I understand what everyone is say, but I agree with the last post... why should I have play games to get his attention when he vowed to always be here for me?
I had this thought not too many months ago. I was angry. Why should i be the one trying when he's the one that's screwed everything up??? It made me angry to think of being the one to work on the marriage while he just made jokes and played video games.
I'll give you my reason. but you'll have to search inside yourself for your own motivation. My reason: i hate being miserable. pretty simple. i didnt like who i was becoming, how i was acting. so why do i work on my marriage? well, its not for my H. Its because wether he's being a jerk (in my opinion) or not, i want to know at the end of the day that im proud of who i am and what im doing. I want to feel good. so if im not going to leave him, i have to ask myself, 'what kind of person do i want to be while im with him.' my answer has nothing to do with the kind of person he's being. I work on how i relate to him, how i am acting in general, not for him, but for me.
so for me, its not a game im playing anymore to try and get his attention. believe me, distancing myself from him in the beginning was a control thing. but now its realizing i dont like who ive become, and i have to realize on what level we relate well and start from there, instead of pushing a more intimate level we are not ready for. i act the way i act not to try and control him, or make him love me, or get him to change, but b/c i want to feel good about me.
If your motivation to work on your marriage is to get your H to change, then you will always be disappointed. you will be resentful. you will play games. and your life will become emotional chaos. If you want peace in your marriage, you have to find peace in your own heart first.
Once you reach a place that you do feel good again, that doenst mean you have to stay in the marriage. but it does mean you will be acting, not reacting. You'll feel good again.
I threatened him that I was going, well I told him that I was thinking about going to stay with my parents for a while until we could settle things and he says whatever rolls over and doesnt even act like he cares (that was 2days ago)
i used to threaten my H all the time. It wasnt really that i wanted to leave, i was hoping to spark some kind of love out of him. it never worked. it hurt so badly that he never responded to these things.
But for me, threatening to leave was a control game. a game i usually lost.