"Til Porn Do Us Part" - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 192Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #46 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:29 PM
Member
 
Married but Happy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 4,572
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
Analyzing the data, Perry and his OU colleague Cyrus Schleifer found that people who started watching porn were more likely to split with their partners during the course of the survey. For men, the chance of divorce went from 5% to 10%. For women, that number jumped from 6% to 18%."[/I]
Therefore, it is reasonable to conclude that failing marriages may lead to more porn use. Logical.


Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

CELIBACY IS NOT HEREDITARY.
Married but Happy is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #47 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:38 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: In your head
Posts: 618
"Til Porn Do Us Part"

.

Last edited by Miss Independent; 03-18-2017 at 10:53 PM.
Miss Independent is offline  
post #48 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:42 PM
Member
 
Relationship Teacher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 686
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
I disagree the solution is not narrowly focused. Quitting porn is a big part of getting sexually healthy again.
Let me clarify, JLD. A narrow approach would be to only tell the man he has to give up the porn usage, and not addressing something such as principles of sexual communication between partners. If we immediately tackle him on the issue, his guard will never come down. Thus, we connect (husband to partner) and disarm. Often, a man turns to porn when his wife is pregnant or when the child is a newborn, due to a relative lack of sex. He may feel entitled or as if it is something he must do. There is almost always going to be a defensive barrier, which requires a very broad approach.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
-
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Relationship Teacher is offline  
post #49 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 05:42 PM
Member
 
Wolf1974's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5,028
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by notmyrealname4;[B
17163329]I think he did make that suggestion.
[/B]
And you disagree with me. There it is.
Nope and no matter what your problem is you will not get me to say something I didn't say or don't believe.
Wolf1974 is offline  
post #50 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:00 PM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 19,507
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Let's suppose that a couple has problems in their marriage, including a cessation of sex, because of insert reasons here.

Then one spouse starts using porn because they find themselves in a sexless marriage.

The other spouse learns of the porn use and, by a prodigious feat of sociological reverse engineering they "prove" to themselves that the problem in their marriage wasn't insert reasons here but their spouse's use of porn!

And {{{{gasp!}}}} there's now a report that proves that their evil, vile spouse's use of porn was what killed the marriage! And that they can forget all about insert reasons here which, clearly, wasn't the root cause of the problem!

Or put it another way. Just suppose that a mean mouthed spouse causes their partner to have severe self-esteem issues.

So their abused spouse starts to comfort eat to compensate for this problem.

Eventually, mean mouth spouse notices the rising weight of their spouse and says: "Oh, my! You are fat! And I know what is the root cause of your fatness! Cheese! Cheese was your downfall!"


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #51 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:00 PM
Member
 
notmyrealname4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,520
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
Nope and no matter what your problem is you will not get me to say something I didn't say or don't believe.


I believe you are being disingenuous.


You believe that I have some kind of a problem.


Okay.
notmyrealname4 is offline  
post #52 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:08 PM
Moderator
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 19,507
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by notmyrealname4 View Post
I believe you are being disingenuous.


You believe that I have some kind of a problem.


Okay.
Moderator note:

No more threadjacks, please.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
(Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
MattMatt is online now  
post #53 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:12 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,656
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Some watchers will get addicted, directly causing relationship problems. Others will turn to porn rather than try to solve existing problems with their sex life.
I just recently read about a doctor (medical/PhD.) whose client base is mostly young men in their 20's with ED because of their obsessive use of porn. They are unhappy and feel out of control. They can't hold on to a REAL relationship with a woman.

The problems in a marriage that exist because of porn don't statistically begin within marriage. They start WELL BEFORE marriage.
Vega is offline  
post #54 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:17 PM
Member
 
Wolf1974's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5,028
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

[QUOTE=Vega;17163513]I just recently read about a doctor (medical/PhD.) whose client base is mostly young men in their 20's with ED because of their obsessive use of porn. They are unhappy and feel out of control. They can't hold on to a REAL relationship with a woman.

The problems in a marriage that exist because of porn don't statistically begin within marriage. They start WELL BEFORE marriage.[/QUOTE]

That was my thought as well from studies I have seen. People who have an unhealthy view or porn and sexuality tend to have it for a very long time. So this study which showes it come 2-4 years inside an otherwise healthy realtionship does make me curious how or why does it start then.
Wolf1974 is offline  
post #55 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:20 PM
Member
 
EllisRedding's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Valhalla (Or the Northeast USA)
Posts: 6,542
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vega View Post
I just recently read about a doctor (medical/PhD.) whose client base is mostly young men in their 20's with ED because of their obsessive use of porn. They are unhappy and feel out of control. They can't hold on to a REAL relationship with a woman.

The problems in a marriage that exist because of porn don't statistically begin within marriage. They start WELL BEFORE marriage.
I think @Lila posted something similar to this is another thread from a Reddit thread she came across. It would be interesting to see statistically how much of a problem this is (i.e. is this a growing number of men or is it just a handful of men who in general have difficulties with addiction).

Stating before marriage, does that take into account the time the couple were together prior to marriage, or is this stating the porn issue was present prior to the couple even becoming an item? You could have a couple that dated for 5 years before they got married, the problems could have started during this time for a variety of reasons. Just trying to break things down, and simply stating "before marriage" would seem to imply that the relationship only really started with marriage.

EllisRedding is offline  
post #56 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:31 PM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 2,413
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

We've all heard the stats that say a couple who lives together before marriage is more likely to divorce. I've always wondered if that was because those couples were having troubles, were too invested to walk, and got married because they thought marriage would be some magical solution. Much like people have been known to have babies in an attempt to save a failing marriage.

I think this study is similar. We know that porn use is associated with increased divorce rates, but we don't know exactly why. We don't know why the couple divorced or what, if anything, porn use had to do with that.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is offline  
post #57 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:36 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,656
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by EllisRedding View Post
I think @Lila posted something similar to this is another thread from a Reddit thread she came across. It would be interesting to see statistically how much of a problem this is (i.e. is this a growing number of men or is it just a handful of men who in general have difficulties with addiction).

Stating before marriage, does that take into account the time the couple were together prior to marriage, or is this stating the porn issue was present prior to the couple even becoming an item? You could have a couple that dated for 5 years before they got married, the problems could have started during this time for a variety of reasons. Just trying to break things down, and simply stating "before marriage" would seem to imply that the relationship only really started with marriage.
From what I've been reading, it seems that the problems began BEFORE the couple was a couple. The men have reported that they began to masturbate at 12-15 years old, discovered* porn around the same time, and became "hooked". (It's not clear whether their masturbatory 'habit' began as something at a 'normal' frequency before their discovery of porn, or if they discovered porn FIRST and the porn seemed to 'take over' their habit)

In any case, it seemed that many of the men had the belief that once they married, their porn habit would disappear. They believed that with a 'solid' relationship and "regular" sex, they would no longer 'need' porn.

In all honesty Ellis, I don't know of a lot of men who "turn to porn" for the FIRST time,--literally, NEVER having used it/viewed it before-- while married or in an LTR because of sexual issues. I'm sure SOME have done this but as to the stats...?

P.S. Happy New Year, Ellis!
Vega is offline  
post #58 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:55 PM
Member
 
Lila's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 1,942
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

@Vega

This Review was published in August of 2016 and discusses the trends in prevalence of ED in men under 40.

Here are some of the key stats:


"Up until the last decade, rates of ED were low in sexually active men under 40, and did not begin to rise steeply until thereafter [1,2]. A 1999 major cross-sectional study reported erectile dysfunction in 5%, and low sexual desire in 5% of sexually active men, ages 18 to 59 [3], and a 2002 meta-analysis of erectile-dysfunction studies reported consistent rates of 2% in men under 40 (except for the preceding study) [2]. These data were gathered before Internet “porn tube sites” enabled wide access to sexually explicit videos with no download required. The first of these “tube sites” appeared in September 2006 [4]."

"In contrast, recent studies on ED and low sexual desire document a sharp increase in prevalence of such dysfunctions in men under 40.....the Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behavior (GSSAB)....[found that] in just a decade, things changed radically. The 2001–2002 rates for older men 40–80 were about 13% in Europe [5]. By 2011, ED rates in young Europeans, 18–40, ranged from 14%–28% [6]".

Here were some other studies:
  • In 2012, Swiss researchers found ED rates of 30% in a cross-section of Swiss men aged 18–24 using the International Index of Erectile Function (IIEF-5) [8].
  • A 2013 Italian study reported one in four patients seeking help for new onset ED were younger than 40, with rates of severe ED nearly 10% higher than in men over 40 [9].
  • A 2014 study on Canadian adolescents reported that 53.5% of males aged 16–21 had symptoms indicative of a sexual problem [10]. Erectile dysfunction was the most common (26%), followed by low sexual desire (24%), and problems with orgasm (11%).
  • Another 2015 study on men (mean age approximately 36), reported that ED accompanied by a low desire for partnered sex is now a common observation in clinical practice among men seeking help for their excessive sexual behavior, who frequently “use pornography and masturbate” [15].

But the one that caught my attention was this one:

"A 2016 study by this same group assessed sexual problems in adolescents (16–21 years) in five waves over a two-year period. For males, persistent problems (in at least one wave) were low sexual satisfaction (47.9%), low desire (46.2%), and problems in erectile function (45.3%). The researchers noted that over time rates of sexual problems declined for females, but not for males [11]".

The ages of the men suffering ED is astounding to me.

The review goes on to explain how porn is affecting the incidents of ED. Interesting read for anyone who has the time.
Lila is offline  
post #59 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:56 PM
Member
 
Wolf1974's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5,028
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vega View Post
From what I've been reading, it seems that the problems began BEFORE the couple was a couple. The men have reported that they began to masturbate at 12-15 years old, discovered* porn around the same time, and became "hooked". (It's not clear whether their masturbatory 'habit' began as something at a 'normal' frequency before their discovery of porn, or if they discovered porn FIRST and the porn seemed to 'take over' their habit)

In any case, it seemed that many of the men had the belief that once they married, their porn habit would disappear. They believed that with a 'solid' relationship and "regular" sex, they would no longer 'need' porn.

In all honesty Ellis, I don't know of a lot of men who "turn to porn" for the FIRST time,--literally, NEVER having used it/viewed it before-- while married or in an LTR because of sexual issues. I'm sure SOME have done this but as to the stats...?

P.S. Happy New Year, Ellis!
This was my assumption and for large part my reality as well. I used porn often as I could before I had sex as a teen. Once I was having sex and married by in large I stopped. When life got in the way and sex slowed I would use it on occasion. When single after divorce I would use it again often and then let it go after I got in another relationship. So it's always been a filler for me and not a main source. Can't say I understand why some choose the hand over the real thing but they do and that's not going to make a healthy relationship .
Wolf1974 is offline  
post #60 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 06:58 PM
Member
 
EllisRedding's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Valhalla (Or the Northeast USA)
Posts: 6,542
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vega View Post
From what I've been reading, it seems that the problems began BEFORE the couple was a couple. The men have reported that they began to masturbate at 12-15 years old, discovered* porn around the same time, and became "hooked". (It's not clear whether their masturbatory 'habit' began as something at a 'normal' frequency before their discovery of porn, or if they discovered porn FIRST and the porn seemed to 'take over' their habit)

In any case, it seemed that many of the men had the belief that once they married, their porn habit would disappear. They believed that with a 'solid' relationship and "regular" sex, they would no longer 'need' porn.

In all honesty Ellis, I don't know of a lot of men who "turn to porn" for the FIRST time,--literally, NEVER having used it/viewed it before-- while married or in an LTR because of sexual issues. I'm sure SOME have done this but as to the stats...?

P.S. Happy New Year, Ellis!
I do know several guys in marriages who have said they would have little to no interest in porn if their sex life with their W was ok. I can tell you personally I would have little interest/need for porn if I actually had what resembled a sex life with my W (keep in mind though, I generally don't watch porn for other reasons). At least from what I have seen, I don't think it is uncommon for someone to turn to porn as an avenue when needs are not being met within the relationship. That said, I do believe that porn is/will become a growing problem in relationships, so I am not discounting its impact. It is something I have in the back of my head over the coming years as my boys get older and creep towards the teenage years.

Happy New Year to You Too Vega

EllisRedding is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My husband and the porn Takei Relationships and Addiction 9 12-14-2016 02:19 AM
Men and Porn muffin1983 Sex in Marriage 22 03-04-2016 03:06 PM
Husband and porn Azmamaof3 Sex in Marriage 35 03-01-2016 09:47 PM
Porn and women UMP Sex in Marriage 428 02-14-2016 10:01 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome