Am I overreacting to this prenup? - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 04:30 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

I dont see anything super out of line...i mean this is just version 1...right? Its like any other contract, you can ask for the moon...that doesnt mean its gonna end that way.

Get out your red pen and line through the items you dont like....there you go.

For maximum fun....counter the no alimony with an offer that he make one time cash payment to you of 50K should the marriage terminate for any reason before 25 years. Hell, throw in a house too. (My dad has Repeatedly).


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post #17 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 04:52 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I dont see anything super out of line...i mean this is just version 1...right? Its like any other contract, you can ask for the moon...that doesnt mean its gonna end that way.

Get out your red pen and line through the items you dont like....there you go.

For maximum fun....counter the no alimony with an offer that he make one time cash payment to you of 50K should the marriage terminate for any reason before 25 years. Hell, throw in a house too. (My dad has Repeatedly).
Did you miss the part where she said when she challenges him on it he gets furious and shuts her out for days?
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post #18 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 05:38 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

That prenup is highly inequitable. Frankly, I would call off the wedding.
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post #19 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 06:00 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Did you miss the part where she said when she challenges him on it he gets furious and shuts her out for days?
Nope, i got that. He wants her to go through the attorney...then by all means she should do so, at his expense.

Im simply recommending that instead of just taking his BS transparent intimidation attempts....she should take a page out of his book. Call that bluff....if he is attempting to use her fir a visa...this will get it right out there on the table for all to see.

OP is a big girl and and shouldnt hesitate to play hardball to get to the truth.

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Raked by machine gun fire.
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post #20 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 06:17 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Is he marrying you to gain citizenship, do you think? I'm thinking this...which explains why the prenup is so specific. I don't see anything wrong with prenups, in general, but in your case, seeing that he's not a citizen, it seems like his way of gaining citizenship and then leaving you without losing anything.

You should sign the prenup with not your name but ''BYE.'' lol Let him become a citizen first, then think of marrying him. Then, we'll see what happens, and if he still desires marrying you.

Sometimes, you fall in love with the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. ~ Unknown
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post #21 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 06:29 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

I would walk away from this and him....tell to wait a couple more years....by then Amazon Alexa's will come with a vagina and breast and he can marry it.
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post #22 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 06:38 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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OP is a big girl and and shouldnt hesitate to play hardball to get to the truth.
This is no basis for which to start a lifelong legal commitment.
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post #23 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Reading through all of these responses comforts me that I made the right decision. I told him no and was willing to come to a mutual agreement with some edits. He countered with saying I had the mindset of someone who was using him for money, not marrying for love and wouldn't hear it when I switched it around on him. We're probably going to wait a few years until he's ACTUALLY ready to be married, if it makes it that far.
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post #24 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Edit: just realized this post was in the ladies lounge... saw in on the "Recent Discussions" list to the right. Still think it might be useful (runs away!)


I found this to be really helpful and am now thinking I probably should have posted this in the general questions forum.
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post #25 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:38 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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This is no basis for which to start a lifelong legal commitment.
Agreed...i don't expect it to go that far


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post #26 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-28-2016, 07:47 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

If he wants to protect his son, he can always set up a trust for him that cannot be touched by a divorce. It looks like he wants to protect himself but the way he goes about it (and turns it around on you) is shameless.
Not a promising start to a marriage...tread carefully and consult lawyers, when it comes to signing anything.
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post #27 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 02:39 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

This sound really unreasonable to me and I am big time fan of prenup. My understanding is that it can only protect certain accounts and/or premarital assets. Wealth that you acquire during marriage is divisible by the customary 50% split. It sounds like him and his lawyer are trying to get to sign something that wouldn't hold in court anyway.
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post #28 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 03:43 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

If he wants "what's mine is mine, and yours in yours" then marriage is not the right thing for him. Why not stay as boyfriend and girlfriend? Then the law would protect what's "his" as you would have no legal hold over it as your not his wife. If not to share his life with you, why else is he marrying you? Sounds like he wants citizenship, then the ability to walk away in 3-5 years with all "his" assets.
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post #29 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 03:58 AM
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Cool Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

A word of warning to the wise is sufficient: My RSXW was and continues to be a millionairess! Compared to her, "I didn't have a pot to pi$$ in, nor a window to throw it out of!"

During our engagement, she used a prenup on me with my mind set strictly being, "Hey, it's OK, love will conquer all! Blindly, I more than willingly signed it for her!

Long story short, seven short years into our marriage, she started covertly spreading her thighs to the "ghosts of boyfriends past," on her numerous out-of-town "business trips, summarily kicked me out of the house on the ruse of a "trial separation," then insulated herself from being sued for any of her assets, but was still jaded enough to go after mine!

Thank God that the presiding lady State district judge in the divorce hearing saw through her ruse and dismissed her action, but because I signed my rights away to spousal support, she had it in there that she could sue me for certain reimbursements, but I could not sue her. Ergo, I received "jack" in the final decree settlement instead of the mandated state community property!

Have your attorney go through this prenup with a fine tooth comb before you ever sign off on or simply even initial a document that could irreparably harm you financially!

I am now of the jaded opinion that all that a prenup really does is to help greedy bastards stay attached to what it is that they love the most ~ all of their damned money and wealth!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 12-29-2016 at 04:05 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #30 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 06:38 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

You've had a number of people tell you:
1. The Prenup is very unfair.
2. Don't sign a thing.
3. Get your own lawyer.

So I'm not going to beat the dead horse here.

Once you've done #3, you need to work with your lawyer to re-write the prenup into something more reasonable.

I'm surprised you did not sit with your fiance to talk about what would go into the prenup. You need to go into this with eyes wide open and be very active in advocating for yourself where it is due.

My husband and I were both previously married and we worked (off and on, not consistently) for over 6 months to work on drafts of our prenup with our respective lawyers. The time taken allowed us to really think about all the things that mattered to us individually. I am very glad that we took a no-pressure, open, and communicative approach. We are both very happy with the outcome and now it's something that's filed away, for us to not worry about. Our approach was very mutual in writing it, which helped immensely. When there is disagreement as to the purpose behind the prenup, then it can create all kinds of complications.

I suggest that you converse with your fiance. Him taking control of the whole process, without negotiating with you is very presumptuous on his part and disrespectful to you.
Yes, he is older and has more assets. My husband is 16 years older, had many more assets, and came with 3 children he had to look out for. Despite all that, our prenup is by my reckoning more than fair and equitable, as I do not want him to worry that I am going to take away from the resources he feels responsible to provide for his children. Additionally, I do not want to be without some safety net after having invested so many years of my life in a relationship, working, contributing to the household, etc.

So, think about the approach you want this journey to take, then you go to your fiance and you tell him that you would like to either a.) scrap his prenup and work on a new one together or b.) take his prenup and hack away at it with your lawyer, making sure you understand EVERY implication to every statement. Edit it with lots of comments and send it back to your fiance's lawyer. My personal feeling is you should do a bit of both a.) and b.), sit down with your husband, tell him you are not OK to sign it as is, and that rather than waste time (= money) on lawyers, that you want to work on the process together, whilst receiving aid from your lawyer in the areas that are unclear to you. This should not be a rushed process under any circumstances.

ETA: If your fiance can't be reasonable about this process (he's emotionally blackmailing you), then I suggest you let him go.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow

Last edited by Satya; 12-29-2016 at 06:44 AM.
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