"Til Porn Do Us Part" - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

User Tag List

 192Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #61 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 07:42 PM
Member
 
CuddleBug's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,750
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by jld View Post
Just saw this. Something to think about.

A new study titled "Til Porn Do Us Part" suggests that adding pornography to a marriage doubles the likelihood of divorce.

Divorce rates double when people start watching porn | Science | AAAS


"The new paper uses data from the 2006–2014 General Social Survey, a regular poll that asks thousands of Americans for their opinions on everything from national spending priorities to morality. Because the same people are polled several years in a row, researchers can track how attitudes, behaviors, and lifestyles change over time. To measure pornography use, the survey asked respondents—who also reported their relationship status—whether they had watched an X-rated movie in the past year. “There’s no perfect pornography question, but this one comes closest to the kind of question you ask that carries over time,” says study author and sociologist Samuel Perry of the University of Oklahoma (OU) in Norman. Out of 5698 respondents, 1681 said they had watched an X-rated movie and 373 reported viewing one for the first time during the survey period.

Analyzing the data, Perry and his OU colleague Cyrus Schleifer found that people who started watching porn were more likely to split with their partners during the course of the survey. For men, the chance of divorce went from 5% to 10%. For women, that number jumped from 6% to 18%."

Only reason I watch porn from time to time, is I'm going crazy from only having sex 1x month with Mrs.CuddleBug.

I want to try everything but she only wants to give me some oral and straight to dry doggie. That's it.

I take care of myself were as she does not.

If Mrs.CuddleBug took care of herself and had a high adventurous sex drive, we would match and we might watch porn together or there would be zero porn. But for me, I'd be a very happy guy and I'd forget about porn quickly, which does happen with me.


Strength and Honor. What we do in life echo's in eternity.
CuddleBug is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #62 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 08:08 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,656
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
This was my assumption and for large part my reality as well. I used porn often as I could before I had sex as a teen. Once I was having sex and married by in large I stopped. When life got in the way and sex slowed I would use it on occasion. When single after divorce I would use it again often and then let it go after I got in another relationship. So it's always been a filler for me and not a main source. Can't say I understand why some choose the hand over the real thing but they do and that's not going to make a healthy relationship .
This is what I don't understand.

Why is masturbation, while in a relationship, is so TABOO???

Most of us masturbate BEFORE having sex. Our 'urges' for an orgasm don't seem to have anything to do with whether or not we're in any kind of relationship. But somewhere along the line, we get the idea that masturbation is "wrong", and the ONLY way that we're "supposed" to satisfy that 'urge' is through sex.

Why IS that?
Vega is offline  
post #63 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 08:34 PM
Member
 
Wolf1974's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 5,031
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vega View Post
This is what I don't understand.

Why is masturbation, while in a relationship, is so TABOO???

Most of us masturbate BEFORE having sex. Our 'urges' for an orgasm don't seem to have anything to do with whether or not we're in any kind of relationship. But somewhere along the line, we get the idea that masturbation is "wrong", and the ONLY way that we're "supposed" to satisfy that 'urge' is through sex.

Why IS that?
Well sex is a bonding experience. You get a lot more than a simple sexual release having sex. I don't think masterbation is wrong Just don't understand why someone would purposely choose that over a loving partner in a loving relationship
Wolf1974 is online now  
post #64 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 09:04 PM
Member
 
Relationship Teacher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 686
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Herschel View Post
I think porn, like violent video games are always a symptom and rarely the problem. It's the addiction that is the issue or living vicariously or having other issues that draw you to it.
Sure, THE problem can lead to porn usage, which, however, can create new problems or exacerbate existing ones.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
-
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Relationship Teacher is offline  
post #65 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 09:42 PM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 2,460
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
Well sex is a bonding experience. You get a lot more than a simple sexual release having sex. I don't think masterbation is wrong Just don't understand why someone would purposely choose that over a loving partner in a loving relationship
For some of us partnered sex is better than masturbation, full stop. I would (and have) take ONS or FWB sex over masturbation any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Why is masturbation taboo in many relationships, @Vega? Probably because a lot of people believe that all sexual energy should be directed toward one's partner whenever possible.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is offline  
post #66 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 09:55 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,656
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
Well sex is a bonding experience. You get a lot more than a simple sexual release having sex. I don't think masterbation is wrong Just don't understand why someone would purposely choose that over a loving partner in a loving relationship
This is the way I see it.

Everyone's sexuality is extremely personal. My own biological "urges" for an orgasm have NOTHING to do with who I'm with. I'd have those physical "urges" whether I'm with someone or not. And, I have had them at, shall I say, "inappropriate times" when I wasn't with ANYONE.

Do those "urges" STOP because we're 'with' someone?

Why do we believe that when we are in a relationship that all of those physical 'urges' we have are 'supposed' to be directed toward the person we're with?

And what do we do with them, if we're not with anyone at all?

The thing is, that we're going to have them whether we're with someone or not...whether we're with someone RIGHT NOW, or not.

So how can we say that it has anything to do with love?
Vega is offline  
post #67 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 10:55 PM
Member
 
Celes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 461
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wolf1974 View Post
Well sex is a bonding experience. You get a lot more than a simple sexual release having sex. I don't think masterbation is wrong Just don't understand why someone would purposely choose that over a loving partner in a loving relationship
Sometimes you just want a quick release without having to worry about someone else's pleasure.

Porn is often just a tool, similar to a sex toy. At least it is for me and my husband.
Celes is offline  
post #68 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:45 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,921
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Social studies are tricky. Your explanation is probably correct some of the time. Other times what is going on is that there is a set of conservative beliefs that tell people to not live together before marriage AND to not divorce. So even though their marriage situations are the same as those of another couple that divorces, this conservative couple doesn't divorce because they believe it is wrong. (whether that is better or worse is a different question).

Quote:
Originally Posted by MJJEAN View Post
We've all heard the stats that say a couple who lives together before marriage is more likely to divorce. I've always wondered if that was because those couples were having troubles, were too invested to walk, and got married because they thought marriage would be some magical solution. Much like people have been known to have babies in an attempt to save a failing marriage.

I think this study is similar. We know that porn use is associated with increased divorce rates, but we don't know exactly why. We don't know why the couple divorced or what, if anything, porn use had to do with that.
uhtred is offline  
post #69 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 12:48 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,921
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Others will have to chime in, but I think the issue is people who masturbate INSTEAD of having sex with their partners. Having your partner turn you down for sex, then go off an masturbate (to porn, with a toy whatever) is a very hurtful rejection to most people.






Quote:
Originally Posted by Vega View Post
This is what I don't understand.

Why is masturbation, while in a relationship, is so TABOO???

Most of us masturbate BEFORE having sex. Our 'urges' for an orgasm don't seem to have anything to do with whether or not we're in any kind of relationship. But somewhere along the line, we get the idea that masturbation is "wrong", and the ONLY way that we're "supposed" to satisfy that 'urge' is through sex.

Why IS that?
uhtred is offline  
post #70 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 02:48 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 2,674
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Ha ha I love porn. Here I am with DD15 watching Amazon video and W sleeping on the couch. Do you think I want to be ready to go around my kids? Of course not. But after age 50 the ramp up time is more than 10 seconds that it took when I was 19. OTOH I love all physicality with my W - snuggling, holding, talking, sex. That's the reward for a long day and what keeps us bonded. And porn is a great quick ramp facilitator after we tuck in the kids and before we sleep.

Porn has been around for centuries. I bought paper based porn before the internet. I'm visual and I'm a man and I love sex and I crave intimacy with my W

So I think porn isn't the problem. I think unacomidating spouses is a big part of the problem. Any SO should be willing to cuddle up and provide intimacy and sexual release for their partner every night. They don't have to accept but it should be offered. Just the offer could be all that it takes to create a bond.

Just my opinion


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

TheTruthHurts is online now  
post #71 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:26 AM
Member
 
EllisRedding's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Valhalla (Or the Northeast USA)
Posts: 6,544
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by uhtred View Post
Others will have to chime in, but I think the issue is people who masturbate INSTEAD of having sex with their partners. Having your partner turn you down for sex, then go off an masturbate (to porn, with a toy whatever) is a very hurtful rejection to most people.
I think this here is the key. It isn't as much masturbating when you are in a relationship but masturbating in place of your partner in a relationship. This goes back to a point I made in another thread, where you have seen issues posted here where the spouse rejects or shows little interest in their SO but then turns around to go masturbate.

Where it gets tricky as well, at least for me. I know in my younger days I could flog the dolphin multiple times a day and still be ready/in the mood for sex on a moments notice. Now, if I beat the monkey I generally have very little interest in sex for the rest of the day (as long as enough time has passed I would have no issues performing, but I wouldn't have much of a desire to initiate anything). So you could argue that I have directed my energy away from my W

I do believe people can masturbate within a healthy sexual relationship without issue. When things start going south in the relationship, then it has the potential to cause a bigger problem.
EllisRedding is offline  
post #72 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 06:41 AM
Member
 
thefam's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 424
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

My H has been on a mini sabbatical so we have been enjoying some rare time to explore topics i have avoided in the past. Topics I had kind of taken a "don't ask don't tell" attitude toward. Porn and masturbation were 2 of those topics. His views on both were just fascinating. We really dug deep unto some of these discussions and I will just say that his views don't match what most men (and sone women) on TAM have declared as "universal truth" for men and porn/masturbation use.

The only reason i'm not addressing porn/masturbation use with women is because it is not a thing for me personally. I HATE porn and masturbation for me only leaves a feeling of "that would have been so much better with hubby." And i have gone L-O-N-G periods of time without access to H so I know what its like to want sexual release. Porn and masturbation just doesn't do it for me personally but I fully understand that Im probably one of a very few who feel this way.

Someone said further up that we have been conditioned to believe that masturbation is somehow wrong. I think its just the opposite. I think wd have been conditioned to believe that sexual release is a biological need that's right up there with the need for food and water. I don't believe that it is.

All that being said, it is a beautiful thing that God created when He eastablished sex as the ultimate bond in marriage.

Lastly I 100 percent agree that the defense of porn is closely related to being personally invested in it. This is just human nature but I take it a step further to say that yhe personal investment has clouded the judgment of its harmful effects.
thefam is offline  
post #73 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 07:37 AM
Member
 
MJJEAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: MI
Posts: 2,460
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vega View Post
This is the way I see it.

Everyone's sexuality is extremely personal. My own biological "urges" for an orgasm have NOTHING to do with who I'm with. I'd have those physical "urges" whether I'm with someone or not. And, I have had them at, shall I say, "inappropriate times" when I wasn't with ANYONE.

Do those "urges" STOP because we're 'with' someone?

Why do we believe that when we are in a relationship that all of those physical 'urges' we have are 'supposed' to be directed toward the person we're with?

And what do we do with them, if we're not with anyone at all?

The thing is, that we're going to have them whether we're with someone or not...whether we're with someone RIGHT NOW, or not.

So how can we say that it has anything to do with love?
Of course sexual urges appear whether in a relationship or not.

When not in a relationship, what to do with those urges is very simple. Either ignore, masturbate, or find a partner for sex. Whatever suits you.

In a monogamous relationship, directing sexual energy toward masturbation instead of partner sex is like saying "You can't have sex with anyone else, but I just recently masturbated and have no interest so you can't have sex with me, either. Good luck with that!"

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
MJJEAN is offline  
post #74 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 08:07 AM
Member
 
AVR1962's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,139
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

I think men look at porn in different ways/for different reasons. My first husband did look, I was not offended. He maintained a relationship with me, sought me out for sex, showed his desire for me and was not sitting in the bathroom for 30-40 minutes at a time. My second husband well, porn was his go-to. he claimed that in his first marriage he got tired of begging his wife for sex. Knowing what I went thru with him I don't think he ever begged his wife for sex. We had lots of counseling together, he had separate counseling as well on his porn addiction and use of porn and his inability to show his love and affection for me and seek me instead of porn. I was the pursuer of him and would I would mention this to close friends they didn't understand. This wasn't a gradual decline, this was like this even while dating and I asked plenty of questions.

One of our counselors said he believed that his issues started as a teenagers feeling like the girls would reject him and instead of trying to ask them out and trying to relate to them he turned to what was safe, porn, and that's where his habits towards women and porn began. This counselor felt it was possible that husband had been sexually abused as a child and wanted to explore that with him but husband chose not to go back. I now wonder if perhaps he had been sexually abused and did not want to face whatever it was that he was not wanting to share.

I don't feel porn in healthy for men or marriages but for those men who feel that we ladies have to accept them as is which includes their porn habits, or those who claim they will stop but are secretly hiding their activity to their wives, it drives a wedge in the marriage. Men get very caught up in the fantasy of these women and their bodies and will neglect their marriage because this is so easy (can have it on their phones), they do not have to do anything to try and please this women that they have no attachment with. So the marriage is in a tough spot and the husband is angry so he goes to porn and leaves himself emotionally available to his wife and to better the marriage.

The porn lady does have a real life....she might have drug issues, she might be a real mental case, she might have high expectations, children she is trying to support, maybe she is suicidal.....I mention the hard issues because usually tit's the hard issues that busts marriages but in a magazine or online men do not know the person behind the porn, they just see the body. Are the men thinking, "she would never have anything to do with me in real life."? No! These men do not know her and so they look, fantasize and get caught up in the thought of what it would be with a girl that will never be available to him. Quite honestly, I think few men really want a 'relationship' with a woman....if the sex is less than what it has been they complain or start looking other places. So is it about a relationship with this person or is about sex?

I am in my mid 50's and several of our friends who have been married over 20 years have divorced, myself included. One of my best friends left her husband, issues were not due to porn or sex problems. When he started dating he found a very sweet lady his age but he referred to their time together as his ex weekends. Said she was only companionship. Meanwhile she is falling head over heels in love with him and I think he could leave her and never blink an eye.
AVR1962 is offline  
post #75 of 104 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 08:36 AM
Registered User
 
Adam_Baker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: Gothenburg, Sweden
Posts: 2
Re: "Til Porn Do Us Part"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Celes View Post
Sometimes you just want a quick release without having to worry about someone else's pleasure.

Porn is often just a tool, similar to a sex toy. At least it is for me and my husband.
This. Sometimes you just want a quick release without having to worry about someone else.

Try not taking it too personal
Adam_Baker is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My husband and the porn Takei Relationships and Addiction 9 12-14-2016 02:19 AM
Men and Porn muffin1983 Sex in Marriage 22 03-04-2016 03:06 PM
Husband and porn Azmamaof3 Sex in Marriage 35 03-01-2016 09:47 PM
Porn and women UMP Sex in Marriage 428 02-14-2016 10:01 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome