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post #121 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 12:12 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

I would actually marry a guy with such a pre-nup. Moreover, I have this kind of pre-nup drafted for myself in case I will get married again. But the reason for it - I am not going to have more kids.

Man and women DO NOT have equal opportunities in life because of childbirth. Therefore, women are exposed to a higher risk of underemployment, women have limited freedom of choices due to their obligations to kids.

If you are going to have kids in your marriage, this pre-nup is one sided to the men's benefits. It's a good time to ask questions before you made a huge mistake.

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post #122 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 01:28 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I realise that most people don't act well in a divorce and are out to hurt the other person, but he is an exception. That's why I have no worries about the future.
You've been reading too many fairy tales.

No one is an automatic exception. And no matter how much you think you may know him and his capabilities, you don't. You can't. He doesn't either.
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post #123 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 02:08 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I believe that all we come into a marriage with becomes ours.
Let me guess. When you married your second husband he had a lot more money and assets than you did.
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post #124 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 03:28 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Let me guess. When you married your second husband he had a lot more money and assets than you did.
Quite the opposite, he had practically nothing except a car that was a few years old, whereas and I had my own house. He had let his ex have their house.
There goes your theory.
I don't believe in prenups period. I wouldn't be with a man who wanted one. I don't care who has what before, when you marry you share everything. 'With all my worldly goods I thee endow'.
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post #125 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 03:35 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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You've been reading too many fairy tales.

No one is an automatic exception. And no matter how much you think you may know him and his capabilities, you don't. You can't. He doesn't either.
I can tell by the way he acted in his divorce with his first wife, he gave her their house with all its contents and acted with decency and integrity throughout, unlike her. He didn't have to do that but he didn't want to have to take her to court, that's the sort of man he is. She had never paid a penny towards the mortgage either.
I can also tell because he is a man of strong morals, honesty, fairness and kindness. What is inside us will come out when we are under pressure.I have seen him under pressure.
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post #126 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 03:42 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I can tell by the way he acted in his divorce with his first wife, he gave her their house with all its contents and acted with decency and integrity throughout, unlike her. He didn't have to do that but he didn't want to have to take her to court, that's the sort of man he is. She had never paid a penny towards the mortgage either.
Your current (second) husband gave his first wife the house because he didn't want to take her to court. Did you ever consider that he did the math and the equity in the house once the mortgage was factored in was not worth the legal expense involved in trying to keep his half of the equity? You already stated in the post quoted below this that your second husband doesn't have any money, so he probably couldn't afford an attorney.

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Quite the opposite, he had practically nothing except a car that was a few years old, whereas and I had my own house. He had let his ex have their house.
There goes your theory.
Ok, since you're the one with the money entering the second marriage and you are the one that is leaving yourself completely vulnerable by not protecting yourself with either a prenup or by not getting married in the second place, and your second husband has nothing more to his name than a used car, then my revised theory based on the new information you provided is that you are being foolish by assuming that this marriage will end differently than your first one did and not protecting yourself accordingly because you believe all of your accumulated lifelong savings and assets should immediately be completely shared with a man you've probably only known for a couple of years because (to you) that's what commitment is all about.

As an aside @Diana7

Do you have children? If so how do they feel about you giving your new husband complete ownership and control over all your money and assets?

Last edited by browser; 03-09-2017 at 03:47 PM.
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post #127 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 04:06 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Your current (second) husband gave his first wife the house because he didn't want to take her to court. Did you ever consider that he did the math and the equity in the house once the mortgage was factored in was not worth the legal expense involved in trying to keep his half of the equity? You already stated in the post quoted below this that your second husband doesn't have any money, so he probably couldn't afford an attorney.



Ok, since you're the one with the money entering the second marriage and you are the one that is leaving yourself completely vulnerable by not protecting yourself with either a prenup or by not getting married in the second place, and your second husband has nothing more to his name than a used car, then my revised theory based on the new information you provided is that you are being foolish by assuming that this marriage will end differently than your first one did and not protecting yourself accordingly because you believe all of your accumulated lifelong savings and assets should immediately be completely shared with a man you've probably only known for a couple of years because (to you) that's what commitment is all about.

As an aside @Diana7

Do you have children? If so how do they feel about you giving your new husband complete ownership and control over all your money and assets?
Yes I have three adult children who really like him. He treats them like his own. We have both made wills so that once we are both dead the house will go to them. They know this. If I die first he can live here until he dies or remarries or cohabits. He can also down size if he needs to, and the children will then have the profit the house makes. Any money we may have at the time we die will be be split between my three and his two children. His children will inherit the home that his ex now has.

We married after 9 months BTW. We didn't live together.
I wasn't vulnerable, I wouldn't have married a man who wasn't a fair, decent man. Also, I didn't have any money when we met, just the house with a small mortgage(about 1/6th of the value of the house).
If he had taken her to court and got, say, half the equity of the house, he would have been better off than he was. As I said he is a man of integrity. That's one of the reasons I love him and married him.He also isn't obsessed with money or possessions and isn't materialistic.
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post #128 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 04:14 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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We married after 9 months BTW. We didn't live together. I wasn't vulnerable, i wouldn't have married a man who wasn't a fair decent man. Also I didn't have any money when we met, just the house with a small mortgage(about 1/6th of the value of the house).
If he had taken her to court and got, say, half the equity of the house, he would have been better off than he was. As I said he is a man of integrity. That's one of the reasons I love him and married him.
@Diana7

Your second marriage is to a man you only knew for 9 months who had nothing to his name but a used car; at the time, you didn't have much either but at the time, you did have a house with approximately 80% equity. From the brief time you had known him, you decided he is a man of integrity who you will unquestionably spend the rest of your life with - because he didn't spend money he didn't have on attorneys fees to take his wife to court for their only asset which appears to be a house with little to no equity- you say if he did take her to court he would be "better off than he is now" which is 'a used car and no money' so that doesn't really mean much. You did not protect yourself or your children financially in the event of a divorce- because well, it's not really commitment if you do all those silly things like prenuptual agreements.

Do I have that about right?
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post #129 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 04:56 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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@Diana7

Your second marriage is to a man you only knew for 9 months who had nothing to his name but a used car; at the time, you didn't have much either but at the time, you did have a house with approximately 80% equity. From the brief time you had known him, you decided he is a man of integrity who you will unquestionably spend the rest of your life with - because he didn't spend money he didn't have on attorneys fees to take his wife to court for their only asset which appears to be a house with little to no equity- you say if he did take her to court he would be "better off than he is now" which is 'a used car and no money' so that doesn't really mean much. You did not protect yourself or your children financially in the event of a divorce- because well, it's not really commitment if you do all those silly things like prenuptual agreements.

Do I have that about right?
He was earning a reasonable wage, so he had the money to go to court, and it could have come out of the profits of the house anyway. He just didn't think it was the right thing to do, to fight his then wife. It was far more than that, he always treated her well and with respect all through the divorce and after.

There will be no divorce, he doesn't believe in it, his wife divorced him against his will after 23 years of marriage after meeting another man. I won't divorce him either, I wouldn't want to ever marry again so there would be no point whatever happened.

We are Christians so living together isn't an option, and once you know you want to be together for life what is the point of waiting ? We were both in our late 40's then so delaying seemed pointless.
I knew in a week that he was the man for me, and the longer we knew each other the more sure I was. I have seen and observed the the way he acts in all sorts of situations, I trust him. Married now for 12 years this year, never regretted it for a second.

As I said a prenup isn't for us. I would rather not marry that have a prenup.
I am not even sure they are always adhered to in the divorce courts in the UK anyway.
That's not what marriage is all about. Its about what is ours not yours or mine. Its about total commitment and sharing of everything. Of thinking of the other person and not what you want. Of treating them with respect and fairness no matter what. Of acting with integrity no matter how others treat you.
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post #130 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 05:08 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Do you have children? If so how do they feel about you giving your new husband complete ownership and control over all your money and assets?
That's irrelevant. Diana doesn't have to leave anything to anyone if she so chooses. Her money and assets are just that, HERS.

My dad has passed away, all "his" assets went to mum and are now mums. She can do whatever she wants with them, my brothers and I are not automatically entitled to something because she's our mum.

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post #131 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 05:11 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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That's irrelevant. Diana doesn't have to leave anything to anyone if she so chooses. Her money and assets are just that, HERS.

My dad has passed away, all "his" assets went to mum and are now mums. She can do whatever she wants with them, my brothers and I are not automatically entitled to something because she's our mum.
True, but my kids will inherit the house when we both die, its in the will.
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post #132 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 06:40 PM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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That's irrelevant. Diana doesn't have to leave anything to anyone if she so chooses. Her money and assets are just that, HERS.
I am aware that @Diana7 has no obligation to give her adult biological children anything. I do however question her wisdom in giving it (or at least half of it) to a guy she's only known for 9 months.

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He was earning a reasonable wage, so he had the money to go to court, and it could have come out of the profits of the house anyway. He just didn't think it was the right thing to do, to fight his then wife. It was far more than that, he always treated her well and with respect all through the divorce and after.
Your current second husband didn't think it was "right" to go to court to claim his right to half of the equity in a house that was rightfully and legally his, while he didn't have any other money or assets besides a used car and you think this is because he is a man of integrity. That's not the word that first comes to my mind.

By the way going to court to settle a disputed financial matter doesn't have to be a "fight". The two parties with their two attorneys each present their case to the judge and allow the court to decide what's fair. Better yet the two reasonable, respectful, and people with integrity both agree to what's fair without adversity and without the use of opposing attorneys, they draft a settlement agreement (possibly with one attorney who represents both of them) and present it to the court for final approval. There doesn't have to be any fighting, name calling or mudslinging, and in fact if they only thing they have to negotiate is splitting up the equity in the house, it won't require much of anything other than an appearance and presenting a few supporting documents.

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We are Christians so living together isn't an option, and once you know you want to be together for life what is the point of waiting ? We were both in our late 40's then so delaying seemed pointless.
@Diana7 I know that you have decided to follow arbitrary rules by which to live your life which include no sex or living together outside of marriage. Whether its due to an artificial religious construct or the color of the sky makes no difference.

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I knew in a week that he was the man for me, and the longer we knew each other the more sure I was.
You knew in a "week" that this was a man you wanted to be with for the rest of your life and you married 9 months after you first met. I'd like to gently suggest that 9 months is too short a period of time to really know a person, let alone a week, but I understand you and I differ on that particular point so there's really not much more to say about that.

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As I said a prenup isn't for us. I would rather not marry that have a prenup. I am not even sure they are always adhered to in the divorce courts in the UK anyway.
As I've maintained, not getting married is much better protection from a legal/financial standpoint than a prenup (which can be challenged and overturned) so in a sort of twisted way you and I have finally found something we agree on.

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That's not what marriage is all about. Its about what is ours not yours or mine. Its about total commitment and sharing of everything. Of thinking of the other person and not what you want. Of treating them with respect and fairness no matter what. Of acting with integrity no matter how others treat you.
Yes, but in reality marriage rarely turns out in that fairytale way that you so eloquently and hopefully and naively describe it, and a smart, cautious person will take steps to protect themselves because about 67% chance that things won't work out the way you expect them to. Unlike yourself, I can and do cite various references to support my claims.

67% OF SECOND MARRIAGES FAIL (CLICK HERE)

Last edited by browser; 03-09-2017 at 06:52 PM.
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post #133 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 10:46 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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I am aware that @Diana7 has no obligation to give her adult biological children anything. I do however question her wisdom in giving it (or at least half of it) to a guy she's only known for 9 months.



Your current second husband didn't think it was "right" to go to court to claim his right to half of the equity in a house that was rightfully and legally his, while he didn't have any other money or assets besides a used car and you think this is because he is a man of integrity. That's not the word that first comes to my mind.

By the way going to court to settle a disputed financial matter doesn't have to be a "fight". The two parties with their two attorneys each present their case to the judge and allow the court to decide what's fair. Better yet the two reasonable, respectful, and people with integrity both agree to what's fair without adversity and without the use of opposing attorneys, they draft a settlement agreement (possibly with one attorney who represents both of them) and present it to the court for final approval. There doesn't have to be any fighting, name calling or mudslinging, and in fact if they only thing they have to negotiate is splitting up the equity in the house, it won't require much of anything other than an appearance and presenting a few supporting documents.



@Diana7 I know that you have decided to follow arbitrary rules by which to live your life which include no sex or living together outside of marriage. Whether its due to an artificial religious construct or the color of the sky makes no difference.



You knew in a "week" that this was a man you wanted to be with for the rest of your life and you married 9 months after you first met. I'd like to gently suggest that 9 months is too short a period of time to really know a person, let alone a week, but I understand you and I differ on that particular point so there's really not much more to say about that.



As I've maintained, not getting married is much better protection from a legal/financial standpoint than a prenup (which can be challenged and overturned) so in a sort of twisted way you and I have finally found something we agree on.



Yes, but in reality marriage rarely turns out in that fairytale way that you so eloquently and hopefully and naively describe it, and a smart, cautious person will take steps to protect themselves because about 67% chance that things won't work out the way you expect them to. Unlike yourself, I can and do cite various references to support my claims.

67% OF SECOND MARRIAGES FAIL (CLICK HERE)

My husband let his ex have the house(that was in joint names) because he knew it was the right thing to do. He still cared about what happened to his ex despite what she had done, that's the sort of man he is. I appreciate that most people in a divorce act badly and are greedy and only out for themselves, but he isn't like that and nor am I.

We live the way we do because of our faith, and also because time and time again God has shown us that His advise and guidance is always for our own good.So living together isnt an option and quite honestly even if I wasn't a Christian I would want marriage before I moved in with someone.

For us 9 months was long enough, I would have married sooner, and time(12 years) has shown me that we made the right decision. We both know that divorce isn't an option for us. I don't see marriage as a fairy tale at all, far from it, but as something that you work at and don't give up on and my husband believes that you keep promises you made to someone.
A prenup was never considered, its thinking about divorce before you have even married. If I thought I had needed a prenup, I wouldn't have got married. If I hadn't know what sort of man he was then I wouldn't have married him.

Yes second marriages fail, but I know many in happy second marriages like ours.
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post #134 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 10:48 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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My husband let his ex have the house(that was in joint names) because he knew it was the right thing to do.
Can I ask you to elaborate on this one point @Diana7?

If the house belonged to both your husband and his exwife, and they have shared equity of which they both are legally entitled, why is him giving her his half of the value of the house the right thing to do?

Why do you think that people who request the courts grant them what is legally and rightfully theirs, are "acting badly and are greedy"?

Especially given that at the time, the only asset he had was a used car.
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post #135 of 138 (permalink) Old 03-11-2017, 10:58 AM
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Re: Am I overreacting to this prenup?

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Can I ask you to elaborate on this one point @Diana7?

If the house belonged to both your husband and his exwife, and they have shared equity of which they both are legally entitled, why is him giving her his half of the value of the house the right thing to do?

Why do you think that people who "fight" for what is legally and rightfully theirs, are "acting badly and are greedy"?

Especially given that at the time, the only asset he had was a used car.
People here arent automatically entitled to half of anything. It all depends on what each earns, if there are dependant children, what other assets there are etc.
His ex made it clear that she was going to fight for the house. She is quite selfish and the sort of person that feels entitled. So it was either go to court and pay a fortune in legal fees, or let her have the home. His 2 sons were also still at home then, albeit they were adults aged 18 and 21, so he felt it was the right thing to let her have it.
I realise that its something that most cant understand, but it showed me what sort of principled man he is.

Also as Christians the Bible says that we shouldn't take another Christian to a secular court, so that was another reason.
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