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post #46 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 02:26 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
Nope, but I absolutely wouldn't marry someone that wouldn't sign one. I've got too much to risk losing and a responsibility to protect assets for my kids. I guess holding that over a spouse's head would be frowned upon by some people on here.
I'm in the process of writing a new will, trust, medical will, power of atty, etc etc. My attorney said if I ever consider getting married again the most important thing to remember is "Prenup, Prenup, Prenup".

Divorce is subject to the whims of a judge and laws which change by location and over time. Absent a pre-nup there is no idea what can happen in a divorce.

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post #47 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-29-2016, 09:44 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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That was my thought, it is so extreme I was questioning if it would hold up. And also breaks my heart that he could view marriage this way.
If you think it breaks your heart now, consider how it will be if you marry this man. Many years ago, I was engaged to a man who handed me a prenup. I took it to a lawyer, who told me I'd be crazy to sign it. It's one thing to protect assets prior to marriage, but an entirely different matter to protect EVERYTHING after the marriage.

Please reconsider. I'm glad I did. Bottom line was, I didn't want to be married to someone who was coming from the perspective that everything he had, and would ever have, needed to be protected from ME.

JMO.

I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.

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post #48 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 02:40 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by arbitrator View Post
A word of warning to the wise is sufficient: My RSXW was and continues to be a millionairess! Compared to her, "I didn't have a pot to pi$$ in, nor a window to throw it out of!"

During our engagement, she used a prenup on me with my mind set strictly being, "Hey, it's OK, love will conquer all! Blindly, I more than willingly signed it for her!

Long story short, seven short years into our marriage, she started covertly spreading her thighs to the "ghosts of boyfriends past," on her numerous out-of-town "business trips, summarily kicked me out of the house on the ruse of a "trial separation," then insulated herself from being sued for any of her assets, but was still jaded enough to go after mine!

Thank God that the presiding lady State district judge in the divorce hearing saw through her ruse and dismissed her action, but because I signed my rights away to spousal support, she had it in there that she could sue me for certain reimbursements, but I could not sue her. Ergo, I received "jack" in the final decree settlement instead of the mandated state community property!

Have your attorney go through this prenup with a fine tooth comb before you ever sign off on or simply even initial a document that could irreparably harm you financially!

I am now of the jaded opinion that all that a prenup really does is to help greedy bastards stay attached to what it is that they love the most ~ all of their damned money and wealth!
While this is probably true in her case prenups do go beyond that. I have children to protect and yes in that one area I do feel they should come first. So a prenup would make sure I could protect the assets I want to them should a wife decide to leave at take whatever she can get her hands on. Family courts are messy and I have seen them used to commit legalized theft. I think anyone who doesn't get a prenup prior to marriage is a fool. I think anyone who has kids from a prior marriage and who chooses to get married again without a prenup is a ****ing idiot.

By the way I laughed till I almost had tears in my eyes "spread her legs for the ghosts of boyfriends past". lol I love you always describe your rich skanky x wife
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post #49 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 02:46 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
Nope, but I absolutely wouldn't marry someone that wouldn't sign one. I've got too much to risk losing and a responsibility to protect assets for my kids. I guess holding that over a spouse's head would be frowned upon by some people on here.
I'm with you. No signing of a prenup is an instant deal breaker for me. I may take a risk on love an marriage again one day buy I won't let my kids pay the price for my mistake if I make another one.

But this is one sided and seemingly no input from the OP. I think she should run or at very least get her own lawyer to negotiate this out if she wants to still marry.
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post #50 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 02:48 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I'm in the process of writing a new will, trust, medical will, power of atty, etc etc. My attorney said if I ever consider getting married again the most important thing to remember is "Prenup, Prenup, Prenup".

Divorce is subject to the whims of a judge and laws which change by location and over time. Absent a pre-nup there is no idea what can happen in a divorce.


This 100% yes

I don't know how it is everywhere but here in Colorado the judge basically has guidelines and within those guidelines absent a prenup he can choose to do whatever. Scary stuff in family court.
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post #51 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 05:06 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

@clove

What does your lawyer say about the proposed prenup?


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post #52 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 05:37 AM
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Cool Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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While this is probably true in her case prenups do go beyond that. I have children to protect and yes in that one area I do feel they should come first. So a prenup would make sure I could protect the assets I want to them should a wife decide to leave at take whatever she can get her hands on. Family courts are messy and I have seen them used to commit legalized theft. I think anyone who doesn't get a prenup prior to marriage is a fool. I think anyone who has kids from a prior marriage and who chooses to get married again without a prenup is a ****ing idiot.

By the way I laughed till I almost had tears in my eyes "spread her legs for the ghosts of boyfriends past". lol I love you always describe your rich skanky x wife
Wolfman ~ I totally see your point in the protection of the kids by the execution of the prenup! From that perspective and for the overwhelming majority of cases, it makes total sense!

In my RSXW's case, she has three dropout, all convicted, uneducated, tatted-up, dopehead, joint-puffing, meth-popping, religion-mocking, kids who now in their mid-20's, who cannot even qualify for the least of minimum wage jobs, and when they do get them, none of them will ever keep them or they'll just either get fired or drag up, well before the time that the probationary period on the job runs out! Two of them are already married with kids and mama supports everybody by buying them houses to flop in and clunkers to get around in!

All that these jailhouse refugees are doing is running to mama for funds to satiate their fix, or bail money every time they get picked up for drug possession, borrow her vehicles, or whine and scream for mama to go buy them a new car to drive, or a new pad to flop out in, greatly biding their time until both their millionaire paternal and maternal grandma's, as well as their RSXW mom, kicks off, so they can be set for life in hiring someone to scratch their a$$ for them whenever it itches!

Of course, none of that is any of my business anymore, but as Dragnet's Sgt. Joe Friday always intones, "that's just the facts, Ma'am!"

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Last edited by arbitrator; 12-30-2016 at 05:42 AM.
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post #53 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:00 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
[/B]
This 100% yes

I don't know how it is everywhere but here in Colorado the judge basically has guidelines and within those guidelines absent a prenup he can choose to do whatever. Scary stuff in family court.
Same here, judges have a lot of leeway. They are also usually very biased towards the mom if there are kids, and towards the woman even there aren't kids. I'm holding my breath waiting for the judge to sign off (any day now) on mine. Even though it is uncontested and all the terms are spelled out in the filings, the court could change it to whatever they want. My judge (randomly assigned) has a controversial record to put it nicely.
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post #54 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:41 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Same here, judges have a lot of leeway. They are also usually very biased towards the mom if there are kids, and towards the woman even there aren't kids. I'm holding my breath waiting for the judge to sign off (any day now) on mine. Even though it is uncontested and all the terms are spelled out in the filings, the court could change it to whatever they want. My judge (randomly assigned) has a controversial record to put it nicely.
Highly unlikely the judge will make any changes to a settlement agreement that is fair to both parties. They don't have the time or the inclination. The controversial stuff happens when it's left up to the court to make all the big decisions.
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post #55 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 03:34 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Is there any mention in this prenup about what happens if he dies.Will the op find herself out on the street or at the very least living in the home at the discretion of her step son.

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post #56 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 04:50 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I dont see anything super out of line...i mean this is just version 1...right? Its like any other contract, you can ask for the moon...that doesnt mean its gonna end that way.

Get out your red pen and line through the items you dont like....there you go.

For maximum fun....counter the no alimony with an offer that he make one time cash payment to you of 50K should the marriage terminate for any reason before 25 years. Hell, throw in a house too. (My dad has Repeatedly).
Technically, I agree with you. She can just cross out and counter offer. But "it never hurts to ask..." is not always true. You can invite great resentment and mistrust into a relationship when you ask the person you are professing to love and cherish to sign something so one sided, and then try to bully them into signing it with anger and flawed logic when they don't blindly sign.

I have had business dealings with people where their initial offer was so one sided my attorney said please do NOT sign that, and when I raised my concerns they said "it is ONLY BUSINESS" - be that as it may, I am still a human being doing business and once it was clear they were willing to take advantage of me, I no longer trusted them or wanted to work with them. That was just business. This is marriage. Would this man let his daughter marry a man who tried to get her to sign such a prenup? If not, why would he try to get his future wife to sign it.
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post #57 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 05:00 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Reading through all of these responses comforts me that I made the right decision. I told him no and was willing to come to a mutual agreement with some edits. He countered with saying I had the mindset of someone who was using him for money, not marrying for love and wouldn't hear it when I switched it around on him. We're probably going to wait a few years until he's ACTUALLY ready to be married, if it makes it that far.
Smart girl, and good luck.

I'm curious, now in hindsight do you see other parts of his personality that fall in line with this? Selfishness, lack of self awareness, twisting things around on you where he's accusing you of being exactly what he's being? Being manipulative? Using anger to punish you when he's not getting what he wants, etc? Or does this seem completely out of character for him?

My unsolicited advice for the day: I don't know your age and if you're hoping to have a family, but if you do want marriage eventually, I hope you are not living with him. One thing I have realized (too late for me) is that if your goal is marriage, you are really screwing yourself to live with someone. Because once you're living with them, you are tied to them, but not necessarily making any forward progress toward marriage. And if you get red flags like this that this is not the right person for you, it's not like you can just say "I want to start seeing other people" while you're living with someone else.
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post #58 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 05:00 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

While I understand completely the reasons behind a pre-nup, I would never sign one nor marry a man who asked me to. That's just my feelings on the matter - and I can see both sides, and where they're coming from, but at the end of the day it's not for me.

I understand about protecting your kids, but what about your husband/wife? The way my husband and I have done our wills (I'm his second wife, he's my first and will be my only husband), is that if I die all of my assets go to him, and then to our girl (his daughter, my stepdaughter). If he dies, one of his superannuation funds, including the death benefit payment goes to our girl and everything else goes to me, then to our girl when I die. I will always ALWAYS look after our girl, and would continue to meet his financial responsibilities for her in the event that we lost him. She will always have a home with us/me should she ever need it.
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post #59 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 11:53 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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While I understand completely the reasons behind a pre-nup, I would never sign one nor marry a man who asked me to. That's just my feelings on the matter - and I can see both sides, and where they're coming from, but at the end of the day it's not for me.

I understand about protecting your kids, but what about your husband/wife? The way my husband and I have done our wills (I'm his second wife, he's my first and will be my only husband), is that if I die all of my assets go to him, and then to our girl (his daughter, my stepdaughter). If he dies, one of his superannuation funds, including the death benefit payment goes to our girl and everything else goes to me, then to our girl when I die. I will always ALWAYS look after our girl, and would continue to meet his financial responsibilities for her in the event that we lost him. She will always have a home with us/me should she ever need it.
It could be that Australia has better protections built in place than American family courts which is all over the place. Absent a prenup you basically are handing all your financial accounts to a third party and saying here you decide who gets what. No thanks. Having a prenup doesn't exclude the wife protections. As a matter of fact it can make concrete protections on what she would get should a divorce occur which I also think as a good thing. Prenups here don't cover deaths that is your Will and that is much more iron clad and handeled by a different court. I say that but I have seen cases were those are also contested and changed just a much more difficult process.

I think it's Nobel of you to feel the way you do about your step daughter but I can tell you through experience that not all women feel the same and without protections in place to cover this.
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post #60 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 12:15 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Highly unlikely the judge will make any changes to a settlement agreement that is fair to both parties. They don't have the time or the inclination. The controversial stuff happens when it's left up to the court to make all the big decisions.
I'm getting more than 50% of the current assets due to several reasons not mentioned in the uncontested paperwork. The judge would have no idea these good reasons exist. So on paper it appears as "unfair" by simple math looking at the bottom line.

Also in my state there is lifetime alimony. My stbxw has not asked for alimony due to the same reasons the assets are not split 50/50. Simply looking at the differences in our incomes it would appear "unfair" for me not to be paying her alimony.

This judge could decide to impose fairness because, you know, all men victimize all women in divorce and so the judge has to be the superhero. That's the reputation this female activist social justice warrior judge has.
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