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post #61 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 12:18 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Where in this prenup is there any provision if you had a child together?

Because unless someone is getting "fixed" that's a possibility. That right there would be one of the biggest red flags here if only his first illegitimate child was entitled to a trust and his income but there was no provisions for the possibility of possible future children.

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post #62 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 12:23 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
I think it's Nobel of you to feel the way you do about your step daughter but I can tell you through experience that not all women feel the same and without protections in place to cover this.
In my state a step-parent is nothing legally. If the other biological parent is still alive when the re-married bio parent dies, the step-parent has no legal standing. Everything reverts to the living bio parent. Of course there would likely be costly lawyers involved, but the step-parent has to fight for everything.

One can use trusts, wills, and pre-nups to keep the other bio parent from getting access to assets after the death of the remarried bio parent or the death of a step parent. Custody can't be assigned in a pre-nup to the step-parent. Here it would have to go to court, and generally the surviving bio-parent gets custody.
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post #63 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 09:11 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by Thor View Post
In my state a step-parent is nothing legally. If the other biological parent is still alive when the re-married bio parent dies, the step-parent has no legal standing. Everything reverts to the living bio parent. Of course there would likely be costly lawyers involved, but the step-parent has to fight for everything.

One can use trusts, wills, and pre-nups to keep the other bio parent from getting access to assets after the death of the remarried bio parent or the death of a step parent. Custody can't be assigned in a pre-nup to the step-parent. Here it would have to go to court, and generally the surviving bio-parent gets custody.
Here in Australia, a stepparent doesn't have any legal rights either. I don't think we do anywhere - though it doesn't seem to be as bad here as in the US. In the event of the death of the biological parent, the living bio parent has all the rights - as it should be. Provision can be made in a will, my husband has appointed me guardian of my SD in the event of his death, and his ex wife knows this and is fine with it.

In our specific case, technically we have 50/50 custody, but my husband and I have her 100% of the time, as she has some special needs that her mother can't cope with. I honestly can't see her wanting her full time if my husband died. If she did though, there wouldn't be anything I could do about it. I wouldn't drag SD through a custody war...I love her too much to put her through that.
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post #64 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:12 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Hello,
RUN RUN RUN RUN, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!, HE IS LYING TO YOU!. HIS PARENTS ARE PUTTING HIM UP TO THIS PRENUP, HE GOT SCREWED ONCE, OR SOME RELATIVE OR WOMAN STOLE HIS BELONGINGS OR TOOK HIM TO THE CLEANERS... If he is stating that amount of money to you, he has ten times that amount somewhere.

WHAT EVER YOU DO RUN, DO NOT MARRY HIM, SEE HIM, OR HAVE SEX WITH HIM, CUT HIM OUT OF YOUR MIND, SOUL, AND HEART, TELL HIM IF HE EVER CONTACTS YOU AGAIN YOU WILL (xxxxx). IT IS THAT DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR LIFE, HEART AND FUTURE-RUN.
WHY.
NEVER enter INTO A PRENUP with anybody--UNLESS YOU ARE MARRYING THE Donald, our president. He will make you a golden parachute, be honest and love you and never leave you wanting when or if you do leave, or gets tired of you. He has done it twice and both exposes like him after they healed from the divorce.

Prenups-breed mistrust and contempt for us regular folks. We are brought up for "In for a penny in for a pound." It is 100% all money, heart, good and bad times, and if it is important to love and stay together in the most hateful and contempt relating times, fight for the marriage to survive deal. Not a pay as you go deal. Yuck, no romance, hope, faith, or love in that

With him being from another country, Kiss your kids good bye if you don't get along. To spurn you he will have yours and his kids visit their paternal grandparents and he and the kids will never return to the u.s. I think this was the deal with Roman Polanski's kids and he could not come back to the U.S. due to some child abuse case. I could be wrong by mixing up the person, but you got the idea. Foreigners beat their U.S. wife's, they cheat on their wives too.

The money he is putting away is really chump change. He has hidden assets in country and out. If he gets pissed off enough he will "Drew Peterson" your hide and put you in a blue barrel and bury you in a swamp near where you were last seen. God forbid he brings his parents over, his grand parents over, or other family. If they move into your house they never leave. Just picture ****roaches. You will never have the house to yourself. Give up getting romantic and having a diner alone together, they never clean up, and they have body odor on their body, that doesn't include the odor from the food they cook. Good God. How could you stand that foreign accent. If it isn't a romance language-run. One final thing that goes for men and women, no matter what-DO NOT MARY OR DATE ANYONE WITH KIDS EVER, EVEN IF YOU HAVE ONE, TWO, OR THREE. iF YOU DATE AND MARRY WITH SOMEONE WITH KIDS WAIT TO EITHER OF YOUR KIDS ARE OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR FIVE YEARS AND THEY WILL NOT RETURN. STEP KIDS RUIN A MARRIAGE 100 % GUARANTEED.

WHY" THREE REASONS: 1. EMOTIONAL INCEST OF THE PARENT TRANSFERRING THE LOST EMOTIONAL NEED OF THE LOST SPOUSE ON TO THE CHILD TO REPLACE THE LOST SPOUSE. 2. FRUED'S SEXUAL OBSESSION THEORY REGARDING THE CHILD WANTING TO HAVE SEX AND TAKE OVER THE ROLE OF THE OPPOSITE SEXED VACATED SPOUSE. 3. THE CHILD WILL ATTEMPT TO 1 OR 2 IF YOU RE-MARRY AND HE OR SHE WILL SUPPLANT THE MAN YOU LOVE BY INTERJECTING THEMSELVES AS THE ALPHA. WHEN THE HUSBAND QUESTIONS THIS OR COMPLAINS YOU ARE GOING TO FREAK OUT. HE WILL BACK OFF FRIGHTENING YOU BECAUSE HE HAS FEELINGS AND KNOWS WHAT HE SEES. AT THAT POINT THE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER. NOW YOU LOST A HUSBAND AND THE PARENT WITH THE NATURAL BORN DAUGHTER OR SON WON HIS MOTHER OR FATHER BACK AND IF YOU ARE SICK AS THE KID IS, GET A BOX OF CONDOMS BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT IS NEXT. IT IS VERY RARE THAT A BLENDED FAMILY WORKS. YOU ARE BETTER OFF NOT HAVING KIDS AND JUST ADOPTING A SET FROM A FOREIGN COUNTRY. KIDS FROM THE U.S. TO ADOPT HAVE NO "UL" TRADEMARK APPROVED OR HAVE A FORM OF FETAL ALCOHOL OR CRACK SYNDROME. THAT IS WHY PEOPLE GO TO CHINA, AFRICA OR RUSSIA.

SORRY TO SCARE YOU, BUT RUN FROM THIS TONIGHT, THIS SECOND. CHANGE YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER. OH, SORRY FOLKS FOR BEING SO HARSH, TOO MANY PEOPLE GOING AGAINST THE GOODNESS STEREOTYPE;THEREFOR IT IS SAFER TO ERROR ON CONFIRMATION BIAS.
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post #65 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:28 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by Davidmidwest View Post
Prenups-breed mistrust and contempt for us regular folks. We are brought up for "In for a penny in for a pound." It is 100% all money, heart, good and bad times, and if it is important to love and stay together in the most hateful and contempt relating times, fight for the marriage to survive deal. Not a pay as you go deal. Yuck, no romance, hope, faith, or love in that.
I'm not sure why you think prenups build mistrust. My husband and I drafted a prenup together because he and I both married for the second time and we wanted it to be understood that what we each came with was ours (individually) and that marital assets were to be ours (collectively). In no way did this breed mistrust or contempt. If anything, it strengthened our bond and demonstrated our respect for what we each brought to the relationship.

When a prenup is fair and both sides contribute, discuss, and have their own representation, they can be much less dire than you describe.

I think we're in agreement that the OPs prenup was outrageously unfair. But I can't agree that they are unfair on principle.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #66 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:34 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

I agree with all the others. You are not over reacting.

With that prenup, what is the point of getting married... expect for any citizen issues for him?

Just two of the issues I have with what you describe.

He wants all property acquired during marriage to be separate property. With this agreement, who buys the house that you live in? Who pays the mortgage? Who pays for repairs/upkeep? Who pays utilities? What has he said is expects to happen with these items?

If he becomes ill, what kind of financial and other support would he expect from you?
If you become ill, what is he willing to do for you?

What happens if he loses all his assets? It happens surprisingly often. What's is plan?

I'd love to hear his solution to these things.

ETA: What happens if he loses all his assets? It happens surprisingly often. What's is plan?

What portion of the monthly bills is he expecting each of you to pay?

What happens when his larger income increases your tax bill?
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post #67 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:41 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thor View Post
In my state a step-parent is nothing legally. If the other biological parent is still alive when the re-married bio parent dies, the step-parent has no legal standing. Everything reverts to the living bio parent. Of course there would likely be costly lawyers involved, but the step-parent has to fight for everything.

One can use trusts, wills, and pre-nups to keep the other bio parent from getting access to assets after the death of the remarried bio parent or the death of a step parent. Custody can't be assigned in a pre-nup to the step-parent. Here it would have to go to court, and generally the surviving bio-parent gets custody.
When a person dies, their assets do not go to the bio-parent of their child(ren) if they are not married to that person.

The surviving bio-parent will get custody. But not assets.
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post #68 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:42 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Also, if you do marry this guy and sign a prenup, make sure that if you give up the right to alimony, he also gives up his right to alimony.
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post #69 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:45 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Edit: just realized this post was in the ladies lounge... saw in on the "Recent Discussions" list to the right. Still think it might be useful (runs away!)


I found this to be really helpful and am now thinking I probably should have posted this in the general questions forum.
I've moved it to General Relationship Discussions.
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post #70 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:51 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Nope, but I absolutely wouldn't marry someone that wouldn't sign one. I've got too much to risk losing and a responsibility to protect assets for my kids. I guess holding that over a spouse's head would be frowned upon by some people on here.
The vast majority of those posting on this thread seem to have no problem with him protecting his pre-marital assets and his son. That's not the issue at all. The issue is that he goes way beyond that.

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post #71 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:19 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

Statues can be toppled.

So can hollow men, with solid threats.

Rap his head, I bet it clangs like a cracked bell.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #72 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:44 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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My fiancee and I are getting married soon, and as he is older (12 years) and is coming into the marriage with a significant amount of assets and a son we both decided a prenup would be necessary. Neither of us has been previously married. After discussion he explained the prenup would be in place to protect his premarital assets and some finances he has set aside for his son and family.

I initially agreed to this, however upon reading the finished prenup he and his lawyer wrote together without me there, it states that he wants all of our assets to be completely separate before and during the marriage. He also wants me to waive all of my rights to alimony. The prenup states that all assets acquired by either individual in the marriage will remain separate unless specified otherwise. Also, if we were the have a joint bank account the "commingled" money will still remain the individual's assets in case of divorce. Ex: husband puts $5,000 in bank account and wife puts $2,000. When divorced the husband would get that $5,000 back and vice versa. Even land and homes acquired by each person would remain separate.

When I asked to discuss and clarify this, as well as ask why the terms changed from what I originally understood, he would get angry and refuse to discuss anything clearly and would only tell me to take it to my lawyer. After I pushed the subject further he told me no matter what he would not change the prenup because he believes a marriage is to share love and emotions only, not money and then claimed I was making it clear I was after his money, which is not the case. He doesn't seem to understand that I feel as if he doesn't trust me or want me a part of his life and that the prenup makes me sound like a gold digger when I have previously never asked for anything from him money wise.

I am also concerned because he is not an American citizen (he is legal for the time being with a temporary visa), and although we have been dating for a year and a half and have a very loving relationship the way the prenup is written and his unwillingness to discuss this, or even understand my concerns, is making me question the legitimacy of it. And now he has been freezing me out for 2 days because we got in an argument over the prenup.

My question is, am I being overdramatic? Are my concerns unwarranted?
There is no way that I would marry a man who thought this way. I see marriage as all you both own before the marriage becomes 'ours' and not 'his' or 'mine'. When we married I had a house, he had little as he had let his ex have their house. Despite that I would never have wanted a prenup. If he is worried about his son then he can make a will.
Also what will you do if he is sent back to his country? Are you prepared to go with him?
Honestly, there are red flags here.
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post #73 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:48 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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The vast majority of those posting on this thread seem to have no problem with him protecting his pre-marital assets and his son. That's not the issue at all. The issue is that he goes way beyond that.
I agree, if that is what he is concerned about he can make a will. He can also have money put in trust now for his son.

I am 100% against any prenup, and there is no way that I would ever marry a man who demanded one. That not what marriage is about.
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post #74 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:53 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I'm not sure why you think prenups build mistrust. My husband and I drafted a prenup together because he and I both married for the second time and we wanted it to be understood that what we each came with was ours (individually) and that marital assets were to be ours (collectively). In no way did this breed mistrust or contempt. If anything, it strengthened our bond and demonstrated our respect for what we each brought to the relationship.

When a prenup is fair and both sides contribute, discuss, and have their own representation, they can be much less dire than you describe.

I think we're in agreement that the OPs prenup was outrageously unfair. But I can't agree that they are unfair on principle.
We are also in a second marriage, but I would not marry a man who even mentioned a prenup. Its not what marriage is about at all. All I had before is now ours, and all he had before is now ours.
Its as if you are thinking of divorce before you even get married.
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post #75 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 04:57 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by Bananapeel View Post
Nope, but I absolutely wouldn't marry someone that wouldn't sign one. I've got too much to risk losing and a responsibility to protect assets for my kids. I guess holding that over a spouse's head would be frowned upon by some people on here.
I wouldn't marry someone who wanted one. We are both in our second marriage and it was never even mentioned. I had a house yet would still never get one. Thats not what marriage is for us, its a coming together and sharing of everything. If you don't trust you potential spouse and they don't have integrity or fairness then don't get married.
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