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post #16 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 11:07 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

Hun, he is a POS.

He cheated on you and abandoned you and put unnecessary stress on you and your unborn child.

He is selfish, a jerk, pig, inconsiderate sack of sh!t.

I know it hurts, but you can do better. Your kids deserve better.

F*ck him. Loser.


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post #17 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 11:47 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

Maybe he was okay being a step dad but not a dad. His behavior may match him learning you were pregnant.

But that is beside the point.... he cheated on you, walked out on you. Kick trash to the curb. You can do MUCH

better. I know you want to know the "whys" but in the end.... it really does not matter. He has shown you who he

really is.... believe him. Secure a reputable attorney and go after all the CS you can. Have him cover the child's

medical insurance, and allow him only supervised visitation. I will tell you exactly what I surmised about my x g/f

a few months back -S/he will one day grow up but.... I / you won't be around to see it-

A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #18 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
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Update: So sometime has passed since my last post in December. I am now just a few weeks from giving birth and nothing has changed on his end. I discovered a few weeks after moving out that there was a necklace and tissues left behind with lipstick smeared in the bathroom and bedroom. Graffiti all over the walls (he's quite big on graffiti and street art). That was the last time I entered the apartment we shared and never do I even want to enter it again. He won't confirm who the necklace belonged too and denies sleeping with anyone else after the initial break up. Claims he has lots of get-togethers and many people enter the apartment so the broken necklace in the bathroom could be anyone's (the thought of a ripped necklace and how it got to the bathroom disgusts me). The get-togethers I know are true as my sister had to stop by to pick up a fan (mid January) that belonged to her, he laid it on the ground outside the apartment door while she heard the laughter of many people and the smell of marijuana. Whenever we do have contact, he sometimes claims his phone is broken and to use email to contact him. Other times his iMessage works just fine. This weekend his phone doesn't work and he's getting a new me...so he claims. He claims he's waiting for his health insurance to kick through to seek mental health help. Honestly had I been the stupid young women of December I'd believe this BS. But no. A few weeks of thinking can do a lot for ya'. I can see through his bs. He had full on intentions of trying to string me along and use me for his own ego gratification. He'd ask me to "wait for him" that perhaps his feelings for me would return. I don't think so. I now see how I can do much better, yes I will be a single mom of 2 at 28 (birthday just passed) but I am college educated, young, and *gasp* gorgeous. I will cut my losses. He can continue the disappearing act, but he will have to answer to the child support order come March. I am angry and still hurt nonetheless smart. I've hopped off the emotional roller coaster he tried to have me ride. I deserve better.
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post #19 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 04:11 PM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

It sounds like you are doing much better despite the awful situation he has put you in. You are right that you deserve to be treated better. No one deserved what he's dishing out.

I think that the reason he is saying things that sound like he is stringing you along is that he wants you and he wants other women too. He's hoping that you are stupid enough to let him have this. I guess he's wrong, isn't he?

I also think that it makes him feel better to be able to tell himself that you are the one who broke up the relationship. It's a chicken move on his part.

He's clearly not a person who can handle things when hard things happen. You had a hard pregnancy and he was unable to handle it emotionally. He was not getting 100% of your attention and he could not handle that.
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post #20 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 04:25 PM Thread Starter
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I absolutely agree. I truly think he will kick himself in the head for this in the future though I hope I am not around to see it.
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post #21 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 04:26 PM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

Good for you.

"Wait for me to see if my feelings return" is cheater speak for "put your life on hold while I try out others to see if I can do better. If I can't I'll honor you by lowering myself to come back".

Probably doesn't want to pay child support.

Let this loser go. He isn't ready to be an adult let alone a husband and father. Frankly his bs is just intelligence insulting.
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post #22 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 04:37 PM Thread Starter
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Good for you.

"Wait for me to see if my feelings return" is cheater speak for "put your life on hold while I try out others to see if I can do better. If I can't I'll honor you by lowering myself to come back".

Probably doesn't want to pay child support.

Let this loser go. He isn't ready to be an adult let alone a husband and father. Frankly his bs is just intelligence insulting.
I did find his actions insulting and almost hilarious he'd think he could pull this off. I am seeing things clearer everyday, he wasn't and still wasn't worth the hassle. He was a constant liar through out the relationship. He couldn't stop lying for minor things I don't expect him to become honest now or later.
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post #23 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 04:37 PM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

I would be thankful that you have found out what he is really like before you married him. Make sure that you get legal advise about what he must contribute for child support and be the best mum you can to those innocent children.
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post #24 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 04:40 PM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

Good for you OP! Way to go honey. You and your children deserve more than this lying sack of sh!t.

You don't need him, soon enough you will be blessed with your second little miracle and you will create a wonderful life for you and your two little people.

You've got this xx
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post #25 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:21 PM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

Congratulations! So many women don't have the strength to walk away like you did, and they end up paying one hell of a price for it. I don't even know you and I'm proud of you. You are strong, you are beautiful, and you will find love (the real kind this time) one day. Never settle, never have "I'll be ok" as your catch phrase, you ARE ok, you ARE amazing. He is seriously good ng to regret this one day after his balls fall of from some mutant STD. Good riddance.



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post #26 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:33 PM Thread Starter
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Congratulations! So many women don't have the strength to walk away like you did, and they end up paying one hell of a price for it. I don't even know you and I'm proud of you. You are strong, you are beautiful, and you will find love (the real kind this time) one day. Never settle, never have "I'll be ok" as your catch phrase, you ARE ok, you ARE amazing. He is seriously good ng to regret this one day after his balls fall of from some mutant STD. Good riddance.

"Mutant STD" I laughed so much at this! Thank you! What is funnier and probably very childish of me to say is that he's not very attractive either. I laugh like an immature school girl at the thought of him trying to be this new suave guy who wants multiple women. I've known him since our early high school days and he's never been very lucky at picking up the women he actually found attractive. His friends and family alike said he was definitely lucky to have had me and really stupid for letting me walk. Oh well! His loss. I am ready to be the best mom I can be and look ahead.
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post #27 of 47 (permalink) Old 02-05-2017, 07:44 PM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

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"Mutant STD" I laughed so much at this! Thank you! What is funnier and probably very childish of me to say is that he's not very attractive either. I laugh like an immature school girl at the thought of him trying to be this new suave guy who wants multiple women. I've known him since our early high school days and he's never been very lucky at picking up the women he actually found attractive. His friends and family alike said he was definitely lucky to have had me and really stupid for letting me walk. Oh well! His loss. I am ready to be the best mom I can be and look ahead.
Oh I know all about them fugly looking dudes. I've been there. You break up with them and it's like"holy crap, love really does blind you, how was I able to sleep with him??"

It's not childish, dudes an ass, an ugly ass that should have kissed the ground you walk on. And now that we know his personality matches his looks, you can rest easy knowing it's HIS COMPLETE LOSS

You do you Hun, be the best damn you that you can be. Screw the rest xo
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post #28 of 47 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 09:45 AM Thread Starter
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Update/ex fiancé still causing damage: The hurt is very real today. Somehow the closer baby is due (11days or less now ) the easier it has been for the ex fiancé to speak to me. Of course with no intention of working anything out with us but apologizing (about not loving me without actually saying it) the last blow was him telling me via text he will hopefully find a woman that loves our daughter as much I love her though he's not actively searching and is letting things just happen in his life. I'm not sure if he understands how hurtful these words are to me. I have constant contractions on a daily (body is surely prepping for labor) I don't need hear that he is now waiting for his supposed soulmate that will be this fabulous step mother he believes she will be. He's suddenly completely normal has stopped the harsh drugs and partying and sticking to some basic friends and his weed plus work. He almost seems like a greener grass case. Regardless I am pregnant and his words have hurt me. He reopened a wound I had long worked to heal. Keeping him away is no longer an option..he has respected to stay away for the birth and to give me a few weeks to adjust after birth however he has fully expressed he wants some form of visitation then after. Has agreed to court ordered child support as well. She will be breastfed and not be given bottles just like I did with previous DS. He fully intends to be around my home even if just weekends to hold her. How on earth is this healthy for me? How do people move on in a situation like this? Seems impossibly insane. This guy cheated on me, put me out of my own home, didn't care my son cried and suffered his absence, had the audacity to tell me about the lifestyle he was living, the # of women he slept with(2) and now that he's all done with that....he's "sorry" "didn't ever mean to hurt me" "and is going to find the one for him one way or another" ...his words. I cut the conversation politely after this. I do not need to hear this. I almost wish I could see what on earth he's thinking how did we go from fine to "Im not happy" "I love you but not in love with you" everything going to hell after to the current feeble apologies he's throwing my way. What is he thinking ?!

I was just peachy before.....and now I feel like he's reopening an old wound. How can I begin to deal with is all over again?
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post #29 of 47 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 10:28 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

You should look up narcissistic personality disorder, he has a lot of the hallmark traits of that. Once you read about that, you'll see that they lack empathy, and life is all about their needs, wants, desires...and their partners are all just playthings that they put on a shelf until they want to play with them again.

And work on healing, it is hard to heal from a break up with a person like this. They don't want to let you go because they want to still use you when it suits. You'll have to go no contact...meaning, no texting, no emailing, no face book, no social media, and block his number, or he will haunt you forever. I've dated men like this, and they don't ever let you go, you have to sever it. He will keep reopening the wound over and over, if you let him.

Hugs and hope you go NC.
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post #30 of 47 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 10:33 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

Make sure you hold him legally responsible for the financial support of the child, in whatever means necessary in your state to do so whether it's putting his name on the birth certificate, or giving him the opportunity to take a paternity test or whatever it takes.

Don't be one of those women who say "I don't need his money" because it's not about your needs it's about your child's needs and the obligation of both parents to support them.
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