Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF? - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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This, right here, is a reason in and of itself to run. Seriously. How old are you guys? I cringe at the thought of a former longtime partner blasting me on social media. So immature and frankly, i wouldn't want to have anything to do with someone who would stoop to that level.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

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post #32 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:51 PM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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Part of it is the fact that I'll be seen by mutual friends/acquaintances as an ass because we're breaking up over perceived lack of sex.

This is very odd.

You need to explore why you'd stay with a woman just because you're worried what friends might say or think about your decision.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with her or your relationship and everything to do with you.
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post #33 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 12:55 PM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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Come over for one of my visits to my GF's. She has back trouble, so she moves around, lies on the floor, etc. No big deal. Then she says she wants to lie down in her bed as it's comfy. Again, no big deal. Asks me to join her, bring a movie for the new Blu Ray player she got for Xmas. I grab one, but the player doesn't work. "OKay," she said. "You can leave now, I need alone time." I grab my stuff to go (planned on overnight), but she says I can stay. She falls asleep. I went back to my place about an hour ago. I got three texts asking where I went.

She recently got on new medication, but I chalk this up to disrespect. You ask me over and then do this? I'm not planning on coming back now, unless I did something egregious. Because as I see it, she did. She has 4 nights a week to be alone. I'd be okay with this if we lived together, but we don't. Has anyone ever done this?
Back pain can be one of the most debilitating pains in life. She is on pain meds I assume. Those in themselves are usually a depressant and often make some sick. You may want to be more compassionate with the back issue. Is your GF getting any surgery for her issue?

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #34 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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Back pain can be one of the most debilitating pains in life. She is on pain meds I assume. Those in themselves are usually a depressant and often make some sick. You may want to be more compassionate with the back issue. Is your GF getting any surgery for her issue?
She can't and there is a reason why, but I forget.
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post #35 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:12 PM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
Women of good character don't do that.

When my XH and I split, he was telling all kinds of venomous lies to anyone who would listen.

The only people who know what REALLY happened in my marriage are the people on TAM who helped me through it, our MC, my boss, my best friend, and my current partner. My partner knows because I have certain triggers and sensitivities, things that came up early in our relationship but which are much better now, and the others because they were my support system. It's no one else's business. If I talk smack about him, it serves no purpose except to make me look bad.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #36 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 01:15 PM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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She can't and there is a reason why, but I forget.
Well, I tell ya, back pain that requires pain meds and no recourse to getting repaired is a tough row to hoe.

“You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.”
― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road
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post #37 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 02:30 PM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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Here's why I'm hesitant: I've no doubt I'll be pasted on social media by our mutual friends if I break up with her. My family will see that stuff. That, and every time I've been the one to break up with someone, it turned out to be the wrong decision.
Hmm, I'm not buying it.

Are you sure you just aren't more attached to her than you'd like to admit?
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post #38 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 03:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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Hmm, I'm not buying it.

Are you sure you just aren't more attached to her than you'd like to admit?
A little bit, sure.
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post #39 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 04:50 PM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

Woah! Remember how powerful you felt when you decided that your bed was more comfortable than her couch? Just keep thinking about that moment of Clarity.
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post #40 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 06:01 PM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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Here's why I'm hesitant: I've no doubt I'll be pasted on social media by our mutual friends if I break up with her. My family will see that stuff. That, and every time I've been the one to break up with someone, it turned out to be the wrong decision.
So what?

Fvck 'em...

It's not their life...it's yours.

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post #41 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 08:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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So what?

Fvck 'em...

It's not their life...it's yours.
I agree with you 100%. Gotta be careful today, though. Dirty laundry aired on social media gets people fired.
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post #42 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 10:32 AM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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I agree with you 100%. Gotta be careful today, though. Dirty laundry aired on social media gets people fired.
Then stay off social media. You can live without Facebook. I did it for 40 years.
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post #43 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 10:46 AM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

Look, I'm not trying to over simplify things here but honestly, if you are making your life decisions based on how you will be perceived on social media than you have greater issues to deal with.

If you have a boss that would fire you for breaking up with your girlfriend than it sounds like your job isn't to stable anyway.

If your girlfriend is going to roast you on social media for anything than I would say she's to immature to be in any kind of committed relationship and your life will simplify greatly with out her in it.

And finally, If all of these are just excuses to stay with her , why not just be honest with yourself and admit to yourself that you can be understanding of a persons mistakes and move on from it rather than fishing for reasons why you are in a horrible situation that there is no escape from.

Our lives are a novel and we, the authors. if you don't like the story line, only you have the power to change it.
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post #44 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:06 AM
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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Beginning to wonder that...Part of it is the fact that I'll be seen by mutual friends/acquaintances as an ass because we're breaking up over perceived lack of sex.
Based on this statement, you apparently have no concept of what dating is... Let me clue you in.

It's an on going job interview to see if you want to hire them as "wife". FYI, it's a fulltime position.

If someone has bombed the interview, you throw their resume in the shredder and keep looking.

Who gives a flying fvck what your "friends/acquaintances" think?!? They aren't being deprived of sex, you are.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #45 of 67 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Go to Visit, she spends half the night in her room...WTF?

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Look, I'm not trying to over simplify things here but honestly, if you are making your life decisions based on how you will be perceived on social media than you have greater issues to deal with.

If you have a boss that would fire you for breaking up with your girlfriend than it sounds like your job isn't to stable anyway.
As far as your first sentence, that is not why I am hesitant. Trying to make sure I am not blowing things out of proportion. If you saw my other threads, I apparently did that.

I see you're in Alberta, so you may not be too familiar, but I see in the news a lot that American men are fired for things that get put on social media - not by them, but by others. Some have been employed for years at their jobs.

In any event, I've told her we need to talk next week (have the kid this weekend).
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