Re: Spying on your spouse, not such a good idea!
I haven't read all the replies in this thread, but I want to throw my two cents in.
First, no one has a right to know if they were cheated on or anything else for that matter. It's unfortunate, but life is unfair. Marriage doesn't equal ownership, or justify spying. Marriage is also a choice. It's a choice to get married, stay married, or leave a marriage.
Each relationship is different and some couples may choose to be completely open while others keep something for themselves. As a human being you should be allowed some amount of privacy.
What if my wife told me she wasn't in love me with me anymore? We talk. We have an open conversation about what's next. If you're attempting to work things out and spy on her I think that'll push her completely out of the relationship. If you feel the only way to resolve the issue is to read every single email/post/etc then you should probably take some time to yourself and decide if the relationship is worth continuing. If it is don't spy. If it isn't leave the relationship.
I know the ideal is that marriage is forever. Unfortunately, the world isn't ideal. People change. The world changes. Nothing, nothing, is permanent. We age. Relationships get better or worse. Enjoy the good times and remember them fondly when they're gone.
My advice to people getting married would be not to expect to control your spouse. Accept them love them while the opportunity is there. If they do something horrible and disgusting like cheating then that is on them. It hurts. Emotional pain and struggle is a part of life. It's what makes love and happiness and generosity so incredible!
Be the best person you can be. Be honest with your spouse about what you won't tolerate when necessary and move on if/when the time comes. Don't lower yourself to their level of manipulation and dishonesty. Let's try to keep some dignity and honor. Let's let people make mistakes and give them the opportunity to learn from them. If they don't then it's up to you to be strong and make changes in your life.
I don't suggest anyone tolerate cheating or abusive relationships. Just treat your spouses with respect, and if they can't do the same for you leave.
The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. ~Henry L. Stimson
And for the record I had a girl I loved dearly seemingly destroy my life some years ago. In retrospect it was probably the single greatest learning experience of my life. As miserable as I was I'm glad it happened.