Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 02:45 AM Thread Starter
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Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

So my fiancee and I have been in a relationship for 4 years and engaged for about six months now. Well, we are two months out from being married and the past week it is like something has just clicked and has been ignoring me. We own our own home but he just didn't come home one night and has been staying with his best friend. Won't answer my Calls or texts and when I go over to the friend's house to see him and try and find out what in the hell has been going on he won't talk to me and the friend just sends me away and says he is alright and just doesn't want to talk. How do we go from such an incredibly close relationship and about to spend the rest of our lives togeather to him just cutting contact with me two months before our wedding? I don't even know what to do if he won't talk to me and I don't know what I did wrong and its just ****ing with me. Go from crying to being angry to just plain confused. How can a guy do this to another person? I just wish I knew what I did and Just wish he would talk to me and wish he understood how badly this is screwing with me emotionally. I just don't know what to do, I go over every day after work to see if he will finally talk to me and nada, I even text him and just get silence back. This is truly disheartening and breaking my heart.

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post #2 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 02:57 AM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

You need to cancel the wedding to start with and try and get as much money back as you can.Your fiancé has gotten cold feet and while this is not unheard of the ignoring part is very worrying.He sounds very immature and this may be a sign of how things would have been in the future.
Could there be anyone else on the scene?
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post #3 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 03:11 AM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

Oh wow... That's absolutely horrible. I'm so very sorry that he's chosen to do this to you... I agree with Andy... You gotta get things canceled ASAP. I know a lot of stuff isn't refundable though... Especially wedding dresses after they're altered. :/

If I were in your shoes, I'd honestly feel very strongly in thinking there might be "someone else". :/ whether or not he's got cold feet, something ain't adding up there. I feel like even if he got cold feet, he'd have spoken to you about it by now. Running and hiding at a friend's house and avoiding you like the plague makes no sense... he should have been able to figure out how to approach you by now if that's all it was. It's been days (according to your post).

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post #4 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 03:38 AM
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Cool Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

I'm so sorry, m'dear, but I do not sense very good vibes about this situation.

One reliable indicator is that if he treats you this way in the state of engagement, he'll do far worse in the matrimonial state!

Please get with a good lawyer ASAP to discuss your property rights and getting your share of the money back! Due notice of that will most definitely get his undivided attention!

Sorry to see you here at TAM, but you've come to the best possible place to air your problems!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #5 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 06:18 AM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

I would cancel everything as well, even if he comes to you tomorrow professing his eternal love I would still postpone the wedding. He is acting like an immature coward, he is ducking an issue and leaving you and your emotions flapping in the wind. Could you imagine being married to a guy like that? As his future wife you should be the most important person in his life, for him to go into hiding and refusing to talk to you should be a loud and clear message of the level of respect he has for you....zero.

Having cold feet is one thing, hiding and avoiding you takes it to an entirely different level, he is not marriage material.

Thought I would come back and add a thought....if he didn't come home one night is it possible he hooked up with another woman and now is so ashamed and distraught he can't face you?

Last edited by Cooper; 01-12-2017 at 08:44 AM.
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post #6 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 08:46 AM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

He's not getting cold feet. He has totally shut you out. He is seeing someone else.
That's why he's staying with his friend..... and her when it's late.

You just need to very simply cash out of that home and move on. You're going over there every day chasing him. I know the incredibly powerful urge to know why he's doing this and to fix it so you can go back to normal happiness and contentment. But it's the exact opposite thing you need to do.
You should end this relationship.

The chances of him not seeing someone else are very low. Even if he's not, he is not the right man for you. Nobody should shut out the woman they intend to marry like that. You are being pooped on. Don't accept it. MOVE ON. You don't want to hear that, but it's what you should do, no matter what the reason he has for this.
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post #7 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 09:47 AM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

He's obviously having second thoughts, and for good reason.

Most marriages fail, and when they do most often it's the guy who gets the shaft, and more often than not is left paying so much support to an exwife and children who want nothing to do with him, that he can't even afford to put a roof over his head. My guess is he's done some research and he realized he was about to make what could have been the biggest mistake of his entire life. (I speak from personal experience here).

You two had a good thing. It's possible you can still both have a good thing, but of course there's no way to know exactly where his head is at.

I suggest you remove the pressure, and make him aware of the fact that you know he's no longer interested in getting married and you are ok with that, because you understand and agree with the reasons.

Only say that of course, if you are in fact willing to give up on being married.

Things are more like they are now, than they ever were before - Dwight D Eisenhower
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post #8 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 10:44 AM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

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Originally Posted by Fem_Lindsey View Post
I go over every day after work to see if he will finally talk to me and nada, I even text him and just get silence back.
Someone that can treat you like this is not someone that you should marry. Call off the wedding. If you want to know if there is someone else that he is seeing, immediately hire a private investigator for a day to see where he goes and who he is seeing. I doubt that he is holed up 24 hours a day at the friends house. Truth is that he may not even be staying at the friends house.
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post #9 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 02:43 PM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

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post #10 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

I honestly don't think he is cheating but I knew he had commitment issues from his past. Just rather hard to know he could do this to a person he claimed he loved and I thought he was over the commitment issues when he proposed and I repeatedly made sure this is what he wanted and wasn't just doing it because he thought it was what I wanted which it is. Just the reason we dated so long, I mean he pursued me but I knew his issues through mutual friends so I am just hurting now. I mean we up and bought a house togeather a few months ago because we were so excited about spending the rest of our lives togeather and now its just like he flipped a switch and changed.

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post #11 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 03:12 PM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

I agree with everything said here, except the thing about hiring a PI. It doesn't matter if he's seeing someone else. WHY he is doing this is completely irrelevant.

CANCEL THE WEDDING NOW. Don't wait until you hear back from him. His lack of response is all the answer that you need. If he actually wanted to marry you, he would be responsive.

And, my dear... YOU DODGED A REALLY BIG BULLET. This is not the kind of man you want to marry. This is the kind of man who, when things get touch, will run and hide. This is the kind of man who will use you as a human shield when confronted by a bad person with a gun. This is the man who, instead of communicating with you when something is wrong, shuts you out completely.

A spouse is your partner in everything in life. They are there for you to lean on in tough times, and you are there for them. Your spouse trusts you enough to be honest, emotionally raw, and communicate with you. If something is wrong, a true/strong partner will come to you and confide in you their concerns, and you will listen and be part of the solution. He's not doing that. This man is not a good partner for you. Be grateful that he has run away now, because as much as this hurts right now, I promise you, he is saving you from a much longer, more intense pain in the future.

Cancel the wedding. Get back whatever money you can, and thank God that your chickensh!t ex-fiance saved you from making the biggest mistake of your life (marrying him), and move on with your life. Find someone who deserves you.

*hugs*

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"Either you're interested, or you're not. Fvck yes or no... As in, if it isn't fvck yes for you, leave me the fvck alone. I don't have time for playing games."
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post #12 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 03:14 PM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fem_Lindsey View Post
I honestly don't think he is cheating but I knew he had commitment issues from his past. Just rather hard to know he could do this to a person he claimed he loved and I thought he was over the commitment issues when he proposed and I repeatedly made sure this is what he wanted and wasn't just doing it because he thought it was what I wanted which it is. Just the reason we dated so long, I mean he pursued me but I knew his issues through mutual friends so I am just hurting now. I mean we up and bought a house together a few months ago because we were so excited about spending the rest of our lives togeather and now its just like he flipped a switch and changed.
One more thing... ---------------------------------- find a realtor to list the house, unless you want to (and can afford to) buy out his share and keep the house.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~

"Either you're interested, or you're not. Fvck yes or no... As in, if it isn't fvck yes for you, leave me the fvck alone. I don't have time for playing games."

Last edited by FeministInPink; 01-12-2017 at 04:00 PM. Reason: I rescind my comment about changing the locks.
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post #13 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 03:17 PM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

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One more thing... I would change the locks on the house, and find a realtor to list the house, unless you want to (and can afford to) buy out his share and keep the house.
"Lock him or her out of the house" is advice given recklessly on this forum from time to time by posters who think it sounds like a good idea but have absolutely no clue about the legal ramifications of barring someone from their legal place of residence simply because they want to.

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post #14 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 03:56 PM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

OP sometimes it is very difficult for us to believe that someone who allegedly loves us could hurt us so thoughtlessly. You need to realize humans are all wired differently, the guy you love, the guy you want to marry, well he got some f**ked up wiring. For him to ghost you is unforgivable, there can be no valid reason for him to disappear and not respond to your contact attempts, he is a selfish coward. As FemPink said, this is a guy that will use you as a human shield.

It sucks you purchased a house together, that will take some work to resolve, and it sucks you need to cancel the wedding, but it's better you deal with closure now then invest any more of your life with this punk.

Here's an honest statement from a real man and a father. This thread makes me angry as hell, I truly can't wrap me brain around him disappearing like this and leaving you in limbo, making you suffer like this. Fem_Lindsey I don't even know you but would still like to get my hands on your punk fiancee!
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post #15 of 112 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 03:59 PM
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Re: Supposed to be getting married in a few months Fiancee goasting me?

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Originally Posted by browser View Post
"Lock him or her out of the house" is advice given recklessly on this forum from time to time by posters who think it sounds like a good idea but have absolutely no clue about the legal ramifications of barring someone from their legal place of residence simply because they want to.
Fair enough. I rescind my comment about changing the locks.

But I would still find a realtor. They're gonna have to sell the house, no doubt.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~

"Either you're interested, or you're not. Fvck yes or no... As in, if it isn't fvck yes for you, leave me the fvck alone. I don't have time for playing games."
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