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Old 01-18-2009, 09:23 AM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell my husband Im lonely and need his attention without........

Yes I do feel a bit of entiitlement because I vowed to go through anything with you and I have done that plus some I have given you a child supported you with your business and you feel like you have the right to give me the silent treatment or brush me off like I don't exisit I have tried to reach out and I have gotten nothing in return NOTHING at all and I'm supposed to continue making you feel like the king of the world while you continue to treat me like crap? so I'm supposed to give you sex because it makes you feel good but the emotional support I desire will have to wait so what do I do to find my salvation nothing grin and bear it ? Relationships are supposed give and take not keep giving until that person has nothing left, now that is selfish.
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Old 01-18-2009, 09:25 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell my husband Im lonely and need his attention without........

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I understand what everyone is say, but I agree with the last post... why should I have play games to get his attention when he vowed to always be here for me?
I had this thought not too many months ago. I was angry. Why should i be the one trying when he's the one that's screwed everything up??? It made me angry to think of being the one to work on the marriage while he just made jokes and played video games.

I'll give you my reason. but you'll have to search inside yourself for your own motivation. My reason: i hate being miserable. pretty simple. i didnt like who i was becoming, how i was acting. so why do i work on my marriage? well, its not for my H. Its because wether he's being a jerk (in my opinion) or not, i want to know at the end of the day that im proud of who i am and what im doing. I want to feel good. so if im not going to leave him, i have to ask myself, 'what kind of person do i want to be while im with him.' my answer has nothing to do with the kind of person he's being. I work on how i relate to him, how i am acting in general, not for him, but for me.

so for me, its not a game im playing anymore to try and get his attention. believe me, distancing myself from him in the beginning was a control thing. but now its realizing i dont like who ive become, and i have to realize on what level we relate well and start from there, instead of pushing a more intimate level we are not ready for. i act the way i act not to try and control him, or make him love me, or get him to change, but b/c i want to feel good about me.

If your motivation to work on your marriage is to get your H to change, then you will always be disappointed. you will be resentful. you will play games. and your life will become emotional chaos. If you want peace in your marriage, you have to find peace in your own heart first.

Once you reach a place that you do feel good again, that doenst mean you have to stay in the marriage. but it does mean you will be acting, not reacting. You'll feel good again.

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I threatened him that I was going, well I told him that I was thinking about going to stay with my parents for a while until we could settle things and he says whatever rolls over and doesnt even act like he cares (that was 2days ago)
i used to threaten my H all the time. It wasnt really that i wanted to leave, i was hoping to spark some kind of love out of him. it never worked. it hurt so badly that he never responded to these things.

But for me, threatening to leave was a control game. a game i usually lost.
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Old 01-18-2009, 09:37 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell my husband Im lonely and need his attention without........

Yes I do feel a bit of entiitlement because I vowed to go through anything with you and I have done that plus some I have given you a child supported you with your business and you feel like you have the right to give me the silent treatment or brush me off like I don't exisit I have tried to reach out and I have gotten nothing in return NOTHING at all and I'm supposed to continue making you feel like the king of the world while you continue to treat me like crap? so I'm supposed to give you sex because it makes you feel good but the emotional support I desire will have to wait so what do I do to find my salvation nothing grin and bear it ? Relationships are supposed give and take not keep giving until that person has nothing left, now that is selfish.
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Old 01-19-2009, 04:29 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell my husband Im lonely and need his attention without........

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Originally Posted by faheemswife View Post
Yes I do feel a bit of entiitlement because I vowed to go through anything with you and I have done that plus some I have given you a child supported you with your business and you feel like you have the right to give me the silent treatment or brush me off like I don't exisit I have tried to reach out and I have gotten nothing in return NOTHING at all and I'm supposed to continue making you feel like the king of the world while you continue to treat me like crap? so I'm supposed to give you sex because it makes you feel good but the emotional support I desire will have to wait so what do I do to find my salvation nothing grin and bear it ? Relationships are supposed give and take not keep giving until that person has nothing left, now that is selfish.
Quit treating yourself like a victim. Subconsciously it is something you enjoy. Start treating yourself well and you might see changes in your husband.
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Old 01-22-2009, 01:09 AM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell my husband Im lonely and need his attention without........

yeah the threatening to leave is also a control thing for me I suppose, I say it in hopes that it will change something in him and make him appriciate me or pay more attention to me, but your right... it doesnt work all it does is make me feel worse. I have been doing better the past couple days, Ive been focasing on my life and my kids and not really worring about weather he's paying attention to me or not, I figure eventually he'll notice that Im no longer paying attention and than he might be willing to speak to me and if not oh well, cause I do deserve to be happy with who I am and still like myself when I lay down each night and thats what Im trying to do, Im just tired of the games and tired of crying and sick of careing so I dont anymore, I love him, but I love myself more so Im just trying not to let him get to me right now, I have a new baby due in a couple more weeks and 3 beautiful ones sittin here with me and thats enough reason for me to smile each day, hopefully he'll join in our lives again soon, if not oh well.
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Old 01-22-2009, 03:42 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell my husband Im lonely and need his attention without........

Just go talk about it, if he still loves you he would listen what is on your mind
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Old 01-23-2009, 09:12 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: how do I tell my husband Im lonely and need his attention without........

What a sad situation. You said you already have 3 kids and pregnant and only married 7 months. Your husband is on house arrest. Poor decisions on both your parts have created a difficult environment for intimacy and love to flourish. He has shut off from you. Maybe he is overwhelmed feeling that he cannot support his family financially or emotionally. What is he on house arrest for? Will that behavior be repeated or has he learned from his mistake? It sounds like you both need a lot of help. But no matter how you feel, please make sure you think of your children's welfare first and don't let them get lost in the crossfire.
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