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post #61 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:34 PM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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Her biggest concern peeve is his hair going all over the place. He is a nervous dog who shakes his body a lot, and she especially hates it when he does it near her. She wants me to train him to stop doing that, but that isn't really something that I can stop him from doing. I keep the dog and the house clean for the most part, but dog hair still somehow gets on her clothes and the sofa. I think it is stuff like that gradually builds up inside her until it blows up. She also doesn't like his licks, though I am training him to stop licking her.
This just sounds so sad, qwerster. How do you think this makes your dog feel?

This whole situation is sad. You two are just not suited to each other. Better to let your wife go a year in than have it all break down later, and with children involved.

I am not a pet owner, nor a pet lover. But I am a respecter of pets. They really are like children to some people, and that needs to be respected.

My sister has always had dogs, and always will. I understand that if I go to see her, the dogs will be all over the place, and are going to brush up against me. And they are beautiful, well-trained dogs.

But they are still dogs. That is not going to change. And neither is your wife's inherent dislike of them.


One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #62 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-06-2017, 11:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful posts. I definitely have no intention on giving up my dog, and was never going to put him outside. I am going to keep him away from the dining area during meals and out of the kitchen when my wife is cooking, because I think that is good training for him anyway. I am going to try again to get her to agree to counseling. I think she needs some outside perspective to help her see that she is not being reasonable, and she just may listen to a neutral, trained professional.
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post #63 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 09:51 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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Was she using the dog as a scapegoat for other problems or is she now happy as a clam.
Ahem... did someone call me??


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post #64 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 10:06 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

Re the dog hair: Buy a couple lint rollers and tell her to get over it.
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post #65 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 10:08 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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I am going to keep him away from the dining area during meals and out of the kitchen when my wife is cooking,
Maybe feed him just before. Some people will cook for their dogs, say chicken, just be careful that your wife doesn't resent that.



Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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post #66 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 10:16 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

If I do my math right, you married after dating for one year. I'd say you married far too soon without really knowing each other well enough.

The dog is one irreconcilable difference between you. How many more are there that have not yet surfaced since the dog is currently the galvanizing argument?

This could be the tip of the iceberg. Check below the water line before any serious discussions about having children.
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post #67 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 10:51 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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Re the dog hair: Buy a couple lint rollers and tell her to get over it.
So insensitive and disrespectful.

But the right method if you want her to leave you.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #68 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 10:52 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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Maybe feed him just before. Some people will cook for their dogs, say chicken, just be careful that your wife doesn't resent that.
My sister makes a sweet potato for her dog every night.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #69 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 10:44 PM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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Maybe compromise a little more on your part keep him out of the kitchen/dining room during meals so your wife can eat in peace.
Or, put your wife outside to eat so you and the dog can eat in peace, hehehehe.

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I am considering having my parents talk to her about the dog. She won't listen to me, but maybe she will listen to them. OR, she could get mad at me for involving them in our problem =(
Omg no no no NO!!!!! This is between you and your wife. My MIL once told me that she thinks our dogs should stay in the conservatory only. My response? "Yes, well that's not going to happen. Ever". Do not involve your parents (or hers). If you want a third party to have input, go to counselling.

Tell your wife that if you have to get rid of your dog, then she has to cut ties with her best friend too. See how she likes that. I don't like people who don't like animals.
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post #70 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 10:47 PM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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Or, put your wife outside to eat so you and the dog can eat in peace, hehehehe.



Omg no no no NO!!!!! This is between you and your wife. My MIL once told me that she thinks our dogs should stay in the conservatory only. My response? "Yes, well that's not going to happen. Ever". Do not involve your parents (or hers). If you want a third party to have input, go to counselling.

Tell your wife that if you have to get rid of your dog, then she has to cut ties with her best friend too. See how she likes that. I don't like people who don't like animals.
This depends. In some cultures, it would be normal to get parents involved in a marital dispute the couple cannot resolve themselves.

OP, is it culturally expected that parents/elders be asked for advice here?


Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #71 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 11:13 PM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

If you can't stand up to your wife about your dog, you have bigger problems than a dog. Didn't I recommend that you read No More Mr Nice Guy? This is a personality issue. Yours.
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post #72 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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This just sounds so sad, qwerster. How do you think this makes your dog feel?

This whole situation is sad. You two are just not suited to each other. Better to let your wife go a year in than have it all break down later, and with children involved.

I am not a pet owner, nor a pet lover. But I am a respecter of pets. They really are like children to some people, and that needs to be respected.

My sister has always had dogs, and always will. I understand that if I go to see her, the dogs will be all over the place, and are going to brush up against me. And they are beautiful, well-trained dogs.

But they are still dogs. That is not going to change. And neither is your wife's inherent dislike of them.
jld: Yeah it is a horrible situation for all three of us (me, wife and dog). And you are right about it getting worse later on. I have some serious decisions I need to make.

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Originally Posted by zookeeper View Post
If I do my math right, you married after dating for one year. I'd say you married far too soon without really knowing each other well enough.

The dog is one irreconcilable difference between you. How many more are there that have not yet surfaced since the dog is currently the galvanizing argument?

This could be the tip of the iceberg. Check below the water line before any serious discussions about having children.
zookeeper: You are absolutely right - we married too soon. We are both in our 30s and mistakenly thought we knew each other (and ourselves) well enough. It would have served us well to have tried living together for awhile before we tied the knot.

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Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post
This depends. In some cultures, it would be normal to get parents involved in a marital dispute the couple cannot resolve themselves.

OP, is it culturally expected that parents/elders be asked for advice here?
MJJEAN: Thanks for considering culture as a factor. We are both Asians living in the US, and come from pretty traditional families. We do ask our parents for advice pretty often and for the most part, we listen to them. We just haven't done that with the dog issue because it is such a touchy subject for my wife. Our culture was also the main reason we got married so soon and didn't live together first.
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post #73 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 07:34 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

I think it's wrong for people to label your wife as insensitive and heartless because she has come to realize she doesn't like living with a dog. That's absolutely her right to feel that way, some people don't like kids, some people hate smoking, so why is she so bad for not wanting to live with a dog? Yes she knew you had the dog before marrying you, and my guess is because she was in love with you she put her feelings aside hoping it would work out. How many of us here did the same thing when we married? So lets not shame your wife for giving it a try, let's figure out how to fix it.

The hair sucks, I have been there many times. The last German shepherd I had was a shedder, heck I remember opening my refrigerator and at times finding hair in the bottom, I hated it. So…bathe weekly, use conditioner, brush daily using the right kind of brush, it takes less than ten minutes. Also there are supplements you can give dogs to help control shedding, keep trying them until you find what works.

Begging should be stopped before it's ever started, never feed a dog people food, never tempt or reward a dog with people food. Now that he begs you need to un train him, and that's more difficult. During dinner gate him in another room, feed him at the same time, don't leave food in his dish 24/7 but start feeding at selected times, like when you are eating breakfast and dinner. Crate training is a must, dogs like to have a safe place, they will get so you can tell them to get in the crate and you don't even need to close the door, they will stay there until you call them out.

Keeping them off furniture and beds, you need to make it uncomfortable for them. Start with crumpled up newspaper or bubble wrap covering the surface, or boxes, bedrooms keep the door closed, or crate them when your not home.

Two of my biggest pet peeves with dogs are lickers and barkers, why someone would ever teach a dog to speak is beyond me, they know when they need to bark, you don't need to teach them to bark all the time! And I will say this once a dog gets in the habit of barking all the time that is one of the most difficult things to stop. The licking can be difficult as well, that's a natural show of affection for a dog. Both those habits can be broken with firm and consistent "no" commands, but it will take time if it's already their habit.

You may want to try some obedience classes to help you learn the right methods. And start running, it's good for you and good for the dog, they need that exercise to help burn off that nervous energy! Or even better maybe your wife can start running with the dog, of coarse if you mention that to her she's going to think you're criticizing her weight, on second thought maybe you shouldn't suggest that. lol

One last thing…don't go to her parents. That would be a d**k move.

Last edited by Cooper; 01-08-2017 at 07:39 AM.
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post #74 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 07:57 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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I think it's wrong for people to label your wife as insensitive and heartless because she has come to realize she doesn't like living with a dog. That's absolutely her right to feel that way, some people don't like kids, some people hate smoking, so why is she so bad for not wanting to live with a dog? Yes she knew you had the dog before marrying you, and my guess is because she was in love with you she put her feelings aside hoping it would work out. How many of us here did the same thing when we married? So lets not shame your wife for giving it a try, let's figure out how to fix it.

The hair sucks, I have been there many times. The last German shepherd I had was a shedder, heck I remember opening my refrigerator and at times finding hair in the bottom, I hated it. So…bathe weekly, use conditioner, brush daily using the right kind of brush, it takes less than ten minutes. Also there are supplements you can give dogs to help control shedding, keep trying them until you find what works.

Begging should be stopped before it's ever started, never feed a dog people food, never tempt or reward a dog with people food. Now that he begs you need to un train him, and that's more difficult. During dinner gate him in another room, feed him at the same time, don't leave food in his dish 24/7 but start feeding at selected times, like when you are eating breakfast and dinner. Crate training is a must, dogs like to have a safe place, they will get so you can tell them to get in the crate and you don't even need to close the door, they will stay there until you call them out.

Keeping them off furniture and beds, you need to make it uncomfortable for them. Start with crumpled up newspaper or bubble wrap covering the surface, or boxes, bedrooms keep the door closed, or crate them when your not home.

Two of my biggest pet peeves with dogs are lickers and barkers, why someone would ever teach a dog to speak is beyond me, they know when they need to bark, you don't need to teach them to bark all the time! And I will say this once a dog gets in the habit of barking all the time that is one of the most difficult things to stop. The licking can be difficult as well, that's a natural show of affection for a dog. Both those habits can be broken with firm and consistent "no" commands, but it will take time if it's already their habit.

You may want to try some obedience classes to help you learn the right methods. And start running, it's good for you and good for the dog, they need that exercise to help burn off that nervous energy! Or even better maybe your wife can start running with the dog, of coarse if you mention that to her she's going to think you're criticizing her weight, on second thought maybe you shouldn't suggest that. lol

One last thing…don't go to her parents. That would be a d**k move.
I agree with most of what you said except the teaching the dog to bark part.Having a dog that will bark on command is of great benefit to people who may feel vulnerable in certain situations.I know a few people who are blind and have seeing eye dogs.One of them is a young woman and if she is out with oher dog sometimes she realises there may be someone following her or maybe just some kids messing about.Just by getting her dog to bark loudly is enough to get them to move out of her way.This also applies to people in their homes who may think someone is prowling around.I'm not suggesting that the dog is a guard dog but most people will give a barking dog a wide berth.

Last edited by Andy1001; 01-08-2017 at 08:02 AM.
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post #75 of 134 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 08:16 AM
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Re: Wife realizes now that she does not like living with my dog

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So insensitive and disrespectful. Shame on you Blondi. I'm telling Dug on you.

But the right method if you want her to leave you.
Fixed that for ya.
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