Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 07:05 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

See if you can relocate the dog for say 2 weeks and watch your wife's behavior. Was she using the dog as a scapegoat for other problems or is she now happy as a clam. If she still finds crap to b!tch about, then you have to decide whether you can stomach being married to a constant complainer. You also have to decide if you want to go the rest of your life without a pet.

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post #17 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 07:16 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

@qwerster And when she compels you to get rid of the dog... what's next?

Question for you. Has she really tried to get on with your dog?

Or did she play lip service to the idea whilst thinking: "I'll pretend to try to get on with the dog.

"However, eventually I can get rid of the dog. Then I'll get rid of his friends, then his family, then I can shape qwerster into what I want him to be"?


Everyone who gets together with the owner of any type of pet -dog, cat, bird, horse, whatever- knows that they will get to play second fiddle to the pet at least part of the time.

Why your wife doesn't know this is questionable.

Is she really marriageable material?

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post #18 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 07:20 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

You can always get a new wife, you can't always get a new dog (well, you can, but I would stick with the dog lol)
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post #19 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 07:20 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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Originally Posted by john117 View Post
Unless we're talking about the mutt guarding the gates of Hades, I would have grave concerns about someone unable to bond with an animal.

My wife was not a pet person. In her culture, pets are unclean. Yet we fostered DD1's monster cat, long fur and talons and all, for four months.

What are her specific concerns? Not "the dog", rather, shedding, mess, expenses, ...
I'm not a dog person.....never was even though we had nice dogs when I was growing up. I doubt I'd bond with one now

I'd never mistreat a dog.....in fact I helped save one recently as I was out running and someone's poodle had gotten out of their yard and was running crazy through the road and wouldn't go to the owner become they were freaking out.

The road was winding and cars may not have seen the dog before hitting him.

I stopped my very nice stride, got on my knees, opened my arms and called out to the dog in the nicest voice I have and he came running right to me. That dog had no idea I don't care for dogs.

I do however love cats. I had two I loved growing up and I have one now.

I'd never ask a guy to get rid of his dog unless said dog was dangerous or destructive but I don't think not bonding with one is necessarily problematic.

Last edited by lifeistooshort; 01-06-2017 at 07:38 AM.
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post #20 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 07:21 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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You had the dog before you had your wife. It is probably like a child to you.

It may sound extreme, but I would advise giving up the wife before giving up the dog. Tell her you are sorry, but you are taking her up on her offer to move out.
I have a friend who owns a couple of horses.

She started dating a man who said: "You spend too much time with your horses. It's either me or them!"

Her response was: "I'll miss you. Actually, no I won't. Just f**k off out of my life!"

The chap she's been living with for the past 14 years, sharing a lovely country cottage, was told in advance that her horses came first. He looked at her, puzzled and said: "Well... of course they do! Everyone knows that!"

But then again, she doesn't mind his lurcher dog and his ferrets!

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post #21 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 07:31 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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I'm actually surprised! You have kids and a husband that often travels for work. I figured you had at least one companion animal to keep you company.

When the kids were young and DH was away more than he was home, I got myself and the kids a large guardian breed dog. Great company when I was alone at night after the kids went to bed, cuddles anytime I wanted them, and a good guard dog in case of emergency.

I currently have an American Bulldog (he's the guardian breed if you aren't familiar), a Pit Bull, and a Basset Hound. I also have a 35 year old tortoise, a 5 year old African Grey parrot, and two 2 year old Betta fish that my daughter left when she moved out.

On New Years Eve, our 15 year old cat passed away. DS, who is also 15 and grew up with the cat, is brokenhearted. I asked DH if we should consider getting a new kitten from the local shelter, but he said he would prefer not to. Something about not needing to have the entire food chain under one roof....



Before we bought our house, we had an 800 sq ft 2 bedroom single story rental with us, 3 young kids, a dog, and two cats. The cats were lazy and were pretty much window sill decoration. The dog spent most of his time sleeping and got his play and exercise needs met during his walks. It worked out well, but I must say I was happy when we bought a larger house. Not because the dog was underfoot, but because the kids were!

If OP has trained his pet and does the feeding, walking, and cleaning related to the dog, even the small space shouldn't be much of an issue. If the dog was a marauding beast in need of training and discipline, it would be different.

I'm sure a small place could work if you really like the dog.

I was just thinking that a little more space might calm things down.
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post #22 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 07:36 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

I agree with the majority here. She knew about the dog from the jump, it's unfair to ask that you get rid of it now.

I've never lived with dogs and would have never imagined living with them in my future. My partner made it clear from the beginning that he was a dog lover and that he would be keeping his dogs. I wasn't happy about it but he was firm. He started out with just 1 and today we have 4 dogs. He does all the work required to care for them and never asks for my input. All he asks is that they're not mistreated. He wants more but we agreed that 4 is more than a good compromise. I couldn't imagine asking him to get rid of any of them.

It's obvious to me now that pet lovers have a very strong bond with their animals, its like asking to get rid of a child. Crazy!

She's the one who has the issue with the dog, she should be responsible for coming up with a fair compromise.

Edited to add: I have a hard time buying the idea that she only now realized she didn't like living with the dog. She visited prior and I'm sure she stayed over for multiple nights on end. She realized she didn't like the dog from the time she had you put it out of the bedroom.

Last edited by Keke24; 01-06-2017 at 07:40 AM.
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post #23 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 08:13 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

I agree with those who suggest getting a larger place to live. However, that may not solve the problem. She just had no idea what she was getting into marrying a guy with a dog and living with a pet full time. It happens - not her fault, or yours, or the dog's. How to deal with it, though? I wouldn't get rid of the dog; but perhaps you can agree to not get another one when that day inevitably comes. If not, I'm sure you can find another wife eventually.

I like animals, and have had cats and dogs. My ex got our dog - better environment for him. My current wife had two cats when we met, but they belonged to her housemate. We kept them for him - and I enjoyed having them (despite being allergic) - for a couple of years when he moved and couldn't have them in his rental. Now, neither of us want any pets, because we don't want the responsibility, and we do want the freedom to travel - which we are doing. Now, it's enough to have friends with pets. Just like it's better to have friends with yachts than to own one!

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post #24 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 08:18 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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Originally Posted by Blondilocks View Post
See if you can relocate the dog for say 2 weeks and watch your wife's behavior. Was she using the dog as a scapegoat for other problems or is she now happy as a clam. If she still finds crap to b!tch about, then you have to decide whether you can stomach being married to a constant complainer. You also have to decide if you want to go the rest of your life without a pet.
This, great suggestion. I can't help but think that if it weren't the dog, it'd be something else.

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post #25 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 08:29 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

People that don't have pets may not fully understand the connection between the owner and pet. I've always had pets and couldn't imagine my life without one. It would break my heart if my husband told me to get rid of my dog. I just don't think I could do it unless it was for safety reasons of course.

Your dog sounds like a good dog. And because of that and the fact that you had the dog before the relationship, I'd ask her to stick it out. I get that she claims she didn't know what it was like to live with one but she needs to work on her tolerance. Maybe it would help if she bonded with it?

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post #26 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 08:37 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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I would never give up my dogs. No way. It's not about the dogs being more important than my husband either, it's about the fact that if he asked me to give them up knowing how much I love them and how it would break my heart, then he doesn't really love me enough. It would kill any love I had for him in the long run.
This X 10.

She sounds like a princess. You have twisted yourself into a pretzel trying to find 'some' way to get her to accept your dog, and that is beta behavior and the more you do it, the more she expects and the less she respects (or wants) you.

My advice: read the book No More Mr Nice Guy.
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post #27 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:14 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

I don't particularly like animals, but I could never tolerate harm coming to one. I didn't want cats, but my wife really did, and when one of them got lost on the room, I spent hours climbing around our slippery roof (over a probably lethal drop to the canyon below) trying to find the #&#$ cat. (the cat came, back, it was fine).

I don't think anyone should ever be pressured to give up an animal. When you take in an animal you are accepting responsibility for its care for the rest of its natural life. I don't think that is a responsibility you can ever give up.

If your wife had a medical issue that prevented you from having a dog, then I think you are bound to find the dog a GOOD home - however much effort and $$ that might take.

At the end of the dog's natural life, don't get another. No one should ever be forced to give up a pet, but its not fair to force someone to live with a pet.
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post #28 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:19 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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In the grand scheme of things, your wife/family are more important than a dog. But it sounds to me like she pulled a bait and switch on you when it comes to your dog. Marrying someone and then pulling a bait and switch is a profound form of manipulation and dishonesty.



My take on it is that the dog is her excuse to push you around emotionally. If you get rid of the dog, she will just find another reason to mistreat you and keep you walking on egg shells.



How does she behave about your friends and family? Does she have a problem with any of them?


I was going to post, but this says it all.

Keep the dog, get rid of the wife. Seriously.
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post #29 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:32 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

All I can think is, it's a sh17 test.

She knew what she was getting. You can't accept and then later complain about things.

I think it's a test to see if you'll pick the dog over her. If your dog was wild and misbehaving I might side with her, even then I'd think training was the first best step. But the dog sounds well behaved.

I'd make it clear to her that you and the dog are a package deal, end of.

Just curious, did she give up something important to be with you?

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post #30 of 143 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 09:34 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

To me this is one of those situations where there isn't much room to compromise. So OP has a tough decision to make - the wife or the dog.

Everything that has been said isn't wrong: on the one hand it is difficult for a non pet person to acclimate to animals.

On the other, if the dog left, would wife move onto the next thing to control you over. (I don't want you riding your bike, playing video games, hanging out with XYZ)

I like the idea of trying a bigger house, but let's be honest, you could move into a 5000 square foot mansion, huge house, but the dog will still want to be around you and by association your wife. You would have to lock him up in a room(s). Not ideal to the dog.

Comes down to a sh!tty choice OP needs to make.

My story: After a night on the town with him, wife exchanged inappropriate texts with her former boss.

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