Am I overreacting to this prenup? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 301Likes
Closed Thread
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 07:02 AM
Member
 
Satya's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,222
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
Originally Posted by clove View Post
Reading through all of these responses comforts me that I made the right decision. I told him no and was willing to come to a mutual agreement with some edits. He countered with saying I had the mindset of someone who was using him for money, not marrying for love and wouldn't hear it when I switched it around on him. We're probably going to wait a few years until he's ACTUALLY ready to be married, if it makes it that far.
@clove, for some reason I didn't see the last page of posts before I'd added my reply.

Don't wait "a few years" for any man. It could turn into a few decades for all you know.
If you love him enough and see enough value in the relationship to not marry him, that's one thing. But if you really want to be married, I suggest you go find a READY man.
Maybe what your fiance is doing feels right to HIM, and he wants to be with a woman that just nods her head and signs. That's obviously NOT you. Don't wait to see if he changes. He's shown you who he is.


"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
Satya is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 07:10 AM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,102
Cool Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedDude View Post
I dont see anything super out of line...i mean this is just version 1...right? Its like any other contract, you can ask for the moon...that doesnt mean its gonna end that way.

Get out your red pen and line through the items you dont like....there you go.

For maximum fun....counter the no alimony with an offer that he make one time cash payment to you of 50K should the marriage terminate for any reason before 25 years. Hell, throw in a house too.
Better yet, put an infidelity clause in there that states that the whole damned prenup is totally invalidated if evidence comes to light that even mildly suggests that he ever cheats on you ~ and that he must willingly forfeit over to you, say $500,000, for every year that you have been married!

Along with the primary residence and car!

Now that'll get his damned attention!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html

Last edited by arbitrator; 12-29-2016 at 10:41 AM. Reason: Edification
arbitrator is online now  
post #33 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 07:23 AM
Member
 
Spicy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 608
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Although I brought assets into the marriage, my DH had more than me. He was early fourties, and had never been married, worked very hard for all he had. Once it became clear that we were in love and wanted to marry, I remember thinking about him perhaps asking me for a prenup. Had he asked me for one protecting his assists acquired before marriage, I would have been fine signing that. It would have tugged at my heart though, just being totally honest here. When you are in love and planning to spend your life with someone, it seems a letdown to draw up a financial contract that is there to suggest failure before you even embark. DH never even mentioned getting one though.

I'm glad you are not going to sign it. Also glad you are postponing the wedding.

Be very careful to not get pregnant by this man.

Ciao,

Spicy

Last edited by Spicy; 12-29-2016 at 10:21 AM. Reason: Shouldn't type in the middle of the night.
Spicy is online now  
 
post #34 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 09:15 AM
Member
 
katiecrna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,341
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

He's manipulative.
katiecrna is offline  
post #35 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 09:24 AM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,184
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
Originally Posted by clove View Post
When I asked to discuss and clarify this, as well as ask why the terms changed from what I originally understood, he would get angry and refuse to discuss anything clearly and would only tell me to take it to my lawyer.

And now he has been freezing me out for 2 days because we got in an argument over the prenup.

My question is, am I being overdramatic? Are my concerns unwarranted?
No, you're just in an abusive relationship.
turnera is offline  
post #36 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 09:27 AM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,184
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
Originally Posted by MarriedDude View Post
I dont see anything super out of line...i mean this is just version 1...right? Its like any other contract, you can ask for the moon...that doesnt mean its gonna end that way.

Get out your red pen and line through the items you dont like....there you go.

For maximum fun....counter the no alimony with an offer that he make one time cash payment to you of 50K should the marriage terminate for any reason before 25 years. Hell, throw in a house too. (My dad has Repeatedly).
IF you are still insistent on marrying this jerk, do not do so unless you do the above. You must meet his strength with YOUR strength. Are you seeing a therapist? You should be.
turnera is offline  
post #37 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 09:44 AM
Member
 
KJ_Simmons's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: CO
Posts: 149
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Let's be blunt here....man after man has been taken to the cleaners during nasty divorce proceedings. Women, who like the OP, had no concern about money going into or during the marriage, which changes to a desire to get every last penny she can during a divorce.

The entire divorce system is stacked against the man, and I don't see how that is even up for debate. It's natural then, for some men to want to protect themselves going in.

OP, love him for him and marry him that way, or don't.
KJ_Simmons is offline  
post #38 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 10:51 AM
Forum Supporter
 
MarriedDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: ORYGUN
Posts: 1,850
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KJ_Simmons View Post
Let's be blunt here....man after man has been taken to the cleaners during nasty divorce proceedings. Women, who like the OP, had no concern about money going into or during the marriage, which changes to a desire to get every last penny she can during a divorce.

The entire divorce system is stacked against the man, and I don't see how that is even up for debate. It's natural then, for some men to want to protect themselves going in.

OP, love him for him and marry him that way, or don't.
Yeah, i get that....the problem, as I see it, is that he was/is attempting to emotionally manipulate OP. That is a HUGE indicator of his SOP. He didnt write it up, with her involvement and input creating mutual protection.....he drew up some ridiculous boilerplate and expected her to simply sign....when she refused he got nasty.

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
MarriedDude is offline  
post #39 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 11:59 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 709
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

If I were ever to get married again I'd insist on a prenup or there would be no marriage. Especially if I was bringing in a large amount of assets and already had a child to think about. It's a no brainer.

It's funny hearing women say to dump this guy because she has better options. But from my male perspective, she looks like she might be a gold digger. She's a younger woman with a richer older guy and is upset about him trying to protect his assets. Hmmm, maybe I'm misinterpreting.....
Bananapeel is online now  
post #40 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 12:15 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,696
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
She's a younger woman with a richer older guy and is upset about him trying to protect his assets. Hmmm, maybe I'm misinterpreting.....
Older than her, but as I've never seen relative ages, is she 20 and he's 32? Or ... what, no idea.

I don't think she's mad about him trying to protect his assets - she states that she agreed to the concept of a pre-nup however:

- He had this contract written up without her input and now only wants to communicate via lawyers

- He's changed their original terms and now wants -all- money separate

- He's now refusing to talk about it and stonewalling her.

He has a child and was never married. I'd personally like to know more about that story for someone so concerned about stuff. Where's the mother? Is she a citizen? He didn't have love and emotion with her?

Yeah, I'd run not walk from this. There's red flags all over this.

Starstarfish is offline  
post #41 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 12:35 PM
Forum Supporter
 
MarriedDude's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: ORYGUN
Posts: 1,850
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
If I were ever to get married again I'd insist on a prenup or there would be no marriage. Especially if I was bringing in a large amount of assets and already had a child to think about. It's a no brainer.

It's funny hearing women say to dump this guy because she has better options. But from my male perspective, she looks like she might be a gold digger. She's a younger woman with a richer older guy and is upset about him trying to protect his assets. Hmmm, maybe I'm misinterpreting.....
I believe you might be misinterpreting.

OP seemed understanding about prenup in terms of his children. However the doc addressed substantially more than that...plus manipulation = lame

Ive seen plenty of prenups...some of them the size of a stephen king novel....but they typically are assembled together with proper input from all involved......and are fair. If they arent reasonable....they never hold up.....making the exercise pointless

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
MarriedDude is offline  
post #42 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 12:51 PM
Forum Supporter
 
arbitrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Central Texas/Brazos Valley
Posts: 11,102
Cool Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

I'll never forget the lady State District Judge who presided over my and my RSXW's divorce hearing, when the judge who was looking through the prenup, looked over at my RSXW's plaintiffs table and asked, "Ma'am? What part of this prenuptial agreement specifically benefits your H?"

There was nothing but silence and dumbfoundery from both my RSXW and her lawyer!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
arbitrator is online now  
post #43 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 01:05 PM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,184
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
If I were ever to get married again I'd insist on a prenup or there would be no marriage. .
But would you use emotionally abusive tactics to get her to agree to it?

I think not.
turnera is offline  
post #44 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 02:05 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 709
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
Originally Posted by turnera View Post
But would you use emotionally abusive tactics to get her to agree to it?

I think not.
Nope, but I absolutely wouldn't marry someone that wouldn't sign one. I've got too much to risk losing and a responsibility to protect assets for my kids. I guess holding that over a spouse's head would be frowned upon by some people on here.
Bananapeel is online now  
post #45 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 02:20 PM
Member
 
Thor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 8,698
Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

I agree with most of the prenup. Keeping his and your current assets separate is smart, as is the no-alimony clause. Sorry that some disagree on the alimony, but I've known far too many people completely destroyed and abused by it. If you're no longer wanting to be associated with someone intimately, and no longer wish to share finances, what gives you the right to claim a portion of their future labors? In some unusual circumstances there is justification for alimony, such as a life long stay-at-home-mom who has no marketable skills and is suddenly dumped when she's in her 50's by her cheating wealthy surgeon husband. But these days most adults both have careers and can support themselves independently. No-fault divorce paired with no-fault alimony is an abomination.

It is common in a second marriage or when getting married at an older age to share expenses but to otherwise keep your own finances. So you would each pitch in an agreed upon percentage for housing, food, vacations, etc. It is common to be responsible for your own car. If you go into joint ventures such as buying a rental property or starting a business, you would negotiate percentages up front.

(It is interesting how differently people approach a second marriage when it comes to finances, pre-nups, and alimony compared to a first marriage.)

His attitude, though, seems like a red flag warning about the relationship. I'm glad you're postponing the wedding for a few years.
Thor is online now  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Closed Thread

Tags
advice needed, pre nup

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Am I overreacting? ecollin1 General Relationship Discussion 58 08-18-2016 08:26 PM
Am I overreacting? Littlegee Considering Divorce or Separation 19 06-24-2016 07:29 PM
Am I overreacting? aine General Relationship Discussion 11 01-24-2016 01:15 AM
Am I overreacting? Anonymous07 General Relationship Discussion 57 01-13-2016 10:07 PM
Question about love languages / am I overreacting? Seppuku General Relationship Discussion 27 01-13-2016 09:17 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome