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Old 12-08-2011, 01:35 PM   #106 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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I'm all for investigating red flags, but I don't believe marriage strips a person of any and all privacy. I trust the people I've chosen to allow into my life until they give me reason to distrust them. I don't waste my time looking for reasons to distrust them. That, IMO, would be an awful way to live.
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Frank, I think you've made many excellent points despite being in the minority. I debate this issue with my with wife often and we agree to disagree. Our MC had the opinion that snooping secretly on ones spouse is dishonest eventhough the motive seems righteous.
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Old 12-08-2011, 01:42 PM   #107 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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Frank, I think you've made many excellent points despite being in the minority. I debate this issue with my with wife often and we agree to disagree. Our MC had the opinion that snooping secretly on ones spouse is dishonest eventhough the motive seems righteous.

to me it's a necessary evil

read my previous post to this and tell me honestly what one should do if they have serious indications that their spouse is cheating?
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Old 12-08-2011, 01:42 PM   #108 (permalink)
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You have to understand how thoroughly the use of this software can poison your legal position if you do opt for divorce. Do you really want to hand a cheating spouse an opportunity on a silver platter to turn the tables and make you the "Bad guy?" Do you really want your cheating spouse to come after you in a civil action?
I thought divorce was no fault in my state. Does this change it back to good guy/bad guy? Cheat on you, divorce you and then sue you to top if off. That would take a very special ex
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:12 PM   #109 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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As an independent I.T. consultant, this thread has been an interesting read.
I work in IT also, and I agree with your post 100%. Also, it's probably good to remind that it may not be up to your spouse whether they'll press charges. So even if they cheated, and they want to settle and be done with it, the DA might not see it like that.

Of course, your mileage may vary. But no matter how right you are morally, at best you are on legal grey area.

Also, as a side note, I always find it funny when posters proclaim loudly "I have nothing to hide." And they post behind a pseudonym.
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:14 PM   #110 (permalink)
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option two-

go into MC
If you're looking into spying on your spouse, any way it ends you're going to need counseling. Either marriage or personal.
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:15 PM   #111 (permalink)
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If you're looking into spying on your spouse, any way it ends you're going to need counseling. Either marriage or personal.

which is fine, but going to MC while an affair is ongoing is very detrimental imo
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:16 PM   #112 (permalink)
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Our shower door glass is clear, we're into transparency! Love it when she presses her (oYo) against the glass!
Since you're into transparency, you also love it when she squeezes a big #2 out? Nice.
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:35 PM   #113 (permalink)
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While I was out:
"Texas court has ruled that a husband accused of monitoring his wife's computer through a keystroke logger did not violate federal wiretapping laws.

Larry Bagley was sued in June by his wife Rhea Bagley, who accused him of surreptitiously placing audio recording devices in their house as well as a software keystroke logger. The Bagleys are in the process of divorcing.

U.S. District Judge Lee Rosenthal ruled on October 18 in favor of the husband, saying that the court was required to follow a Fifth Circuit decision saying that the federal wiretap law known as Title III does not apply to marital relationships."

Even if this is not the case in your state, this may give you cause to appeal of your conviction
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:49 PM   #114 (permalink)
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you also love it when she squeezes a big #2 out? Nice.
That's gross, is this the punishment for attempting humor?
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:49 PM   #115 (permalink)
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Anyone else think the OP is a troll?
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:55 PM   #116 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

As far as a case against me for for snooping would go, " Your honor, I installed the keylogger to monitor my daughter online. A lot of weirdos out there and I fear for her safety, I regret that I forgot to tell my wife that it was installed". Sounds good to me anyway.
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Old 12-08-2011, 02:58 PM   #117 (permalink)
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Tee-hee. Speaking of straw men.

Stop pretending you know me or anything about me.
My wife is free to see my emails, texts, phone logs, etc. anytime she asks.
But the key point is asking and receiving permission. It's not expected, demanded or required.
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But if your emails etc. are password protected, does she have your passwords so she can see them at any time? But seeing as she has to ask your permission then you still have secrets, stuff you are withholding from your wife because you don’t want her to see them.

If she has your passwords then you have no privacy which is how things should be in a marriage. And if that is indeed the case then you’ve been chasing your own tail all the way through the thread.
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Old 12-08-2011, 03:08 PM   #118 (permalink)
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I haven't read all the replies in this thread, but I want to throw my two cents in.

First, no one has a right to know if they were cheated on or anything else for that matter. It's unfortunate, but life is unfair. Marriage doesn't equal ownership, or justify spying. Marriage is also a choice. It's a choice to get married, stay married, or leave a marriage.

Each relationship is different and some couples may choose to be completely open while others keep something for themselves. As a human being you should be allowed some amount of privacy.

What if my wife told me she wasn't in love me with me anymore? We talk. We have an open conversation about what's next. If you're attempting to work things out and spy on her I think that'll push her completely out of the relationship. If you feel the only way to resolve the issue is to read every single email/post/etc then you should probably take some time to yourself and decide if the relationship is worth continuing. If it is don't spy. If it isn't leave the relationship.

I know the ideal is that marriage is forever. Unfortunately, the world isn't ideal. People change. The world changes. Nothing, nothing, is permanent. We age. Relationships get better or worse. Enjoy the good times and remember them fondly when they're gone.

My advice to people getting married would be not to expect to control your spouse. Accept them love them while the opportunity is there. If they do something horrible and disgusting like cheating then that is on them. It hurts. Emotional pain and struggle is a part of life. It's what makes love and happiness and generosity so incredible!

Be the best person you can be. Be honest with your spouse about what you won't tolerate when necessary and move on if/when the time comes. Don't lower yourself to their level of manipulation and dishonesty. Let's try to keep some dignity and honor. Let's let people make mistakes and give them the opportunity to learn from them. If they don't then it's up to you to be strong and make changes in your life.

I don't suggest anyone tolerate cheating or abusive relationships. Just treat your spouses with respect, and if they can't do the same for you leave.

The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. ~Henry L. Stimson

EDIT:
And for the record I had a girl I loved dearly seemingly destroy my life some years ago. In retrospect it was probably the single greatest learning experience of my life. As miserable as I was I'm glad it happened.
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Old 12-08-2011, 03:31 PM   #119 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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Thanks for taking it upon yourself to re-define the meaning of words, but, no, I don't define privacy as keeping secrets. I define privacy as privacy. I define privacy as my wife having the freedom to email, call or speak to a friend or family member without being obligated to share the contents of those discussions with me. I define privacy as being able to text to a friend without feeling that every word I say will be reviewed by my wife.
Seriously, do you cc your significant other on all you texts and emails? Do you recount all the conversations you've had in a day? If that pair of jeans really does make her look fat, do you tell her?
If not, aren't you keeping secrets?
If what I think doesn't work for you, then by all means be a snoop.
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I completely disagree with you!! Sharing with your spouse is in NO WAY taking anything away from you!! IMO your spouse should be held in higher regard than any friend and you should WANT to share your communications with them!! The point is you should not feel like it's an obligation to share with your spouse. Is it an obligation for her to have sex with you?!?!? You have intentionally created an extremely unique relationship with your spouse. And to speak frankly why wouldn't you want to share all communications with your spouse unless you are trying to hide something from them.

Therefore, it is only logical for the other spouse to want to find out what you are hiding...Will it hurt them....Will it hurt the marriage...Do they need to start protecting themselves legally and preparing for battle?!?!?!? These things are just a necessity to know. Snooping is just an extension of your gut feelings and just wanting to have actual proof of what you already think is going on. If the snooper is wrong then at least everything is out in the open and the issue can then be discussed. If the snooper is right, then they have the evidence they need to confront the other spouse.

Frankly (no pun intended) IMO I don't see the harm either way for snooping if the other spouse has nothing to hide! Obviously, they are behaving oddly or at the very least in a manner that is making their partner suspicious.

My question to you is why wouldn't you WANT to share with your spouse and why do you deem it an OBLIGATION?

Last edited by 2sick; 12-08-2011 at 03:59 PM.
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Old 12-08-2011, 03:36 PM   #120 (permalink)
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Default Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!

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Originally Posted by Ten_year_hubby View Post
While I was out:
"Texas court has ruled that a husband accused of monitoring his wife's computer through a keystroke logger did not violate federal wiretapping laws.
If I'm not mistaken, this was a case involving vicarious consent
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