really respect a person who you feel compelled to spy upon? Spying, IMO, is inherently disrespectful. You are disrespecting a person's wishes not to share something with you. There are some instances when that disrespect is warranted, i.e. checking on someone who's proven to be untrustworthy, keeping tabs on an addict. But spying shouldn't be the default setting in any adult relationship, including marriage.

And of course there should be secrets from a spouse. I have no need to know every thought that runs through my wife's mind during any given day, even if she expresses it to another person. And the same goes for her.

I'm all for investigating red flags, but I don't believe marriage strips a person of any and all privacy. I trust the people I've chosen to allow into my life until they give me reason to distrust them. I don't waste my time looking for reasons to distrust them. That, IMO, would be an awful way to live.
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The idea that people talk about is not to spy on a spouse for no reason. It's only when things in a marriage have gotten completely out of hand.

A person whose spouse is cheating has the right to know. They have the right to decide for themself if they want to stay in the marriage, set boundries or get out. The cheating spouse does not have the right to keep their bad behavior a secret and make such decisions for the betrayed spouse.
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Old 12-08-2011, 12:44 AM   #39 (permalink)
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Very Vaild Points Lossing. I'm sorry like me you have people spying on you. My ex would make the habbits of waiting till i get home from work and then he would blow up at me about how "who the hell was i talking to online, do i not love him anymore...that im so this and that." He would go as far as to at one point took my webcam and smashed it because i was webcaming (with clothes on) to a friend...he didnt "aprove of" he also threw my cell phone on a busy road because he thought i was talking to other men! I think spy wear software is about not having control of yourself and trying to have power over someone eles.
Your ex was abusive. That's a completely different situation.
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Old 12-08-2011, 12:47 AM   #40 (permalink)
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Having been on the receiving end of spying, I'll say that spying really doesn't make a difference in the mind of the person doing the spying. When they're doing that, they've already made up their mind, and it's only a matter of finding the evidence.

And there are only two possible outcomes in the mind of the spy - either, a) he/she was cheating or b) he/she hid the cheating too well.

I never cheated on her, though. But I never got an apology either.

But not only did she commit a felony, by reading my work emails, she put me in extremely difficult position. At least they never found out at work.

Now, from purely pragmatic point of view, do you think committing a felony is going to help or hurt you in case of a divorce?
Who has suggested that anyone commit a feloney? If your wife broke into your work email, she was wrong. I doubt anyone here would tell her to commit a felony.
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:16 AM   #41 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

To me your H sounds abusive, but that's a whole other thread. As for the spyware, I'm sorry but I've been on the receiving end of that "innocent chat" speech, and let me tell you it wasn't so innocent. My exH was out trolling for other women using the net.

If you really want to prove him wrong then let him see he is wrong, give him full access. Remember, those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
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Old 12-08-2011, 07:36 AM   #42 (permalink)
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Who has suggested that anyone commit a feloney? If your wife broke into your work email, she was wrong. I doubt anyone here would tell her to commit a felony.
Here's what New York Penal Code Article 156 says:

S 156.10 Computer trespass.
A person is guilty of computer trespass when he knowingly uses or causes to be used a computer or computer service without authorization and:
1. he does so with an intent to commit or attempt to commit or further the commission of any felony; or
2. he thereby knowingly gains access to computer material.

Computer trespass is a class E felony.


Now, I'm pretty sure nowhere in there does it say "Unless your spouse is cheating on you". It doesn't even distinguish personal and business systems! So yes, in New York, keyloggers, or even just guessing the email password, is a felony. There are other states that have similar laws.

Everybody who is saying "It's not the same, we only say it if you know your spouse is cheating!" Well, my wife knew that I was cheating. Except I wasn't.

If you know your spouse is cheating, why do you need more evidence? And if you don't know, there is a non-zero chance that he/she isn't.
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Old 12-08-2011, 09:50 AM   #43 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

Brat, I think most people here would never make protection of the fidelity of the marriage into a dealbreaker, in fact most people on here would probably feel a really big boost in the security of their marriage if they found out their spouse had resorted to snooping. Sure I'd be a little uncomfortable, maybe a little offended if my W had snooped on me, but in a marriage is one place where I think if you have nothing to hide then you have nothing to be worried about.

Now cheating, that is pretty much a dealbreaker unless it really was a mistake and the cheater is completely remorseful and repentant... Abuse is also a dealbreaker (and I would consider constant surveillance and control over ones spouse a form of abuse) - I realize it is probably very difficult to get out of that situation, however seeking extramarital relationships is not the way, if you need to get out of a marriage (at least in the western world where there is equality under the law) you file for divorce.

When you are at peace on your own you will be ready for a relationship, but jumping from one man's bed to another is just inviting in unhealthy elements into your life.
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Old 12-08-2011, 09:54 AM   #44 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

Quote:
Originally Posted by losing_hope View Post
Here's what New York Penal Code Article 156 says:

S 156.10 Computer trespass.
A person is guilty of computer trespass when he knowingly uses or causes to be used a computer or computer service without authorization and:
1. he does so with an intent to commit or attempt to commit or further the commission of any felony; or
2. he thereby knowingly gains access to computer material.

Computer trespass is a class E felony.


Now, I'm pretty sure nowhere in there does it say "Unless your spouse is cheating on you". It doesn't even distinguish personal and business systems! So yes, in New York, keyloggers, or even just guessing the email password, is a felony. There are other states that have similar laws.

Everybody who is saying "It's not the same, we only say it if you know your spouse is cheating!" Well, my wife knew that I was cheating. Except I wasn't.

If you know your spouse is cheating, why do you need more evidence? And if you don't know, there is a non-zero chance that he/she isn't.
On a company's hardware, this is applicable, if it is on the home PC or laptop (owned by the marriage partners) then it is marital property - you can't trespass on what you own because you already have license to it.
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Old 12-08-2011, 09:57 AM   #45 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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Originally Posted by losing_hope View Post
Here's what New York Penal Code Article 156 says:

S 156.10 Computer trespass.
A person is guilty of computer trespass when he knowingly uses or causes to be used a computer or computer service without authorization and:
1. he does so with an intent to commit or attempt to commit or further the commission of any felony; or
2. he thereby knowingly gains access to computer material.

Computer trespass is a class E felony.
The law applies to computers that do not belong to the person. We have 5 computers in our home. They are community property. That means they all belong to me too. It is legal for me to but keystroke monitoring software on any computer I own.

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Originally Posted by losing_hope View Post
Now, I'm pretty sure nowhere in there does it say "Unless your spouse is cheating on you". It doesn't even distinguish personal and business systems! So yes, in New York, keyloggers, or even just guessing the email password, is a felony. There are other states that have similar laws.
Yes itís illegal to put a key logger software on a computer that you do not own without the permission of the owner. The distinction is who owns the computer. If the computer is in your house and its community property or your own personal computer then you have the right to put anything you want on it.
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Originally Posted by losing_hope View Post
Everybody who is saying "It's not the same, we only say it if you know your spouse is cheating!" Well, my wife knew that I was cheating. Except I wasn't.
If my spouse thought I was cheating I would welcome that he do whatever it took to see that heís suspicions were wrong. I have nothing to hide from him. It that is what it takes to help him get through a tough time, then so be it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by losing_hope View Post
If you know your spouse is cheating, why do you need more evidence? And if you don't know, there is a non-zero chance that he/she isn't.
A person has the right to know if their spouse is cheating. I do suggest that they consult with an attorney and know the laws before they put any kind of log tracker on computers. As long as they do this within the law itís a completely valid way to protect oneís self.
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