Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions.... - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 12:30 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

How did things go?
I hope your brother realizes this will be better until he is stronger. He has to think about his entire family, and forge ahead, as tough as light is right now.
I can be pretty direct myself without being rude... I might just say something to sis in a kind way that you'd like to talk to your brother for a few minutes. Should you really need her permission? You'd think not, but really, you are siblings!
Two of my three children are married. I couldn't imagine hovering to block another sibling. Granted, none have been this ill.
My daughter- in- law got very sick while pregnant and had to have second trimester surgery on her, not the baby, but in that area. Her mom an I got the play by play and then I passed the info to my mom and daughters. It was a success and baby was fine. The offensive part came out and she did much better. And baby didn't have a clue! Her mom flew down for that and since I can't travel, I sent flowers and chocolates and that was a hit!
I'm on a new med and it makes me feel really weird. Hope all is well, and with the lawyer too!
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post #62 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 01:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Lawyers and moving went really well and I think it is because they are having such issues that she is hovering trying to block me from him letting me in on the info. I don't know what is going on between them but I am honest very concerned but I want to be able to help if not. Gotta pick them up early AM Friday and take them for round two, Just hoping she isn't ready to leave him or something drastic. Going to try and take him out to lunch later today if he is feeling up to it and she lets me get him out of her sight. Also hoping that them moving in with her parents doesn't put more strain on their relationship because they feel they can't have serious discussions or fights.
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post #63 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 03:31 AM
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Cool Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

If he truly loves and trusts her with all of his heart and soul, then let it be!

Although unmarried right now, like it or lump it, they are a family greatly unto themselves!

Let them behave as one and duly respect their decision as such and be there for them if they ever should need you!

"To love another person is to see the face of God!" - Jean Valjean from Les Miserables

My Story! http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-t...andonment.html
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post #64 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 06:50 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Maybe you can reassure her that you're trying to help them all, her included. Not interfere, but help. I wonder how much she understands about his cancer and the side effects?
This situation would be trying on an established marriage, so certainly they have it extra tough. When is the baby due?
Your brother is very brave!
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post #65 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 03:46 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I have no idea if your brother would ever consider this, but medical marijuana can help with his nausea and other side effects greatly.

The CBD oil is now also known to shrink and stop brain tumors.

It's really come a long long way in helping many diseases, but it is best known to stop nausea and help stimulate appetite.

Don't rule it out, at least let him consider the possibility.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
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post #66 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-09-2017, 04:24 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

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Took off of work today and helped them move in with her parents, I can tell he isn't a fan of this at all. Just hoping it does not cause any undue pressure on them if he is unhappy there. I wanna try and get him alone so I can talk with him one on one but I haven't been able to because she has been hovering over him all the time which I suppose is understandable. But taking them to the lawyers tomorrow to get his will and living will done hopefully that goes well. He seemed better today defiantly a good day energy wise and how he was feeling.
Again OP, and I say this as someone with inlaws who like to "help" and "air their concerns"...I strongly advise you NOT to push for a one on one conversation with your brother, about anything. If he opens up to you that's different, but you shouldn't approach him about this, if you do you risk causing more stress for your brother.

Even if he isn't 100% happy about the living arrangements right now, he will see that when the baby comes, his wife will need all the help she can get - and likely day and night at times. This is the best thing for their family, even if he can't see that right now.
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post #67 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 12:45 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Was able to take him to lunch and it was good he actually had enough energy and could eat and keep things down was surprising. He actually opened up to me and I didn't push it he just apologized for the fighting I have heard and overheard of them. And said things have been rough between him being sick and possibility of death and with the baby on the way. Baby is due basically anytime now she is almost 8months pregnant now. But later today/Tomorow is round two for his treatment so hoping for the best but preparing for the worst. Trying to think of something to pick up for his soon to be wife as gift before I pick them up for his treatment.
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post #68 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:06 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I'm glad you two had a good lunch!
I see nothing wrong with some one on one time with a sibling or with your sister in,law! I'm close to my brother and his wife. If something in the past came up in confidence, it stayed like that. Family is important!


In the case with your brother, you know he has those fears, as this is a serious disease. You can offer your help and you have! Dinners, rides, and helping them move, planning the wedding; all that support makes a difference!
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post #69 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 03:53 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Family is very important. You can help your brother!
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post #70 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-10-2017, 06:48 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

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I see nothing wrong with some one on one time with a sibling or with your sister in,law! I'm close to my brother and his wife. If something in the past came up in confidence, it stayed like that. Family is important!
Of course there isn't, I'm speaking from my own perspective with my own inlaws obviously. The SIL is hovering because she's worried, stressed and loves her husband.

If my SIL were visiting our home and basically asked me to leave the room so she could speak to my husband alone, I'd be telling her to back off.

Edited to add: OP - please remember I'm speaking from my own perspective here...I'm not for a minute saying you're like my inlaws - mine are truly horrible people.

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post #71 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-11-2017, 02:52 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Wasn't at their home it was at the BBQ but all the same, I meant no disrespect to her or their relationship. Second round is in the books though this round defiantly took a lot more out of him Myself his soon to be wife and her father had to help him up the stairs when we got back to their new place. Basically, what I feared would happen did. But that is hindsight I really hope his soon to be wife doesn't think I am being overbearing or anything I am just trying to be helpful and just extremely worried about my brother. But it is no wonder they are spacing the Chemo and radiation out like they are it takes everything out of a person.
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post #72 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-12-2017, 02:04 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Tried going over and got turned away at the door apparently my brother has been sleeping all day like last time and I guess they are just letting him rest so understandable. I guess I will try again tomorrow and see how it goes. But the wedding is set for the 25th and invitations have been sent out so hoping that goes off without any issues. Trying to figure out what to get them both as a wedding gift but I am not sure what is totally appropriate under the circumstances.
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post #73 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 09:31 PM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

I would ignore the cancer, etc and get them something to remind them of their wedding! Even if they are getting married due to circumstances, it will let them know you thought of them. I got one of those mr and mrs frames and I actually love it because I never ever thought I'd remarry ( didn't want to, and due to my health), and a personalized photo album. Does she have a certain style? You can't beat Pima cotton sheets if you want to splurge! Really, anything you get them will be nice!
I hope he feels well enough for it as well!
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post #74 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-13-2017, 10:56 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Sorry I am just now responding to this again, She went into labor and had a healthy baby boy with no complications. They gave him the first name of Lucas which I really liked. It wasn't easy getting them both there but it defiantly made my brother happy to be holding his son in his arms. Had to help him out to the car almost carrying him he just has no energy again. But he fought through it and stayed awake to help her through it all, all three are resting comfortably now. Is Pima cotton the same as Egyptian cotton sheets? She has their apartment decorated in a very modern and contemporary way.
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post #75 of 151 (permalink) Old 02-14-2017, 01:43 AM
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Re: Brother wants to marry his girlfrend and let her make life and death decisions...

Congratulations! I like that name as well! That's great he was determined to make it! Is this your first nephew? Glad she had a complication free delivery! Now comes the real work!
Yes, Pima is Egyptian cotton. My sister in law bought us some and what a dream!
Again, congratulations on your new beautiful nephew! Boys are so much fun! I bet he's beyond exhausted but proud he helped her out. That's a good man you're related to! You all are!
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