bedroom talk has left me feeling awful - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:00 PM Thread Starter
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bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

Am i finding another issue with our relationship when there isnt one?

My partner and i have always had a very active for-filling sex life. We have daily or twice daily sex. if we don't he mastubates so Im thinking HD. We do a lot of fantisy talk as well. Im just wondering if a lot of men or at least straight men express desire when they are really turned on to have another man penetrate them? I know he plays with his g spot and I get that, but Im feeling a bit uncertain that this isnt somthing more?

If you are a guy does this ring like a hetro fantasy or real desires to be with a man?

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post #2 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:14 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

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Am i finding another issue with our relationship when there isnt one?

My partner and i have always had a very active for-filling sex life. We have daily or twice daily sex. if we don't he mastubates so Im thinking HD. We do a lot of fantisy talk as well. Im just wondering if a lot of men or at least straight men express desire when they are really turned on to have another man penetrate them? I know he plays with his g spot and I get that, but Im feeling a bit uncertain that this isnt somthing more?

If you are a guy does this ring like a hetro fantasy or real desires to be with a man?
I'm not sure about the bolded part. In my select sample size of previous partners, it's not something I've heard of, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happened. That being said, rear entry can provide a lot of pleasure in terms of stimulating the prostate, and there are a lot of nerve endings back there that can feel really good when stimulated.

Have the two of you ever discussed you using a strap-on on him? He might really enjoy that. He may not necessarily be looking for a male partner, he may just want the penetration part, and if you can provide that for him, it might be all good.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~

Last edited by FeministInPink; 01-09-2017 at 02:49 PM. Reason: corrected typo.
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post #3 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:17 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

I don't think a lot of straight men do. And, if they did, they would not usually express that desire to any of their male friends.
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post #4 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:17 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

Anal play is one thing and doesn't make anyone gay.

Expressing a desire to have a man penetrate him while in the heat of the moment with his wife? Well I'm thinking he's at least bi/curious.

Kind of weird. It's like being at dinner - "OMG this steak is so delicious - I wish I had some chicken!!" Doesn't make much sense. To me anyway.



I can tell you it's not something I've ever thought about while being turned on in bed with my wife.

Or any other time for that matter but I don't judge.

My story: After a night on the town with him, wife exchanged inappropriate texts with her former boss.


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post #5 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

I don't want to judge him for this, it takes a lot of trust to be open with these things. Im just curious and maybe a bit worried that he would try it if he gets the opertunity or mabe he has? He is a bit kurt Cobainish if you know what i mean.

He has been known at social gatherings to say that everyone is bi sexual to a degree its a sliding scale but some people are afraid to admit it. I have then noticed that the other husbands kind of shun him a little after that.
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post #6 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:42 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

My wife has done some....uh hmmm..interesting things during BJs....but

Having some dude penetrate me...no, i can honestly say that thought is not a pleasant one nor something i would be interested in. I dont know that it makes him gay or bi...maybe just really curious...maybe just some kind if fantasy thing...

You could always get some kind of enormously oversized strapon...think 16"...maybe with the thickness of a chunky soup can....put it on and gage his reaction...

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post #7 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:45 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

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Originally Posted by uncertain- View Post
Am i finding another issue with our relationship when there isnt one?

My partner and i have always had a very active for-filling sex life. We have daily or twice daily sex. if we don't he mastubates so Im thinking HD. We do a lot of fantisy talk as well. Im just wondering if a lot of men or at least straight men express desire when they are really turned on to have another man penetrate them? I know he plays with his g spot and I get that, but Im feeling a bit uncertain that this isnt somthing more?

If you are a guy does this ring like a hetro fantasy or real desires to be with a man?
Fantasies is another area in which all men and women are unique. I think that it is very possible that while your husband has this occasional fantasy, he would be repulsed to do it in real life.
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post #8 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:45 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

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Am i finding another issue with our relationship when there isnt one?

My partner and i have always had a very active for-filling sex life. We have daily or twice daily sex. if we don't he mastubates so Im thinking HD. We do a lot of fantisy talk as well. Im just wondering if a lot of men or at least straight men express desire when they are really turned on to have another man penetrate them? I know he plays with his g spot and I get that, but Im feeling a bit uncertain that this isnt somthing more?

If you are a guy does this ring like a hetro fantasy or real desires to be with a man?
I have known a lot of gay and bisexual people in my life and have shared apts and houses with both gay men and lesbian women.I would bet you anything you want that your husband has "experimented" with anal penetration,at the very least a butt plug or a dildo but I wouldn't be surprised if he is a closet bi.Try suggesting that you buy some toys to have fun with and you may be surprised at the answer.
I will offer this advice though,unless you are prepared to lose him do not agree to any mfm action,he will eventually resent you.
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post #9 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 02:56 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

As long as he understands that he has voluntarily restricted his sexual partners to one woman. Everything else is a fantasy.
There is a difference between desire for penetration, and sexual attraction to men. I know that that is confusing. His expressed fantasy seems to indicate that he has both.
I find in my own history that I tend to be most sexually attracted to people who are physically like the woman I am in love with. it's not instant or 100% but something that builds over time. At least with people who have a need for emotional connection before sex.
The fantasy has worried you. It is still healthy that he has shared it with you. it helps you to understand him better, and it is an intimate secret that you share. A huge rejection on your part at this juncture may reduce further sharing. I vote to improve communication, but that also means that you need to share your true feelings on this. for example, "I'm not comfortable with bringing another person into our sex life. or "I'd prefer if you could do that with me." or if this is the case, "I don't like thinking about Anal sex in any way." Truth in a non judgmental way. Never, "you are sick." or, " you just want another partner".
Sorry for rambling.
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post #10 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 03:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

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I have known a lot of gay and bisexual people in my life and have shared apts and houses with both gay men and lesbian women.I would bet you anything you want that your husband has "experimented" with anal penetration, at the very least a butt plug or a dildo but I wouldn't be surprised if he is a closet bi.Try suggesting that you buy some toys to have fun with and you may be surprised at the answer.
I will offer this advice though,unless you are prepared to lose him do not agree to any mfm action,he will eventually resent you.
Thanks Andy, he has one of my old vibrators that he uses on himself. He has been stimulating with something in this way for many years. He is quite open to talk about it. He uses it when I'm not around and he gets really aroused when self-stimulating. He said he likes the feeling of the fullness. He watches straight porn when using it. I think he is curious about how an actual re-life penis would feel with all that goes with that. He said he is not interested in men kissing etc bu if he was really turned on he may be tempted to give oral. he said that he is attracted to women not men though.

When we weren't together he dressed in womens clothes to go out with friends to a pub for a laugh and to see what attention he got, his friends were not dressed up.


Last edited by uncertain-; 01-09-2017 at 03:41 PM.
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post #11 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 03:36 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

No I don't think many "straight men" suggest this because they wouldn't be straight then.
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post #12 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 03:39 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

Fantasy and reality are very different things. Some men may fantasize about being with other men by have no more real desire do actually do so than people with rape fantasies have about being actually raped.

If you can talk to him openly, find out what he wants. Maybe his fantasy about men is actually about being dominated? He wants you to dominate and use a strap-on on him? Maybe its just about anal stimulation. Maybe its idle curiosity, but nothing he really wants. Maybe he really is interested.

Now even if he is really interested, that doesn't mean he will cheat. I'm interested in a number of women other than my wife, but that doesn't mean that I should or will have sex with them.
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post #13 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 03:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

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Fantasy and reality are very different things. Some men may fantasize about being with other men by have no more real desire do actually do so than people with rape fantasies have about being actually raped.

If you can talk to him openly, find out what he wants. Maybe his fantasy about men is actually about being dominated? He wants you to dominate and use a strap-on on him? Maybe its just about anal stimulation. Maybe its idle curiosity, but nothing he really wants. Maybe he really is interested.

Now even if he is really interested, that doesn't mean he will cheat. I'm interested in a number of women other than my wife, but that doesn't mean that I should or will have sex with them.
Thank you uhtred, I really appreciate your words.
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post #14 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:20 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

If he's fantasizing about being penetrated by other guys then he's bi or gay there's really no room for interpretation here.
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post #15 of 22 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:21 PM
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Re: bedroom talk has left me feeling awful

@uncertain-

I will chime in on a couple points.

First off, the comment about all people being bi to a degree is something that I think he is getting from the Kinsey studies where it was proposed that all people fall into a scale of sexuality where one side is devotedly straight and the opposite side devotedly gay. Kinsey hypothesized that almost all people fell somewhere in between with some latent bisexual interests either conscience or unconscious. I believe to a degree that there is some validity to this but I'm sure you would get a great deal of argument to this as most people become very uncomfortable with having their sexuality challenged.

There is a cultural issue here that puts men at a pretty guarded position when it comes to sexuality. While some degree of bisexuality is generally encouraged and often celebrated in women, men are still ostracized in society for the same behavior, this is why men get very defensive if you suggest they are anything short of the axe wielding lumberjack type of a man. If you don't believe me do an experiment. Go to a bar. If two perfectly straight women are in the bar getting ignored and they want attention all they have to do is make a spectacle of themselves flirting with each other. If the two of them get up in front of a group of people and start kissing half the bar is going to be going wild and cheer them on. Now if two guys were to repeat the performance chances are pretty good they are getting beat up, that's why they have gay bars, so they can feel safer.

Now as far as the rest goes. as other posters have suggested see if he has an interest in Pegging, Its a pretty common thing and it may be all he needs to satisfy the itch. It could be a domination/submission thing or maybe it just feels good. Biology played a mean trick on men because it went and put a mans g spot in a place that men aren't supposed to have any interest in stimulating. The trouble is that a great many men can have an orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. The thing is though, that most men would never admit to it for fear of being perceived as gay and then others still, simply have no interest because they don't think it feels good at all, to each their own. Just be glad that you have the kind of relationship with your spouse that he feels safe telling you about his desires, this is rare indeed and you don't want to jeopardize that.

good luck.

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