Is it better to have more sexual attraction for your SO than respect, or more respect and less sexual attraction?
I hear what you are saying. The first time my husband and I saw each other, there was instant physical/sexual attraction.Sexual attraction is usually a cut and dry feeling, either you are or not attracted to someone, but respect has to be earned and maintained. You can earn someone's respect with your actions but if they are not sexually attracted to you then there is not much you can do.
I was a bit surprised to see this, as I would not think to say this. But I am guessing this comes from your husband's having used porn in the past?But in saying that there is so much more to sexually attraction that's just the physical. Whether you respect someone has a play in that as well. I myself need both from my spouse, I need to be respected and have him find me sexually attractive.
Totally agree with the bolded. Money brings a lot of freedom.Probably because it's not that easy to do either...earn a great deal of money or screw a pile of women. So, a choice must be made to either place most of your day's hours into learning to earn more or screw more. You can do more with money and the more you earn, the more choices of women you will have, so, why not learn how to earn? That's the way I see it, even though I am poor.
Fixed it for you.I don't see how you can have sexual attraction without respect.
I think the SIM area would disagree with your assertions. Remember, respect is earned. It would take not having sex with the object of your desires, time and togetherness to earn that respect. That's tough to do and not very progressive.Depends on what you want? Do you want to control your spouse or be partners / equals?
So, by not respecting them, you are controlling them? Or, do you mean by having sexual attraction for them you are controlling them? I'm not following....at all. Please expand and explain. You may have a very valid pov that I am missing.
Do you want to share decision making or do you want them to be submissive to your desires?
Yeah, I'm not getting into submission here. You don't understand it. I don't either, but know enough that you aren't correct in your assumptions so far. Besides, that's not really what I was intending when I started this thread. Though, I can see how my thoughts could be turned into that type of discussion or argument. No thanks.
In terms of overt stereotyping, I would think in general it is better for heterosexual women if their man respects them than if he finds her sexually attractive. And for heterosexual men, the opposite. YMMV.
I'm beginning to think you must have both or it won't work. I still haven't figured out why you are thinking this is a gender issue? I'm a male, so I would look at it from my perspective, not a woman's. I can't really understand a woman's perspective or read a woman's mind. And, I started the thread, so it would be tough to ask as if I was a woman.I don't think it is so much a gender thing as a direction thing.
You mean a control thing? Like, who wants to be in control the most? Not sure what that means.
So maybe I would say it is always and everywhere a good thing that your spouse find you hot. It is not always and everywhere a good thing that you find your spouse hot. So it is more important that your spouse find you hot than that they respect you. And it is more important that you respect your spouse than that you find them hot.
So, if my spouse finds me hot, but I don't find her hot, she won't notice me looking at women I think are hot? She won't know by how passionate I am about sex? On the other hand, if I respect her, she will believe I am hot for her?
If I am hot for her, but she is not hot for me, I won't notice it by how passionate she is about sex? On the other hand, if she respects me, I will be hot for her?
Sounds like a typical LD marriage where someone is very unhappy and confused as to why they aren't getting any sex when they are or seem to be treated with respect. Of course, this is not respect. It's certainly something, though.
Also, isn't it easier to control a person if I am not hot for them and they are for me? Can't they be manipulated more easily? That seems dangerously like abuse. It would be an unhappy life for the one who is hot for the other.
Lots to think about in your statements.
Of course, it is best if both of you feel both about your spouse. But it doesn't always work out that way.