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post #1 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:00 PM Thread Starter
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Need help with wife

I have been married for 2 years but have lived with my wife for a total of 8. She is a gorgeous woman and I do love her but I hate spending time with her now. We are always together since we work together also. My biggest issue is I love to read a lot about science and interesting things and when I try to talk to her about it she does not pay any attention to me at all. I can not have an intelligent conversation with her and its a complete turnoff. She doesn't even fake paying attention to me. I am no longer sexually attracted to her cause of this. I still look at her and think she is hot (as does every other man we pass by). I also still love her. I don't know what to do at this point. Hopefully someone has some advice.

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post #2 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:11 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

Your wife is not you. What does she find interesting? Have you considered finding some common interest that way?

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post #3 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:19 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

She likes to talk about her problems or her friends problems. Everything else is about facebook junk.
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post #4 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:20 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

She has no hobbies or interests.
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post #5 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:23 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

So why did you marry her? Because she is super hot? And now you realize you have to talk to her too? If that is the case, you know the answer.

"Masturbate with just a slick hand and thoughts of your wife." --Intheory
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post #6 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:25 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

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Originally Posted by Deadhusband View Post
I have been married for 2 years but have lived with my wife for a total of 8. She is a gorgeous woman and I do love her but I hate spending time with her now. We are always together since we work together also. My biggest issue is I love to read a lot about science and interesting things and when I try to talk to her about it she does not pay any attention to me at all. I can not have an intelligent conversation with her and its a complete turnoff. She doesn't even fake paying attention to me. I am no longer sexually attracted to her cause of this. I still look at her and think she is hot (as does every other man we pass by). I also still love her. I don't know what to do at this point. Hopefully someone has some advice.
Join a science club. I love classic cars. My W not so much. I talk engines and clutches. My W not so much. I joined a club that talks all these things.

My W and I talk about anything and everything but cars. Even FB junk we talk about. We find common interests in movies, going to shows on stage, shopping small towns and lunches/dinners. It is not all about cars or science 24/7. It being open to other things in life. Call it being well rounded.

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post #7 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

Well when we started dating we had tons of funny stories about each others lives and she made me laugh. After 8 years that's all gone.
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post #8 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:27 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

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She has no hobbies or interests.
Your W stares at the wall all day? My W has no hobbies but enjoys cooking and delving into Bible study. We do not talk Bible study but we do talk about meals she prepares.

What does your W do with her spare time?

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post #9 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:28 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

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Well when we started dating we had tons of funny stories about each others lives and she made me laugh. After 8 years that's all gone.
Normally couples start new funny stories after the wedding. You two have no funny stories for 8 years of marriage?

Do you do anything with your W????

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post #10 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:30 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

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She has no hobbies or interests.
Then start a new hobby together. Take a couples cooking class. Join a bowling league. Go to wine tastings. Ask her to talk a walk with you. Listen to her when she's discussing her friends drama. Show some empathy, tell her that she looks nice and that you love being with her (and mean it). Try to find new ways of romancing her, show her that you're making the effort to love her.

Give her a massage. Just rub her shoulders (it doesn't have to be a full on massage with lotions etc.) Let her know you're thinking about her and whatever may be stressing her and that you want to help her feel better.

Ask her if there's anything you can help her with, and follow through.

The only thing you can change is yourself. She can find the desire to change if she sees you making the effort. One of you needs to reach out, be the one to take the lead.

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post #11 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

I have thought about trying to find a group with interests like mine. I just work so much I like to come home and relax. I have the kind of brain that never stops thinking so I enjoy watching interesting or mindless shows just to stop thinking about life.
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post #12 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:34 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

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I have thought about trying to find a group with interests like mine. I just work so much I like to come home and relax. I have the kind of brain that never stops thinking so I enjoy watching interesting or mindless shows just to stop thinking about life.
I'm sure you vegetate every now and then. I watch car shows. My W watched soap operas. Both mindless entertainment that removes the view from the real world. At the very least she will sit through my show and I hers. Heck, sometimes I enjoy watching her shows. This is what being married is about.

BTW, I work a lot as well but manage to make a car shows with my friends at least once a month. You can meet a group at least once a month.

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post #13 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:38 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

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I have thought about trying to find a group with interests like mine. I just work so much I like to come home and relax. I have the kind of brain that never stops thinking so I enjoy watching interesting or mindless shows just to stop thinking about life.
I get it - life does get in the way of relationships. This is where the ability to work at your relationship is key. Communicate that you need 30 minutes or so to de-stress, and then engage in the home life. Share the remote. Watch a few shows together, one that you pick and one that she picks.

Find a way to laugh with her - even if it's laughing at the TV.
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post #14 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:39 PM
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Re: Need help with wife

How much time a week do you two spend together? When was the last time you dated her?

Do you know her Love language? Does she know yours?


Edit... NVM, it's answered already in most of your post. This isn't about her, it's about you...

"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

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Last edited by anchorwatch; 01-09-2017 at 05:04 PM.
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post #15 of 64 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:42 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help with wife

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Then start a new hobby together. Take a couples cooking class. Join a bowling league. Go to wine tastings. Ask her to talk a walk with you. Listen to her when she's discussing her friends drama. Show some empathy, tell her that she looks nice and that you love being with her (and mean it). Try to find new ways of romancing her, show her that you're making the effort to love her.

Give her a massage. Just rub her shoulders (it doesn't have to be a full on massage with lotions etc.) Let her know you're thinking about her and whatever may be stressing her and that you want to help her feel better.

Ask her if there's anything you can help her with, and follow through.

The only thing you can change is yourself. She can find the desire to change if she sees you making the effort. One of you needs to reach out, be the one to take the lead.
Done all of it. She wanted to learn to play golf so we tried it. She has a very short attention span for everything. We do take walks and I listen to her all the time. Problem is she does not do the same back. I booked us a romantic trip for next weekend. I always tell her she is pretty and she is attracted to me. That's not the issue. Its her showing interest in me (not sexually). She does not like to listen to my issues it stresses her out to much.
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