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post #46 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

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Originally Posted by UnicornCupcake View Post
There needs to be a bit more give and take between the two of you. Straight up.

First of all, she could at LEAST fake pay attention to you. Unless you've told her you don't like that sort of reaction, it never hurts to feign interest now and then. I suggest you TELL her this. TELL her you want her to at least humour you now and then. My guess is a little conversation will fix this and she'll suddenly find atoms (or whatever) interesting for YOU.
I confess I was guilty of not humouring my husband when it came to TV or movies. If he had something on I wasn't interested in I'd leave and go do my own thing. Yet he sat through stuff I watch. I didn't expect him to sit through mine if he didn't want to, but he did and it wasn't until he blew a lid one day I realized he wanted the same treatment.

Second of all, to claim you're not sexually attracted to her because of this is a joke. It sounds like something some whiny teenager would do. My guess is if she started sucking your **** you ain't gonna say no. You're telling yourself you're not attracted to her as a way to punish her, subconsciously. This is a dangerous approach.

In sum, ask her to humour you. She'll probably humour you. Problem solved. You have to respect she's not interested in what you're interested in, but it's not too much to expect your spouse to listen.
I have told her to at least fake it. She still does not. Also there is physical attraction and mental attraction which both lead to sexually attracted to someone. At least for me. I dated a couple of women who i wouldn't call ugly but more plain and I was attracted to them for their mind. My wife used to at least pretend she was interested in what I had to say.

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post #47 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

So are you looking for advice on what to do or are you just wanting to complain about your wife?

You've been given lots of good ideas but don't seem the least bit willing to put any of them into practice. You keep coming up with excuses about how none of them will work.

If none of them will work then divorce her.

People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks.

Our R
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post #48 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 05:49 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

"Need help with wife" - this got to be the thread title of the year. Did she come with 14-day moneyback guarantee? Or perhaps assembly instructions? :-)

Trouble is, after certain period and when the love hormones settle down, the sobering truth hits you as you are left with the actual person, not the dream and vision you fell in love with.
That's not to say it cannot work, just that it take a bit more work. Are you interested in any of the things that go on in her life? Try to find some common ground to talk about. For other things, there are friends...
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post #49 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 07:20 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

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Your wife tries. My wife looks at her phone like I am not talking.
That's because you're a doormat. You have ceased to be the man who takes her breath away by becoming compliant and afraid to speak up for yourself. Women HAVE to respect their men. That means their man has to be strong enough to say 'this sucks and I'm not gonna put up with it.'

Look up sh*t tests.

And read No More Mr Nice Guy.
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post #50 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 08:35 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

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Originally Posted by ulyssesheart View Post
On insomnia- Stop drinking coffee or tea after the noon hour. Do not eat or drink alcohol after 6 o'clock. Check out your medications to see if they contribute to insomnia. Anti-histamines and inhalers and allergy medications are a few that add to this problem.

If you do a heavy workout late in the day, especially aerobics, this will ramp-up your metabolism and keep you awake. Do your work-outs earlier, if possible. If not possible, then ignore this tip. Work outs are too important to cancel. Get your wife into exhaustive aerobics to ease any depression.

Go to bed earlier than normal. Even if you cannot sleep, you will at minimum, rest your body.


Hi,

Thanks for the advice it's much appreciated. I don't drink coffee at all or regular tea, so it isn't caffeine related.

I do sometimes work out in the evening so will have to switch to a more suitable time.

Must try to be in bed by a certain time and try and form some kind of routine.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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post #51 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 12:30 AM
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Re: Need help with wife

Have you considered finding some common interest that way!
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post #52 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 04:29 AM
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Re: Need help with wife

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Facebook and kids. She takes care of the house also. She is a good wife in all those aspects.
Well you've got quite the deal, don't you? More than a 'good wife,' she simply sounds like a damned pack mule.

You've got a wife who works full time, raises your kids and does all the work inside the house to boot - all while you get that 'badly needed rest after work' each night. Unreal.

Maybe she doesn't want to hear about your SciFi crap and your video games because she's too busy working her ass off 24/7 and resenting YOU because you seem to think it's your God given right to relax after work each night and spend your time playing video games and looking at SciFi stuff while she's working her ass off at her 2nd job after work - the house and kids.

No wonder she has no interest in you. She's probably sick and tired of the horrific imbalance of responsibility in your marriage. And no, a 'date night' isn't going to make that all better.

How about picking up your SHARE of the responsibility and doing 50% of the work at home - which you SHOULD have been doing all along?
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post #53 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 05:44 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

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Originally Posted by She'sStillGotIt View Post
Well you've got quite the deal, don't you? More than a 'good wife,' she simply sounds like a damned pack mule.

You've got a wife who works full time, raises your kids and does all the work inside the house to boot - all while you get that 'badly needed rest after work' each night. Unreal.

Maybe she doesn't want to hear about your SciFi crap and your video games because she's too busy working her ass off 24/7 and resenting YOU because you seem to think it's your God given right to relax after work each night and spend your time playing video games and looking at SciFi stuff while she's working her ass off at her 2nd job after work - the house and kids.

No wonder she has no interest in you. She's probably sick and tired of the horrific imbalance of responsibility in your marriage. And no, a 'date night' isn't going to make that all better.

How about picking up your SHARE of the responsibility and doing 50% of the work at home - which you SHOULD have been doing all along?
Wow you sound like a scorn woman. Just to clear things up. I do my share of the house work. If you read the thread you would see they are her kids.
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post #54 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 08:07 AM
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Re: Need help with wife

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Wow you sound like a scorn woman. Just to clear things up. I do my share of the house work. If you read the thread you would see they are her kids.
Do you both sit down on the couch or get in bed at the same time each night? Meaning, are you both done with chores/responsibilities at the same time, or is she still taking care of things that need done past the time you finish your share of the housework?
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post #55 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 08:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

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Do you both sit down on the couch or get in bed at the same time each night? Meaning, are you both done with chores/responsibilities at the same time, or is she still taking care of things that need done past the time you finish your share of the housework?
We separated the chores. We both work different schedules. I start work at 6:30 and she starts at 8:30. I start my chores before she gets home. So i finish before her. We never fight about this. This is not an issue we have.

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post #56 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 09:25 AM
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Re: Need help with wife

I'm asking because if you want to start bonding again, you'll have to find a way to be together, on the same page, for more time. If she's running chores every night til 8 or 9, there's little hope of that. Maybe you could find a way to rearrange this stuff.
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post #57 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 09:54 AM
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Re: Need help with wife

A good marriage has both partners with similar and dissimilar interests. My wife is interested in animal welfare, spirituality, yoga, physical fitness and old cinema. I am interested in science, politics, spirituality, physical fitness and old cinema. So some of our interests intersect. Before we were married, she did not watch old movies, did not see the attraction. Then she sat and watched a few of my favorites, then developed her own favorites. (Just introduced her to John Wayne's, "The Shootist", she could not believe that she loved a John Wayne flick) The point I am making is that partners can have dissimilar interests, but there always is an intersection point, and that can be built on. Don't expect similar interests to suddenly appear, they should be nurtured: Take courses together (she suggested Latin Ballroom Dancing-loved it, now I suggested pottery, can't wait)
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post #58 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

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Originally Posted by turnera View Post
I'm asking because if you want to start bonding again, you'll have to find a way to be together, on the same page, for more time. If she's running chores every night til 8 or 9, there's little hope of that. Maybe you could find a way to rearrange this stuff.
All chores are done by 7:30 at the latest for both of us. We go to the bedroom and try to watch shows we both like which is hard cause I like to watch a bunch of different shows. I tried taping a bunch of old shows from our past that we both used to watch from childhood but they depressed her. She likes america's got talent and like 2 comedy's. She usually falls asleep at this point though.
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post #59 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

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Originally Posted by Taxman View Post
A good marriage has both partners with similar and dissimilar interests. My wife is interested in animal welfare, spirituality, yoga, physical fitness and old cinema. I am interested in science, politics, spirituality, physical fitness and old cinema. So some of our interests intersect. Before we were married, she did not watch old movies, did not see the attraction. Then she sat and watched a few of my favorites, then developed her own favorites. (Just introduced her to John Wayne's, "The Shootist", she could not believe that she loved a John Wayne flick) The point I am making is that partners can have dissimilar interests, but there always is an intersection point, and that can be built on. Don't expect similar interests to suddenly appear, they should be nurtured: Take courses together (she suggested Latin Ballroom Dancing-loved it, now I suggested pottery, can't wait)
I agree we need to find something both of us can do together that will keep her off her phone. I also need to find someone new to talk about the interesting things I read and watch.
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post #60 of 65 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:13 AM
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Re: Need help with wife

Try to turn the tv now and then. Our MC told us to turn the tv off at least one night a week. Set up a jigsaw puzzle, or do some sudoku together or go for a walk. Tv will be the death of your marriage.
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