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post #31 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 02:53 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
So, being completely honest, you were not implying in any way, shape or form; that when a partner starts using porn after a relationship starts, that it isn't somehow their SO's fault. You know, they somehow became less attractive or provided a "stale" sex life.
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post #32 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 02:57 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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I get your point and I personally think porn is not equivalent to a physical affair, even though I think porn use is bad for relationships and can be a form a infidelity.

There are various forms, including what we call financial infidelity.

But hierarchies of infidelities are subjective.....some think EA'so are every bit as bad as PA's, while others disagree.

Maybe since you've experienced a wife's PA you might think that if she'd only had an EA that would be better, I don't know.

The bar of what looks pretty good is influenced by what's happened to us.

But I don't think she's wrong in that nobody would suggest it was partly the spouses fault if a PA or EA was involved (betrayed spouses in TAM are saints), but there does seem to be different rules for porn.


If hubby watches too much porn wife is often told to step it up in the bedroom.

Nobody tells a betrayed hb that if he was taking care of business his wife wouldn't have gone elsewhere.

At least not here in TAM. There just seems to be so much personal investment in porn that it's hard to have a rational discussion about it.

It can be every bit as damaging as other kinds of affairs.
I have no doubt and I repeat again that I respect when someone is in pain that it is real what they feel. What I resent when I am told I am wrong in my opinion on the matter. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but apparently not here sometimes which is confounding .
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post #33 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:04 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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I have no doubt and I repeat again that I respect when someone is in pain that it is real what they feel. What I resent when I am told I am wrong in my opinion on the matter. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but apparently not here sometimes which is confounding .
Instead of seeing it as someone telling you you're wrong, view it as someone "failing to see your logic, if it can even be called that". :/

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post #34 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:09 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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Instead of seeing it as someone telling you you're wrong, view it as someone "failing to see your logic, if it can even be called that". :/

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An opinion isn't logic. It is just that an opinion. So my opinion on something gets to trump your opinion on something because it doesn't follow my view of logic? Is that what you're saying?
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post #35 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:11 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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An opinion isn't logic. It is just that an opinion. So my opinion on something gets to trump your opinion on something because it doesn't follow my view of logic? Is that what you're saying?
No, I'm just using the same words you used towards me when you tried to tell me my opinion was illogical, a.k.a. wrong. Just saying.

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post #36 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:15 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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No, I'm just using the same words you used towards me when you tried to tell me my opinion was illogical, a.k.a. wrong. Just saying.

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lol good grief. i was trying to understand your opinion. Please quote where I said your opinion is wrong
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post #37 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:23 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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lol good grief. i was trying to understand your opinion. Please quote where I said your opinion is wrong
I was giving you the benefit of the doubt and assumed you were saying I was wrong with your 'if it can even be called logic'. The only other option is that you were being condescending.

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post #38 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:30 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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I was giving you the benefit of the doubt and assumed you were saying I was wrong with your 'if it can even be called logic'. The only other option is that you were being condescending.

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Or you were assuming when I was trying to understand what your thought process. Guess I thought we were on the same page but guess not. So I guess asking questions with sincerity isn't ok. maybe you could try reading what I wrote from a position of trying to get clariity?
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post #39 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:37 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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Or you were assuming when I was trying to understand what your thought process. Guess I thought we were on the same page but guess not. So I guess asking questions with sincerity isn't ok. maybe you could try reading what I wrote from a position of trying to get clariity?
Sure but maybe in the future you can try using less condescending language. Instead of saying 'I really fail to follow this logic if it is that at all', you can cut it off at 'I really fail to follow this logic'. Period because the rest of it really is condescending.

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post #40 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:41 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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Sure but maybe in the future you can try using less condescending language. Instead of saying 'I really fail to follow this logic if it is that at all', you can cut it off at 'I really fail to follow this logic'. Period because the rest of it really is condescending.

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I will if you will try and not assume the worse. We have had really good dialog in the past so shocked your first assumption was I was saying something snide when I wasn't. Sorry you took it that way was really just trying to understand

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post #41 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 03:58 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Isnt the porn, in the cases here, a symptom rather than the problem. I think that this study should say, of likely couples who are destined to divorce, half of them end up using porn towards the end of their marriage.
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post #42 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 04:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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Isnt the porn, in the cases here, a symptom rather than the problem. I think that this study should say, of likely couples who are destined to divorce, half of them end up using porn towards the end of their marriage.
It can be, just like affairs can be a symptom of a troubled marriage.

And porn, just like affairs, can be trouble in and of itself.

One of the deepest feminine pleasures is when a man stands full, present, and unreactive in the midst of his woman's emotional storms. When he stays present with her, and loves her through the layers of wildness and closure, then she feels his trustability, and she can relax. -- David Deida, The Way of the Superior Man
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post #43 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 04:43 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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It can be, just like affairs can be a symptom of a troubled marriage.

And porn, just like affairs, can be trouble in and of itself.
I think porn, like violent video games are always a symptom and rarely the problem. It's the addiction that is the issue or living vicariously or having other issues that draw you to it.
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post #44 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:24 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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If you suggest that people whose partners gorge on porn are in some way to blame; then you are stepping on toes. And you are starting an argument.

I know that it is not "allowed" to compare porn to having an affair. Well, f. that.

There are physical affairs, emotional affairs----and virtual affairs.

Virtual affairs where a significant amount of a person's sexual energy, focus and release is spent on porn. Virtual affairs that result in men being increasingly dissatisfied with their "real" partners.

And that is painful. Thanks for wishing me luck over it.


And I would NEVER minimize the pain that a person [such as yourself], whose partner physically [?] cheated on them must feel.

BUT, nor would I suggest on an internet forum, that, ya know;there must be something about your sexual personality that caused it to happen. 'Cause my sociology training is tingling about it.


Think of any-and-all insecurities that you have about your physical appearance and sexual prowess.

Imagine a partner who chooses to watch porn over coming to bed with you. Or watches porn within hours of having sex with you. Or TELLS you that she prefers watching guys with full heads of hair in her porn of preference.....and you're going bald. Or she likes really tall guys.......and you're on the short side of average.

But, she tells you, it's okay----even though those are the *really* sexy guys that are kind of amazing; you're okay Wolf, I mean you're a great guy and I love you. You're just not great in "that' kind of way. But don't worry, it doesn't mean anything. And besides, you'd better get used to it, because this is what women do.

I'm sure you'd be just fine with it, right?
Actually, he didn't make that suggestion. You did. Then tried to twist it round so it looked like he made that suggestion. Which he didn't.

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post #45 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:27 PM
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Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

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Actually, he didn't make that suggestion. You did. Then tried to twist it round so it looked like he made that suggestion. Which he didn't.



I think he did make that suggestion.

And you disagree with me. There it is.
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