I would never give up my dogs. No way. It's not about the dogs being more important than my husband either, it's about the fact that if he asked me to give them up knowing how much I love them and how it would break my heart, then he doesn't really love me enough. It would kill any love I had for him in the long run.
You can't force him to live outside either, that's cruel and there's no point in having him.
If you really can't choose do you have family nearby who he could live with? Then you'd still get to see him. Tell your wife that - tell her that fine, you'll give him to your parents but you'll be over there every night and all weekend hanging out with him...see how she likes that hehehehe.
frusdil: My wife knows how hard it is to give up my dog, so she hasn't given me an ultimatum to give him up yet. So far she has been trying to tolerate him and get used to the living situation, but it is just causing problems for us because it causes fights. I think I could keep both my marriage and the dog, but will just have to put up with the conflicts, so I am trying to figure out what is the best way forward. I don't have family or friends nearby to give him to, unfortunately =(
People have such different perspectives when it comes to animals. OP you are use to having the dog in your life, and probably barely notice the dozens of things you do everyday to cater to your dog. The licking, the hair, the constant moving presence of the dog, that's what you are accustomed to. But for someone who has not had an animal it can be over whelming, the constant movement, your wife can't have any peace and quiet in her home. The hair, yuk, the licking, double yuk, and who wants to sit at the dinner table with some dog panting at the table blowing their dog breath at you and having to look at that big ole tongue hanging out? Yuk, yuk, yuk.
I would guess she really didn't understand what living with a dog would be like, I would bet it's a bit overwhelming for her. Compromise? Honestly I don't know what would work. get rid of the dog or get rid of the wife maybe, I just don't see a middle ground because of where you live.
There may be other things going on as well, you say she brings the dog up every fight, she may obsess about the dog using it as a tool to vent her frustration at you about something else, something she doesn't want to bring up or doesn't have the right words to express her frustration.
Cooper: I completely agree. I think us dog lovers have trouble seeing them from the other side of the lens. This is also a house we have just bought so things might be different if it was a rental or someone else owned it. I love this woman and my dog, so I would like to find some kind of middle ground if possible. I brought up marriage counseling today, but she doesn't think it will help the situation with the dog. It might actually be good if there is something else she is frustrated about, because it would probably be easier to fix than giving up a pet!
It's not just this dog either. Unless something seriously changes, your wife will probably never want a pet. Are you ok with that for a lifetime?
My husband hated cats and didn't want a dog because they were too much hassle. One of the first things I did after he moved out was get two cats. I would never want to live a pet free life again.
Hellomynameis: I am actually okay with not having another pet. After my previous dog died, I told myself I would never get another one because it was so painful to lose her. I only got my current dog because I happened upon him at an adoption event and we somehow clicked =)
Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
Maybe you could consider getting a bigger place?
700 Sq feet is awfully small to be tripping over even a well behaved dog.
And it's not much space for a dog to play anyway.
lifeistooshort: That is actually one of the options I considered! I suggested to my wife that I could perhaps get a bigger house with a basement that leads outdoors, where I can keep him and hang out with him, and my wife just wouldn't go down there. I have a pretty decent sized backyard so we go out there a lot, but I really do think a bigger house might help my wife get more of her own space. The only problem is affording the bigger place =)
Unless we're talking about the mutt guarding the gates of Hades, I would have grave concerns about someone unable to bond with an animal.
My wife was not a pet person. In her culture, pets are unclean. Yet we fostered DD1's monster cat, long fur and talons and all, for four months.
What are her specific concerns? Not "the dog", rather, shedding, mess, expenses, ...
john117: Her biggest concern peeve is his hair going all over the place. He is a nervous dog who shakes his body a lot, and she especially hates it when he does it near her. She wants me to train him to stop doing that, but that isn't really something that I can stop him from doing. I keep the dog and the house clean for the most part, but dog hair still somehow gets on her clothes and the sofa. I think it is stuff like that gradually builds up inside her until it blows up. She also doesn't like his licks, though I am training him to stop licking her.