Partners change of heart but I am pregnant - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 04:28 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy

This is going to be long but I have got to get this off my chest and get some guidance. I was engaged to a wonderful man, together 3 years. He was an amazing step father to my first born and got along great with me, my family, everyone. Things got a little rocky this summer, being displaced from our home and financial stress. We made it out of the situation into our own home and he landed a new job. All this happened while I was bed ridden with hyperemisis due to my pregnancy. Violent vomiting severe dehydration, the works. He was quite attentive to both me and my child in this time of need until he landed his new job. Upon landing the new job, the work required he work long hours sometimes 12 and even up to 14.

Things became pretty tense when I laid beside him and realized he was deleting his text messages. (for reference we are both 27). I found it terribly odd but he claimed to have developed OCD to keep his message box clean. I began to have suspicions. Fast forward to November a female co worker texted him after work hours which i found strange and asked him about it, he gave me a deer caught in head lights look. Said its no big deal shes just friendly. This ensued many arguments as i was able to tap into call records and see he would delete text messages from female co workers. He would swear it was nothing that he was "OCD" about his text message box. After weeks of arguing i got him to admit that he was in fact inappropriate and very flirtatious with many of his female co workers two in particular. He said in person and via text messages. He said the messages were highly inappropriate at times, one example "I cant wait to bite you" was said to one of the female coworker. Other said things about missing each other. I texted the co worker and told her he has built a family and made her aware of the inappropriate talk, she took my concern in stride and laughed.
During this exchange I figured if he was admitting fault sure he wanted to work things out. I asked if he'd like to regain my trust he'd have to relinquish some privacy if hes willing to prove he was going to change. He flatly said no he would not agree to that. I said I will walk out and sleep at my mothers and told him it is up to him to stop me from doing so if he cares for us and our relationship. He let me walk out in the cold at 2 am rather than relinquish privacy to earn the trust back. This triggered him ignoring me via texts and calls for the next few days. During this time he chose to attend his company's holiday party and cheated on me that night. He went on a spending spree making sure he looked great for the party. (he had previously said he wasnt going to go) ...that night i texted him begging for some response. I told him i was seven months pregnant to at least consider that and the worry and stress i am under. That is when he admitted to making out with a coworker which he claims is neither of the original girls he texted rather a new girl and that he wanted to be single. The next day I am told he wants space and hints at him being ok if i moved out. At this point I am utterly confused and depressed. I began to move me and my sons things alone at 7 months pregnant. During the week id beg to speak to him but he would avoid me or answer one message and disappear again. In one occaasion to force some talk i went to his now basically single guy apartment to talk it over. There was lots of crying on both ends and then sex. He'd then text me a day or two after saying he missed me or that he was confused. I would begin to have some kind of hope but then radio silence again. On Christmas eve after much begging and crying on my part we met up, this time my poor child missing his step dad was brought along for the visit. He did not buy him a gift...which i found almost hard to believe. After putting my child to sleep more crying ensues and he tells me he just doesn't feel the same way about me. I asked if there is anyone else and he absolutely says no but admits to continue to speak to his female co workers and that the flirting continues. He'd hold me through out the night and cry.. he'd apologize over and over to me and lay me on his chest while i cried. I was devastated and expressed had that been the case why not just end it before cheating in such a way, spending money so recklessly trying to impress co workers and stringing me along all week long. He says hes confused but he's had these feelings for some time (about the time before or after i became pregnant)...or so he says. I however refuse to believe this as his change is very sudden towards me and his distance towards me began with his new job.
I dont know what to think. I am due March and devastated. He has caused me too much hurt to turn back now but i wish someone would at least explain to me what is going on? He was so sweet and caring before. Sure he would get stressed and had a nasty lying habit about his smoking and money spent on his smoking habit but other than that i would have never predicted this behavior. He is now going out all the time, doesn't look for me, nor my son, he's very cold.... I am not eating and falling into a depression. I don't know why he would do this now and in such a way ..help me figure this out. I told him I will go no contact with him as I am not a door mat but he didnt seem to care. I am so lost....


Last edited by imlost2989; 12-26-2016 at 09:38 AM.
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post #2 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 06:03 AM Thread Starter
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Please someone anyone help me make sense of this senseless situation .. my depression is only worsening ..i can't sleep and I'm barely functioning
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post #3 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 07:10 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

I feel for you, but my advice is to take care of you and your children and leave this guy in the dust. You cannot make him care. If you don't, my story will be your story in a few years, if not before. You owe it to yourself and your children.
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post #4 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 07:21 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

The others will be along to offer sympathetic support and suggestions on going to counseling and how to take care of yourself and all that, so I'll leave that to them.

I tend to see things much more systematically - so my post will be primarily utilitarian.

Unfortunately, you've done everything wrong.

Everything.

Your first order of business is to get a full panel of STD testing done IMMEDIATELY. This fool you keep chasing has ZERO respect for you and even less respect for his unborn child. He could have given you an STD that will put your baby's life in danger so get to the doctor NOW. It's extremely unfortunate that you didn't choose well at all from the prospective father gene pool, but this is who you're stuck with and this is now your reality.

Cheating on your pregnant wife or girlfriend is one of the absolute lowest acts a man can sink to - and having sex with you after having done that shows you EXACTLY how much respect he has for you and his unborn child. Only a complete piece of SH*T would put you and your unborn baby at risk like that.

Secondly, you need to stop begging him and crying and trying to 'nice' him back - because it's NOT going to work. Stop offering to go 'no contact' with him because you're hoping to elicit some kind of response out of him. All this disrespecting yourself by doing the "pick me" dance has gotten you is a possible STD for your trouble.

This selfish a*sshole has chosen to stick you with raising his child while he lives the life of a freakin' frat boy - with an expensive wardrobe. That'll change once you file for child support.

Quote:
He let me walk out in the cold at 2 am rather than relinquish privacy to earn the trust back.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

Quote:
his triggered him ignoring me via texts and calls for the next few days. During this time he chose to attend his company's holiday party and cheated on me that night.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

Quote:
The next day I am told he wants space and hints at him being ok if i moved out.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

Quote:
I began to move me and my sons things alone at 7 months pregnant.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

Quote:
On Christmas eve after much begging and crying on my part we met up, this time my poor child missing his step dad was brought along for the visit. He did not buy him a gift...which i found almost hard to believe.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

I need to point out to you that he's SHOWN YOU who he is - over and over and over and over again.

You need to believe him.

Look, it obviously wasn't your intention to raise this child alone, I get it. Unfortunately, that's your reality and believe it or not, you WILL do just fine.

But make NO mistake - he is financially responsible for this baby, regardless of a what a POS he is. If he wants to act the fool, you can't control that. But you CAN control his financial responsibility towards this child. And if you're smart, you'll do that immediately in your court's jurisdiction after your child's birth.

The courts don't give a rat's ass that he's a moral-less piece of crap. He's still responsible and they'll see to it that he IS made responsible. Do NOT use this as a gambling chip to try to win him back by being 'nice' and letting him off the hook for child support, either. Do what's right for your child.

It's time to take the gloves off and stand up for yourself because no one else is going to.

I'mLost, there's nothing to 'figure out' about his behavior. The truth is, this is who he IS. When you peel all the layers of shared history away, THIS is who he is, and now you've seen it for yourself. He's just kept it hidden from you. People with true integrity and character don't let you down like this. They don't.

So you need to accept who he is and move forward and be the best person and mother you can be to your children.
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post #5 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 08:16 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

Quote:
Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
The others will be along to offer sympathetic support and suggestions on going to counseling and how to take care of yourself and all that, so I'll leave that to them.

I tend to see things much more systematically - so my post will be primarily utilitarian.

Unfortunately, you've done everything wrong.

Everything.

Your first order of business is to get a full panel of STD testing done IMMEDIATELY. This fool you keep chasing has ZERO respect for you and even less respect for his unborn child. He could have given you an STD that will put your baby's life in danger so get to the doctor NOW. It's extremely unfortunate that you didn't choose well at all from the prospective father gene pool, but this is who you're stuck with and this is now your reality.

Cheating on your pregnant wife or girlfriend is one of the absolute lowest acts a man can sink to - and having sex with you after having done that shows you EXACTLY how much respect he has for you and his unborn child. Only a complete piece of SH*T would put you and your unborn baby at risk like that.

Secondly, you need to stop begging him and crying and trying to 'nice' him back - because it's NOT going to work. Stop offering to go 'no contact' with him because you're hoping to elicit some kind of response out of him. All this disrespecting yourself by doing the "pick me" dance has gotten you is a possible STD for your trouble.

This selfish a*sshole has chosen to stick you with raising his child while he lives the life of a freakin' frat boy - with an expensive wardrobe. That'll change once you file for child support.

I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

I need to point out to you that he's SHOWN YOU who he is - over and over and over and over again.

You need to believe him.

Look, it obviously wasn't your intention to raise this child alone, I get it. Unfortunately, that's your reality and believe it or not, you WILL do just fine.

But make NO mistake - he is financially responsible for this baby, regardless of a what a POS he is. If he wants to act the fool, you can't control that. But you CAN control his financial responsibility towards this child. And if you're smart, you'll do that immediately in your court's jurisdiction after your child's birth.

The courts don't give a rat's ass that he's a moral-less piece of crap. He's still responsible and they'll see to it that he IS made responsible. Do NOT use this as a gambling chip to try to win him back by being 'nice' and letting him off the hook for child support, either. Do what's right for your child.

It's time to take the gloves off and stand up for yourself because no one else is going to.

I'mLost, there's nothing to 'figure out' about his behavior. The truth is, this is who he IS. When you peel all the layers of shared history away, THIS is who he is, and now you've seen it for yourself. He's just kept it hidden from you. People with true integrity and character don't let you down like this. They don't.

So you need to accept who he is and move forward and be the best person and mother you can be to your children.
You hit it out of the ballpark, SSGI. Absolutely fabulous post.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #6 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 08:30 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

I can't begin to imagine the pain that you are feeling. As much as everyone will give you advice about how to proceed, take control of yourself and your emotions. He's causing you great pain and for whatever reason he doesn't care. He seems like the proverbial nerd who suddenly become noticeable by the cool kids and his nasty jerk personality has been awakened.
Stop engaging him and get a lawyer. Protect yourself by not talking, seeing or texting him. He's shown you what an a**hole he is . If you have any male friends, allow them to help you out with moving, keeping your distance from this creep.
Take care of yourself and your unborn child by eating small meals, keep a water bottle filled with refreshing water to keep you hydrated. Surround yourself with people who want to take care of you like your parents. If the father of your other child is in the picture, allow him to care for him to give you respite. Good luck.

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post #7 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 08:33 AM Thread Starter
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post #8 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 08:36 AM Thread Starter
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I reread this over and over and over and yes you are 100%. I do not want him back and while yes I am hurting I wish the coward would at least admit if there was someone else. I will get an STD panel tomorrow (pre natal appointment) this makes me sick and so ashamed of myself. I wish I could ask why? Just why? Why be so utterly cruel ?!
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post #9 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 08:40 AM Thread Starter
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My ex husband has been rather understanding and will take over my eldest for the day. He knows I haven't rested in days and will take over for me. He too cannot believe this utter betrayal as he trusted this man 100% with his child. My things will be all moved out by Tuesday and I'll be living back at home with my mother for the time being. Everyone is trying to help me ...it's just hard when even I can't control my emotions about the situation.
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post #10 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 08:44 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

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Originally Posted by imlost2989 View Post
TI told him I will go no contact with him as I am not a door mat but he didnt seem to care.
Don't threaten to go no contact, that's just weak, pathetic and accomplishes nothing.

Just do it.

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post #11 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 08:47 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by browser View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by imlost2989 View Post
TI told him I will go no contact with him as I am not a door mat but he didnt seem to care.
Don't threaten to go no contact, that's just weak, pathetic and accomplishes nothing.

Just do it.
My apologies if my replies haven't been directed to the correct responder I am new to the site and no familiar with how to use it.

At this point I don't care about "no contact" I am furious as my eyes begin to see things clearly. I want nothing to do with him. Speaking to him now would repulse me.
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post #12 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 08:51 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
The others will be along to offer sympathetic support and suggestions on going to counseling and how to take care of yourself and all that, so I'll leave that to them.

I tend to see things much more systematically - so my post will be primarily utilitarian.

Unfortunately, you've done everything wrong.

Everything.

Your first order of business is to get a full panel of STD testing done IMMEDIATELY. This fool you keep chasing has ZERO respect for you and even less respect for his unborn child. He could have given you an STD that will put your baby's life in danger so get to the doctor NOW. It's extremely unfortunate that you didn't choose well at all from the prospective father gene pool, but this is who you're stuck with and this is now your reality.

Cheating on your pregnant wife or girlfriend is one of the absolute lowest acts a man can sink to - and having sex with you after having done that shows you EXACTLY how much respect he has for you and his unborn child. Only a complete piece of SH*T would put you and your unborn baby at risk like that.

Secondly, you need to stop begging him and crying and trying to 'nice' him back - because it's NOT going to work. Stop offering to go 'no contact' with him because you're hoping to elicit some kind of response out of him. All this disrespecting yourself by doing the "pick me" dance has gotten you is a possible STD for your trouble.

This selfish a*sshole has chosen to stick you with raising his child while he lives the life of a freakin' frat boy - with an expensive wardrobe. That'll change once you file for child support.

Quote:
He let me walk out in the cold at 2 am rather than relinquish privacy to earn the trust back.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

Quote:
his triggered him ignoring me via texts and calls for the next few days. During this time he chose to attend his company's holiday party and cheated on me that night.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

Quote:
The next day I am told he wants space and hints at him being ok if i moved out.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

Quote:
I began to move me and my sons things alone at 7 months pregnant.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

Quote:
On Christmas eve after much begging and crying on my part we met up, this time my poor child missing his step dad was brought along for the visit. He did not buy him a gift...which i found almost hard to believe.
I'm sorry, but THIS is the POS you're trying so hard to win back.

I need to point out to you that he's SHOWN YOU who he is - over and over and over and over again.

You need to believe him.

Look, it obviously wasn't your intention to raise this child alone, I get it. Unfortunately, that's your reality and believe it or not, you WILL do just fine.

But make NO mistake - he is financially responsible for this baby, regardless of a what a POS he is. If he wants to act the fool, you can't control that. But you CAN control his financial responsibility towards this child. And if you're smart, you'll do that immediately in your court's jurisdiction after your child's birth.

The courts don't give a rat's ass that he's a moral-less piece of crap. He's still responsible and they'll see to it that he IS made responsible. Do NOT use this as a gambling chip to try to win him back by being 'nice' and letting him off the hook for child support, either. Do what's right for your child.

It's time to take the gloves off and stand up for yourself because no one else is going to.

I'mLost, there's nothing to 'figure out' about his behavior. The truth is, this is who he IS. When you peel all the layers of shared history away, THIS is who he is, and now you've seen it for yourself. He's just kept it hidden from you. People with true integrity and character don't let you down like this. They don't.

So you need to accept who he is and move forward and be the best person and mother you can be to your children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by imlost2989 View Post

I reread this over and over and over and yes you are 100%. I do not want him back and while yes I am hurting I wish the coward would at least admit if there was someone else. I will get an STD panel tomorrow (pre natal appointment) this makes me sick and so ashamed of myself. I wish I could ask why? Just why? Why be so utterly cruel ?!
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post #13 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 09:50 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

Quote:
Originally Posted by imlost2989 View Post
I found it terribly odd but he claimed to have developed OCD to keep his message box clean. I began to have suspicions. Fast forward to November a female co worker texted him after work hours which i found strange and asked him about it, he gave me a deer caught in head lights look. Said its no big deal shes just friendly. This ensued many arguments as i was able to tap into call records and see he would delete text messages from female co workers. He would swear it was nothing that he was "OCD" about his text message box. After weeks of arguing i got him to admit that he was in fact inappropriate and very flirtatious with many of his female co workers two in particular.
This is a lesson for everyone. When someone gives outright silly answers, never buy it or think that arguing is going to work. If it took weeks to admit then that means that for weeks he thought his excuse was working.

Quote:
He said in person and via text messages. He said the messages were highly inappropriate at times, one example "I cant wait to bite you" was said to one of the female coworker. Other said things about missing each other. I texted the co worker and told her he has built a family and made her aware of the inappropriate talk, she took my concern in stride and laughed.
Feelings? We will see.



Quote:
During this exchange I figured if he was admitting fault sure he wanted to work things out. I asked if he'd like to regain my trust he'd have to relinquish some privacy if hes willing to prove he was going to change. He flatly said no he would not agree to that. I said I will walk out and sleep at my mothers and told him it is up to him to stop me from doing so if he cares for us and our relationship.
You pulled a hand grenade out of your purse, removed the pin and threatened him.

Quote:
He let me walk out in the cold at 2 am rather than relinquish privacy to earn the trust back. This triggered him ignoring me via texts and calls for the next few days.
You walked away and the grenade went off, damaging only you.


Quote:
During this time he chose to attend his company's holiday party and cheated on me that night. He went on a spending spree making sure he looked great for the party. (he had previously said he wasnt going to go) ...that night i texted him begging for some response. I told him i was seven months pregnant to at least consider that and the worry and stress i am under. That is when he admitted to making out with a coworker which he claims is neither of the original girls he texted rather a new girl and that he wanted to be single.
I am detecting no authentic desire on his part to be what any woman deserves.


Quote:
The next day I am told he wants space and hints at him being ok if i moved out. At this point I am utterly confused and depressed. I began to move me and my sons things alone at 7 months pregnant. During the week id beg to speak to him but he would avoid me or answer one message and disappear again.
Again, you employ methods of weakness. You gave up any self-respect, hoping that he'd give into the emotional plea. Regardless of the outcome, the only way he is going to alter his course is if you regain your self-respect and accept objective reality. As it stands, reality is not imposing any burdens on him.


Quote:
In one occaasion to force some talk i went to his now basically single guy apartment to talk it over. There was lots of crying on both ends and then sex. He'd then text me a day or two after saying he missed me or that he was confused. I would begin to have some kind of hope but then radio silence again. On Christmas eve after much begging and crying on my part we met up, this time my poor child missing his step dad was brought along for the visit.
If your emotional pleas "work" in getting him to stop cheating and be faithful to you (now), the power balance in the relationship will be considerably altered, leaving him with the power.


Quote:
He did not buy him a gift...which i found almost hard to believe.
Did you read what you said before you wrote that? I believe it.

Quote:
After putting my child to sleep more crying ensues and he tells me he just doesn't feel the same way about me. I asked if there is anyone else and he absolutely says no but admits to continue to speak to his female co workers and that the flirting continues.
Is this a guy you would ask on a date if you had just met him?


Quote:
He'd hold me through out the night and cry.. he'd apologize over and over to me and lay me on his chest while i cried. I was devastated and expressed had that been the case why not just end it before cheating in such a way, spending money so recklessly trying to impress co workers and stringing me along all week long. He says hes confused but hes had these feelinsg for some time (about the time before or after i became pregnant)...or so he says. I however refuse to believe this as his change is very sudden towards me and his distance towards me began with his new job.
We are charged with the responsibility of being good to our partners, regardless of the position or where we work. It isn't the job, it is the person at the job (him).



Quote:
I dont know what to think. I am due March and devastated.
Yes you do.


Quote:
He has caused me too much hurt to turn back now but i wish someone would at least explain to me what is going on?
I refuse to answer that question for you. Read your post.


Quote:
He was so sweet and caring before.
The only thing that matters is the person that stands before you.

Quote:
Sure he would get stressed and had a nasty lying habit about his smoking and money spent on his smoking habit but other than that i would have never predicted this behavior. He is now going out all the time, doesn't look for me, nor my son, he's very cold.... I am not eating and falling into a depression. I don't know why he would do this now and in such a way ..help me figure this out. I told him I will go no contact with him as I am not a door mat but he didnt seem to care. I am so lost....
Contrary to what one said above, I only advise talking to someone so that you gain emotional resilience and a faith in objective reality.

You already know all of the answers you asked. If I provide them for you (others have) then it is easy for you to disbelieve them because he was so sweet when you got pregnant.

Is this the type of man that you would advise a lady friend or sister/cousin to date and marry? If they experienced this same exact trauma, what would you tell them to do?
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post #14 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 10:08 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Relationship Teacher View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by imlost2989 View Post
I found it terribly odd but he claimed to have developed OCD to keep his message box clean. I began to have suspicions. Fast forward to November a female co worker texted him after work hours which i found strange and asked him about it, he gave me a deer caught in head lights look. Said its no big deal shes just friendly. This ensued many arguments as i was able to tap into call records and see he would delete text messages from female co workers. He would swear it was nothing that he was "OCD" about his text message box. After weeks of arguing i got him to admit that he was in fact inappropriate and very flirtatious with many of his female co workers two in particular.
This is a lesson for everyone. When someone gives outright silly answers, never buy it or think that arguing is going to work. If it took weeks to admit then that means that for weeks he thought his excuse was working.

Quote:
He said in person and via text messages. He said the messages were highly inappropriate at times, one example "I cant wait to bite you" was said to one of the female coworker. Other said things about missing each other. I texted the co worker and told her he has built a family and made her aware of the inappropriate talk, she took my concern in stride and laughed.
Feelings? We will see.



Quote:
During this exchange I figured if he was admitting fault sure he wanted to work things out. I asked if he'd like to regain my trust he'd have to relinquish some privacy if hes willing to prove he was going to change. He flatly said no he would not agree to that. I said I will walk out and sleep at my mothers and told him it is up to him to stop me from doing so if he cares for us and our relationship.
You pulled a hand grenade out of your purse, removed the pin and threatened him.

Quote:
He let me walk out in the cold at 2 am rather than relinquish privacy to earn the trust back. This triggered him ignoring me via texts and calls for the next few days.
You walked away and the grenade went off, damaging only you.


Quote:
During this time he chose to attend his company's holiday party and cheated on me that night. He went on a spending spree making sure he looked great for the party. (he had previously said he wasnt going to go) ...that night i texted him begging for some response. I told him i was seven months pregnant to at least consider that and the worry and stress i am under. That is when he admitted to making out with a coworker which he claims is neither of the original girls he texted rather a new girl and that he wanted to be single.
I am detecting no authentic desire on his part to be what any woman deserves.


Quote:
The next day I am told he wants space and hints at him being ok if i moved out. At this point I am utterly confused and depressed. I began to move me and my sons things alone at 7 months pregnant. During the week id beg to speak to him but he would avoid me or answer one message and disappear again.
Again, you employ methods of weakness. You gave up any self-respect, hoping that he'd give into the emotional plea. Regardless of the outcome, the only way he is going to alter his course is if you regain your self-respect and accept objective reality. As it stands, reality is not imposing any burdens on him.


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In one occaasion to force some talk i went to his now basically single guy apartment to talk it over. There was lots of crying on both ends and then sex. He'd then text me a day or two after saying he missed me or that he was confused. I would begin to have some kind of hope but then radio silence again. On Christmas eve after much begging and crying on my part we met up, this time my poor child missing his step dad was brought along for the visit.
If your emotional pleas "work" in getting him to stop cheating and be faithful to you (now), the power balance in the relationship will be considerably altered, leaving him with the power.


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He did not buy him a gift...which i found almost hard to believe.
Did you read what you said before you wrote that? I believe it.

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After putting my child to sleep more crying ensues and he tells me he just doesn't feel the same way about me. I asked if there is anyone else and he absolutely says no but admits to continue to speak to his female co workers and that the flirting continues.
Is this a guy you would ask on a date if you had just met him?


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He'd hold me through out the night and cry.. he'd apologize over and over to me and lay me on his chest while i cried. I was devastated and expressed had that been the case why not just end it before cheating in such a way, spending money so recklessly trying to impress co workers and stringing me along all week long. He says hes confused but hes had these feelinsg for some time (about the time before or after i became pregnant)...or so he says. I however refuse to believe this as his change is very sudden towards me and his distance towards me began with his new job.
We are charged with the responsibility of being good to our partners, regardless of the position or where we work. It isn't the job, it is the person at the job (him).



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I dont know what to think. I am due March and devastated.
Yes you do.


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He has caused me too much hurt to turn back now but i wish someone would at least explain to me what is going on?
I refuse to answer that question for you. Read your post.


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He was so sweet and caring before.
The only thing that matters is the person that stands before you.

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Sure he would get stressed and had a nasty lying habit about his smoking and money spent on his smoking habit but other than that i would have never predicted this behavior. He is now going out all the time, doesn't look for me, nor my son, he's very cold.... I am not eating and falling into a depression. I don't know why he would do this now and in such a way ..help me figure this out. I told him I will go no contact with him as I am not a door mat but he didnt seem to care. I am so lost....
Contrary to what one said above, I only advise talking to someone so that you gain emotional resilience and a faith in objective reality.

You already know all of the answers you asked. If I provide them for you (others have) then it is easy for you to disbelieve them because he was so sweet when you got pregnant.

Is this the type of man that you would advise a lady friend or sister/cousin to date and marry? If they experienced this same exact trauma, what would you tell them to do?
I would tell her to run for the hills. He is me attempting to text me. And harass me about working things out. I'm going to black hole everything. He saw i stopped talking and responding and is now wanting to work things out. Not happening. All this heart ache I went through...I can't risk feeling like this again....I can't. I deserve better than this
imlost2989 is offline  
post #15 of 47 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 10:22 AM
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Re: Partners change of heart but I am pregnant

Get yourself out of that situation immediately, get yourself checked out by your doctor and start taking good care of yourself physically and mentally. If necessary, go to a shelter, but get away from this man and stay away. You owe this not only to yourself, but to your children.

We can't tell you why he is the way he is; we don't know him. He could just be a horrible person, he might have mental health issues or it could be the drugs he's smoking. Whatever the situation is, the effect on you is the same and you need to get away from him - and stay away. NOW! Things won't get better with a man like this; nor will your health and self-esteem.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
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