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post #91 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 02:51 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
In most states, a spouse gets 50% of all community assets regardless. A will cannot change that.

Upon divorce or death of a person who has assets, things often devolve into a huge fight over what assets are marital assets and which are sole property of each person. A will does not establish this, it can only distribute. One of the reasons that a will cannot establish which property is sole property is because only one spouse signs the will.

A prenup does establish, with agreement/signatures of both spouses which assets are marital assets and which are sole property.
I am in the UK, a will is binding. A partner cant claim anything they arent left unless they pay a fortune and go to court. A prenup can be overruled.
We have both made wills together, the house is in my name. Its his home as well for as long as he lives.


Last edited by Diana7; 02-11-2017 at 02:59 PM.
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post #92 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 02:58 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
I like this post by Diana7, and the one she quoted. It seems like wise advice.



Today, marriage is a legal contract, unless the two are married in a Christian ceremony, there is no moral binding.


Therefore,
Marriage is about all that you each have. My advise to clove would be to tell him that you aren't going to marry him until he gets full citizenship. See his reaction. If he genuinely wants to marry you then he wont mind waiting. If he reacts badly then that will tell you all you need to know abotu why he is wanting the wedding.
I feel he may well be using you to get his citizenship which is why he wants that prenup for when he ends the marriage shortly afterwards.
So many people marry others purely to get to stay in that country. I was watching a programme about this the other night, so many people left broken and devastated when this happened to them.

Sorry but I have a very uneasy feeling about this.

Personally I think he is treating clove appallingly.I would run a mile.

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post #93 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 03:17 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

If you marry, he will expect you to pay for everything, thereby saving all of HIS money for himself.

RUN!
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post #94 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 03:34 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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My fiancee and I are getting married soon, and as he is older (12 years) and is coming into the marriage with a significant amount of assets and a son we both decided a prenup would be necessary. Neither of us has been previously married. After discussion he explained the prenup would be in place to protect his premarital assets and some finances he has set aside for his son and family.

I initially agreed to this, however upon reading the finished prenup he and his lawyer wrote together without me there, it states that he wants all of our assets to be completely separate before and during the marriage. He also wants me to waive all of my rights to alimony. The prenup states that all assets acquired by either individual in the marriage will remain separate unless specified otherwise. Also, if we were the have a joint bank account the "commingled" money will still remain the individual's assets in case of divorce. Ex: husband puts $5,000 in bank account and wife puts $2,000. When divorced the husband would get that $5,000 back and vice versa. Even land and homes acquired by each person would remain separate.

When I asked to discuss and clarify this, as well as ask why the terms changed from what I originally understood, he would get angry and refuse to discuss anything clearly and would only tell me to take it to my lawyer. After I pushed the subject further he told me no matter what he would not change the prenup because he believes a marriage is to share love and emotions only, not money and then claimed I was making it clear I was after his money, which is not the case. He doesn't seem to understand that I feel as if he doesn't trust me or want me a part of his life and that the prenup makes me sound like a gold digger when I have previously never asked for anything from him money wise.

I am also concerned because he is not an American citizen (he is legal for the time being with a temporary visa), and although we have been dating for a year and a half and have a very loving relationship the way the prenup is written and his unwillingness to discuss this, or even understand my concerns, is making me question the legitimacy of it. And now he has been freezing me out for 2 days because we got in an argument over the prenup.

My question is, am I being overdramatic? Are my concerns unwarranted?

All I can say is wow.

This guy is setting up your marriage like a business contract and not a loving trustworthy marriage.

I wouldn't get married if that was going to be my situation.

Find another man. Please.

Really? Run away!!!!

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post #95 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 05:44 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

First of all, let me say that I didn't quote you to discuss this with you. I should have quoted the post you quoted, but I made a mistake and didn't change it because I was lazy and a little frustrated with myself.

So, I dealt with what I quoted and just added the part about the post you quoted. I hope that clears things up for you and everyone else.

Now, let's see what you had to say.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Diana7 View Post
Marriage is about all that you each have.

Quote:
You mean the combined total of what you have gathered over the years you were together and what you brought into it or what? Doesn't matter Diana. I used to believe that and still do for some folks who are poor. I believe it for some who might truly believe they are in love. I just know love doesn't matter. Promises don't last. Everyone lies. Couples get tired or sick of each other. Life is one endless change.

I also know that women with careers should be very happy to sign an agreement like this. It treats them with greater respect than they've ever known before, in marriage.

Again, I don't have to like it, it just is fact that these things happen. Why fight it?

What bothers me is, you have basically stated here, it is about the assets for you and women who think like you. I'd guess you are among the majority. I don't think you are oddly adjacent to the majority of women in opinions.

Then, I haven't read enough of your posts. just teasing.

Oh, and no offense meant to you or any women. Life is life today. It's modern marriage. Get with it, folks.

My advise to clove would be to tell him that you aren't going to marry him until he gets full citizenship. See his reaction. If he genuinely wants to marry you then he wont mind waiting. If he reacts badly then that will tell you all you need to know abotu why he is wanting the wedding.

Quote:
I do agree whole heartedly. I would not, if I were her, be the way he gets his citizenship. No way. No how. He can and should get it on his own before he decides to marry, or she can get citizenship in his country and move there.

I feel he may well be using you to get his citizenship which is why he wants that prenup for when he ends the marriage shortly afterwards.
So many people marry others purely to get to stay in that country. I was watching a programme about this the other night, so many people left broken and devastated when this happened to them.

Quote:
Quite possible. I don't think so, though. All you have to do, op, is to tell him you will have to look into this prenup and add that he must be a citizen before you marry. Or, just tell him. WTF? Why is this so difficult? You can get another man anywhere.
Sorry but I have a very uneasy feeling about this.

Quote:
I don't because she isn't in trouble unless she signs that before having an attorney check it out, and/or gets married before he becomes a citizen. PERIOD. Get me, op? Don't get married, yet. Tell him to become a citizen and see how he reacts. That, not what Diana suggests, will give you the answer you need.

If he does become one and stays with you, come back and we'll all talk.
Personally I think he is treating clove appallingly.I would run a mile.
Quote:
I don't. He has one idea of what marriage should be. unless, and until there is more to this story. So, let's call off the bloodhounds and lynch mob and take sensible actions that will help her. She can report more later, to prove me wrong. Either way, I'm not saying she is compatible...yet. In fact, I posted something about comnpatibility in my last post. I think I spelled that wrong. Oh well.
Have a nice day.

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post #96 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 06:30 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

The OP hasn't been here since the day she started the thread. Carry on.
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post #97 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 06:46 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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The OP hasn't been here since the day she started the thread. Carry on.
Thanks. I wondered, but didn't look. Still, it was educational and worth it to me. You missed the one from 2012 that was resurrected.



She's kind of hot, in a macabre way.

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post #98 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 08:29 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by 2ntnuf View Post
First of all, let me say that I didn't quote you to discuss this with you. I should have quoted the post you quoted, but I made a mistake and didn't change it because I was lazy and a little frustrated with myself.

So, I dealt with what I quoted and just added the part about the post you quoted. I hope that clears things up for you and everyone else.

Now, let's see what you had to say.






Have a nice day.
No its not about the assets to me at all, that's why I would never be interested in trying to work out who gets what in a divorce before I had even got married.
its about what marriage is, and its not making things 'his' or 'hers,' but 'ours'. My husband came into our marriage with far less than me. It never occurred to me to have a prenup. I never would, and I would never marry a man who wanted one. Its selfish and self centered. Its disrespectful and unloving.
This case has the added factor that he may well be marrying her for citizenship.
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post #99 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 08:49 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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No its not about the assets to me at all, that's why I would never be interested in trying to work out who gets what in a divorce before I had even got married.

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That's illogical.

its about what marriage is, and its not making things 'his' or 'hers,' but 'ours'.

Quote:
Things?

My husband came into our marriage with far less than me. It never occurred to me to have a prenup. I never would, and I would never marry a man who wanted one. Its selfish and self centered. Its disrespectful and unloving.

Quote:
Love is about respect, compassion, empathy, charity, faith, hope, joy, and trust. Which of those is described in assets? or things?

This case has the added factor that he may well be marrying her for citizenship.
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I did make a statement about that. We may want to agree to disagree. I don't see the point in furthering this debate. Thanks for clarifying your positions.

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post #100 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 10:14 AM
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Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
The OP hasn't been here since the day she started the thread. Carry on.


We don't post only for the OP. You know that.

The thread discussion helps others who come to read it later.

Or we post for our own purposes.

Like I am now.

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post #101 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 03:09 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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We don't post only for the OP. You know that.

The thread discussion helps others who come to read it later.

Or we post for our own purposes.

Like I am now.
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post #102 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 03:33 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I knew a nursing lady in Baja. She had NO Co-Lepsy. A sub category akin to Narcolepsy. A mixture of Sleepyness and Epilepsy.

Luckily, she showed no signs of Loco-Lepsy. It occurs when you kiss a cow who ate the weed.

The nursing lady had no patients. They would not come to her First Aid Station.

The aid that others received were viewed mainly as Ho-Hum jobs.

I believed she passed on, but I could be wrong. I often am.

I suspect that in Reality, a town just North of the Rio Grande, she only was capable of nursing her own headaches.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

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post #103 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 03:50 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

I must need new glasses.
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post #104 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 07:00 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull shyt.


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post #105 of 138 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 07:41 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I am in the UK, a will is binding. A partner cant claim anything they arent left unless they pay a fortune and go to court. A prenup can be overruled.
We have both made wills together, the house is in my name. Its his home as well for as long as he lives.
Unlike in the USA, prenuptial agreements in the UK have no definite legal standing. (Though some judges might take cognisance of them during a divorce, but they don't have to.)

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