Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions.... - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
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post #136 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 01:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

No, they haven't backed off and it is indeed causing his new wife some undo stress which isn't needed right now. Sorry I didn't respond yesterday brother was in an extremely bad spot yesterday and a lot of different things were hitting the fan but he is doing much better today. Doctors are thinking he will be able to go home by this weekend, but now he will be a few weeks behind on treatments so I am not sure how his cancer is going to react to that.

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post #137 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-16-2017, 11:02 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

She should cut those "friends" loose!
I will be back tomorrow with more to say on that. Another rough day.

Getting to go home this weekend will be great if they release him. Make sure to arrange for stair climbing helpers.
Is there a local cancer support group for caregivers or family?
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post #138 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 05:31 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Her focus is to be a W and mother. Again... she wants to "be there for him." She means well, very well. In crisis, she will not call on you / family being this is a "trial by fire" for her. Hopefully things will become stable and she will be more approachable. What she is doing, is 110% normal. Is it to benefit ALL, no but is it with good intentions..... yes it is.

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post #139 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 09:45 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Hospice? Can they come in a few times a week to assist? They usually do.


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post #140 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 11:24 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

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Her focus is to be a W and mother. Again... she wants to "be there for him." She means well, very well. In crisis, she will not call on you / family being this is a "trial by fire" for her. Hopefully things will become stable and she will be more approachable. What she is doing, is 110% normal. Is it to benefit ALL, no but is it with good intentions..... yes it is.
They live with her parents, so I expect they will be helping out a lot with the baby etc, especially while she visits her husband. Also her mum may well be doing all the cooking and housework and washing etc, so she is getting a lot of help.
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post #141 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 12:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I have already suggested hospice to them and his wife and my brother have turned it down. She is also getting a lot of help from everyone so it isn't like she is in this alone and not able to do anything, I mean Grandma has been watching over my nephew a lot lately But mostly only because he is in the hospital. I also told her awhile ago that she needed to cut these friends off because they were not true friends for more than a few reasons. Doctors think Sunday he should be able to go home but they aren't making any promises and nor would I want them to if they can't keep it. But my brother is doing so much better then he was can't possibly thank his doctors and nurses enough.
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post #142 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 10:58 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I am still not strong enough to type much.
You're right about not going home until he's well enough.
I'm glad he's doing better! I bet he can't wait to see his son!
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post #143 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 10:49 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I found a great group on Facebook called The lymphoma club. I scrolled down and found this inspiring post. Never give up! The group also has a way can connect with someone his age and same diagnosis if you wish. That is private. They have a form to fill out online for that. Open group.

Here is the post. Never give up! This is my first attempt at uploading a screenshot!
Well, I couldn't upload it! Go to that page and look for the post from yesterday with an 87 year old man who had the same diagnosis as your brother. He was told he was too old to get treated! He's been in remission for two years. Obviously they sought a second opinion!

I tried again to add it here but it doesn't like my iPad I guess!

Last edited by Seasong; 03-20-2017 at 11:03 PM.
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post #144 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 12:27 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Welp brother is finally home after what seems like forever he spent in the hospital. He couldn't make it up the stairs so he slept on the couch but he said it was still a hundred times more comfortable than the hospital bed. And thank you for the suggestions he is already in a few support groups just not sure if he has been totally active as of late which is understandable. His wifes friends stopped by earlier today and I honestly can't stand them and I don't know why she keeps them around, she will keep around people whom harbor ill will towards my brother but doesn't want me around to help her and my brother and nephew when I hold nothing but love for them all. Just doesn't make sense to me, but ya know what do I know?
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post #145 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-22-2017, 08:10 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

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Welp brother is finally home after what seems like forever he spent in the hospital. He couldn't make it up the stairs so he slept on the couch but he said it was still a hundred times more comfortable than the hospital bed. And thank you for the suggestions he is already in a few support groups just not sure if he has been totally active as of late which is understandable. His wifes friends stopped by earlier today and I honestly can't stand them and I don't know why she keeps them around, she will keep around people whom harbor ill will towards my brother but doesn't want me around to help her and my brother and nephew when I hold nothing but love for them all. Just doesn't make sense to me, but ya know what do I know?
I'm very sorry you and your family are going through this. It is very hard when someone you love is in such a dire situation.

Hopefully this will go into remission and he will recover, but if he does not, he will need a will to make sure that your family has visitation with the child or you will have to go to court for it. There is no guarantee that it would be granted if you end up in court. But if he has it in his will and includes that if anything happened to the child's mother than he wants your family to have guardianship of the child, that will hold a lot of strength in court and should help you have rights to have a relationship with the child.


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post #146 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 09:46 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Sorry I haven't updated this in a few days a lot of crap hit the fan so to speak, a lot of family infighting. Those friends of my brothers wife went over to see her the other day and blatantly said she should divorce my brother before things get any worse and that there is no point in here sticking by someone who is dying or might die and that she doesn't need all of this stress between an infant and trying to take care of my brother. Apparently, my brother overheard this and things blew up so he called me to try and come get him but he has no strength right now and his wife was upset with both of us for him thinking he needed to leave and because he knows better than to think she would ever do anything like that. And at me for even bothering to come over knowing the shape he is in. And I am pretty upset with her because my brother called me and was upset and asked me to come over so naturally, I am gonna do that for him. It isn't like I have some ill will towards her or anything I was just trying to help my brother when he called me asking for it. Ugh, Like any of us needed more stress and fighting.
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post #147 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 09:53 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I was just coming to check things. I'm so sorry to know this has happened. How is your brother now?
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post #148 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 09:59 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

That should really show her that she needs to let go of those friends. Your poor brother! How should he know that when he's in such a weakened state?

I'm so sorry things got that stressful.

Does she have any siblings?
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post #149 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 11:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

My brother is pretty angry still which is understandable but he is also not in a place physically or mentally to really deal with this. She has an older sister and a younger brother.
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post #150 of 162 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 12:38 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Since she has a brother and a sister, she should be able to relate to some degree that you are there for each other.

I hope he can let this go as long as those girls (?) stay away physically, on social media, phones, no contact.

He can't afford stress or anger as it drains him further. I hope she can work something out with you for the sake of her husband, daddy, and also known as your brother. Make peace for the sake of his health.

Boost his self esteem. When I feel bad, I think to myself some pitiful thoughts now and then. I have very little time to give in to that because I love my family and friends and they love me! I have a disease that's vert different that what your brother has, but the will to live, the treasured feeling that your family and friends have your back. When you get that stressed, it takes a deeper toll on the body. Awful feelings swirling around his head best get knocked out asap!
What is running through his head right now? Does he believe her? Has his feeling of security been shattered. She can make that up if he will allow it.
Ditch the chicks,
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Then on the three of you
Watch for depression
When he expresses fear, offer to call the doctor to get his numbers, give him whatever hope there is. Or find things that either sooth or inspire him, like quotes or catch phrases. The groups and websites are more used by family, caregivers and a few who have energy between chemo, or in remission. Nothing to make him feel worse about himself, but enough to keep fighting.
Build him up and build her up as well, if she earns it!
Anger and stress will deplete energy he doesn't even have, so she'd better be making things right!
I hope those stinkers don't come back. She should enforce it!
I hope things get worked out! I said a prayer for you.

Last edited by Seasong; 03-24-2017 at 12:48 AM.
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